Kentucky Girl

I have not posted in a while. I have been pretty depressed with my weight lose. I know part was my fault because I was not exercising, but I have been so tired with no energy! I finally forced myself this week to join the gym. I have my best friend and my sister join with me so if one is unable to go the other will be there sooooooooo that makes me have to go!!! I am only able to do 1.25 miles right now but that is better then nothing and OMG the elliptical is WAY!!!!!!! out of my league right now. I was only able to do 2 minutes on that.
 
I went out and bought 5 new shirts (1x size) WOOHOOO.... because my best friend told me I was starting to look like dumpy because they were getting to big on me LOL...... so I found some good sales! and teased her when I lose some more weight she will have some new shirts! I just hate to buy items when I wont be wearing them very long ( I hope!!!!!)
 
We have planned a trip in January for 10 days to Kauai!!!
I am so excited to go to Kauai, but I sit here and worry about clothes and what I will have to order because there will not be any stores that will be carrying shorts and swim suits in Dec. I dont know what size I will be and if I order items off the web will they fit, will I have to return them or what??? I don't like to order off the web much because unless you try them on you dont know how they will look or feel. Crossing fingers my goal is to be under 200 by then!
 
All I have to say, don't give up! All the other post and blogs from people about how much they lose and how fast! I think as long as I am losing even 5lbs a month is better then nothing!

I have a few things to get off of my chest today not to mention the 150 lbs. that I need to lose. As I sit here at my window seat desk, I can see my reflection staring back at me. It disgusts me to see the rolls of fat as I sit crunched in this office chair. My uniform shirts seem to shrink even though I wash them in cold water and hang them to dry. I have my fan blowing on my face because it is hot, (105-108 heat index today) but I would rather put a jacket on to cover up the rolls of fat because I don't want anyone seeing them. Like people can't look at me with or without a jacket and tell that I am morbidly obese right? Anyway, I just want to sneeze, blink or click my heals together and the weight be gone. I failed to mention that another thing that I am constantly worrying about while I sit in my chair at work. There are offic chairs for normal size people and office chairs for fat people. So who wants to seriously go to the office supply purchasing agent and say "I need a fat persons chair"? Not me. One day while sitting here I heard a loud pop. I instantly jumped out of my chair and examined it. Everything looked fine so I gently sat my large ass on the edge of the chair unsure of what had just happened. Suddenly, a loud noise that sounded like a gun shot went off drawing everyones attention to me ( I sit in a cube with 7 other people and none of them are FAT! I jumped up out of the chair and the spring mechanism had broken, stripped, gave out or just decided that it couldn't take my fat ass anymore . Oh yeah, I forgot to add that this chair was only 9 months old. So, daily I hold my breath and hope that it doesn't happen again before I can get this weight off. I am sure that no one else has ever had anything like this happen to them, RIGHT? : )

I have a few things to get off of my chest today not to mention the 150 lbs. that I need to lose. As I sit here at my window seat desk, I can see my reflection staring back at me. It disgusts me to see the rolls of fat as I sit crunched in this office chair. My uniform shirts seem to shrink even though I wash them in cold water and hang them to dry. I have my fan blowing on my face because it is hot, (105-108 heat index today) but I would rather put a jacket on to cover up the rolls of fat because I don't want anyone seeing them. Like people can't look at me with or without a jacket and tell that I am morbidly obese right? Anyway, I just want to sneeze, blink or click my heals together and the weight be gone. I failed to mention that another thing that I am constantly worrying about while I sit in my chair at work. There are offic chairs for normal size people and office chairs for fat people. So who wants to seriously go to the office supply purchasing agent and say "I need a fat persons chair"? Not me. One day while sitting here I heard a loud pop. I instantly jumped out of my chair and examined it. Everything looked fine so I gently sat my large ass on the edge of the chair unsure of what had just happened. Suddenly, a loud noise that sounded like a gun shot went off drawing everyones attention to me ( I sit in a cube with 7 other people and none of them are FAT! I jumped up out of the chair and the spring mechanism had broken, stripped, gave out or just decided that it couldn't take my fat ass anymore . Oh yeah, I forgot to add that this chair was only 9 months old. So, daily I hold my breath and hope that it doesn't happen again before I can get this weight off. I am sure that no one else has ever had anything like this happen to them, RIGHT? : )

I am in the insurance required waiting stages of surgery. My insurance requires 6 months of a doctor supervised weight loss program and this is my 4th month. I have an endoscopy schedule on 7/31 and all other testing and paperwork have been completed with the exception of an EKG. I will be 42 in 2 weeks and have been overweight most of my life. I am tired of being tired. I have no major medical problems so speak of just the usual arthritis and aching back. My arch nemesis is SUGAR. I can pass up anything except sweets. A few weeks ago I created a bucket list of things that I want to be able to do once I lose weight. I am sure that most of you can relate.
 
1. Cross my legs
2. Ride any ride at an amusement park
3. Run 1 mile (nonstop)
4. Parasail
5. Ride a motorcycle for hours without being in pain
6. Fit on a motorcycle with my husband
7. Touch my toes
8. Tuck my shirt in and not be embarrassed
9. Shop and wear clothes from Victorias Secret
10. Zipline
11. Step on a scale and not be embarrassed
12. Wear a bathing suit with confidence
13. Tube on a river (I will have to explain this one)
 
This obviously doesn't cover it all but these are some things that have been weighing on my mind lately. I realized last week while vacationing in the Smokey Mountains, that anyone weighing 340 pounds has no business getting on a tube in the river rapids because there are so many shallow areas where your ass literally hits rock bottom then you have to roll out of the tube, fall flat on your face and pick yourself up and walk down to a deeper end just the start all over again.
 
My daughter says that I am taking the easy way out by having surgery. My husband says that I am trying to kill myself and need to find another way to lose weight besides surgery. I need to lose at least 150 lbs. before I do begin to develop life threatening health issues.