parisshel

I'm not revising to anything (I have to get my band removed, but won't be moving forward with another WLS) but I will share with you what an expert bariatric surgeon told me about the bypass after band.
The bypass is the ONLY revision surgery that should be done after a [failed] lapband, and the reason for this is that it is the only WLS that not only offers restriction, but also works on the feedback loop from stomach to brain. Your appetite and food choices will be completely different after the bypass.
This is not true with the sleeve, which is merely restrictive, much like the band. (Band to sleevers, please don't jump on me for this statement. I know there are many of you out there that have had tremendous success with your revision surgery. ) This surgeon explained that if someone did not have success with a band, that same person would not have success with a sleeve.
She stated is was not ethical for a surgeon to revise a bandster to a sleeve, knowing that that same patient would eventually be back for a bypass.
FWIW, your decision to revise to a bypass is, according to this surgeon, the best way to move forward, as you will be altering not only how much you can eat, but what and why you eat. The bypass will effectively turn you into eating like a naturally-thin person, and for life. (Not just the "one sweet year" other WLS give you.)

I'm not revising to anything (I have to get my band removed, but won't be moving forward with another WLS) but I will share with you what an expert bariatric surgeon told me about the bypass after band.
The bypass is the ONLY revision surgery that should be done after a [failed] lapband, and the reason for this is that it is the only WLS that not only offers restriction, but also works on the feedback loop from stomach to brain. Your appetite and food choices will be completely different after the bypass.
This is not true with the sleeve, which is merely restrictive, much like the band. (Band to sleevers, please don't jump on me for this statement. I know there are many of you out there that have had tremendous success with your revision surgery. ) This surgeon explained that if someone did not have success with a band, that same person would not have success with a sleeve.
She stated is was not ethical for a surgeon to revise a bandster to a sleeve, knowing that that same patient would eventually be back for a bypass.
FWIW, your decision to revise to a bypass is, according to this surgeon, the best way to move forward, as you will be altering not only how much you can eat, but what and why you eat. The bypass will effectively turn you into eating like a naturally-thin person, and for life. (Not just the "one sweet year" other WLS give you.)

I agree with the above answers, and will add my own, short answer.
One of the main reasons I got banded was to release myself from the On Program/Off Program mentality that diets such as JC, WW etc imposed on me. This On/Off way of thinking was unhealthy and never successful in the longterm. In fact, it just led to seeing foods as "good" or 'bad" and always always always led me to binge on the "bad" foods once I deviated from the structure of the "diet",
This is why I see a red flag in your statement: And I can eat off plan occasionally and still be safe.
I totally understand your reasoning, don't get me wrong. But I think it would be a great exercise for you to truly reflect on why you got WLS, and what you want, mentally, from your band. We all want weight loss, of course, but the true and essential value to me from my lapband is the mental change of how I approach my eating and my food. I really value that I'm never on or off a program, because my lapband is always there...dimming my appetite and controling my portions.
What I wanted from my band is for it to turn me into a "normal" eater. A normal eater who chooses sensibly from an array of all foods. I am very grateful for my weight loss, certainly, but even more grateful for the release from the "diet" mentality that I had before I got banded.
I hope this helps you.

I agree with the above answers, and will add my own, short answer.
One of the main reasons I got banded was to release myself from the On Program/Off Program mentality that diets such as JC, WW etc imposed on me. This On/Off way of thinking was unhealthy and never successful in the longterm. In fact, it just led to seeing foods as "good" or 'bad" and always always always led me to binge on the "bad" foods once I deviated from the structure of the "diet",
This is why I see a red flag in your statement: And I can eat off plan occasionally and still be safe.
I totally understand your reasoning, don't get me wrong. But I think it would be a great exercise for you to truly reflect on why you got WLS, and what you want, mentally, from your band. We all want weight loss, of course, but the true and essential value to me from my lapband is the mental change of how I approach my eating and my food. I really value that I'm never on or off a program, because my lapband is always there...dimming my appetite and controling my portions.
What I wanted from my band is for it to turn me into a "normal" eater. A normal eater who chooses sensibly from an array of all foods. I am very grateful for my weight loss, certainly, but even more grateful for the release from the "diet" mentality that I had before I got banded.
I hope this helps you.

If the band didn't work, neither will the sleeve. The band has worked for me tremendously and I didn't have to get half of my stomach removed!! Also, I was able to have my restriction removed when I was diagnosed with cancer and needed to eat. I recovered from cancer and gained some weight back so went back for a fill and lost the weight again.

Ummm, I know I'm kind of a softy, but this just made me really mist up. It hit me...a year ago the woman whom I have fallen for, would not have given me the time of day romantically. To be fair, a year ago she would have not attracted me either. She is so physically dynamic that we would not have connected. But three months ago we met, and the attraction keeps growing. Yes she's seen me naked, she sees the lose skin, but she feels the muscle underneath it, she runs and bikes with me so she knows I can keep up with her. But what has been important was we moved beyond the physical to the intellectual and emotional intimacy and this is where we have really connected. But it would not have happened apart from the physical transformation. It is important. It's a game changer. It is a huge NSV.

Yup. As a fat woman, I really fooled the public when I got an extra small cup of fro-yo or a baby cone of ice cream. I am sure NO ONE noticed how fat I was because of my obvious restraint and dainty portions. HA!!
Now if I were to get a teeny portion, people would URGE me to eat more because I "need to" or "can afford" it.
Oh, how things have changed.

Just had an interesting interaction at work. An admin stopped into my office asking for a pen to borrow to sign off on a lunch order for a meeting. I like to kid around so I said, 'sure...but it will cost you a cookie.'
As a fat woman, I would have never said that. It would have been embarrassing because I would have expected her to think that the last thing I needed was a cookie. But as a normal sized person, there is no embarrassment when it comes to 'bad' food. I don't think twice if I have ice cream in my shopping cart...or some other item that once upon a time would make me look around and wonder who was checking out what I was eating.
And by the way....she brought me two Cookies. I told her that I was only joking and all she did was wink at me.
I know people say all the time that they have not changed...only their bodies have changed. I know that everything has changed for me. Yes...I'm still basically the same woman I always was, but a better, more outgoing, comfortable in my skin woman now. Not that I don't have my issues still...nothing is perfect. But even little interactions are different..and big ones as well.
I look people in the eye now. I used to look down. I have a sense of confidence I didn't have before. I'm understanding that it was the confidence and satisfaction in my life that attracted my boyfriend to me...and not just that I was a small body. Especially as he's seen all the loose skin, hanging boobs, etc. and he tells me how much he loves to see my naked body..how it turns him on. He's seeing something else in his mind's eye...and not my physical 'flaws'.
I just think we don't always see or realize all the changes. We notice the big things...the typical NSVs but not necessarily the daily interactions that shift as we change...or should I say 'evolve'.
Anyway...just wanted to get my thoughts out on a post. Back to work now...

I would suspect you are not alone, and it sounds to me like you've asked for what you need and have been given it. There are many people who live in these types of arrangements (let me state that I'm not one of them, but I totally understand those that have them). Hey, Europeans have been doing this since the earth cooled.
Where it could get even more complicated is:
1) You secondary partner (the work guy) will not want to share you with your primary partner and you'll have to make a choice
2) You will find that emotionally and physically you can't balance the two relationships
3) Your primary partner, who has given you a green light to see other men, decides that this is not tolerable and will come to resent the situation. He may not express this outright (since you state he doesn't discuss his feelings) but he'll make you pay for it in subtle ways.
In any case, how this moves forward will reveal itself in time, of that I'm certain.
In answer to your last question, statistically WLS patients end up leaving a relationship in which there were issues prior to WLS. I can't remember what the statistic was precisely, and I'm too lazy to Google it, but this happens. We decide we are worth more, and/or we settled and now want more, or (as in my case) the fierceness acquired by the weight loss just transfers over into other areas of our lives and makes us willing to take the risks necessary to having the life we've always wanted.

I like your analogy and it seems pretty spot on. Your surgeon sounds wise! And a big bravo for you in recognizing that you needed to use your band rather than continue to struggle (and feeling bad about this new hunger).
I'm sure you'll get an excellent result from a fill, certainly considering that you lost so much weight without a filled band! Here's to re-finding that "just banded" feeling of restriction/hunger dimming. What a relief that will be, to not have to white knuckle your way through the day.
Good for you for taking action! Let us know how you do with the fill.

I love how wise you are. I love how honest and self-aware you are. I can't wait until your fill, too, and to read that you are back down the scale to your former weight. I have no doubts this will be the case.

I love how wise you are. I love how honest and self-aware you are. I can't wait until your fill, too, and to read that you are back down the scale to your former weight. I have no doubts this will be the case.

I love how wise you are. I love how honest and self-aware you are. I can't wait until your fill, too, and to read that you are back down the scale to your former weight. I have no doubts this will be the case.

Liz so happy you posted this. Everyone who hasn't had the struggle with obesity seems to think it's all mind over matter. I know that without my band I would still eat too much and would be back to my former overweight obese self in no time. The fill itself will not cure the mental problems but it gives you control and a good deal of self confidence. I went to my surgeon on Monday, thought I might need a small fill but he decided to wait a little bit because my emotions are not good since losing my husband last month. My surgeon is a very wise man and a compassionate man, I won the lottery when I found him. I am getting back on my eating plan so I won't slip back into my former bad habits. You have been successful but seem to realize the pitfalls of thinking you can do it alone. Best of luck, the fill process by the way is nothing to worry about. Take Care

Getting my first fill on Friday after nearly three years banded. It can't come soon enough. I seem to be able to make good choices one day and then the next, I'm not. I went back for a handful of pretzels three...no...four times last night. I couldn't stop myself. So for punishment, I got on the scale this morning and saw that I was above 125. I swore I'd never put the weight back on but it's now more than 12 pounds from my lowest.
I'm learning such a good lesson over this struggle to keep the weight off. I will always have the disease of obesity. I may have it under control at times, but I'll never be free of it. If my band isn't working, I'm going to put the weight back on. Simple as that.
I've seen plenty of people post about running into trouble at some point but stupidly felt that I would somehow be immune as my head is/was so in the game. It's hard to admit I'm not Superwoman and I struggle like everyone else when my tool is not working the way it should. If I ever find myself having to remove the band, I won't hesitate to revise the surgery to another procedure.
I won't fool myself into thinking I'm doing this on my own because I'm not. I told my sister on Sunday that I am gaining weight back because I need a fill. She is obese and I'm hoping she comes to the realization that WLS might help her as well. She has maintained that my success is about what's in my head, and not around my stomach and that I lost all that weight because I was in the right frame of mind. I'm hoping this shows her that it's not my will power alone that helped me but a combination of making good choices, along with a tool to tamp down the hunger so I could make those good choices.
So...today is a new day and again I make the pledge to make the right choices. Here's hoping I can stick to it.

Last week during a routine checkup I was told my band had slipped. The surgeon encourages removal as the angle at which my band now sits can cause a complete obstruction.
Your surgeon can tell you how long an unfill might last. I've read that they can resolve the slipped band issue, but sometimes they do not.
When I had my band unfilled a year or so ago, I just stayed on a Weight-Watchers-type diet plan and was able to maintain my loss. The point is to not go crazy due to the unfill, but do be prepared to have a plan in place because you will feel hungry.

This is a terrific thread with great contributions from everyone.
Here are my thoughts:
I agree with @@B-52, and I think we might be in a minority, but I do know from experience that my WLS was the only thing standing between me and consuming too many calories. It is not me making appropriate food choices, but my WLS tricking my brain into allowing me to make appropriate food choices.
How do I know this? Because with an unfilled band/no band, I don't make appropriate food choices, or, rather, it takes intense, consistent willpower to make appropriate food choices. (@@gowalking made an excellent analogy to pain levels with NSAIDS and pain levels without them...a world of difference. WLS is the NSAID for obese people It is an external aid to keeping us on the right, painfree (psychologically-speaking) path.) It does not make us more moral, noble or smarter. It just overrides our default [overeating] personality.
My weight-loss inducing food choices were not made because all the sudden I had some new-found wisdom/will-power/or healthy sense of what I needed to eat. No, the only reason I could eat less was because I had had WLS.
When one's WLS tool is no longer effective, we go back to our default (for the most of us). Because that's they way our mind and body works. It is not a moral failing, it is the way we are hard-wired.
If I see someone who I know had WLS and I'm watching them eat normal-size portions of food, or "unhealthy" food, or food that is not compliant with a post-op diet, I don't think "what an idiot." I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that their WLS choice isn't "active" anymore.
Because when our tool works, the idea of consuming large portions, or foods that are not WLS compliant, doesn't even enter our brains. Right?
Remember when you were fresh out of surgery? And your tool was sparkly-new? Did any of you start off by eating non-compliant foods?
No, of course not. Because your tool was active. And part of what is was doing was dimming your hunger and restricting your stomach space (this applies to all WLS).
An optimally-working, active tool translates to weight loss/maintenance. I really don't think that someone overeating after WLS is wasting their tool. I think that their tool isn't "speaking" to them any longer. Bands can go awry, sleeves can stretch, bypass I don't know about...but the sweet, effective timeframe of many of our tools can be brief for some of us. Yes, it is sad that someone would undergo such a drastic step to not have it turn out as one dreams (believe me, I know this from my own experience), but I really think the fault is more on the tool than on the person. Am I naive? Possibly.

This is a terrific thread with great contributions from everyone.
Here are my thoughts:
I agree with @@B-52, and I think we might be in a minority, but I do know from experience that my WLS was the only thing standing between me and consuming too many calories. It is not me making appropriate food choices, but my WLS tricking my brain into allowing me to make appropriate food choices.
How do I know this? Because with an unfilled band/no band, I don't make appropriate food choices, or, rather, it takes intense, consistent willpower to make appropriate food choices. (@@gowalking made an excellent analogy to pain levels with NSAIDS and pain levels without them...a world of difference. WLS is the NSAID for obese people It is an external aid to keeping us on the right, painfree (psychologically-speaking) path.) It does not make us more moral, noble or smarter. It just overrides our default [overeating] personality.
My weight-loss inducing food choices were not made because all the sudden I had some new-found wisdom/will-power/or healthy sense of what I needed to eat. No, the only reason I could eat less was because I had had WLS.
When one's WLS tool is no longer effective, we go back to our default (for the most of us). Because that's they way our mind and body works. It is not a moral failing, it is the way we are hard-wired.
If I see someone who I know had WLS and I'm watching them eat normal-size portions of food, or "unhealthy" food, or food that is not compliant with a post-op diet, I don't think "what an idiot." I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that their WLS choice isn't "active" anymore.
Because when our tool works, the idea of consuming large portions, or foods that are not WLS compliant, doesn't even enter our brains. Right?
Remember when you were fresh out of surgery? And your tool was sparkly-new? Did any of you start off by eating non-compliant foods?
No, of course not. Because your tool was active. And part of what is was doing was dimming your hunger and restricting your stomach space (this applies to all WLS).
An optimally-working, active tool translates to weight loss/maintenance. I really don't think that someone overeating after WLS is wasting their tool. I think that their tool isn't "speaking" to them any longer. Bands can go awry, sleeves can stretch, bypass I don't know about...but the sweet, effective timeframe of many of our tools can be brief for some of us. Yes, it is sad that someone would undergo such a drastic step to not have it turn out as one dreams (believe me, I know this from my own experience), but I really think the fault is more on the tool than on the person. Am I naive? Possibly.

Last week during a routine checkup I was told my band had slipped. The surgeon encourages removal as the angle at which my band now sits can cause a complete obstruction.
Your surgeon can tell you how long an unfill might last. I've read that they can resolve the slipped band issue, but sometimes they do not.
When I had my band unfilled a year or so ago, I just stayed on a Weight-Watchers-type diet plan and was able to maintain my loss. The point is to not go crazy due to the unfill, but do be prepared to have a plan in place because you will feel hungry.

I sincerely doubt that anyone would read this post on a forum and follow that advice. So while everybody does have a right to voice his/her opinion and share his/her experience, I don't think anyone will be scared off in getting a lapband/sleeve/bypass/whatever just because someone advises against it, especially someone on a Forum.
The only person anyone should seek advice from/listen to is a qualified surgeon. If your surgeon says "I don't think a lapband will work for you," you should take that seriously. Ask why. Read statistics. Research all available and legitimate evidence and publications pertaining to your choice of WLS. (Message boards do not count.) But don't put stock in individuals' stories, because guess what? You can ALWAYS find someone who succeeded with "x" and someone who failed with "y." Always.

I wrote a big long response... and then decided to not share it. Summary version...
I have both failed (lapband) and had very good success (sleeve) with WLS so I perhaps see this whole judgement line of thinking a little differently.
Someone on this thread knows someone who was a very influential person in my banded life. She was very very helpful to me (lets just say in those days getting support when you had your surgery out of country - in my case Germany because I lived there! wasn't so easy and she really helped me when i came home). She was also one of those "veterans" that basically had the attitude that we just needed to "man up" and follow the rules and we would have astounding success. I tried pretty hard - as misguided as my uneducated efforts were - it wasn't for lack of "try" and it was devastating to be judged so harshly by someone who I looked up to.
i caution all of you to realize that real human beings are "failing" and making bad choices. And they read this **** you write about them.
To me - this unrelenting "judging" of other people's failings with WLS is actually no different than the bias, disgust and hate some people show toward the general obese population. Actually, I think it is worse.

1) We've all encountered people at hospital support groups, here and other websites who, whether before or after, reveal in whatever words that they expect or expected the procedure to lose weight for them. In the beginning of my band career I assumed it was the fault of their respective surgery practices; I expected that at the initial info session, the presenters left out the 10 or 15 crucial words. It may be that some practice are lax, but I've since discovered that the people in question believe that their surgery is what will lose the weight because they've chosen to believe it regardless of what they heard at the practices' session and first appts. I used to want to scream and I'm sure I was excitable a few times. Since doing the clothing exchanges, I realized that I deeply cared about our whole community, More recently I discovered that I care equally for others who get to work without aid of surgery. Anyone who diligent about their choice has my vote. I don't proselytize for surgery. If someone wants to lose weight, I don't care how they do it as long as they don't do potentially harmful diets and the like. What's changed since my excitable-voice days, though, is that if someone chooses to squander the opportunity and, I hope, advantage surgery gives them, they're o their own. At best I shrug and walk away. At worst I'll say something like, "If you don't want to do it, you have the right to so choose." For a short time I wondered if I'd turned cold or any of the words that often has negative connotation. I determined not. I'll be as supportive and helpful as I can if someone is serious about any endeavor or needs help with some family or emotional or whatever issue. Otherwise don't waste my time. I don't believe in the practice of human sacrifice, especially if someone is planning to make me the sacrifice.
2) The psych eval. Before I had it, I expected that it was major project. I was seeing a therapist at the time and had her do it instead of paying however much to someone on my practice's list. She assured me that an insurer wants very little info from the session, naming the points she covered in her letter, below.. We spoke about it for a few minutes; she already knew from my discussing the prospect of surgery in earlier, regular sessions, that I understood. I don't know how much weight the insurer gives to the psych eval, but if it's a significant factor, my therapist was correct. I don't know if she'd written letters for WLS prior or only for other purposes that aren't dissimilar.
Sir or Madam:

Please be advised that _______ is a patient of mine. I have been seeing her for a year and a half for weekly psychotherapy sessions of 50 minutes per session. I have recommended that she proceed with lapband surgery on account of the medical benefits that may be derived from this procedure.

Ms. ____ has realistic expectations about the results of the surgery and understands the risks involved. She also realizes that she must continue to work on weight loss issues after the surgery has been completed. She is completely capable of following the medical instructions that will follow the surgery.

If you have any questions etc etc

Sincerely,
You'd think that, if the co's.want only that much, everyone would pass the psych.

This reminded me of a post from a Facebook group I belong to. A gentleman there has been a big advocate for WLS and speaks to groups about how life changing it is. This is an excerpt from one of his speeches, about how to tell, or what to say to people when you tell them you had surgery. The part about it being a tool gets summed up very well here. Hi name is Bill Streetman. If you want to see some of his video on youtube, search for him there. He recently rode his bike from Ohio to NC to speak at an Obesity seminar there. https://www.whs-newlife.com/author/billwhs-newlife-com/
WLS is not the reason I, or anybody, lose weight or keep it off. Bringing in less calories than I burn up is why I lost weight. And I did that by eating less calories (but eating the correct calories to fuel my body) and exercising to increase what I burn up. In my life I have had difficulty managing my eating. So to help me I underwent gastric bypass. This helps me eat less. It does not however make me make good food choices. And it's never got me out of bed to go work out. That is why we say it's a tool, not the solution. It's no different than a short person using a ladder to paint their ceiling... a tool to assist them with the limitations that they were born with. The ladder doesn't do the painting, doesn't select the color, doesn't roll straight lines, doesn't clean up afterwards. It's a tool just like WLS.

OK to add my 2 cents to the pot stirring here....
Is that person wasting her opportunity? Maybe...but who are we to judge? Even though we are deemed "ready" for a surgery how many of us are really ready for it?
Were you ready for the surgery and all that entailed or might have if you had a complication? What about the post-op diet? Could you really say you were ready for that?! Were you ready to change your mindset and the way you viewed food all these years that lead to your obesity?
If you were well good for you!!! Many of us weren't and still aren't. There are many on these boards and in the Dr.'s office still trying to work out their mental and emotional issues with food. It's really simple to tell an addict to stay away from people who are drinking and taking drugs...but do you have any idea how hard that really is? You can't watch TV today without seeing something about the next drug, beer flavor, vodka, hard cider, pumpkin flavored everything, KFC, McDonalds, Arby's Sonic...shall I go on....?
Many patients don't have the support from psychologists and many fear seeking one out. The psych eval before surgery seems to be a simple evaluation to see if you have some obvious gross mental abnormality. They aren't checking to see if you are a food addict. They are checking to see if your a substance abuse addict or if you tend toward eating disorders....but they forget that obesity IS an eating disorder and yes the patients need treatment for such or would any of us be obese to begin with??
Not all of us can have our "tool" given to us and then know how we are supposed to use it because what works for Mary does not work for LIsa, What works for Ken does not work for Lisa. What works for Liz does not work for Ken and does not work for Lisa.
Lisa and only Lisa can figure out what will work for her....because her issues are not yours and vs versa. It's hard to be mad or upset a person when you think about it......
Following the "rules" are kind of like common core math...not everyone can figure it out and understand it. Most teachers have a hard time teaching it and most students and parents simply choose to opt out. That's what this lady did...
The point of contention here is that instead of blaming others we need to look at ourselves and put the questions we can't figure out and understand back to the medical industry and have them really look at us as the patients and tailor these tools to help serve us best.
I might wear a size 14 regular but for it to fit right I still need a hem. I don't fit into the "off the rack" sizes the way they are meant to fit because I wasn't made in a factory. I am one of kind as are you. One size does not fit all...it may fit most but it never fits all....and some of us need a little extra tailoring.

Thanks for all your comments friends. I was just feeling frustrated. I'm struggling to stay on track. I even have an appointment for a fill for next week. I work s hard at doing what I should...and to hear of someone just ignoring an opportunity...well...like I said...I'm on a rant.