Darkkyss

I have not posted in a while. I have been pretty depressed with my weight lose. I know part was my fault because I was not exercising, but I have been so tired with no energy! I finally forced myself this week to join the gym. I have my best friend and my sister join with me so if one is unable to go the other will be there sooooooooo that makes me have to go!!! I am only able to do 1.25 miles right now but that is better then nothing and OMG the elliptical is WAY!!!!!!! out of my league right now. I was only able to do 2 minutes on that.
 
I went out and bought 5 new shirts (1x size) WOOHOOO.... because my best friend told me I was starting to look like dumpy because they were getting to big on me LOL...... so I found some good sales! and teased her when I lose some more weight she will have some new shirts! I just hate to buy items when I wont be wearing them very long ( I hope!!!!!)
 
We have planned a trip in January for 10 days to Kauai!!!
I am so excited to go to Kauai, but I sit here and worry about clothes and what I will have to order because there will not be any stores that will be carrying shorts and swim suits in Dec. I dont know what size I will be and if I order items off the web will they fit, will I have to return them or what??? I don't like to order off the web much because unless you try them on you dont know how they will look or feel. Crossing fingers my goal is to be under 200 by then!
 
All I have to say, don't give up! All the other post and blogs from people about how much they lose and how fast! I think as long as I am losing even 5lbs a month is better then nothing!

So i have realized that I am obsessive about weighing and measuring and proteins and carbs and my poor family is on a diet and have been since I have started the crazy measuring and weighing of everything in July.
 
I now have given myself a week off.And just now my 11 year old and myself will be going to the beach and we will have hamburgers on the beach for dinner tonight.
 
And we will be going out a few times this weekend and I will eat whatever,but not too much.
 
This is the only way I am going to find this satisfaction level that I had with what I was eating for the first 4,5 months.This also prevents me from nibbling and constantly looking for something nice,which I still dont know what exactly that is.
 
So,I will be relaxing a little until Sunday which is monday here and then I am going to start low carb and ruthless exercise program to gt rid of this last 38 pounds.

I AM SO FREAKIN SICK OF THIS DAMN LIQUID DIET*lol*, Monday can't get here fast enough just so I can start the puree stage of my diet. How many of you guys know what I am talking about?

I received my surgery time for tomorrow and it is at 12:00pm. I will be at the hospital at 10:00am.

Hello!
 
Well, I don't blog as much as I should or would like to. Life is just super busy and super wonderful! I am finally under 200 lbs (this morning the scale said 197!!!). I know this sounds like a lot to many, but I am thrilled. I haven't weighed under 200 for my entire adult life. Starting out at my heaviest at 270...it is a HUMONGOUS change!
 
I really feel great. I have tons of energy. I used to say I wasn't a night person, but...I just might be now. Before VSG, I could go to bed at 8pm and wanted to. Nowadays, I look at the clock and can't believe it is already 11pm and I'm still up and going! I do try to get to bed by 11-11:30pm though. I do like my sleep and need it for health and to rest, due to the great workouts I've been doing.
 
I work out 6-7 days a week. I do something different most every day. Here is a sample of what I have planned for this week's workouts:
Monday (today): 1 hr Spinning class and 1 hr Yoga class, after spinning
Tuesday: 1 hr Medicine Ball workout; 1 hr power walk
Wednesday: 1 hr Outdoor Bootcamp
Thursday: either 1 hr Spinning class or 1 hr Bootcamp indoor
Friday: 1 hr Spinning class (early morning); 90 min Yoga (lunch)
Saturday: Bicycle Ride - 25miles
Sunday: Hiking - 8-10 miles
 
I've been following a really healthy plant based diet, 90% of the time, along with doing some yummy green juicing. The other 10% of my diet has included some dairy (greek yogurt and some cheese) and some seafood and a bit of chicken (I just can't turn down a few bites of my husband's amazing jerk chicken). The weight is coming off, whoop whoop, but it has slowed.
 
Now 8 months post-op, I definitely can eat more now than I have been post-op. So, I do have to watch most everything I put in my mouth. I just eat real healthy - no or very minimal processed food, dairy, animal products. In retrospect, it is amazing how much food I used to eat. More amazing is how little food I eat now, need to survive and to loose weight.
 
I have a follow-up appt in September with my doc. At that point I will post before and after photos.
 
Live is GOOD! One Love.

My sister stopped by yesterday, and walks in the door and says OMG!! I can tell in your face already..... She makes me go in the bathroom in front of the mirror and we stood there and she told me to lower my face so you can see how many double chins we had. I noticed!!!!!! it was not there compared to the way I used to have BIG double chin. So then She started looking me over and said let me see your stomach so I showed her........ she said YEP I can tell your tummy is not out as far. Well I am down from my highest weight of 263 to 242... 21lbs down!!!!!!!!!! and then we measured my waist down 2 inches!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!
 
She started saying OMG ( yes one of our favorite words to each other)" now I have to really start working on myself!" She has gained weight over the years but still not as heavy as I got, she is about 180 something. So she is doing the protein drinks for 2 meals and then salads, chicken, shirmp, and different low cal. meals. So because of my surgery my sister might get healthy also.
 
Another side note, my boyfriend has been eating healthier he is down 15lbs by eating healthier which will help me in the long run. Been working at this since May!
 
My mom is coming over today to do our toe nails, I bought some fun colors!! Should be a good day!
 
Friday is my Dr. follow up appointment, I shall see how far my new scales are off from the Dr.'s scales!!! I do not look forward to the drive about 2 hours up, 2 hour appointment, and 2 hours back. So for a long day tomorrow!!

Well I feel like it has taken 2 days to get over going to the Dr. Friday. I have truly learned my lesson on making sure I eat enough during the day!
 
I went shopping at walmart today, dang that store is BIG! LOL.......
 
I am trying different protein drinks, everything taste TERRIBLE... I know its just me right now. I spent 14.00 to try this "new" stuff stated taste like watermelon, excited right! I love watermelon flavor..... thinking woohoo 42 grams of protein I can sip on this all day.. OMG is all I can say, 1 sip and I about threw up. So darn sweet ewww, sigh...
 
Trying different pureed foods, boy does it change the taste of the food! I did find clam chowder was ok LOTS of the liquid and little bit of the potato's and clams.
cream of wheat is something I can eat but takes me 2 meals per packet. I did buy 1 jar of baby food we will see if I get the nerve to try "herbal chicken and paste stage 3" lol
 
I just want to add, my other half has been so great! I honestly don't think I could have done this without him. I have had some rough days and he has been so awesome on helping out in every way.
 
234.4lbs

My sister stopped by yesterday, and walks in the door and says OMG!! I can tell in your face already..... She makes me go in the bathroom in front of the mirror and we stood there and she told me to lower my face so you can see how many double chins we had. I noticed!!!!!! it was not there compared to the way I used to have BIG double chin. So then She started looking me over and said let me see your stomach so I showed her........ she said YEP I can tell your tummy is not out as far. Well I am down from my highest weight of 263 to 242... 21lbs down!!!!!!!!!! and then we measured my waist down 2 inches!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!
 
She started saying OMG ( yes one of our favorite words to each other)" now I have to really start working on myself!" She has gained weight over the years but still not as heavy as I got, she is about 180 something. So she is doing the protein drinks for 2 meals and then salads, chicken, shirmp, and different low cal. meals. So because of my surgery my sister might get healthy also.
 
Another side note, my boyfriend has been eating healthier he is down 15lbs by eating healthier which will help me in the long run. Been working at this since May!
 
My mom is coming over today to do our toe nails, I bought some fun colors!! Should be a good day!
 
Friday is my Dr. follow up appointment, I shall see how far my new scales are off from the Dr.'s scales!!! I do not look forward to the drive about 2 hours up, 2 hour appointment, and 2 hours back. So for a long day tomorrow!!

My sister stopped by yesterday, and walks in the door and says OMG!! I can tell in your face already..... She makes me go in the bathroom in front of the mirror and we stood there and she told me to lower my face so you can see how many double chins we had. I noticed!!!!!! it was not there compared to the way I used to have BIG double chin. So then She started looking me over and said let me see your stomach so I showed her........ she said YEP I can tell your tummy is not out as far. Well I am down from my highest weight of 263 to 242... 21lbs down!!!!!!!!!! and then we measured my waist down 2 inches!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!
 
She started saying OMG ( yes one of our favorite words to each other)" now I have to really start working on myself!" She has gained weight over the years but still not as heavy as I got, she is about 180 something. So she is doing the protein drinks for 2 meals and then salads, chicken, shirmp, and different low cal. meals. So because of my surgery my sister might get healthy also.
 
Another side note, my boyfriend has been eating healthier he is down 15lbs by eating healthier which will help me in the long run. Been working at this since May!
 
My mom is coming over today to do our toe nails, I bought some fun colors!! Should be a good day!
 
Friday is my Dr. follow up appointment, I shall see how far my new scales are off from the Dr.'s scales!!! I do not look forward to the drive about 2 hours up, 2 hour appointment, and 2 hours back. So for a long day tomorrow!!

my surgery is three days away! i am extremely nervous and cautiously excited.
 
house is organized and spotless. yard has never looked so manicured. i feel like i am preparing my home for a new baby. i will be bringing home a new member to my family after the surgery-ME.

Today's the day! Surgery in 4 hours!!! I decided to continue my journey with the sleeve.... Insurance is still giving me an issue but my doctor says don't worry about it! I love y surgeon!
 
wish me luck, say your prayers

Surgery was Aug 15th!!!
Everyone was so nice, a lot of in and out with people all asking the same questions (safety First!!!) My boyfriend (marc) and my mom were in the pre room with me up till they wheeled me away which was really nice. I do remember going into the operation room and looking around but I was done from there.
 
I woke up in recover for a few, I was in such a fog.
They brought me to my room, I am not sure what all happened or how to explain it. But I freaked out pretty bad, I felt I could not breath from the pain in my side. I could see my mom and Marc I started crying It took about 1 hour to calm me down and for the pain to be comfortable. From that point on I was doing good, I ended up getting up before the night was out and walked the halls. Second day I was up was able to shower by that evening. Doin small walks, clear liquids. Friday (third day) I was released and on the road, We ran into construction on the way home. Made for a rough, long ride home about 3 hours(compared to 1 3/4 hours). Was home comfy and enjoying being home and my own bed. Sat. I made sure I did treadmil SEVERAL times stayed on top of my pain meds and such, showered and was up most of the day. Well Sunday woke up to feeling like a Mac truck hit me. I had WAY over did it Sat. I slept and ate on Sunday nothing more.
Here it is Monday doing ok, better then Sunday and decided HELLO I just had surgery dont rush yourself. I was up for 2 hours then napped, watched TV, then showered, decided I would go along for the ride( had to mail a package for my son) O BOY does the road feel bumpy, I did not realized I forgot to take my pain meds and did not realize it had been over 6 hours later and not feeling to hot on the drive back home!!!!!!!
 
I have really cut back on them I did not think I need the full dose. I cut it in half and doing every 4/5 hours. They had me doing every 3 hours.
 
Getting out bed has been the hardest.
 
My tummy looks pretty good, They did have to do 6 cuts, They removed my gallbladder at the same time.
 
Taste buds have changed, I have always hated the taste of diet stuff, the after taste is what I could not stand. My mom made me sugar free jello, pudding, and bought sugar free popcicles. I like the taste of these BUT seems so sweet!!! I was reading and realized I could finally have Tomato soup SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!! and OMG did it taste so good. So I have not had problems feeling full, but did HATE when Marc cooked breakfast and I could smell the bacon cooking..... Has it never smelled so good. I think that is a big thing to get over the next 2 weeks is having the texture of chewing on food!!! I will make it!!
 
I have made an appointment to have my hair done before I return to work, having it colored and cut. At work I don't do much with myself (hair in bun, no makeup, and stay in my office most of the day doing my work) So I will have a new look to go back to work with, with the new ME. I have not told others, except my best friend who works there. Most people know we have been "dieting and walking" daily and that I was going out on medical leave for gallbladder surgery. I had lost 15lbs before my last day. who knows how much more before I return in 2 weeks. I wonder if they will notice.
 
On my surgery date I was 242lbs home from hospital I was up to 254lbs!!!!!!!
 
I weighed myself today 246!!!!!!!!!!
So a lot of rambling but I really want to remember the journey and so I wanted to get a lot in over the last few days! If you have any question please feel free and send me a message!!!!

So, I just came from my surgeon and NUT appts. I signed my consent form, and I saw my NUT. Now only thing I have to do is call my PCP tomorrow and get clearance from him. I was given my pre op diet and I asked when can I start it. I almost hit the floor when I was told tomorrow. Hopefully I will have my surgery date by the end of the week, and have to stay on the diet until then. It's honestly not too bad. It consists of 3 protein shakes per day, For my snack a cup of sugar free, fat free/low fat yogurt and a piece of fruit. Plus a sensible meal that is 6 oz of meat, 2 servings of bread/starch 1 cup of veggies, 1 cup of salad greens with two tablespoons of low fat salad dressing. Considering what alot of other people pre-op diets are, this is really great. Well it sounds great, let us see how it is when I start it*lol*

So here it is, the day before my sleeve surgery. I've been up since 5:00, went to the store, cleaned the litter box and taken out the trash. My mind is racing, trying to think of anything I've forgotten to do. For the moment, all I think I have left is to do laundry and pack my bag. 6:00 can't come soon enough!
 
A bit of background about me - I'm a 51 year old single mom. Even though my children are all adult (at least technically, I feel mom is my most important identity. However, I got a bad case of empty next syndrome last year and decided I need to find something to occupy my time. Otherwise, I would sit in front of the tv more than I already did and gain even more weight. So I started back to college. When I graduated high school, college seemed important only if you were going into a specialized profession (doctor, psychiatrist, lawyer, etc.) So I went to work instead. I got married young (22), had three children and then decided at the age of 30 that I couldn't live the rest of my life in a bad relationship. So I left with my 1, 6 and 7 year old. Those were some tough years but so much better for all of us. I know have a married 28 yo son, my 26 yo son is in the Air Force and my 22 yo daughter is in college.
 
Taking classes again (I went to school part time in my 30's) has been so much fun. I've always enjoyed learning new things and although I started out interested in digital forensics, I think I'm switching to multimedia web design. It ties more closely to my current job and besides, it's more fun!
 
Anyway, in bettering myself via education, I also started getting serious about my health. My daughter was diagnosed with MS two years ago and although she's doing pretty well, MS is a disease that can change on a dime. I know that I need to be as healthy as possible and stick around a long time in case she needs me.
 
So after finally obtaining health insurance after going without for 10 years (thank you, President Obama and the ACA!), I had a physical at the beginning of the year. My doctor asked if I had considered weight loss surgery, and when I said yes, he really perked up. I originally thought about getting the band because it was reversible and seemed the least invasive (lol). My doc was the first one that mentioned the vertical sleeve. He had it done last year and said it was the best thing he's ever done in his life. In fact, his wife had it done as well. My family has been going to this guy for close to 20 years, so this made a real impact on me.
 
I went to an information session, still thinking about the band. Then I heard about the success and complications rates. In contrast, the sleeve sounded like the most eloquent and effective option. So I started my six month diet plan, ran through the battery of tests and got my approval in July. In the meantime, I had my gallbladder removed (the main reason for getting insurance in the first place) and surgery to repair my deviated septum. I also did a sleep study, was diagnosed with severe sleep apnea (my only co-morbidity) and issued a CPAP. So at this point, all my out of pocket expenses have been met (or billed at least) and my sleeve tomorrow should be "on the house."
 
Throughout the last eight months, I haven't been as strict on my diets as I should. My highest weight a couple of years ago was 305. At the beginning of the year, my weight was 294. This morning, I weigh in at 266. I have lost a total of 12.5 inches since I started tracking it in April. I have two weight goals. The conservative one I set with my surgeon is 190. This is the lowest weight I remember being as an adult and I felt really good and thought I looked pretty good (I was 5'8-1/2" at the time, I've shrunk an inch since then!) Checking the BMI calculators, 165 would be the highest weight I could have to be considered in the normal range. I do have a large bone structure (I know, everyone says that) so I don't know if it's attainable or not. I think I will be happy with anything between that range, frankly.
 
Anyway, this hasn't been too funny of a post, but it's my first one. I have to give some background and endear me to your hearts before I release the snark. And don't worry, it's there. I've just got it chained up for the moment.
 
If you're just starting out in your journey to sleeve surgery, hang in there. Read a bunch of stuff, get educated and ask questions. Make sure you are mentally prepared to make this life changing decision. If you focus your will and effort on it, you will be successful!

Dear food,
 
You have been a source of refuge and comfort for a long time, something to warm me on cold winter nights and to celebrate life's milestones. But sadly, our relationship is no longer working for me.
 
You've become an obsession, an unhealthy and unproductive millstone. So I've decided that it's time to say goodbye. There are some special mentions I'd like to make...good bye massive bowls of spaghetti, blocks of chocolate, cheesy pizza and my old friend, coke. Though over the coming days our parting will be difficult, and I will no doubt long for the days when I would indulge in you with impunity, I am excited to let you go.
 
I will get an opportunity to explore life beyond this obsession. So with sadness but absolute determination, fare thee well, old friends.
 
With no regrets, Lila
 
(I start my pre-op diet in the morning And I am actually feeling excited about it! Wish me luck!!)

Today I was getting my tests done my surgery, and it hit me, I'm really going to do this. went to see the dietitican, behaviorist same day I have to follow a 1500 calorie diet for a week to see how this works, Also have to see a therapist before I can set a date (which I'm after this). I'm Happy yet stress about it. My Family ain't to happy about it. My aunt even had the nerv to say I'm taking the easy way out. They don't even know how this works even offer to see the dr. so they asks questions. So as of right now, the won't know nothing untill may 2 weeks before the surgery. Simple and Done, unless they asks questions, they won't know.

I wanted to share some good news with y'all. When I go see my NUT on the 21st of this month, I am going to meet with my surgeon also. It looks like all my paper work is in order and I get to sign the consent forms for my surgery the same day. So after I sign the forms they send them to my insurance company and about a week or so after that, I should have a surgery date. I am so excited talk about being one step closer. You guys please pray and send me positive thoughts that all goes as plans.

Yeah! The Nurse Practitioner called me Friday on the drive home from work. She was working through the files on her desk just like I was told.
 
Now that things are in her hands, it seems as though the ride from here might be a bit smoother. I am not scheduled:
 
August 21 - Endoscopy
September 24 - Chest X-Ray; EKG; Blood Work
September 26 - Review tests with Nurse Practitioner, go over 2 week diet requirement and schedule the surgery date!!
 
After talking things over with my hubby, and trying to navigate the events we have coming up, I believe I'm going to work to begin the 2 week liquid diet on 10/15. I have a wedding party to do make up for (Mary Kay Consultant) the first weekend of October. We are taking my 88 y/o mother-in-law on vacation the next weekend (10/12). That would put my surgery (if I'm lucky and there's availability) the week of 10/29....which puts it very near my birthday. I'm TOTALLY ok with that, as this can then be my birthday present to myself!!! At 44, I'll be starting a new me! Next year, it will be 2 birhtdays in one! This will also mean (hopefully....if post-surgery recouperating goes well) that I could potentially have turkey and mashed potatoes with everyone at Thanksgiving! And Christmas will be even better because that will be about 8-9 weeks out and things should be showing significant progress. (I know, maybe a bit Pollyanna-ish, but if you're not positive, things won't happen, right?)
 
WHOO HOO!!! I'm SO excited this is finally moving forward.

OMG I thought I was going to cry I had my co-worker and really close friend take my before pictures. One I was fully clothed and the other I had leggings with a sports bra (wasn't brave to let her see me in underwear or shorts) After seeing the pictures I felt so bad and upset that I let myself get to this point. I am trying not to torture myself in imagining what was going through her mind but luckily, my body will soon change.

The Most Evil of all Man’s Inventions -


 

When we were getting larger, the scale was an evil evil device. It was originally designed by man to assist in the development of early commerce, but over time it took on a new and insidious venture. It became the device that quantified what we already knew - we were getting bigger. It was not a secret. We knew it. We knew we were not eating right and could tell we were getting bigger. But as long as those elastic waists and comfort fit pants hung in there, we could kid ourselves into believing that it was not that much weight gained. It was all so vague and easy to ignore.



But the evil scale ruined all that. That "couple of pounds" we had gained since last summer was actually 14.7 pounds!!! And what total chucklehead decided we needed a decimal point on a bathroom scale? What an idiot. I am not a pharmacist carefully measuring out a deadly drug. I am just a fat guy on a bathroom scale. The size of the number is bad enough, the decimal is just sort of an insult. "I weigh 277." Scale: "No, actually you weigh 277.6!" GRRRRRRRR, Stupid scale! I will tell you where you can put that .6 pounds….



BUT NOW….



I have come to reconsider my position -- and being down 50+ pounds has everything to do with it. That decimal point is an amazing and important invention. When I lose .6 pounds, you can bet I want to know all about it!! Don’t be depriving me of my 9.600 ounces of hard earned weight loss! I did not just go to the bathroom, dry my hair, clean out my ears, burp, get naked and take off my glasses to get some vague estimate!!!



I have concluded that the scale is, in fact, not inherently evil. I have come to this based on recent events. Since I have had my surgery I have noticed something amazing that I had never noticed before. It may have been there all along, but I just did not know it. Maybe you knew….but until just recently, I did not know that ….. (wait for it) …..


 
 

The scale can actually go DOWN!!!!



　



Here are three great scale jokes!!!



　



A lady noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach.
Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver, she commented, "I don't think that's going to help."
"Sure it will." he said. "Now I can see the numbers."


 

______



　



Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom scales on display at the department store.



"What’s it for?" one asked.



"I don’t know," the other replied. "I think you stand on it, and it makes you mad…at least it does that for my Dad."



　



　



______


 
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry with him. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 250 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. It was not big enough to be the sports car she demanded, so she put on her robe, ran out to the driveway and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.
 
 
ARE WE LAUGHING YET!!!!!!!

Well, today was the day. I went to see the pysch, and....................................................HE CLEARED ME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was so quick. It took me longer to fill out all the paper work then it did to see him. He talked to me for about ten minutes then start printing out papers and was like ok here is your copy to keep for your files, and I will e-mail a copy to your surgeon. Then he was like good luck and have a great day. Talk about someone who walked out there with a chesire cat grin on their face.

I bought a pair of 20's on a whim today and thought I'd just keep them in reserve and try them on every now and then for encouragement. Well...I WAS ENCOURAGED!!! They fit!!! I could NOT believe what I was seeing. My mind still sees 349 pounds, not 285. I'm pretty sure my wedding dress was a 20. I'm going to pull it out soon to see if it fits again. I might wait 10 more pounds for that though....
 
Wow. I'm still in stunned disbelief!! This is......just....I I I I I...don't have words. I'm giddy!!!
:lol: