parisshel

Maybe the problem is i'm not dating as this girl

I'm still dating as if I'm this girl

When I was over weight I undervalued myself criticize myself talk down on myself and felt like I was worthless and maybe there's just a part of me that still feels like that is me

Flabby Vagi would be a good band name.....
Just kidding, lol. Yes, my pubic area has lost weight. I can really tell during sexy time when my public bone "bumps" hubbys. Ouch!

I totally remember dating some men (divorced men) whose personalities and habits had me stunned to think that these men had actually had first wives, i.e., someone actually had loved these guys enough to marry them!
This is particularly true with internet dating, which is why, if I found myself single now, I'd NEVER internet date. My experience was that the dating sites were repositories of the worst of the worst.
It makes sense. Any good man, a man well-educated, polite, loving and kind? He would still be married.

@treblecutie23: You are not going to like hearing this, but I'm going to say it anyway:
Run. Run fast. Do not stay emeshed in this situation. His behavior is one big red flag.
You deserve someone who can love you wholly. I guarantee that if you stay with this man, you will be giving yourself endless grief.
Let him go. Let him tend to her (if what he says is true.) Don't ask him to share his alliances between the ex and you.
There are thousands of men to love out there. Go get one who is free.

@treblecutie23: You are not going to like hearing this, but I'm going to say it anyway:
Run. Run fast. Do not stay emeshed in this situation. His behavior is one big red flag.
You deserve someone who can love you wholly. I guarantee that if you stay with this man, you will be giving yourself endless grief.
Let him go. Let him tend to her (if what he says is true.) Don't ask him to share his alliances between the ex and you.
There are thousands of men to love out there. Go get one who is free.

@RILEYSMOM22: Precisely! I had strict criteria when I was online dating (back in 2007), when I was in my late forties:
--Had to have been married or in a significantly longterm, live-in relationship. Anything else I wouldn't touch with a barge pole. History is predictive, and any man my age who hadn't committed to a woman was not someone I would have been compatible with. These men are better off seeking women who have a similar non-nesting instinct.
--Had to have a job equal to or more-income producing than my own. This is NOT because I'm a gold-digger (Oh, how I wish!) but because revenue stream is also predictive of compatibility. I could never ever be in a relationship with someone not working (unless it is a trust-funder, and even then he would have to be an active philanthropist) as being a slacker would not be compatible with how I live my life.
--Similar educational background
--No addictions. I was clear about this in my profile. No smokers, no drinkers, no stoners, no gamblers, no philanderers. I did date a smoker, but his subsequent heart attack took care of that addiction nicely.
In sum, I would not date anyone who had more problems than I did. That's my rule of thumb in the dating world.

I totally remember dating some men (divorced men) whose personalities and habits had me stunned to think that these men had actually had first wives, i.e., someone actually had loved these guys enough to marry them!
This is particularly true with internet dating, which is why, if I found myself single now, I'd NEVER internet date. My experience was that the dating sites were repositories of the worst of the worst.
It makes sense. Any good man, a man well-educated, polite, loving and kind? He would still be married.

@RILEYSMOM22: Precisely! I had strict criteria when I was online dating (back in 2007), when I was in my late forties:
--Had to have been married or in a significantly longterm, live-in relationship. Anything else I wouldn't touch with a barge pole. History is predictive, and any man my age who hadn't committed to a woman was not someone I would have been compatible with. These men are better off seeking women who have a similar non-nesting instinct.
--Had to have a job equal to or more-income producing than my own. This is NOT because I'm a gold-digger (Oh, how I wish!) but because revenue stream is also predictive of compatibility. I could never ever be in a relationship with someone not working (unless it is a trust-funder, and even then he would have to be an active philanthropist) as being a slacker would not be compatible with how I live my life.
--Similar educational background
--No addictions. I was clear about this in my profile. No smokers, no drinkers, no stoners, no gamblers, no philanderers. I did date a smoker, but his subsequent heart attack took care of that addiction nicely.
In sum, I would not date anyone who had more problems than I did. That's my rule of thumb in the dating world.

@RILEYSMOM22: Precisely! I had strict criteria when I was online dating (back in 2007), when I was in my late forties:
--Had to have been married or in a significantly longterm, live-in relationship. Anything else I wouldn't touch with a barge pole. History is predictive, and any man my age who hadn't committed to a woman was not someone I would have been compatible with. These men are better off seeking women who have a similar non-nesting instinct.
--Had to have a job equal to or more-income producing than my own. This is NOT because I'm a gold-digger (Oh, how I wish!) but because revenue stream is also predictive of compatibility. I could never ever be in a relationship with someone not working (unless it is a trust-funder, and even then he would have to be an active philanthropist) as being a slacker would not be compatible with how I live my life.
--Similar educational background
--No addictions. I was clear about this in my profile. No smokers, no drinkers, no stoners, no gamblers, no philanderers. I did date a smoker, but his subsequent heart attack took care of that addiction nicely.
In sum, I would not date anyone who had more problems than I did. That's my rule of thumb in the dating world.

Enjoy it while it lasts. I dropped 100 of the 150 I needed to lose. I am five foot five and when I hit Onederland the weight loss train screeched to a halt.
To lose any weight I need to be super vigilant about my food choices. No fried or creamy, no carbs or big salads. My problem is I do this for a day or two, lose about four pounds, then cave in and have a carby meal or fried food, and gain it back within the same week.
I didn't think I'd stabilize at this weight without binging, but that's exactly what has happened. I have been bouncing between 198-204 for the last eleven months. I repeat, without any binging.
Time to get my head back into the game for a long haul of dieting I guess. I wanted the band to help me by not needing to diet. Well, it helped do exactly that for the first hundred pounds down. Now I have to work, really work, for every pound lost.
Big girl panties time.

I would suspect you are not alone, and it sounds to me like you've asked for what you need and have been given it. There are many people who live in these types of arrangements (let me state that I'm not one of them, but I totally understand those that have them). Hey, Europeans have been doing this since the earth cooled.
Where it could get even more complicated is:
1) You secondary partner (the work guy) will not want to share you with your primary partner and you'll have to make a choice
2) You will find that emotionally and physically you can't balance the two relationships
3) Your primary partner, who has given you a green light to see other men, decides that this is not tolerable and will come to resent the situation. He may not express this outright (since you state he doesn't discuss his feelings) but he'll make you pay for it in subtle ways.
In any case, how this moves forward will reveal itself in time, of that I'm certain.
In answer to your last question, statistically WLS patients end up leaving a relationship in which there were issues prior to WLS. I can't remember what the statistic was precisely, and I'm too lazy to Google it, but this happens. We decide we are worth more, and/or we settled and now want more, or (as in my case) the fierceness acquired by the weight loss just transfers over into other areas of our lives and makes us willing to take the risks necessary to having the life we've always wanted.

Sure, I'd go back and see the Dr. It wouldn't hurt, and it is always prudent to have the band checked every year anyway (for placement, pouch dialation, etc).

Thank you.
Just got home I don't even want to look at food. LOL
I feel raw and my stomach is gurgling so bad. I guess all that air I was trapping in there as well is moving around.
As soon as it was loosened I felt it drop into my stomach. Kinda gross feeling lol
She took out all 4.5 cc s and put back in 3 until Monday or Tuesday.
Thanks again everyone.

Sure, I'd go back and see the Dr. It wouldn't hurt, and it is always prudent to have the band checked every year anyway (for placement, pouch dialation, etc).

Well guess who stepped on the scale this morning to 198.4 pounds? Me, fellow WLS friends! I am officially in "ONE-DERLAND!" Huzzah!!!!!!!
I started 8 months ago at 259 lbs. One lap-band and whole lotta good exercise and careful eating later, and I am finally below 200 lbs for the first time in 15 years.
I am fighting back tears at this very moment!
Had to share this success. This is a big one for me. I reached a goal of getting in the 100's before students came back to the College. I'm not much of a goal-setter, but I'm here!
Woo Woo!
If I can do this, (I am the QUEEN of lack of willpower) ANYONE can do this!!!!

Agree with @JustWatchMe. A fill level can be great for a bit, and then change. Even over a couple of days. What is your band total size? Most of what I lost was lost at 3.0 in a 10.0 band.
In any case, work your band hard this first year. Results are less spectacular after one year, so try and get most of your weight off in the first 12 months.

Well I have seen so much negativity on the band lately....and it kinda brings me down. so for those of you who are against or on the fence about the lap band, or struggling with your weight loss, I just want to say.
The lap band is working for me!
100 lbs down!
Yup....crazy. 11 months with the band.
Has it been easy? Hell no.
Burps, puke, reflux, too tight, not tight enough, stalls, ect..
Was it the "easy road"? Definitely not.
Changing the way I eat, the way I exercise, the way i think about food, learning what I can and can't eat so I don't get sick in public or with friends and family. Learning to enjoy meals with the family with band friendly food.
And even if it was the easy way, my hubby still forked out over $12k, sooooo...i know it wasn't easy working for that money.
Have I learned alot? You bet.
I still struggle. What if I fail? Am I really hungry? Why do I weigh myself every dang day? What do I say when I am with people and can't or don't want to eat? And I have to really be honest about what I eat...
And I still haven't found the idea of exercising "fun". But I know I have to do it. And I never regret it when I am finished. I like barely being able to walk because I totally crushed my workout.
So is it going to last forever...my weight loss? I sure hope so. I've worked hard for this. I've followed all the rules, and in the process i have learned so much about myself. I have come way too far to fail. This relationship between me and the band is a tricky one. But this IS the new me..so for now I am going to enjoy this victory....and have a pumpkin latte. ..cheers!

I would suspect you are not alone, and it sounds to me like you've asked for what you need and have been given it. There are many people who live in these types of arrangements (let me state that I'm not one of them, but I totally understand those that have them). Hey, Europeans have been doing this since the earth cooled.
Where it could get even more complicated is:
1) You secondary partner (the work guy) will not want to share you with your primary partner and you'll have to make a choice
2) You will find that emotionally and physically you can't balance the two relationships
3) Your primary partner, who has given you a green light to see other men, decides that this is not tolerable and will come to resent the situation. He may not express this outright (since you state he doesn't discuss his feelings) but he'll make you pay for it in subtle ways.
In any case, how this moves forward will reveal itself in time, of that I'm certain.
In answer to your last question, statistically WLS patients end up leaving a relationship in which there were issues prior to WLS. I can't remember what the statistic was precisely, and I'm too lazy to Google it, but this happens. We decide we are worth more, and/or we settled and now want more, or (as in my case) the fierceness acquired by the weight loss just transfers over into other areas of our lives and makes us willing to take the risks necessary to having the life we've always wanted.

Oh, love's bliss has got your mind elsewhere!!! I have full confidence you'll reign in the eating/drinking because you know how important this is. Constant, consistant vigilance indeed.
I think this is where the band is a tougher tool than, say, the sleeve or bypass. Because it does allow us so much more leeway, whereas the other tools have much more dramatic consequences to not remaining compliant.
Sending you renewed committment, and total confidence that you will take off the 10 lbs and get back to your new normal.

I'm so, so sorry. It sickens me how often I read this happening to people!! It would be so much better if we could receive the details of our plan from insurance companies directly, and not have to rely on second hand information (that's often inaccurate!!).
I assume self pay/ Mexico aren't considerations? You've dinner great so far with pre op weight loss, maybe you can keep the momentum going?

Oh, love's bliss has got your mind elsewhere!!! I have full confidence you'll reign in the eating/drinking because you know how important this is. Constant, consistant vigilance indeed.
I think this is where the band is a tougher tool than, say, the sleeve or bypass. Because it does allow us so much more leeway, whereas the other tools have much more dramatic consequences to not remaining compliant.
Sending you renewed committment, and total confidence that you will take off the 10 lbs and get back to your new normal.

Oh, love's bliss has got your mind elsewhere!!! I have full confidence you'll reign in the eating/drinking because you know how important this is. Constant, consistant vigilance indeed.
I think this is where the band is a tougher tool than, say, the sleeve or bypass. Because it does allow us so much more leeway, whereas the other tools have much more dramatic consequences to not remaining compliant.
Sending you renewed committment, and total confidence that you will take off the 10 lbs and get back to your new normal.

I'm right there with you! I've been seeing small increases here and there and then I tighten my belt and get back to the basics those come off then I start relaxing again, not being so mindful and there they are again. I've been swaying 5-7lbs for about a year now. It's ok but I just want to get control over it so the 5-7 doesn't become 20. In my opinion maintenance is a lot more trying then the weight loss. I think it's because we've hit where we want to be but we're no longer fitting into different sizes, our new us is now just us. The comments have stopped and everyone now just sees us as us, they don't remember the "old" so in a way we forget too?

So..I'm happy with the boyfriend...very happy as a matter of fact. But...the flipside is that I have gained ten pounds since we've started seeing each other. No question as to why the gain. I'm eating out more...not being as mindful as I have been, slacked off on the exercise... Shall I go on? This really must stop. It's not his doing, it's mine. I know he's going to want Chinese food tomorrow night but either I'll have to get something steamed without sauce or better still, just tell him no, we need to go or bring in something better for me. I also have to slow down the drinking. I like a glass or two of wine with dinner but since I'm eating out more, I'm also drinking more. Have to reset and get myself back under control.
This is insidious..this creeping up of the weight. It's little by little, but it adds up. I just may have to speak with my surgeon about getting a small fill. Haven't needed one but maybe it's time.
Will keep you all posted. As you know, I post both the good and bad so no one has an unrealistic idea of surgery, weight loss/gain, and the tediousness of mindful eating during maintenance...which I expect will last the rest of my life. 'Always vigilant' will have to be my motto.
You folks keep me honest and this is part of that honesty.

I would suspect you are not alone, and it sounds to me like you've asked for what you need and have been given it. There are many people who live in these types of arrangements (let me state that I'm not one of them, but I totally understand those that have them). Hey, Europeans have been doing this since the earth cooled.
Where it could get even more complicated is:
1) You secondary partner (the work guy) will not want to share you with your primary partner and you'll have to make a choice
2) You will find that emotionally and physically you can't balance the two relationships
3) Your primary partner, who has given you a green light to see other men, decides that this is not tolerable and will come to resent the situation. He may not express this outright (since you state he doesn't discuss his feelings) but he'll make you pay for it in subtle ways.
In any case, how this moves forward will reveal itself in time, of that I'm certain.
In answer to your last question, statistically WLS patients end up leaving a relationship in which there were issues prior to WLS. I can't remember what the statistic was precisely, and I'm too lazy to Google it, but this happens. We decide we are worth more, and/or we settled and now want more, or (as in my case) the fierceness acquired by the weight loss just transfers over into other areas of our lives and makes us willing to take the risks necessary to having the life we've always wanted.