LacieMC

Thank you Lissa, Kelly and Dorrie for replying. I was really scared to post this. I was curious to see if anyone else deals with this but I was nervous that I would get yelled at for what was going on in my head. I have had to wait almost 6 weeks to get an appointment with a Binge eating specialist in my area. I don’t understand why therapists specialize in Anorexia and Bulimia but don't count binge eating as a disorder if you are already fat. This therapist is a male, but is an addiction counselor specializing in food addiction. I see him next week. It would have been ideal to get my head straight before surgery, but it didnt work that way. All I can do now is try to remain aware and eat mindfully until I can deal with my demon. I dont know if I was in denial, but I thought I could just power through and the magical VSG would just take away the desire to binge. I was wrong. It only took 3 weeks for this to come to the surface.

I need to get this out... I came home today exhausted from work. Nothing really major happened, but it wasn’t a calm day either. My boss is interviewing candidates to backfill our open position. I was not asked to participate in the interview, however my Level 3 co-worker was. I am a level 4 and this new person will be my direct partner. I spent a lot of time today pretending like this doesn’t bother the f*** out of me. My level 3 co-worker is acting superior and that makes me want to punch her in the face…and eat! I was at my desk just searching for something to put in my mouth. I pulled out my vegi-sticks (little chip like things) and ate four really slowly. I know this is giving into the head hunger. I get it…but I wanted to chew. I could say in the past I would have gone to the vending machine and bought packs of M&Ms and Skittles and ate both packages. Four vegi-sticks is an improvement in calories, however…the reason I ate is the same. I came home and immediately went to my room to lie down. My husband asked what’s wrong, and I really couldn’t come up with a convincing story of why I was so mentally drained. I just wanted to sleep. I took a long nap and was woken by 9 year old son who brought me a cup of coffee. He told me Dad was taking him to get a haircut and my first thought upon waking was “EAT!” My second thought was “Da** VSG”. I thought to myself “I am not hungry” but I was not willing to give up an opportunity to eat by myself. My heart started to race with the anticipation of eating alone. A Binger has a sort of pre-binge check-list and mine was racing through my head. I headed to the bathroom and stripped naked. I weighed myself for reference tomorrow morning. I needed to know how much damage I was about to do to myself. My weight was 224.4. I would use that number tomorrow morning to beat myself up. I already know that if I weigh even 224.5 I will call myself disgusting and tell myself the VSG will never work for me. That one or two ounces will be my proof of what a failure I am, that I will be the one person on the planet this surgery will never, ever possibly work for. I change into to my binge pants or what I call my “comfy pants.” I head upstairs; I already know what I am going to eat. 1 wedge of Laughing Cow cheese and two slices of lean deli-sliced turkey. I know this is not a Binge in the typical sense of the word, this is not a 3,000 calorie food fest. This is my dinner. The problem is I was not hungry. I was turning my dinner into a binge for the thrill and excitement…for the old feelings. I missed binging. I pulled out exactly two pieces of lunchmeat and laid them out on the plate. I pulled out a single wedge and found the little red string to open the cheese. My heart was racing…I was preparing my food. I took out my fancy cheese knife and I spread the cheese and rolled up the tiny little turkey slices. I threw all the evidence away- even hiding the tiny laughing cow wrapper like the old days. I took my little plate to the sofa- the end spot next to the fireplace- my favorite binge location. I took one tiny bite and chewed and chewed. I swallowed. It was delicious and I was back. Then I stopped. I woke up. There was a pain in my stomach. I was not hungry- my stomach could not take any food. It was as if waking from a dream…”What the hell was I doing?” I gave the remaining roll-ups to the dog and just sat there in silence. I stared at my tiny little empty plate and celebrated this victory. This was the absolute first time in my life that I have ever stopped a binge in process. I will not beat myself up tomorrow, there will be no guilt. I will go to sleep proud tonight. Again, the binge was not the quantity of food, it was my mental state. This is my first Non-scale Victory. Thank God for the VSG...and Thank God this will no longer be my life.

Im sorry I was not here tonight, I could not get onto the site. I dont know if it was my computer or the website, but I would love to try to schedule one again that I can join. How did it go?

Join me for a pre/ post-op chat tomorrow night at 5:00pm PST. :smile1:

Congrats on your big loss number! that is great! I still had swelling at seven days...now I'm 15 days and I feel like everything has really calmed down. I think it is normal.

Well we will have to meet up!!! I dont know any WA sleevers. Maybe when you are a couple weeks post-op I can come over and we can share some chicken broth and SF jello! :smile1: Where are you having surgery? What have the doctors said about the fire-ant legs??? that must be tough to do any thing!!!

Lissa, LOL... Thats sooo funny! there should be little blobs of fat all over the floor.

Thank you all so much! Punky- your new life starts tomorrow!!! I am so excited for you! Please post and let us all know how you are doing.

Lets plan a hike or other meet up for the Puget Sound Sleevers out there!!!

Hi all, You all have been so supportive the last couple weeks and I want to thank you and update you all. I have been doing sooo much better, Im starting to figure out the liquids and how to sip, sip, sip. :smile1: I tried a few bites of egg tonight and it didnt hurt like yesterday. I think I ate too fast last night. So far I am down 28 pounds. It's crazy...everytime I start to miss food or feel sorry for myself I just think abut the weight falling off and I get over the pork chops and cheesy rice pretty quick. :smile1: The most difficult thing about being at work is lunchtime when I smell all the different lunches being nuked. I'm not hungry at all, it just all smells so good. Anyway...here is my most recent pics :smile1: The first was taken late DEC and the other was taken yesterday.

I would love an answer also. I tried two bites of soft fluffy scrambled egg last night and my body rejected it immediately, then massive stabbing stomach pain. I'm not sure if the pain was from vomiting or from the food but it lasted for a couple hours. I'm in week 3.

I am sending the hubby to Costco tomorrow for those shakes...I have not tried those!

ohhh I hear ya sister. Tuesday is scrambled egg day and cottage cheese and I have never been more excited for an egg. All I can say is it totally sucks, I'm with you...but the weight is falling off of me and the compliments are rolling in - and that is what keeps me on plan. I want so freaking bad to chew something. You will get there I promise. I have tried every protien drink available and they don't taste very good. I just think of it as medicine and force them down. I don't have any tricks for you...just get the protien down any way you can.

THANKS so much EVERYONE!!! It is 18 pounds from surgery date. I was one of those that failed the pre-op diet miserably. I had a food funeral even though I was told not to and gained back all my pre-op weight I lost days before I went in. I was terrible...and I regret it. It was my food addiction playing games with my head and I invited it right in. I'm on the right path now. I have yet to even be hungry...it's a really odd feeling. LOL For me I had a dehydration issue and have been on Lassix for edema...I think that helps with the high weight loss number (extra Water retained)...but I will take it however it comes.

So I woke up this morning, and stepped on the scale and it said I was down 18 pounds. I didn't believe it and had to step off and step on again! 18 pounds in 8 days! That is crazy right? So of course I went to my closet and found my size 18 jeans and they fit!!! I feel like I am living in a dreamworld. I'm not hungry at all, have no pain and except for a little tired feeling, am doing great! These boards have been a lifesaver as far as learning what to expect and how to eat post op! So these 18 pounds are yours also!!! Thanks to you all and I cant wait for next weeks numbers!

Tenshi, I'm 8 days post op and just now trying to drink on a schedule. I have yet to feel hungry either. I didnt get much fluids down my first few days, but I kept trying. At 8 days I am able to take an almost normal small swallow without that wierd twistie sensation in my tummy. Sounds like you are doing the right thing. Hang in there and I bet on day 8 you will be doing 100% better also.

Mrs. Tiny Dancer, I think the compliments from our hubbies mean the most- at least to me! That is sooo great and I am so happy for you!

As a brand new sleever I'm not sure I am qualified to answer but in my limited 8 day experience, I did this around day 5. I was not mindful in my eating and I think I took a couple bites too many of my broth and I felt soooo full. It happened almost suddenly- like I woke up and realized I ate too much. I had to lay down and let it pass. You said you were full but not uncomfortable- so that is good I think. I read on here that a lot of people go through this while they are learning their new tummies. I have started drinking my shakes out of a 3oz shot glass so I dont accidently overstuff myself again. I think I also read that you can drink more liquids than solid food. Hopefully someone with more experience can give us an expert answer.

Im so glad you posted this. It's so true and so real for me especially. I'm still on a high from my surgery and seeing the pounds melt off, but I know I will come face to face with my addiction soon enough. We have to eat our addiction everyday, like you said...but being aware of the addiction is the first step in recovery. again, thank you so much!

I went through the same thing. My baby sister who is a trauma nurse in the Navy came home and she fixed me all up. As the other posters said, have a friend run down to the drug store and buy some Hibicleanse and steri strips. Pull that bad boy closed and do not put a bandage over it. My little sister said the wound needs air to develop a scab. Mine are developing scabs now and no longer oozing. Keep us posted on how you are doing.

That is just absolutely wonderful! Congrats on a smooth recovery and I look forward to following you as I am just 2 weeks behind you.

The Above post is a plant from A Lighter me trashing Dr. Kelly again. NoJess, you are actually damaging your own companys reputation. Just stop- this woman is looking for real answers- not your Dr. Kelly scare tactics. Barbie, Either doctor would be good. Dr. Garcia performed my surgery and I am doing great. Changes have been made at the hospital and I am sure you will have a wonderful experience.

I'm 6 days post op and mine is still a bit sore also. I used a little pillow and it was a life saver. I think what we are feeling is normal, but that doesnt make it comfortable! I think I will have to send the hubby to Target to get a tanktop also. (We dont have a walmart closeby).

Oh My...how scary. This happened to me also. I was salivating but was very thursty and weak and nausous. Once I received IV fluids I felt like a whole new person. Please post an update as soon as you can. We are all thinking about you.

I completely understand Cat I just got home yesterday and my neighbors came out in force and brought Lasagna and the works for my family. I sat down at the table with them all taking tiny bites of my Jell-o. I have yet to be hungry either. They felt guilty for eating in front of me and I kept assuring them it was a struggle to get the Jell-o down. I agree with the other posters that it is tougher on my family than me at this point. For me, my Maalox and fluids are far more appetizing than lasagna. I am sure as I heal it will get toughter, but I am hugely grateful I do not have to battle hunger right now! Thanks for posting this...and congrats on your surgery!