CowgirlJane

Lisa, It isn't the same but I had a horrible loss of my sister from breast cancer that spread to her bones at age 40. We were raised like twins, super close, lived near each other all our lives, talked daily - very bonded sisters and best friend. I thought we would grow old together but instead I saw her destroyed by the cancer and even the treatment at times. Horrifying and traumatic beyond the loss. We looked alike so seeing her turn into a 95 year old in front of my eyes hit me to the core. I did daily care too. Anyway I am sharing my story so I can tell you what not to do... get depressed and anxious and lonely and gain a bunch of weight. I did that and it didn't work out for me I highly recommend some type if therapy for the trauma aspect... I did EMDR ..Google it..but also talk etc therapy if that's more your thing. I didn't do the grief therapy nor did I accept that I had anxiety. Apparently food works to bury anxiety and pain for me so I didn't feel it so much until I stopped over eating. I am suggesting that you get help with these overwhelming emotions rather than burying them. I love coffee but reducing my caffeine was one aspect of improving my mood situation. Get decent sleep. I went through a grieving recently (post sleeve goal) and had trouble eating like you are describing. I didn't turn to liquid calories like you have but lost unplanned weight. It was a little concerning and my docs were worried that my eating pattern was a downward spiral. I took it seriously and started forcing myself to eat small quantities of healthy food - dense Protein and veggies several times a day. I started noticing I ate better out with friends. ..so i did that a few times a week. Had a Premier Protein once a day. Over time my eating returned to normal and I am maintaining a healthy weight. My anxiety is much improved. Your physical and emotional health is intertwined.

“Transformation is not a future event. It is a present activity…That is why you must bring everything that you have to give in every moment…And it doesn’t have to be perfect, it’s not about perfect, it’s about effort. When you bring that effort every single day, that’s where transformation happens, that’s how change occurs.” – Jillian Michaels I really embrace the idea of transformation as a present activity. I focused heavily on the physical condition and now a bit on other aspects of my life needing some transformation.

How are you doing? Dr Sauceda did amazing work on me. I have the best body since I was 22, I am 50 now! The next few weeks and months might be tough. I can't say I ever regretted plastics exactly but those early weeks I questioned if the time off from life was worth it, but it definitely was.

food was like the bad boyfriend...he drew you in, but really did not make life better. He lied and chested and made you feel like crap. Click on my profile to see my transformation ... excess food never made me feel this good.

I am so sorry but what a blessing this was discovered now before progressing! I admit I don't know anything about your condition but I feel the "fight", I believe you will make it through this challenge.

My surgeon who has an excellent track record does surgeries in a clinic and are out patient. I had to stay one night due to my sleep apnea but it was a good experience. My view-no reason to stay in hospital with sick people!!!

2.5 years out and the sleeve has saved my life. I am transformed. Look at my profile and signature for pictures and details.

Main thing I did different was find a surgeon with a structured follow up program and really leveraged it. I was a professional dieter but still learned so much from my NUT surgeon and whole team post sleeve. When i had the band in 2001 it was like... "eat less, good luck!"... I clearly needed more.

Obviously, can't know everything from a single post, but I think finding a way to build a good life (and that is a continous process for married people) together is far better than starting over by divorcing. It's a rough world out there for single people - well at least were I live where women outnumber men by a great deal. Anyway, I personally would not have been angry about someone smoking because we all have our own "crosses to bear". I don't like smoking but i recognize that I am terribly flawed myself and that asking for perfection from somebody else is not realistic. I completely agree with the idea that the only person you can change is yourself... Since I am single and hoping to find someone for a relationship, I would not rule out a smoker (as long as they were very good in their habits) as I dated a smoker who hid it so well I had been seeing him a few months before I even found out. So, it didn't really bother me since his hygene was so perfect. I personally would rule out an unfit/over eater person because i am working so hard to maintain a massive weight loss and I don't want to be around excess food and sedentary lifestyle influence. I wouldn't divorce someone over it, but it is a showstopper for me as I seek a relationship. Smoking is a huge health issue but so is obesity. My 40 year old, non smoking but very obese niece passed just this week from "natural causes" attributable to her super morbid obesity status.

I think the veteran forum has been a great place to collect thoughts from people years out. I think any fantasy I ever had that weight management was something that had an end point has been utterly shattered. I am doing good but my current life stress has definitely brought out some food issues I didn't realize I have still... Anyway you can get back on track. It's the same way you originally lost weight ..One day at a time...

I didn't lose hair after my band in 2001 but in fairness I didn't lose much weight either. I lost hair several months post sleeve but I started with a crap load so wasn't a problem. I can understand the concern but please don't decide about wls based on TEMPORARY hair loss. Look at my profile pix. ... I look so much better even if I had gone bald...lol

I think at 8 months out is more normal to start feeling a return of hunger. If this doesn't self correct within a few weeks, I would have it checked out by your surgeon. I went through this more than 2 years post op. In my case, it turned out to be emotional issue related - but I lost 10# in about 3 weeks and I was already at goal so wasn't trying to lose more. It's all sorted out now, but what I found out in the process is that once you get on a "bad path" it really can become a problem. Meaning, if you get on a path of eating too little and it negatively impacts your health, it can be hard to get it corrected and restore your health.

Don't worry... losing fast is awesome at this phase!

So, I want to let you know, I am doing okay. Life sucks right now, but I feel sad for reasons, not depressed or anxious. It helps that I can do things to help... like visit Betty, like deal with some business she can't do. I am trying to learn more about myself from these experiences. My counselor asked me point blank if my life only feels important when I am helping/supporting/doing for others. It is a good question, one I am not sure the answer. I mean, I have lots of fun, probably more than most women my age, but I sometimes feel adrift. A crisis or somebody needing me gives me focus - and my mother was exactly like that so it is something to think about. I also notice a complex relationship with food emerging. I am not really overeating to deal with stress, but i am eating a different pattern so I definately still have some degree of food addiction. I am simply observing right now, trying to learn more about myself in hopes I can then address it rather than bury it - sort of what Kelly brought up earlier. Kim - thinking of you, losing my mom was just so sad. My best friend lost her mother recently and it made me feel bad for her too. I loved their attitude - her mom was like "I am old and this is what happens when you are 86". I hope I have that kind of grace when I am facing it. Still such a loss.

Uhhh..yes... and no freaking ED issues, amazing tongue, told me how hot I am, ladies first, really appreciative and yes well endowed, 6'2" athletic, full head of mixed but mostly dark hair, broad shoulders, narrow hips, and no huge gut... dammit. .. why did I let him get away??? (That was a joke )

It is apples to oranges. Took me longer to lose 168# as a middle aged woman then it's going to take a young man to lose say 100#. You can't think in terms of other people just maximize your own results! !!

I think you are onto something. I thought I had mastered this but clearly I have not. I have suffered huge losses - I was so close to my mom and my younger sister - when they passed in '04 and '07 respectively it did turn me upside down and inside out. I am not turning to food for solace now - but rather forcing myself to eat since I know i must. I learned my lesson on that one, skipping eating makes you feel like crap and actually contributes to depression. Well, as I force myself to eat i notice myself "Wolfing" down food and I don't know why. I never do that! I mentioned it to my counselor and she asked me how I feel, what is my emotional state and I told her I honestly don't know. I don't feel anything. I suspect that the wolfing of food (which makes me feel like crap too BTW) is me trying to burying those feelings with food in a different way. I am now being very deliberate... and it helps alot if I eat with other people. This goes back to the lonely thing or rather the thing where if it is just for me, some how preparing and enjoying nice food doesn't matter. I ate with my best freind last night and tonight I am taking kiddo out to eat after we go visit Betty in the hospital. I am working very hard to maintain a normal relationship with food and eating even if I have to "force" the situations. Wow, how did we get so messed up? Here we are a group of competent, sufficient and successful women and we resort to this and can't even tell someone how we feel. BTW, the best thing that happened out of all this is I am really done with Steven. I don't hate him or anything but his inability to even listen to how heartbroken I am just made me realize I cannot deal with someone who is just so emotionally unavailable. It became all about him - I am in the middle of a freaking nightmare and he wanted to talk about a couple of mere aquaintances who died recently that upset him. He told me he couldn't stand me talking about illness or death and I wasn't allowed to even refer to it - WTF? How can someone tell me that I am not allowed to speak about something (I had hardly even discussed it at that point so it is not like I had been dumping it on him for hours or anything). I asked him to leave my home and he got very angry with me and broke up by text. I was done anyway and thank goodness he did it so it saved me from having to say the words. Yes, it is a loss but I am okay with it. I am sure I will grieve it a little, but I had gotten over him before and I have to honestly say I never believed it would work when he suggested we try "starting over" which is probably part of the reason it didn't stand a chance....I just didn't trust him with my heart and I think for good reason. Sigh. Too bad the sex was just soo good - like best ever in my whole life kind of thing. Just a chemistry between us. That is the main thing that just drew me back over and over and i think the same for him actually. We were a lousy couple outside of that.

It is hard for me to visulize what you are talking about. Did you try swiping the screen since there are usually pages and pages of apps and maybe the particular page you are landing on is blank?

I agree - and the sister complaint is that since the sleeve is not malabsorptive you DON'T need Vitamins. Not true since the food volume is low AND there is a malabsorptive component to the sleeve even though it is not very well understood... We all have our biases, and I certainly do to, but people post things about which they know nothing.

I like that comparison tool, very helpful - but I feel it is missing a few key things - example, the most serious long term complication with the sleeve is bad acid reflux. If a person has GERD that would be a major reason to chose RNY over the Sleeve, for example.

I was in a complete state of shock all day yesterday.... as it relates to my sister's partner and her brain tumor... it has been a week of bewildering events. It came to a head this weekend having to dig through her house to find critical things and saying goodbye to most of her family as they flew home. Saturday I managed to piss off a friend - I think for good this time. To be honest, I wasn't' really wrong in what I said but my mood perhaps made it come out wrong. It is a case of good riddance, but still part of the whole sh*tstorm. Monday I managed to tangle with my oldest son, but I had the composure to realize it was not going well so just told him I couldn't talk. He called my EX to talk to me...haha. Apparently I was in quite a state that I had intervention called on me. Then, Monday getting word about my 40 year old niece. I think I just went from functioning to a zombie. I saw my counselor and told her I had not taken ANY drugs or drink, but I felt drugged. I felt like my mind and everything was shutting down. So, I got a nice night of sleep last night, watched TV and just zoned out. I feel a little better today although still no appetite. I have been forcing myself to eat and one of the strange observations is "eating too fast" and then I don't feel good. It is surprising and I don't know where it is coming from but I am trying to be very deliberate about taking care of myself while going through all this.

Sounds good to me! My incisions didn't hurt though. I had some shoulder gas pain, very sore ab muscles and a general state of misery but my incisions were fine.

fye - I am so sorry for your loss. It is so hard to lose a mother. I am turned upside down right now, but hanging in there.

I had a lap-band for 10 years and was well aquainted with many people who were banded around the same time as me (Mine was March 2001). The issue is that even for people very successful with the band (I was not) many have to have it removed or re-positioned due to slippage, dialated pouch, erosion etc over the long haul. I would say that of all the people I knew from that era, only one still has a fully functioning band that never needed surgical intervention. She was low BMI, got to goal after losing about 70 or so pounds and has been a long term success story. She has been able to maintain really well with little or no fill. I lost 70 or so pounds too, but was still over 200# and never got under it so I wasn't a success and she was even though we had similiar weight losses. When I had to have my fill removed due to reflux and pouch dialation I regained weight very fast. My personal opinion is that for a high BMI person, that is an increased risk of never making it to goal and regain if the band does need some sort of "fixing" down the road. Of course anyone can regain but there are special issues with the super morbidly obese as our bodies and metabolism have been changed by the obesity. I am not trying to make this in to a band bashing, i just am sharing my personal experience and my observation of other people who were in the boat with me at the time is all. I do agree everyone needs to make the best choice for them, and I want every banded person to be very successful, i just know that this component of the band is really an issue for those of us with lots to lose. I also think the band can work very well - but if it were me, with so much weight to lose, I would be thinking of the gastric bypass or sleeve. Now, 3 years ago I was seriously considering the DS since I was so obese. When I had plastic surgery in 2013, one of the consults I had was with a USA surgeon who told me that he only had two patients with very serious complications and they both happened to be DSers. He told me that the procedure really has very special supplement needs and he was so concerned he didn't want to operate on people with that - whereas I know several people with DS who are doing well. It still got my attention of just how big of an impact bariatric surgery can have on our health. I re-iterate - the sleeve does have a malabsorptive component, it is NOT just smaller stomach and you WILL need to supplement to maintain your health over the long haul. The issues show up years down the road, so people in the first few years typically aren't aware, but there are a few vets with Iron, and B Vitamin type deficiencies that I know of. If you google studies about comparing WLS, or go to the research section of this forum - read up and be educated so you can ask your surgeon the right questions. Also know that revisions are much higher risk of complications than "virgin" surgeries so I advise you to keep that in mind as well.

It's hard. I left a very unhealthy relationship as well - he is a good man but has alot of emotional issues and we just made each other worse it seems. We split a long time ago, but I am still adjusting to life../ Anyway, much much harder than I could have imagined. I am hanging in there. Good luck to you.