tmorgan813

I miss the 115lbs I've lost since April. Yes, you read that right. No, I'm not crazy. I just being honest....well, kind of honest. For the record, I don't REALLY miss the weight. I just miss the extra padding and HEAT that it gave me. You see, I have always been what I considered "warm blooded". Apparently that isn't the case. Apparently, extra fat keeps you extra warm. This is not a good thing in those 100 degree, 90% humidity days but, during the winter months it really makes a difference. For the record, I have never been a fan of the cold. I grew up in a resort area and my idea of a perfect day is getting to the beach by 9am and not leaving until 5pm. I love the warmth of the sun on my skin and the sound of the waves hitting the shore line. I even love the fall. Warm days, crisp nights are wonderful. But, this cold, snowy weather.....it's just not for me. In the past month, I have learned the art the layering clothes. To be honest, I am still having problems with this one. Not because I don't get the idea behind it, but because I have never liked having to "bulk" up more than I had too. I have also learned that my heater refuses to put out any heat despite the temperature I put it on. This can cause a girl to go insane when she's layered up and under two blankets while begging the cat (trust me, I wish it was a dog), to jump up on my lap just for the extra warmth while I drink ANOTHER cup of hot tea. As I sit here typing this, I have a heating pad on me, a cup of tea, and three layers up top, two layers on the bottom AND an blanket!!! I have checked my vitamins. I have tried eating more. I have tried eating less. I have used heating pads. I have begged my husband to curl up next to me in bed just to use him for his body heat. I have done almost everything I can except turn the heater up AGAIN. I refuse. There are people who can handle the temperature being much lower than what mine is set at and they are much smaller. Therefore, I know it's possible to not be this cold all the time...or at least that is what I have been told. I am holding on to the belief that the rumors are true and one day I'll be warm when it's cold outside. One DAY!!!! Oh what a day that will be. So, here's my question....as always, I have one.....AM I THE ONLY ONE? How are you all handling the changes in you bodies ability to regulate it's own heat?

Today I want to talk about photographs and memories..(cue Jim Croce). I have been looking back at photos trying to see just how much my body has changed since April and you know what I found? NOTHING. Apparently fat people don't like having their body photographed...who knew? LOL So, I started thinking back and I clearly remember telling people to only photograph my face...or my chest up. I didn't want my stomach or any other part of my body placed in a digital image...or if you're old school, on film. I can't even remember when I was ever happy with having someone take a full body picture of me. There are a few of me in high school where I look good and happy and maybe some from college but to be honest, I don't' think I ever liked seeing my body in a photograph. That is until now. Now, I am not saying I'm tiny or ready to try out for "Next Top Model", but I will say, "DAMN!!!! I LOOK GOOD". LOL Does that make me sound cocky or full of myself? Maybe I should just say, "WOW, looking good.". I even look back to photos taken this summer, only a few months after surgery and I can see a huge difference in my body. The scale hasn't gone down a huge amount, but my body is changing....and I love seeing the changes. So, I figured I would share some of my body shots with you all...and even a few close ups. the close ups are funny to me becasue I look like a totally different person. But here's my real question. How are you all feeling about photos of yourself? Are you more apt to get in the photos now? Are you shocked at what you see? I can't wait to hear your thoughts on this as I can't be the only one who has to change my thought process when it comes to photos. I am still aiming mostly for my face when in a picture....but when I do get that one in a few body shot....I'm pretty happy with what I see. This Summer New Years Eve Trying to be a little sexy for hubby Old face shot (before surgery) New Face Now, i can't wait to look back another nine months and compare again. No matter how difficult this can be at time...it is so worth the ride....just make sure you take pictures so you have the memories.

Thank you very much.

You look amazing!!! Keep up the great work.

Well, it's the end of another year and to be honest, I still have to remind myself to write 2012 on my checks (when I actually have to use one). Therefore, writing 2013 is going to be a huge pain in the rear for me. Now, I am not one to make resolutions. To be honest, i don't think I've ever kept one I've made so I finally realized that there was no reason to make any. If someone wants to change, they will...it won't just magically happen becasue it's January 1st. Trust me, I wish that was a case. If it was, we wouldn't all be constantly working to get/remain healthy and thin. Also, there would be a lot of surgeons out there who wouldn't be as wealthy as they are right now...thanks to us. You are welcome surgeons...from all of us. Sorry, i digress. Now, I thought I wold take the time to look back on my year and share my wisdom with you all....or at least what I think is wisdom. It could be a big ole pile of steaming crap, but I'm going to share it anyway. Lucky for you all, if it is crap, you don't have to smell it since you're reading it. So, here is what I've learned...or at least began to learn in 2012. 1. It's true, you do feel much better when you stop smoking. But, it's also true that even after a year, there are times you still want one....even if it's only for a second or two 2. Weight loss surgery is NOT an easy fix. It's hard work and I battle every day with changing my negative food thoughts and behaviors. But, it does get easier. 3. Getting frustrated becasue you can't eat what others are having is normal. Crying and yelling at your husband for eating pizza in front of you is PMS. 4. Fiber is CRITICAL after WLS 5. Stalls are normal...even if they last for a while 6. Getting down for being in a stall is just as normal....but remember number 5! 7. My weight loss is not like anyone else's. There are people who have lost more or not as much in the same amount of time. 8. Going from a tight size 26-28 to a good fitting 16 feels better than any food can taste 9. Taste buds change....which can be good and bad. 10. Pulling out my clothes from the dryer and having to double check to make sure they are mine due to how small they look is the coolest thing about doing laundry 11. Sex is better....and it was really good before hand 12. Raging hormones can make you a b***h to live with so make sure you live with someone who truly loves you.....I'm lucky because I would have divorced me if I were my husband 13. Make up sex while having raging hormones is even better than better 14. My boobs hang low....(cue my "hang low song"....for all those who have read my prior blogs) 15. I miss my boobs...and my butt. 16. Surgery can give me my boobs back and I'll still be thin....sounds better than having perky, big boobs right now. 17. Onions don't sit well with me anymore 18. I fart....a lot since surgery. 19. I really hope that stops soon....but not as much as my husband does 20. I have a rabbit living in my colon....and we've learned to live together 21. Pain after surgery isn't as bad as I thought it would be...and they didn't give me the right meds to deal with the pain 22. Walking is the best thing to do to get gas out 23. I am not perfect and sometimes I eat things that I shouldn't...but I don't eat much 24. Alcohol has a WHOLE different affect on me now.....that can be good or bad...good for me, bad for hubby who doesn't like me tipsy. LOL and last but not least 25. Laughing through all the ups and downs is the only thing that can keep you sane So, with all these little tid bits learned, I plan to go into the new year with an open mind and a willingness to continue to make positive changes, the knowledge to know I'm not perfect, and strength to say no to the bad food (most of the time). I hope you all are able to do the same. Happy New Year everyone.....here's to a safe, happy, and healthy year ahead. Now for some funny stuff.....LOL Have to remember to eat so that I don't look like this in the New Year!!! Have to remember not to eat too much so this doesn't happen....again....LOL Most importantly, I have to remember to be happy with who I am...on the inside and out.

Thank you all for your kind words. I haven't blogged much lately and I have to admit that I do miss it. Maybe I will try to blog more int he new year....and no, that's not a resoluton. LOL

Thank you very much. Hope you have a very happy new year!!!

Merry Christmas Everyone. Ok, I'm a day late and a dollar or two short but it's the thought that counts. Hope you all enjoyed a wonderful day with family and friends. I had a very interesting and different Christmas than I normally have...but I have to say, it seemed to end with wonderful memories and a great story to tell when I'm old and frail. So, my day started tthe same as it normaly does on Christmas. Nothing really exciting. Due to finacial reasons, my husband and I did not exchanged gifts so there was no "under the tree excitment" to be had here. Not that it's a bad thing at all. We've always said that as long as we have each other, we don't need much else. I mean having a roof over our heads is REALLY nice and I wouldn't want to give it up but if we had to...well, then we would have to figure something out...TOGETHER. Now, my normal day consists of going to my parent's house for Christmas dinner with my sister and her family (husband and four children). I was really looking forward to the family time until I made the call to my parents to wish them a merry Christmas. What do I hear? Phlem!! Lots and lots of it. Not only can my mother barely talk, I hear my father in the back ground doing the same thing. Long story short....Christmas at the Morgan's is CANCELED unltil further notice. So, my husband and I venture out to find something to cook for dinner. I didn't have anything that would rise to occasion of a "Christmas Meal" so I figured i would go get either lamb, prime rib, or a ham...yes, I know one of these things is not like the other...but hey, at least it's not CHICKEN!!!! LOL So, we go store to store...meaning we went to two (we live in a small town) and much to my surprise, they were closed. We even went by our 24-7 Walmart and that was closed too. HUMMMM...now what? Again, we take a mental inventory of what we have in the freezer....CHICKEN...and maybe some hamburg. Neither seems worthy of a Christmas feast. So, I get an idea...let's see if the Chinesse place is open today. Sure enough it is. Yippie. Looks like we will have our own version of "A Christmas Story" this year. So, around 2 I call and place our order. Not sure why I odered so much but I am sure my husband can handle most of it. I also figured due to my Christmas day food intake already, i would be able to pack more than normal away in my little tummy. I am still not sure where all the extra room came from. So, we changed our clothes so that we wouldn't be eating in our P.J's, took the five mile drive to the Chinesse store and picked up our food. Once home, my hubby set the table (as best he could at the last minute) and we sang...."Fa Ra Ra Ra Ra, Ra Ra, Ra, Ra." I figured it would be very insensitive to ask the people at the resturaunt to sing "Deck the Halls" like in the movie...I mean it is a complete stereotype and I in no way wanted (or want) to offend anyone. Then, we ate...and laughed...and talked. We talked about how sometimes the best memories come from an unexpected change of plans. And to be honest...I agree. After dinner, we enjoyed a bottle of wine and some ciders. Took some photos and watched "A Christmas Story." Around 9:30, I went to bed with a full tummy, a fuzzy head, and a huge smile on my face. Don't get me wrong, i would have loved to spend the day with my family and I wish they weren't sick...but it's nice to have a story to tell for years to come. I hope you all made your own memories yesterday and I hope they were good ones. Merry Christmas everyone!!! This was our Christmas Feast....notice, there is no peaking duck This is my meal...and no, I didn't finish it all. LOL Me Showing off my Husband't "lighting skills' (3rd floor) Also, I find it so funny that when I saw this photo I was like, "WOW, I'm thin!!!" And, I said that while wearing sweats that were two sizes too big, a huge oversized sweat shirt, and a bulky coat...again...too big. Funny how times have changed. LOL And of course, the chopstick shot Last one...Me by the tree

I was very worried about the fluids as well. It's funny, becasue I NEVER thought I could eat with out drinking. I also didn't "practice" before surgery. However, it is much easier than I ever thought. The first week or two I HAD to rinse my mouth out with water (and spit) after each meal. Now I make sure I wait 15 before and 15 after. Every once in awhile I will take a SMALL sip during but it's rare. My biggest issue is "sludge food" meaning food with no real nutrients. I have days where all I want to do is pick at it...then I have days where I go all day and realize all i have had to "eat" was a protein shake. It's like anything else....practice makes perfect. It's not easy...but it's not nearly as hard as I thought it would be. As for the vitamins, it becomes second nature. Again, I had the same worry. As for soda. I had one sip and two things happened. One, I HATED the taste and Two, the bubbles made me feel horrible. You will be very surprised to see how much your taste buds change after surgery. I was a smoker and I am still surprised at things I thought I would still like and can't stand. The BIGGEST issue for me was protein. Before surgery I could handle Whey....after surgery I gagged every time I tasted it...no matter how small amount. I was lucky and found Lean Shake (chocolate) from GNC. They are a little pricy but so worth it (at least for me). I have not heard good things about the other flavors but everyone is different. Just remember that no matter how much you learn in class...you will learn so MUCH more once you come home from surgery. FYI, don't try to get all your protein in the first week or two after surgery...if you can that's great...however, most people can't. Focus more on getting your liquids in so you don't end up back in the ER for dehydration. I found sipping from a 1 ounce cup was good for me as it helped me see exactly how much I was getting in. Also, I got so sugar free Popsicles and they really helped. Sorry for the book. If you have any questions, please in box me or ask on here. I will try to answer them. I am not perfect but I have been working on doing it right. Since April 12th, I've lost 120lbs...so I'm not complaining. One last thing...all those fears are normal but keep this in mind. I have NEVER regretted my decision....even the first few weeks after when you're full of gas and in pain....once you see the numbers going down, you don't care how much pain you went through....just don't forget that pain and the work you will have to do or you can end up sabotaging yourself. Good luck

I am not going to make any comments....though I have a few. Just a little back story. This was taken in my home town, by me. I was at the bank and looked over and saw it. couldn't believe my eyes. What are your thoughts? Am I the only one that thinks there is something REALLY wrong with this? same photo....in case you can't see the smaller one:

I am sorry you haven't been feeling well but I have to laugh at the emotional issues you're having. My hormones are going CRAZY!!!! I am seven months out and every month before my period, I become a raging hormonal crazy lady that can't control anything I say or do. Last nigth my husband and i were in an arguament...and I was actually happy to be fighting!!!! That's not like me. Anyway, I went for the jugular with him....hit him right were I knew it would hurt the most. Once I did it, i felt horrible. That' s not me at all. So, I am not sure why, but after my surgery, my PMS har become supercharged. I can eat anything in site (and today I have)....only went over my goal (calorie wise but ly like 300....but still...that's a lot). I have never had hormal issues before so i am not sure why I have them now. Monday morning, I am makeng a an pat with a girl doc to see if something is wrong. I am thinking my hormaone levels are off wack. I am tellng you this so that yo can see you're not the only one. I would call your doc and have them do some blood work. The only good thing for me is that my husband hasn't killed me yet.....I am sure he's wanted to, but apparently my life insurance isn'tnt that good. LOL So, best of luck to you...pray I don't kill my husband and hopefully we can both get through this together. LOL

So many things change when we lose weight. Things we don't even realize until it's been going on awhile. For example, the way I sleep next to my husband. I no longer take up the majority of the bed. I can lay with my head on his shoulder and my leg wrapped around him without worrying that I am going to kill him with my weight. Or how about hugs. My husband's arms wrap so far around me, I feel like he's holding a different girl than he used to. There is also the shower and being able to reach areas I couldn't get to before. And let's not forget underwear...yes, underwear. Befoe surgery, my uderwear was too small for me. I mean it fit, but it didn't fit correctly. I just refused to go up in size. Now, it all hangs on me. There is nothing like putting on a thong and having the crotch flap around becasue they are just that big on you but, the big one for me is laundry. Yes, laundry. I know it sounds strange, but hear me out...or at least read me out. Now being fat, we learn little tricks to help us feel a little better about ourselves. We learn that wearing black and other solid earth tone colors helps us feel better about ourselves and can take off a few pounds. We learn what styles work with our bodies and how not to wear a light color up top as it makes us look bigger all around. There are so many little tricks that we learn from magazines and friends and to be honest, i am not sure if any of them work that well. Another HUGE one is to lay on the bed to get the hanger to hook into the zipper of the jeans to pull them up and button them. The key was if you were able to sit up after you did this. Sometimes i couldn't even bend at the waist and would have to roll off the bed and get help to stand up. I'm still not sure how I thought I looked good in pants that tight and painful but at least the number on them said size 10, 12, 14....or where ever I was at the time. Sure they may have been a size or two too small, but i didn't care. Funny thing is, that once you wedge yourself in pants like that, you end up with a huge fat roll in your mid section. This can not be hidden so you must wear a very baggy shirt and hope no one tries to hug me or that I don't get caught in a big wind where it forces my shirt back and my roll to be seen by all. Oh the fun times of being over weight and aiming to look thin. But the biggest most used trick in the book comes during the cleaning phase. As we all know, bigger people don't dry clothes on the dryer. Or at least we don't dry most clothes in the dryer. I can't recall the last time before my surgery that i dried my shirts in the dryer. We all know shirts shrink in the dryer!!! So, why would I put them in there when i could hang them up on a hanger and allow them to air dry....but only after I have stretched out them out with my hands. That way, when i put them on, i can feel as though they are getting to big for me for me even though I KNOW that's not true. So, imagine my surprise after surgery when I started noticing that the clothes i was hanging up were getting too big for me! So, I decided to take the plunge. I decided to dry the shirts and sweatshirts that have NEVER seen the inside of a a dryer. I figured that of they didn't fit when they came out, I could always re-wash them and stretch them back out again as they dried on a hanger. So, I took the step from the washer machine to the dryer and placed my wet shirts in there. After what seemed liked forever, I pulled them out to inspect the damage. To my shock and awe, there was none. Not only did they still fit, they were still to big for me. Another crazy thing I noticed was that even my new jeans weren't tight after they were washed and dried. That has never happened to me!!! They fit me just like they did when I bought them. So, is this what it's like to wear the correct size for you? How crazy is that? I never knew this is how the other side lived. LOL To be completely honest, there are a couple of things I can't bring myself to dry. They are new sweatshirts. I don't know if it's just habit or if it's becasue I like the way they fit and I don't want them to shrink. I do know that I don't stretch them out at all when I hang them up and I've even thrown them in the dryer for a few mins to warm them up prior to wearing them with out any issues. But I still can't make that step from the washer to the dryer with those things. Maybe once I lose a few more pounds and they get a little bigger, i will be able to do it but for now, i am happy with the progress I've made. I am also happy with the lack of sore, red marks around my stomach from squeezing into those jeans i was talking about earlier. That is one thing I will never miss!!! So, what major changes have you noticed that have surprised you? I would love to hear about them. Come on people, comment and let me know you're actually reading these things I'm writing....also, let me know I'm not the only one going through these crazy changes and you can relate. I need to know I'm not alone here.

I agree with both of you. My issue is that he or she is putting him/herself in danger. What if a car doesn't see him/her? Also, you can't walk thru a drive thru (I tried in college after a long night...hehe) and you can't ride your bike through...so why can this person go on his wheelchair? Also, is this how lazy we as Americans have gotten? All the doors are handicap assessable at this McD's. I just don't get this extent of taking the easy way, Even at my heaviest, I did more than i could with my bad back. So I don't feel bad for people who just don't want to do something...not saying that is the case here...I don't know the story behind this photo. All I know is I took it with more questions than answers.

Today we are going to talk about the high price of gas. Not the kind you buy at the pump, but the kind we expel from our bodies. Don't pretend like you don't fart...we all do. And, if you've had WLS, you are probably like me and have more gas now than you have EVER had in your life. I am not sure if it's the extra vitamins, the fiber, or just the fact of the surgery, but my gas and bloating has increased 1000xs. If you don't believe me, you can ask my husband...and my chiropractor (more on that later). Now, I grew up in a home where farts weren't something that were hidden. I mean we learned to have some respect about them. Don't do it in public, or in front of company, and if you can, leave the room before you release your gas out of respect to the others in the room. We also learned that it was something that EVERYONE does. Except my sister....but I still swear she's lying through her beautiful teeth. It's not something to be ashamed of, but you still shouldn't just let one rip in the middle of a restaurant or a store. Or even worse, be one of those people who does the silent by deadly ones and then acts like it's someone else's and complains about about the smell (yes, I'm talking about you, oh hubby of mine) After surgery, we all learn the need to expel the gas in our bodies any way we can. It helps with the healing process and we're told it's a good thing. Also, after surgery, they don't really stink so no matter how loud or silent. That is no longer the case. After almost eight months, I have learned that no matter what, I am now a fart machine. I can no longer hold then like I could before surgery. Hell, sometimes I don't even know they are looking for a way out until POOF....and there I stand or sit looking just as shocked as everyone else. I fart in public, even when I try so hard not to. I fart in my sleep. I fart in the morning, afternoon, and evening. And, to make it worse, I no longer have those no smell farts. Nope, now I have the ones that should be bottled and sold to the US military as a gas agent. It's worse than mustard gas. I know, I made some once...not on purpose. My cat peed outside the litter box and I thought the best way to deal with it was to pour bleach on it and then wipe it up. WRONG. My eyes began to burn, my throat became itchy and tight, I even became light headed. I literately had to leave and wait for about an hour before I could return to finish cleaning.......YES, that is now what I can produce off 10 oz of food a day at most. And since I know there is no way I am alone here, I decided to tell you a few funny stories. 1. The Best Alarm Clock Ever Made The other night, my husband fell asleep on the couch. This is nothing new as he seems to think that the T.V. + couch =sleep. So, I continued to watch the movie that I had on. Around an hour and half after he dozed off, I felt it. The need to let some gas out. I knew I had been lucky all day and they had not been foul smelling so i figured that since he was asleep, I would not leave the room (which I do try to do since I had surgery). So, Poof....there it is. And within seconds, I smell it. It was the worst smelling fart of my life. It didn't just say hello and leave. No, it became an unwelcome guest and decided to stay and watch the show with me. Now, to make matters worse, my husbands head was closer to my backside than my front side. Our couches are in an L shape and I was leaning the other way. Therefore, this fart was a dead bulls-eye for my husbands face. "Stay asleep, Stay asleep" I kept thinking over and over. Then I saw it. The twitch of his nose, the squint of his eyes....the toss and turn....and BAM, he's awake. Now, I didn't say anything at first. But after about 2mins, he says, "I am so sorry i must have been really gassy in my sleep. It stunk so bad it woke me up from a dream!" Now, I have an out. Do I take it and tell him it's alright and it happens to all of us? NOPE. I fess up. His response, "Oh thank goodness, I was wondering when my farts became so deadly!!" Yes, that's right, I out farted a man and even he admitted that my fart was worse than ANY he had ever had. I hate to agree with him, but I think he's right. 2. The Chiropractor (the day after the alarm clock fart) So, as you can imagine, I'm still gasy and they still smell horrible. But, i still went to my chiropractic appointment becasue to be honest, I needed a really good crack. Now, before I went back, the doctor, receptionist and I were chatting and I tell a story about when I let out a small toot in my old chiropractor's office (no smell) and how embarrassed I was. I must have said I'm sorry a million times. We all got a good laugh and when I was called back, I told myself that no matter what, i was not allowed to let gas out any hole...no matter what!!! So, we do the adjustment and she goes to put these blocks under my thighs (they help alignment) and right then, poooooffff. It was silent and that scared me to death. So, i knew I had to fess up. I mean come on, if it was even half of what the one yesterday was like then they wouldn't be able to use that room for days. So, I told her. I turned red. I told her about waking up my husband and that if it stinks, I am SOOOOOO Sorry. She laughed and finished up with me and even thanked me for my honestly. Apparently most people don't even say anything.....like she won't know it was them. LOL. Well, I thought I was off the hook. i thought for sure it was odorless. So as I was grabbing my keys and phone, I hear my doctor say this, "So-and-So, can you please go spray down that room once Trish leaves?" i am not sure how I managed to make it out of there with any dignity. Lucky for me I have a very good doctor with a wonderful sense of humor. That is the only reason I'm not looking for a new doc to crack my back now. So, I have finally given in to the fact that I am a gassy woman. No matter how hard I try, i can no longer be lady like all the time. I know I can't be the only one of us out there with stories like this....so what's your most embarrassing gas story since surgery? I would love to know...or else I'm just going to feel like an all alone fart queen. And, that's one title NO woman wants.....EVER!!!!

Best of luck. You are much better than I was right after leaving post op. I was so out of it I could barely say "I love you" to my husband. let alone get on the internet. LOL

Love this. My husband just looks as me and asks, "Really? I thought for sure I married a woman!!!" LOL

Last Friday I went into my old place of work to see my old workers and co-workers. Despite the stress of the job, I have to admit, I really liked what I did and the people I worked with. Some of these people haven't seen me at all since my weight loss. Others have not seen me in a few months. So, it was interesting to see the looks on people's faces when I came in. Most would scream in delight to see me and then focus on my weight loss. I heard so many positive things that I felt like I should go up there once a month just to get the support. I was surprised that I didn't get any mean comments or people who were passive aggressive about it. To be honest, i really expected it with a few people. The shock on everyone's face was so extreme that it made me start thinking, "was I really THAT big before?". Well, one of my old workers had a photo of me (a couple actually) from my wedding shower. I took a good look at them and I have to admit, I was HUGE. I am not sure why I thought I wasn't that big. I mean when it was taken I weighed around 290. But like I have said before in my blog, I never felt fat. I mean, I knew i was I just didn't let that run my life. I refused it to get me down. There were times it did, but at a whole, I was happy. Don't get me wrong, I would have been much happier if I was a size a 10 but we can't always get what we want (according to the Rolling Stones anyway).. But, even though I was happy with who I was, I knew I would be much happier if I wasn't on all the meds i was on for my medical issues. At my age, it really bothered me to have to so many pills daily. That's one big reason I had the surgery....and now I am off them off (except my pain meds) and much happier with myself. Now, as I was driving home I started thinking. Why is it that no matter how content we are with our body (big or small), we always feel so much better about ourselves when we have people give us that double take look. Sure, it's better when it comes from the opposite sex, but even getting it from the same sex can put an extra bounce in your step. It sure did for me. Does that make me one of "those people". You know the kind. The ones that strive for the double take, especially from the opposite sex (or same sex if that's your thing). Am I turning into the girl that I've always made fun of/ You know the one. The one who always looks great. Who bats her eyelashes too much, shakes her but even when there is no music on, and always wheres a push up bra and a low cut shirt only to bend over in front of the person they want to get a reaction from? The more I thought about it, the more I was positively sure the answer was NO!!!! Just for a laugh...hope you like it. Reminds me of Joey from "Friends" Those girls don't have high self esteem and need to get reassurance from people who are only looking at their body. I am far from that woman. I am the woman who my whole life never felt like men found her attractive. I am the girl who was only asked out once in high school and to be honest, i am still not sure if that was a date or not. I am the girl who's self esteem through all that stayed very high (thanks to my wonderful parents) and I was able to see the difference between outer beauty and inner beauty. And, I didn't need someone to want me just to have a pretty girl on his arm. I wanted someone who wanted a pretty girl with brains and a sense of humor. It took me awhile to find that man, but when i did, i kept him close. But, with all that said, I am human. I like to be admired. I like to be looked at in a way that says, "Damn she's hot!". I mean let's be honest. Who wouldn't? So, I will continue to bask in the glory of the double takes and smiles, the positive feedback, and the flirting that happens from men I've known for years. I will take it all in and then come home to a my husband and tell him how happy I am to have in in my life. A man who loves me for every part of me....big or small....crazy or sane....pensive or talking his ear off for hours....yes, that's the person for me. And as I have done for 11 years, i will always do a double take when he walks in the room and wonder, "Damn, how did I get so lucky?"

Hello everyone. I hope you all had an amazing Thanksgiving holiday. I have a question for you all and I would love your feedback. I have been sleeved for seven months and I miss salads so much. I was wondering at what time you began eating them them again. I have had a very difficult time with any raw veggies. Raw fruits I am alright with but I've noticed that with any raw veggies, I am not a happy camper. I have only eaten a little lettus (different kinds) with things like a crab cake (that came with sandwich but I took apart) and after a small bite or two, I feel horrible. It's not as bad as raw onions. I CAN NOT EAT RAW ONIONS to save my life. I have no idea why, but I have tried many times and even tried small amounts with the same results. To be honest, I don't have all that better luck with cooked onions. However, they do seem to get down a little better than raw. I am scared to attempt any type of salad since I know how lettuce and onions affect me, but to be honest, i have wonted one since my third month out. So, please help. How long was it before you could eat a salad or any raw veggies to be exact. I would appreciate any feedback. Thanks so much for your input. I have noticed that I can do a small amount of a taco salad as it wilts the lettuce, but I want some crisp iceberg or other greens preferably with some crab meat, chicken breast, or steak. So, one last time (in case y ou didn't know know what I was asking...lol) How long did you have to wait until you could eat a salad? Thanks for any info you can give me. just somethings to look at and put a smile on your face. Enjoy. Wish i could I enjoy a salad.

They give me horrible pains in my tummy. They also give me indigestion. And as my husband just pointed out, they make me very gassy.

You are very lucky. I tried to have some lettuce at three months out and trust me, it was one thing i wish i never attempted to eat.

A year ago, I would look at people who are the size I am now and think, "Oh, what I would give to be that size!". I just knew I would be full of confidence and that my self esteem would be flying high again. But, now that I am where I was striving to be a year ago (not thin but no longer obese), I'm still not happy with my body. Is this becasue society has told us what is beautiful so many times that we start to believe it? Or, is it much more simpler than that. Is it just that I'm not happy with my body as a whole? Why am I minimizing my success in my head? I know I'm not sabotaging myself, but I also know that when I look in the mirror now, there are parts of my body that I dislike even more now that I've lost weight. Now, before everyone blows up at me, let me explain. I am 110lbs smaller than I was a year ago and aroun90lbs smaller since surgery six months ago. I can look and feel my body and I KNOW it has made tons of positive changes. i also know that even though I mess up with my food intake some times, I have made huge strides in that area as well. For example, this time of year in the past I would have had bough four bags of candy just for my husband and I. To be honest, I ate 3 1/2 of those! Now, I've been very careful. If I do eat a mini bar, it's only one or two for the day and then no more for awhile. I've learned that apples and peanut butter can taste just as good as a Reese's Cup....well, not AS good....but close enough. Plus, the apple doesn't make me feel bad about eating it when I'm done. I also try to exercise when my back will allow. Another huge step. As for my body changes, the pouch over my "lady parts" is so much smaller that when I'm using the bathroom, I marvel that I can see certain parts again. (Sorry if that's TMI). I can now see the numbers on the scale with out having to bend my body all cockeyed when I weigh myself. My arms feel like little girls arms to me when I fold them across my chest and the best part is the way I fit into the area under my husband's arm when he puts it around me. For the first time, his arm goes all around me and can even go down part of my arm. For the first time ever, i feel like I can be that comforted woman in the arms of the man she loves. But, with all the good comes the bad. My boobs continue to try to make their way to the floor. If they continue on their trip, they will be there in a few months and I can turn them into cleaning tools as I walk around the kitchen floor!!! Also, they are much smaller, and I have to admit, I REALLY miss them. (If you read my blog lots, you can see that I say this all the time...I have always had a close relationship to my boobs!!! LOL). The skin under my lady parts and between my thighs continues to look like a bull dog's jowls. My tummy is now wrinkled and I can fold areas of skin and fat over on it. My arms have wings and to really just shock me, I noticed today that my face skin is hanging a little too. I swear, I know it's Halloween, but I do not have any desire to look like a walking melting wax figure!!!!! So, I did what I do and asked myself, "Which would you prefer? Who you were six months ago or who you are now?" No question, hands down, The PERSON I AM NOW!!!!. So what's the problem you may ask? It's simple. I've been overweight my whole life and I always thought that if I lost weight I would have a killer body. But, becasue of my age and the length of time I've been fat (not to mention the inability to exercise the way I would like), my body didn't get my brain's memo and can't just fall back into place.....right now, it can only "fall". Because of this, it adds some negative thoughts in my head about how I look. Now, I know only I and my husband can see my body....and I'm lucky that he loves it the way it is.....but every person I know wants that tight, chest up, butt up, tones arm look!! But for now, I will have to rely on Spanks and the right clothes to hide all these changes....and trust me, I don't mind one bit.

For those of you who do not read my blog all the time, I'm going to a quick catch up. I have chronic lower back pain with nerve damage the causes my legs to become numb and at times feel like electricity is running through them. There are days I can not walk with out assistance. Every day is bad but some are much worse than others. I have been dealing with this pain for around 18 years and for the record I am only 38. So, if your math is correct, I was 20 when all this started out of nowhere. Now, I didn't tell you all that to get a pity party. I hate people feeling bad for me. I rarely feel bad for myself. I am telling you this to so you can understand my doctor story that I am getting ready to tell. Hope you enjoy it. On Friday, I went for my mandatory (per federal law) doctor's apt. Due to the pain meds I'm on, I have to see him every three months or I can not get my meds. What the federal government doesn't understand is that pain has a mind of it's own. It can take over at any time and cause me to to have to obey it's wishes of not moving much or I could end up face down on the floor after falling for trying to ignore Mr. Pain and do somethings that need to be done. So, Thursday night, Mr. Pain showed himself. He made sleeping near impossible. He laughed at me when i told him to go away with the meds i had. He also thought it would be fun to allow me to sleep for thirty minutes but have to wake up becasue I was in so much pain in my dream I thought I was dieing. Oh Mr. Pain, I really do love you. You have become such a fixture in my life that I am not sure what life would be like without you. However, I would do almost anything to find out. On Friday morning, I called the doctor's office to see if I could reschedule the apt. I had already rescheduled from Thursday due to financial reason but I had called them two weeks prior so I really didn't think it would be an issue. That's when I heard the secretary say, "I see you already changed your apt. Becasue of that, you will have to get permission from the doctor's nurse to reschedule. She will call you asap." I'm sorry, did you just say I needed to get "Permission"? I am grown adult not a five year old child asking for a cookie!! Becasue Mr. Pain was having a party in my back and legs and almost my whole body by this point I wasn't even going to argue with the secretary. So, i waited. Sure enough she called me and told me she couldn't "allow me to do that" WHAT?? Again, becasue of Mr. Pain doing the Congo Line now, I begged. I live an hour and a half away. I was going on at most 2 hours of sleep. She again said she couldn't. Next week is a holiday and they were already double booked all week. I explained I would come in at any day or time she gave me but again, I HAD to come in today or I would not get my meds next month. I began sobbing on the phone. Not from pain (though I am sure Mr. Pain did have a little say in the amount of tears I shed) but from the frustration, lack of sleep, and the thought of having to drive that distance. Through my sobs I told her I would be there. My husband who had been up all night with me offered to drive me up there. But I couldn't ask him to do that to himself. He needed rest too. So, I thanked him, got dressed and hobbled out the door. I screamed as I climbed in to the truck and forced back the tears that were attempting to ruin any makeup I managed to get on my eyes. So, I turned on the music, and tried to focus on anything other than Mr. Pain doing the maranga in my back now with all his friends. Once at the doctor's office, I was taken to the room very quickly and seen just as fast. I guess the tears kind of worked. I explained that my extended release medication did not work for the whole 12 hours and that becasue it only worked for 8 , I asked if I could take it three times a day. He didn't feel comfortable doing that so he decided to up my extended release. He also wanted me to take an X-ray to see if there had been any changes since I had some flare ups in the past three months. He was very concerned that I had fractured it. Great!!! That would just be the icing on the cake. Mr. Pain would be so happy to finally have cake for all his pain buddies. That meant he would be wired and able to stay going for days at a time!!! So, X-Ray is completed and I am waiting for the doctor to come in the room. Once he walks in, the first words out of his mouth are, "Oh my. Oh my, Trish. This is not good at all." My response, "Doctor M. That exactly what every patient wants to hear come out of their doctor's mouth after an X-Ray." He then brings it up on the computer. Now, so you know, over the years I have become very good at reading back X-rays and back MRIs. I have had so many of them done and I pay attention to what the doctors tell me. So, he asks me if I can see L5S1 (the last lumbar disc in you back). NOPE...WHERE IS IT? The whole thing is going. My back is now bone on bone and rubbing together and chipping away every time i walk or move. He then proceeds to tell me, "Your pain is definitely real. You must be able to deal with a lot of pain if you're able to deal with this." I then explained that I have been feeling the bones rub together for some time now.....and I told him this for the past year!!!!!! But I'm not a doctor so hey, what do I know? He then tells me to go to U of Penn Hospital and get a Neuro and Orthro opinion on surgery and other treatment options. However, his eyes said it all.......there wasn't anything they could do but hey, at least I looked into it. He then gives me a script for my new meds, and one for one Valium. That is for the MRI he wants me to get...a closed one!!!! I think I can handle it, but becasue of my history with these machines, he kind of wanted to knock me out! LOL So, Mr. Pain now has the doctor's attention. He's had mine for years. He is still having that party in my back today. I knew he would be due to the drive up there yesterday. Hopefully becasue Mr. Pain has been on a three day Rager, he will be so exhausted he will go hibernate for a little bit so i can get some relief. Now, i know Mr. Pain well enough to know that even if he leaves, he will still keep his foot in the door so i know he's never fully leaving. Trust me, I will feel his night terrors on my back and legs...my my pain won't be as bad. So, Mr. Pain, I am glad you've had a good few days but it's time for you and your buddies to go home so we can all get some rest and I can maybe not go insane from the lack of sleep and the horrible pain that medicine is barely touching. I would really appreciate it. Maybe, next time you show up I'll let you do your rendition of "Stomp the musical" with out me taking any medicine to slow you down...but only if you give me at least three days off from you. Mr. Pain, please babe....we need a little break and I promise, when we get back together you will have the time of your life!!!

OH I feel so sorry for your husband, @ereneeh. It's not fun. I have been very against surgery due to knowing so many people it hasn't worked for. I like your husband have a very high pain tolerance. Always have. Your husband sounds like mine when he is in pain. My husband withdraws as well. I try to see the positives and to make jokes as it makes me feel a little better. I rarely cry from pain and when I do, I feel so weak that I get mad at myself. LOL Thank you for your thoughts and prayers....I need them. I am going to get these opinions and make my decision on what I need to do. I will keep everyone on here posted. Best of luck to your husband. I hope he can get some relief soon. Let me know if the nerve burn as I call it...works for him.

Thanks Tiffany. FYI, My name is Trish...LOL...don't feel bad, I've been called a lot worse in my day. LOL My Doctor is actually very good. it took me 10 years to find a doc that actually knew I was in pain...I think he just didn't understand how bad my pain really was. But I have found that most docs don't/. I am very lucky to have a doctor who does care and does believe me when I tell him it's getting worse. But, most doctors are so scared to give out narcotics now and even though he gives them out, he is very careful with what he gives and how much. I can understand this considering how regulated it has become due to so many people using these drugs to get high. It just causes more frustration to the people who really need them. For example, in my state I have to get out of my car and go inside to get my meds (narcotics). What the lawmakers failed to understand is that there are some days I can barely move so having to go inside, stand in line, and wait is horrific. I can't imagine what it's like for people worse than me. This all came becasue people who were faking scrips were going through the drive through and the camera couldn't get a good shot of them. To me, that falls on the Pharmacy...but maybe I have too much common sense. LOL Ok, I am going to get off my soap box. Sorry for the long response.

Well, I hope you get to put on those jeans with no issues!!! Sounds like you are doing well after surgery. Keep up the good work. If you go back in my blog (to the beginging) you will see that any issues you are having are normal!!! If you have any questions, I am here, just send me an email on here. Best of luck on your journey!!!