makemyownluck

WELCOME! I'm still pre-op, trying to tick off the insurance requirements as quickly as I can get appointments to do them. I'm amazed at how quickly you got approval!! that's awesome! I wish you the best of luck - I'm sure that you will see relief of many of your symptoms as the weight comes off - and that loving husband will love you even more when you feel as sexy as he sees you to be. Confidence is everything, and you'll get it back when you see your body changing! Keep us updated on post-op!

I'm so happy that working has made it a little easier. I'm still pre-op and was thinking I'd want a month off work - but the more I think about that, the more I think that's a bad idea. Sitting around, alone, hurting and missing food - that SOUNDS depressing!! Getting back to "normal things" as quickly as possible seems like a much better route. I hope every day gets better than the last for you!! Good luck!

So far, I've just been talking to my mom about how I'm feeling, and I haven't shared all of it with her because, quite frankly, I just don't want to. She's been super supportive, but she also wants to have surgery (she wants to get a lap-band, tho) and so she wants to know as much of what I have to go through as possible before she decides to start her own journey. I love this board for connecting me with people who understand what I'm going through!! I'm actually looking forward to hitting the gym. Unfortunately, my friend who offered to take me hasn't been available. Sadly, her mother is in hospice and dying from cancer, so working out isn't exactly on her schedule right now. Thanks for the tip!! My friend told me that the machines were easy to use and that there's lots of helpful people. She talks about Planet Fitness like it's her favorite place ever! lol - I'm glad to hear that my feelings aren't unusual. I'm scared of dying fat, too... makes going through all of this a little easier to keep that in mind.

Even if you did get individual insurance right now 1) you might not even get approved for a policy if your current BMI is too high. Either you'd be denied or you'd have to pay extra. AND 2) you'd more than likely have a pre-existing condition clause that would exclude coverage for any medical conditions you already have (including obesity). So, you could potentially be upcharged 150% on your premium and STILL not get covered for what you need. Isn't insurance awesome? :\ I actually have decent group insurance, but who knows how long it will take to get approved... I can't seem to get answers. Almost makes me want to take a trip and self-pay anyway!! I'll most likely go to Mexico for plastic surgery when the time comes. As long as you do the research, I don't think the quality of the care you will get is any different. Good luck to you!!

That is so exciting!! I started my journey in July and I'm more nervous about getting approved to have it than actually having the surgery! I can't wait to feel that relief, to be able to embrace it, and I'm happy that you're getting yours done so quickly! It makes me hopeful for my journey. Good luck to you!!

And make sure that your doctor doesn't put his thumb over the xray when he looks at it and covers up said crayon, while you're at it. Can I just say that finding Simpsons fans on this site has MADE MY FRIGGIN DAY??

So, I have my first NUT visit on Tuesday. Tuesday will also by me 32nd birthday. Should be an interesting day... I've been food diary'ing per the instructions from the scheduler when I made my appointment. She said do it for a few days, I went ahead and started doing it last Tuesday so I could show her a whole week. What I've learned (well, what I kinda knew) is that I eat a lot of crap. Things that just aren't good. I always thought doing a food journal was a dumb idea. but really it makes you face what terrible things you put in your body. I realized that I obviously LOVE EGGS (from my head down to my legs ) because I had them like every other day this week. I also curbed a lot of my snacking just because I didn't want to write it down and have it stare me in the face. All those cliche things that I've heard through the years about the benefits of food journaling... I would have never thought they could actually be true!! I also asked my friend if she would take me to her gym. She has a membership that allows her to bring one guest a day. Now, I've never been in a gym (aside from school). I barely own gym clothes. I have never been one to work out. Correction, in 2001 (i think) I was nutso for Tae-Bo. My roommate at the time had a 5 year old daughter and we'd work the heck outta some Tae-Bo together! My friend was more than happy to accommodate taking me to her gym, but we still have to discuss a day/time to do it. I'm pretty anxious about it. She's overweight too, and the gym she goes to is Planet Fitness and she tells me that it's fine, it's "NO JUDGMENT" and that I don't have anything to worry about. Somehow, I don't take comfort... I just want to get it over with so I can get a few visits under my belt and feel comfortable enough to get a membership of my own. I don't even know where to begin. I don't even know if I'll be able to turn on the treadmill. HOW EMBARRASSING. Each step in this journey is breaking me down. Despite the sadness I seem to be having right now, there's also a hopefullness tucked in there. I'm starting to think this is me, mourning the passing of my old habits, my current life, and seeing that the difficulty I'm about to face is not the end, but the beginning of a new life. There's even a part of me that wonders if maybe I could actually be successful without surgery (and would that be better for my post-weight loss body? or am I fooling myself into thinking I could lose 200 lbs without WLS as a tool?). I keep repeating that this has taken over my mind since I decided to go down the WLS path. It's still true... I'm hoping that as I tick off these requirements and get closer to having surgery, I'll be able to resolve, or have better perspective on, all the emotions that I'm running through right now. I swear, the reason I'm scared of the psych eval is because I fear that I'm losing my GD mind. A MONTH AGO, THIS WASN'T EVEN A SEED IN MY MIND. And now here I am, unable to think about anything else, anxious for change, and for the first time in my life, hopeful for a future - and somehow sad through all of it. If anyone can relate or offer any thoughts on this subject, I'd love to hear it.

Thanks, Trcyprkr. I do know that it may be easier to get pregnant after weight loss. I'm more concerned with the permanent damage to my self esteem to ever want to date again. I haven't dated in years and I'm at the point where I don't want to be touched - or looked at, for that matter. I also confess that I fear never being in a significant relationship because I dislike my physical self so much. Probably TMI, but that's more along the lines of what I mean... I'm glad I'm not the only basket case out here! I've always said I don't want kids, when really i don't want A BABY. I like my sleep! I don't like the idea of trusting a babysitter with a child that can't talk to me and tell me if they're being taken care of properly. A kid, I'd love a kid. As I get older and have a closer bond with my mom, I kinda wish I had the same thing, a kid that would grow up to be an adult, having a hand at raising someone to be a productive member of society... I'd love THAT. But finding a man to marry? Getting married? Giving up my singledom? Giving up my living alonedom? Having a baby wake me up several times a night? No thanks! lol! That said, the idea of not having a child (and factor in that I'm an only child myself), I get nervous thinking about what my life will be like after my parents are gone... it makes me incredibly sad to think about being alone. I appreciate everyone letting me express myself here. It's therapeutic and so many of you are supportive and kind. Thank you so much!

I don't see why depression would mean I don't qualify for surgery. I am depressed, but most of that stems from my weight in the first place. I don't expect surgery to "cure" me of anything. I don't take meds and don't do therapy, I'd say I have a normal amount of stress and depression associated with being a working woman! If insurance didn't require it, I wouldn't be doing it. Point blank. I don't like the idea of paying someone to judge me or letting someone else decide if this is something I should do or not. :\

what else do they talk to you about? I'm so nervous about this - IDK what the "right" answers are!!

Your RNY friend may have a point. I don't think I'd be looking into surgery if I was 60lbs overweight. Of course, I don't know... personally, I'm 200+ overweight and so I really see this as something I need to do because I'm in a drastic situation. But you DID ask for her opinion and she gave it to you... you should really listen to what she's saying. She's saying that SHE would do it again, because she was 200lbs overweight. She had complications, but it was what she had to do to change her life. Maybe if she was getting it done now, she'd do a sleeve - who knows? She's assuming you'd have the same complications, which may or may not be true. I think what she's saying is that she would go through the complications again because it got her to where she is now, but she wouldn't go through all that to lose 60lbs... That said, it's your choice whether or not to have surgery, and considering you are diabetic, I'd say it's the way to go because you are going to have to change your eating habits either way and this will be a helpful tool. For someone with 60 to lose who didn't have co-morbids... idk... seems like a drastic step. But everyone makes the choice for themselves, and if you WERE NOT a candidate, then no surgeon would operate on you! The MD can decide if you're qualified, you have to make sure YOU'RE PREPARED. I wish you luck! Take your friend's advice for what it is - an educated, but not a professional opinion. In the end, if they are your friends, they will support whatever decision you make.

I've only recently started contemplating surgery and this board has helped me SO MUCH in deciding that this is the route I need to go. I haven't really started making changes yet, I see the NUT next Tuesday and I'm really excited to make a lot of changes. So, I don't know that all of these will be valid for much longer... I confess that I have never stepped foot inside a gym in my entire life (not counting school gyms, obviously) and that this fact embarrasses me. I confess that I'm scared of being embarrassed by going to a public gym. All those people! WITH THEIR EYES!!! I confess that I am extremely worried about being a mess with loose skin all over the place if/when I have surgery. I confess that I have no idea what my actual weight is, and that I'm more than a little nervous to find out the actual number. (6 days til that NUT visit!) I confess that I fear I've lost my chance at ever having a child because I allowed myself to be this fat for this long. I confess that not having children breaks my heart, despite always saying that I didn't really want have kids. I confess that since I brought the idea of having this surgery into my head, I've been a complete basket case. I confess that I'm okay with being a basket case, especially if I'm learning things along the way. that's enough for now!

I agree it's a pain, but I'm willing to beg at this point!! Hopefully it won't be too awful to get this done. I'm so frustrated not having any direction. I can't find anything on the whole world wide web about anyone having wls thru bcbsil h.m.o. how is that even possible! Lol Ill keep everyone updated!

Good point, Tex! I can't believe people think it's their business to say. When someone tells me they're divorced, I don't tell them "Oh, you took the easy way out, huh?" lol

People like to have opinions about things they know very little about. This is true of the general public, which includes our friends, coworkers, family members, and maybe even ourselves. How many years have we all suffered being obese because we had our own stigma about having surgery? I know I'm guilty of that, and as a result I've wasted years of my life that I'll never get back. This surgery isn't something you do for anyone else. It's something you are doing for YOU - and that's the only opinion that matters. Be smart and make informed decisions and you'll always be a success. Good luck to you! Weight loss is not easy - no matter what road you take!

I was going to suggest the thigh pain could be a clot as well....

So, I was sitting at work today and as my shift was winding down, found myself daydreaming about VSG again. I got to thinking (and worrying myself) about post-op living and long term care. Would I require b12 shots for the rest of my life? will I ever be able to eat sugar again? what about reflux? will I have unending reflux that requires lifelong treatment? Am I putting myself at risk for complications that far surpass the initial post-op recovery stage? what am I really thinking about doing to myself?!??!?!?! As I'm thinking myself into a panic, my phone lights up for a new email and this distracts me from my thoughts. A UPS order that I placed wasn't delivered because UPS requires a signature. I have no idea why, but UPS pretty much refuses to leave packages on a first attempt. They require a signature even if the sender doesn't require a signature. It's so beyond frustrating, every time I deal with UPS, I have to call them and get into a huge argument about this. I hate it! The package in question? My fat girl pants - for girls too fat to shop in normal stores. So yeah. That pretty much cinched it for me - I need to get out of these BIG GIRL britches ASAP!! All this stress/phone calls/talking to supervisors/getting SERIOUSLY TICKED OFF is because I need my giant pants. So sad! So what if I need Nexium forever - better than needing MAIL ORDER CLOTHING!! Anyway, thought this ironic tale might give someone a needed chuckle today.

I have the same fears. I have been at my job longer, but I just know telling my boss that it will eventually get around the office. The fact that your boss only thinks of the negative (i.e. you missing work for surgery and not you potentially dying by being obese) just confirms that there is still a lot of stigma around this type of surgery. I'm so sorry that you have to go through it. My suggestion is to let it go. Going to HR or talking to her about it will just make it worse, and right now you need to stay positive. If word gets out, it gets out - all you can do is be true to yourself, be honest and do what you need to do to secure your physical and mental health. The only opinion about your medical history that matters is yours and your Doctors. If your boss does anything to specifically call you out, that would be the time to involve HR. Otherwise, save yourself the stress, stay off the boss' radar and keep doing your job so you can get PAID. That's all that matters, bottom line, is that you do your job and that they pay you to do it. Don't rock the boat. You have way more important things to deal with than someone elses prejudice. Be the example of how WLS is a positive thing.

I will go to dinner, darn it! It's gonna be my BIRTHDAY, after all! When the NUT called to reschedule (she called, not someone from her staff), I mentioned that it was my birthday and told her to go easy on me. She said she's always nice on the first visit so you'll come back. I wonder if she was kidding! lol Thanks to all of you for the support and hugs - I appreciate it! I just straightened my shoulders and put my head up - as long as I can stay positive, anything is possible. I can will to this!

Patience has never been a virtue of mine. I'm already feeling a bit overwhelmed by this process. I'm starting to get the feeling that I'm doing the wrong things and that I'm wasting a lot of good money on all this medical stuff and I'll just have to start back at square one when I (hopefully, finally) get to a bariatric surgeon. So many, many steps. I just hope it's not all in vain. Guess I'm just feeling a little down lately. It's CRIMSON TIDE time, so I'm sure that has something to do with it. Also, my nut called and said she needed to reschedule my appointment. Now, instead of going the day after my bday, I'm going ON my actual bday. That should be fantastic. :\ First nut visit where I discuss all my bad habits and resolve to change them on the same day that I usually go out for an extravagant dinner and have drinks and cake. Awesome. I guess this is as good a time to start as any... wouldn't be able to indulge like that after being sleeved anyway! I'm too tired to do the perky, keep your head up thoughts afloat right now. Just gonna ride this out and see where it takes me. I'll try not to stay bummed out. *le sigh*

@jaded, I feel that may be the case. Between the 2 of us, she's the "skinny" fat girl. I'm pretty sure that my single girlfriends have never considered me as any competition. Not to make all my friends sound like jerks, because they aren't, but of course I'm the friend they can trust not to steal their man, because NO ONE is looking at me anyway! *sidenote; i can't feel flirty again. It's been so long! She's also been trying to diet and exercise since I've known her and I'm always the one who doesn't make her feel guilty eating a whole pizza with. Once we can't EAT together all the time, what will we do? I think I'm going to start going to the gym with her. She's invited me before, but I've never stepped foot in a gym and I'm nervous. I know that I'll have to take the plunge soon enough!

When I set the appointment, I specifically asked if they handled psych evals for WLS and they said they do... My PCP told me to get the psych eval so he could submit the request to refer me... but my plan recently changed so no referrals are done for psych care anymore. Supposedly it's to give the patient more choice, but I could really use some direction! So I'm hoping since I specifically said I was coming for WLS psych eval, they will be able to do what I need... it's just a regular counseling center, tho. They seemed to know what I wanted. Maybe I'll call them tomorrow to make sure...

best advice ever!!! I'll be keeping this in mind for myself.

Saggy skin is going to happen. It's inevitable. But if you work out, it will slowly start to shrink. And if you had stretch marks in those places already, they might get worse and the skin is less likely to ever look smooth again. I haven't had surgery and I already know this is all FACT! But - you are going to learn to see yourself differently. It is true that young age and lower starting BMI will help you have less of it than others, but it will be there. Go to the spa, sit in a sauna, get massages... these will help tighten you up as well. And WORK OUT! The harder you push yourself, the better results you will get. I'm still working out getting a referral to a bariatric surgeon, so I'm a long ways from surgery. I hope to be on the track you're on very soon. Good luck! It's only gonna get better from here!