makemyownluck

I got my psych eval today. A nice little letter to say I have no mental disorders... kinda want to have that framed. For reference. To remind myself I'm sane. To prove such to others who know me and doubt that. Went to my PCP yesterday for a routine visit and my bp is finally under control. Halleloo for that! Had a pap that wasn't as embarrassing or as torturous as I thought it might be. My PCP said my insurance will want 3 months of supervised diet. But because he doesn't have a scale that will weigh me, he's gonna see if we can get around that. Otherwise, I'm looking at end of November for referral to surgeon. Supposedly things move quickly from that point. My PCP didn't know anything about VSG. The NUT I went to sort of looked at me like I didn't know what I was talking about when I said "vertical sleeve" as the answer to the surgery I wanted. The psychologist had no idea what VSG is. So, I'm kinda at the point where I don't know what's going to happen. I'm hoping for the best but sorta getting the sneaking suspicion that I'm going about this wrong, that I'm being misled and that I have no one who can tell me to do otherwise. *sigh* and I don't know anyone IRL who has had VSG or any wls on my type of insurance. I'm lost! I hope all these copays aren't all in vain! That said, I'm really trying to stay optimistic. I can't wait to get on the loser's bench already!

I'm pre-surgery so I don't know exactly what you're describing as far as sticture - however I had the same symptoms when I had a large gall stone that blocked the duct - couldn't keep down anything, not even water. Do you still have your gall bladder? Do you have abdominal pain?

Welcome to the board! I'm pre-surgery as well, I see my doctor in October to see if he can put my referral in sooner than expected, otherwise I'm currently in the "3 month required diet" phase, which will put me at end of November to be referred to a surgeon. Unfortunately, I don't even know what happens after that - so I'm sort of in the dark about when I can actually have surgery. I know the feeling about being sad about what I've become... I hope to rid myself of this feeling as I rid myself of the extra weight! Good luck to you in your journey, I hope to hear more of your progress.

There is a BB&B nearby, but I just don't want a scale in my house. I'm willing to wait, I'm sure the surgeon will have one that's high enough.

Thank you everyone, for the kind words! My birthday was fine - took the day off work and saw people I love. Sadly, my friends mother passed away last Friday. She held on for a long time - the woman loved her life. Now, I'm just trying to be strong and supportive for my friend. This year has brought a lot of changes already, and I'm looking forward to my big change. Hopefully soon!!

That is fantastic!! Great job on getting your goals accomplished - 90lbs in 110 days is amazing! Share some pics of your journey!

That is incredible!! I can't believe you've dropped 100lbs in less than a year, that's so fantastic!! You look great, good luck on continued success.

Oh! And I went to the PCP today and not being able to weigh me could be a blessing! He said the insurance requires a 3 mo weight loss diet, but since he can't weigh me, he's going to ask the medical group if an exception can be made since I'm obviously in need of the surgery, have comorbids, and have been his patient for 10 years and tried diets in the past the failed. Wish me luck on that! I know insurance companies aren't very likely to bend the rules, but MAYBE I can be that exception!

I'm not sure how well that works either - I know sometimes they can "weigh" me on their scale if I stand just right, somehow I can balance the scale so that I trick it into thinking I weigh like 315. Not sure how that works, but I know it's not right!! I've at least gotten to the point where the nurse doesn't ask to weight me now. It's pretty embarrassing to have to remind her "That scale doesn't go high enough..." I know she's just doing her job when she asks, so the fact that she actually remembers me and doesn't ask anymore is nice.

So I've lamented on this board before about how my MD office doesn't have a scale that goes high enough to weigh me. That could very well be A BLESSING for me, it turns out. I went to the MD today and told him that I went to the NUT, started the carb counting diet, and that I have a psych eval tomorrow. I asked him what would happen next and was a little sad when he told me that the insurance will want 3 months of supervised diet. Well, I can wait if needed, but the doctor then said he would talk to the medical group and see if there's a way to skip that part... since his scale only goes as high as 350 and I'm in the 440ish range, there's no way I'm going to lose enough weight in 3 months to be able to get on his scale and show progress. He's hoping that since I've been his patient for 10+ years and my medical record shows other weight loss attempts in the last few years (Phentermine, etc.) that they MIGHT waive the diet part of it. Plus my recent hypertension dx could also scoot things along with getting the referral for surgery approved. I'm not gonna hold my breath since I know insurance companies very rarely bend the rules. But I'm on an *** and my medical group is very small, he's only one of 5 MDs in the group, so I'm thinking I MIGHT have a shot... with the ***, BCBS will pay for the surgery as long as the medical group approves the referral, so there's a chance my MD could convince the medical group that the referral is warranted. Otherwise, we wait the 3 months... looking at December-January for a surgery date. And while I don't particularly want to be laid up from surgery at Christmastime, I'm not going to put it off. He did say that once you do the requirements, they are pretty quick with a response and you get approved for surgery right away - so even if I have to wait 3 months, it's still good news because once the diet part is done, we can get things rolling pretty quickly. At least, that's what I'm hoping for!!

That's awesome! one of my non-scale goals is to fit in a restaurant booth, so I can relate to this one! Work it, girl! Make that desk your B I A T C H!

I never saw myself as transparent until you described yourself this way. While honesty is admirable, being completely transparent is not! It takes more strength to keep some things private. I need to set parameters also. Your comment made me see something about myself that I hadn't considered before! Thank you!

Congrats on the quick approval!! I'm doing my requirements now, hoping to get submitted to my insurance for approval asap! I can't relate to "missing the old me" part, because unfortunately, I've always been heavy. But I can definitely relate to worrying about failure and worrying about loose skin... I don't want to tell a lot of people about the surgery either, because I feel like it's no one's business but mine. One word of advice though - if you work outside of the home, it might be a good idea to tell one trusted coworker about the surgery, that way if you have some sort of medical emergency, they can advise a paramedic. I work with my best friend, so this isn't difficult for me to do since she already knows. It might be hard to figure out who to trust that won't spread your business... I think as time goes by, and our fears subside and we see the success and feel better about ourselves, we might be more apt to tell SOME people about our journey. But maybe not... I can't decide on that issue!! Good luck with surgery and WELCOME to the board!

Good idea with the suitcases. sassypants.... I'm hopefully going with my friend to her gym this week, so maybe they will have a scale there... otherwise I guess I'll just wait til I get to the hospital. I don't want to get into the habit of weighing myself daily, either! I don't think that's a healthy habit - maybe when I'm closer to goal and maintaining I'll want to make sure I don't go back up in weight, but for now, I don't want to be on that thing constantly and obsessing over the number!

I'm only pre-op, but I've read lots on the subject and it seems a lot of people are initially depressed because of coping with all the changes, but overall, I think once you get the lifestyle down and start seeing the new you, your attitude will improve! I think it depends on what your current depression stems from. If you have other diagnoses or causes, then it might not take it 100% away... but down the line medication adjustments will be needed whether you have surgery or not. Here's hoping this makes you happier, whether it makes you pill-free or not!

Going for a pap test tomorrow. This has never been my favorite thing (like it's anyone's FAVORITE THING) but I haven't had one in a while and I'm quite nervous. Do you think the doc would object to me bringing my own robe? I'm wayyy too big for some tiny paper blanket and gown. Also, I'm so nervous about getting in stirrups... last time I did it, I was like 75lbs lighter. This is gonna be awful. Any tips, support - anything is appreciated... Also, have my psych eval Wednesday. I hope to get some answers tomorrow about where we go from here... wish me luck!

I haven't been referred to a surgeon yet so idk the hospital I'll be going to. I'm sure I'll get weighed eventually but this is so frustrating!

without coming off too nosy - can you please elaborate? I'm pre-op and curious.

I really, really, really don't want to buy a scale. I don't want one in my home... I have never been someone who obsessed over their weight, I don't want to become one. I can completely and honestly say that my weight (the number) doesn't bother me. Whatever it is, it's just a number. I really just want to get weight for the purpose of having the "starting" number, something to document my dang medical file with. :\ I understand how the number makes people feel better, they like to see the loss - but I'd rather see it in the mirror. The actual number is meaningless to me, I want to be buying smaller clothes and seeing my figure come back and FEELING lighter - that's my goal. I have enough with all the copays and stuff going on financially, I shouldn't have to put an unwanted scale in my home, at my expense, simply because no medical professional I've worked with has a scale that goes high enough for me. And the thing that really stings for me is that I'm heavy, yes, but not so heavy that I'm immobile or can't fit in most chairs and stuff. What about the people who are bigger than me?? Especially men, who are taller and just as hefty... I just don't think it's fair! I'll call the waaaaaaahmbulance and stop complaining about this... what I do know, my first NSV goal is to be "skinny" enough to get on that 350lbs max scale!

So, my MD office has a scale that goes up to 350lbs. Unfortunately, I'm a little heavier than that. My NUT had a scale, but it only went up to 300lbs.! And this NUT was in a diabetes center and had some bariatric sized furniture, but their freakin' scale only goes up to 300lbs?! Am I cray or should scales go up higher than this?? Especially at a doctors office - I asked my MD where I could get weighed, and he had no idea where to send me. Why should this be so hard? Being overweight is embarrassing enough, but now I gotta ask around to see how high someone's scale goes before I step on it? Absolutely and unnecessarily ridiculous, if you ask me. Any suggestions where I might go to get weighed? I'm complete mortified to have this problem.

I would love to keep in touch with both of you as well... I realize that I'm my own worst critic and that I'm harder on myself than I need to be. Sometimes I feel like if I can say the most hateful thing, then nothing that anyone else says can hurt as badly. That doesn't really work tho, but I still find myself thinking those bad things. I'm so ready for that to change. I think this process is wrecking emotional havoc on me, because it's forcing me to change the bad habits I've been ignoring my whole life. There's a subconscious part of me that wants to sabotage this whole idea and go back to the old ways. The NUT was very informative. She gave me some good tools to make better decisions. Now I'm just anxious to get back to my PCP and see what happens next. Mokee, you are so strong to go through this at age 65. I wish you success - it's never too late to change our lives!! I keep trying to convince myself of that - that it's not too late for my to change my body and have a baby if I want to! That I can get back some of the confidence I had as a kid and actual start dating again! That I can TRAVEL! I've never been on a plane in my life because I"m afraid of fitting in the seat and/or being that person no one wants to sit next to. That's not me! I'm the fun one!! Each day we work toward this goal is a day well spent. Despite it ALL - I've never been so hopeful for my future!! Good luck, ladies!

you look so amazing!! you give me hope!

hahahaha - that's awesome. lmao@"I'll admit that I was sure you'd still need doughnuts"

Tomorrow is my birthday. I've been very sad lately, thinking about the life I've wasted. My best friend is in a hospital right now literally watching her mother die. She would give anything for one more good day, and here I sit, wasting my life. Hiding myself because I'm too embarrassed of my appearance to embrace this life I've been blessed with. I remember on my 23rd birthday getting up and ready to go out to dinner with my parents. That day, I had no pants that I fit into. I had nothing to wear. I cried because I felt so hopelessly big. I couldn't even call someone to borrow something - no one I knew was as big as me. And here I am, about to turn 32, and feeling the exact same way. Except that I probably weigh 100lbs more than I did back then. I felt hopeless back then, and now I'd love to be 100lbs lighter. I wish I was that size again. I am already worried about how my mind is going to handle being self-confident again (although, I don't think I ever truly was self-confident). A lifetime of misery isn't something easy to overcome. I'm pretty sure I'll be one of those people who can't see themselves how they really are, because I'm only JUST NOW, at age 32, weighing over 400 lbs, beginning to realize how big I am. I'm "Oh, I hope I don't break that chair" fat. THIS IS NOT WHAT I EXPECTED MY LIFE TO BE.My parents gave me this card for my birthday, explaining how proud they are of me, how they are amazed by everything I've accomplished and how strong I am. And I'm reading it, thinking to myself "What have I done for you to be proud of?" I'm their only child, and i'm this single, hermit-like woman who hasn't accomplished much but graduating high school and being employed. I guess they can be proud that I don't ever ask them for money. I don't feel like I'm worthy of their pride. Is losing weight gonna help me love myself? Not completely, but I really hope it helps. I don't like being so harsh on myself. I just don't know how to shut the negative thoughts off sometimes. I'm just over it. I want to move on. I wish I could snap my fingers and have surgery tomorrow... but I'm just getting this train started. Who knows how long I have to wait... I'm getting anxious with the process, which is resulting in some depression on my end, and due to other factors in my life (like my friend's mother's illness, for example). Times like this make me feel especially lonely. On the bright side, I have the day off work tomorrow. And I go to my first NUT visit. I hope it's a good day. I usually have a good day on my birthday, let's hope this one is the same. And let me be a little selfish and wish that my best friend's mother doesn't die on my birthday... Sorry if this comes off as too depressing. I've just had a lot on my mind lately.

Besides being embarrassed by not fitting in a roller coaster, I actually went car shopping and couldn't strap on a seat belt in one car and barely fit behind the wheel in another. TALK ABOUT EMBARRASSING. I feel your pain!! that said, I'm super jealous you got to take those rides. when I was a kid, I used to absolutely LOVE roller coasters! such an inspiration that you're still having nsv's 2 years later. that's so awesome!!