helen098

congrats to being on the other side (less than 200) i hope to be there by the end of the year see you there soon

do you have room for one more at your party? The liquid stage is HELL – all you can do is think about food- I still have to cook for my disabled brother so shopping was HELL. I went to Trader Joes and realized there was nothing in the entire store I could eat and almost ended up crying it felt like a special level in hell for us over eaters It does get better… I am now three weeks and one day post op and eating real food I can’t have the sugar free foods (due to the colon cancer) so I am in the same boat…kind of jealous of the people who can eat Jello and pudding I did eat every night after my dinner shake a regular Italian ice ..it is 100 calories and i would let it melt in my mouth before swallowing Someone said to use this time to kind of train for the band restrictions Practice drinking and eventually eating slowly I am assuming you did this for the same reason I did , it was our only hope I know it will get better hang in there

i only weigh myself once a week other wise i go nuts thianks for the support i know it a process and wish it would go faster i know the weight didn't come on overnight but i sure wish it would go away overnight the doc office called me back and the pax says it's normal to still have some pain i know your not docs here but just want to see how others feel if i think it's important or an emergency i would cal the doc beofre going online

Over the weekend I came home from running errands and I was thirstily and tired went to the fridge and grabbed some lemonade (I know too many calories I was bad but thought I needed something) The first cup ( a small paper cup went down easy but I was still thirsty so I took another and dam the calories well the minute I finished and put the cup down I got the most incrediable pain in my left shoulder…if I didn’t know what it was I would have called 911 and been on my way to the hospital It took a good 15- 20 minutes to go away….never again.. worst pain ever (worst then when they cut out 1/4 of my colon I wonder about the biology..exactly why does the left shoulder only hurt? I assume it’s because I drank too much too fast but how does it get up in your chest? I thought------------- I didn’t have any restrictions but I guess I was very very wrong I

Nothing tastes right ..everything is kind of bland and watered down, was so tired of the soft food But the eggs this morning didn’t taste right, keep asking others if the food is ok It must be all in my head right there is no way the band could affect taste could it? am eating a a life saver now wintergreen which is usually very strong and it's mild could something be wrong with me ?

congrats on the weight lose i am so jealous i can only eat 1000 calories for well i guess forever the metabolic test shows if i eat 1200 i will gain weight , major bummer i am just starting this journey but it seems to be that we will still have to think about food for the rest of our lives i thought the band would eliminate it

Nothing tastes right ..everything is kind of bland and watered down, was so tired of the soft food But the eggs this morning didn’t taste right, keep asking others if the food is ok It must be all in my head right there is no way the band could affect taste could it?

Back to my fri morning weigh in and still 220.60 I am starting real foods today …I haven’t had the first fill yet so maybe this is my problem feel like I can eat normal am trying to stay under 1000 calories but thinking about food and hungry all the time Also i still have a slight pain in my right side. Is this normal? This is where my port is so I wonder. Don’t’ have the full feeling yet. Had a egg on a roll for Breakfast ate less than half because it didn’t taste right and I had a shrimp cocktail for lunch (200 calories and I figure its mostly Protein right) and it’s now 4pm and I am hungry..i want to go looking for some candy but won’t When does it get better? This maybe silly but will you feel full like before but only with a small amount of food? I read about the pains and throwing up and it scares me ---------------------

Am on the soft foods since thu and while I have no problem at all eating I am so hungry on the 1000 calories….all I can think about is food Will start real food either fri or sat and wonder if it will be better I go back for my first fill on sep 23 and am worried that I won’t lose any weight by then and worried that the ten pounds I lost post surgery will be back\ It still hurts if a press on the incision sites and sometimes I get a slight pain in my rights side especial when I walk a lot or have to go to the bathroom

i went back to solids last night and this moring i was 221.2 up a pound only had 1/2 potato and baby food banana --- i was kind of bumed out i plan to go back to weighing myslef once a week to avoid driving myself nuts

I saw the commercial at the gym last month and though they looked good I hate bra shopping I am now a 44DD …..i started at age 12 went from wearing a kids tank top to a 36C the next day and thinks have never been good between us…too much…hate when men talk to them Most of the time…. At my lowest weight 151 (after colon cancer and chemo) I was wearing a 38B …unfortunately the weigh lose will make them droop again (at 46 they are a lot lower than they used to be. When I beat this weight thing I am going to have breast reduction surgery (will take out a loan if I have to) and I plan to be a old lady with high small perfect boobs till I’m 80 But first this dam weight

I asked the PA at my last visit before surgery and he looked at the computer and said it was 158 The doc never discussed it with me….post chemo I was 152 and while at 5 4 I think it’s still a little over At 158 I should be a size 10 or a 8 if its big but honestly would like to be less that 150 even 149 would be good. I want to try and add the counter at the bottom but am not sure what to have as my goal

Went for my follow up this morning and it went well, escophogram shows port is well placed The PA (still haven’t seen the surgeon since the operation) says I am doing very good, text book Case so far and can start eating soft foods tonight/tomorrow then in 8- 10 day regular food While on the one hand I have been dreaming about this now that I can I’m scared to eat So far I have lost 10 pounds down to 220.20 and my clothes are already starting to feel looser But if I start eating real food then I am sure the weight loss will be slower and I am scared of how it will feel going down..they showed me the port with the dye and while interesting kind of freaky With the liquid diet I was feeling like I did on chemo ….lightheaded stomach pains losing weight without too much effort…not really hungry I was terrified the first few sips after the surgery..scared that band may leak or slip… Now afraid to eat…..than is the problem after cancer… your body had betrayed you once and now you are afraid of everything..though the reason I did this is to change myself and be happier and not so scared Need some courage ….now where is that wizard???

Gum also helps with the gas..this is a trick I know from my colon cancer surgery Chewing gum speeds your guts up and I have found really helps with the gas I still have gas one week later can that be normal I know they had to pump a lot of air but really a whole week? Think the gas pains are worst than the cuts I think I need someone to burp me

Sorry about the late reply but my computer is sicker than I was, then because of the hurricane my friend couldn’t fix it yet so I had to wait till I got back to work The surgery went well (at least that’s what the pax said never did see the surgeon after) I have five little heart shaped bandages four across my stomach and one between my breasts directly above my belly button. Was at nyu by 6:30AM in the operation room by 9am and walking the floors by 1pm didn’t get home till 8pm as I had to wait for my friend to finish work to release me The pain level was about a four after surgery (took some pain meds in the recovery room but honestly could have dealt with it. They gave me liquid codine for the pain and after the first day only took it at night as it hurts when I lay down a certain way. Up till the time they placed the oxygen mask over my face I was thinking about changing my mind The surgeon was kind of flip when I saw here before surgery (asked what was I scared ig the pain- we will give you meds waking up during the operations – hadn’t even though of that I told her honestly I was afraid of what would happen next..she kind of blew me off said I was courageous but had nothing to worry about. The idea of the breathing tube freaked me put and I told them They said I would feel it coming out but didn’t..throat and next was sore for a while But the worst pain is the gas…much worse than a colonoscopy. Pain in the left side next chest till today that goes away when I pass gas….pooped my pants twice (thu at the moving and Sunday in my own bed) not sure if it’s the liquid diet, surgery after effects or my normal stuff Am kind of annoyed that she was too important to see me after surgery. It is feeling better each day but still not normal coming back to work in the city Commute was messed up and since I work for an airline it’s nuts today Thanks for the good thoughs…glad I did it…so far I have lost 10 pounds since the start of the liquid diet Another week of only liquids (as only eating 800 calories) then next Monday get soft food…at first I was counting down every hour now it’s ok…one more week of ensure is ok wight this moring 220

Thanks less than 24 hours to the beginning of a new me Just think maybe by Christmas I could shop in the regular store and cross my legs Nervous, happy, excited I have been going to NYU since last summer, I decided to have the surgery in March of this year and lucky since I have so many docs ( for my neuropathy, asthma and other chemo related side effects I see at least one doc a month so getting the 6 months was no problem. I had to take 2 months off for a broken foot (april 1 triped over my feet) And was 6 pounds too light for the BMI of 40 that Blue Cross Blue Shield requires so lucky I have mild sleep apena…once NYU could say I had sleep apean I was approved within 2 days and had a surgery date in three weeks It has been a long journey but now it’s too fast

I am all set for Monday feel pretty good still I little scared but the closer I get to B day the better I feel Glad I found you guys and I don’t feel so alone

As we get closed to B DAY I am feeling much better another birthday i have my first one dec 30, my rebirth day june 6 and now aug 22 ...what should i call it? I have spent a lot of time reading the posts here and it’s reassuring to know other have felt the same way and are fine now. It’s scary to think you are alone in your feeling and weight lose is a very touchy subject. I absolutely hated when I was told how easy the weight lose was when I was on chemo …I could kill the dummies…I ended up asking people if they wanted to change places with me so they could by thin and have cancer…but no takers I am still a little scared (not of the procedure but of what happens next) I am kind of shy and tend to hide behind my weight and also my responsibilities think I should find someone to talk to about this on a long term basis. One of the things I learned from my cancer journey is that you have to look out for yourself first If you don’t then you aren’t much help to anyone I have a lot of issues and am tackling them one by one earlier this year it was finding a solution to the sole crushing pain from the neuropathy now it’s the weight I know it won’t be easy but most things worth doing aren’t. I have a magnet on my desk this I got after chemo that says never never never give up and I don’t want to give up I want to get more out of life and I think I deserve it… I was reading one of threads about after you start to lose weight how people treat you differently and some of it’s true but I think mostly is how you feel about yourself and project that to others When I was younger and heaver I though I looked real good and people responded in kind When I lost all the weight with chemo and got down to 152 you would have thougt is weight only was the issue that I would have been beating the guys off with a stick but no even though I was thin I was sick and didn’t feel well and that is projected to others and According to my doc my goal is 158 but I would like to get to 152 again and be healthy this time I will tell you next week if it’s better or worst then loosing ¼ of your colon. Sorry for the rambling…..

I guy in my office had one and he said it was kind of a pain He had to go to the center afterwork to be hooked up then went home to sleep and the next morning went back to get unhooked but the results were inconclusive and he had to go to a sleep center it was a pain going but mine was in the city so after work I went to dinner and a movie then checked in did the test showered the next morning at the facility then went to work not a very stressful day at all

In july after I finished all the paper work ( 6 months doc, psych, nutritionist, metabolic testing additional checks because of the cancer) I was told at 229 and 5 4 I only had a BMI of 39.1 and my insurance needed a BMI of 40 or over 35 with other health issues I needed to gain 6 pounds or have another issue So they sent me for a sleep apena test (apparently like most of the population I do snore sometimes) After more copays and a night at the sleep center I have mild neuropathy and surprise I was approved. To be 6 pounds too light was crazy…I was told not directly but read between the lines that if I didn’t have apena I was to gain 6 pounds and comes back Insurance companies are nuts After years of dealing with them for my cancer I am convinced that deny claims first then if you complain real loudly will look a little then deny it again I could give you hours of stories of insurance hell buy my favorite one is they won’t pay $60 for a bone density test as I am only 46 even though according to their newsletter I have major risk factors Decades of steroid use for the asthma and six moths of strong chemo that can melt your bones Tell will pay for thousands of cortisone pills but not a simple test to see if they have damaged you Insurance companies are a necessary evil

My surgery is aug 22 and I have to admit I cheated a little too I was only supposed to have liquids and 2 cup of vegs a day (dry no dress or sauce) I feel real nauseous at times and have snuck a piece of cheese one day, a few crackers another and a scrambled egg (no roll or cheese ) yesterday, fell off the treadmill tue night and my left knee is swollen, bruised and is kind of draining (like a burn or a blister) no junk, wine or anything heavy just a little bit to keep me from throwing up I plan to be real good the next 4 days and hope for the best Do you think the surgeon asks you if you ate? And if you tell the truth will they cancel the surgery? Or do they know people will cheat and as long as you only have a little is it ok? I do not have any problem with my liver If I could have has a lean cuisine for dinner I would have been real happy have lost 2 pounds and can't stop peeing is this normal every half an hour and three times at night even though i stop drinking at 8PM

Still kind of freaking out I used to be heavy 170-180 and felt real good about myself even at my all time high before this (229 in 1998 I was ok with it) I wore short skirts and low cut tops and people (guys) responded as such Now I just want to go to work and return home put on my pj’s and eat away from people. I know it’s bad and I need help i want my old life back..before cancer but know that won't happen ever I thought about this for a long time ( have been going to NYC since last summer) I am ok with the risks, I know it’s not a magic treatment and I know that I will have to exercise and eat the new way for life and I am ok with it … after cancer I know all about the new normal and while I don’t always like it I understand and can accept it… I am not lazy (no matter what the docs think) I have been working very hard for years and was thrilled when Dr. Stiles (at nyu) told me she believed me and that there was help and hope to lose weight. I have been through 8 surgeries in the last six years I had 5 surgeries for a anal fistula in addition to the colon resection I had a port (hated it) in my chest and I was never so scared before a surgery. I also have very bad neuropothy in my hands and feet from the chemo and until feb of this year when I found a pain management doc I wouldn’t even have though of doing this as every moment of every day was a nightmare When I finally decided to have this surgery I felt so calm and happy that I was taking charge of my life Then once I got the approval paper and went for the pretest I am driving myself nuts The problem is other than two friends who support my decision to have the surgery no one else knows…I won’t even tell my brother (normal one) and sister in law who live with me as honestly they are not supportive at all of any health issues I have (I could talk for days about what they didn’t do but the best example of how they act is ever day during chemo I worked but left early to come home and have a nape at around 4 pm every night they woke me up at 7:30pm so I could make/serve/clean up dinner for my disabled brother and take care of my dog…when I was craping my brains out (wonder if I can say that here?) and food tasted like I was licking a metal pole I had to get up and cook so they are not going to help when I have this little surgery. I wish my mom was alive so I could talk to her about it. I know it’s all in my head. I know if I call and cancel the surgery the minute I put the phone down I will regret my actions and will beat myself up for the next year about chickening out , I have a history of making snap decisions and regretting them once I do… I have spent a lot of time and money on this and I real want to change my life so why as I so scared? Thanks for listening sorry for the rambling

y name is Helen and I have been heavy all my life A hit puberty (36C over night) at 12 hard stopped breathing (asthma till today hospitalizations, meds, steroids ect for years if not decades now ) lost the weight a few times with pills and will power I was large but happy…well in 2006 I was diagnosed with state 3 colon cancer after resection, 6 months chemo (had to fight myself to eat) was down to 152 I thought the battle was over I changed my diet, exercised three times a week at the gym (strength and cardio) only eat healthy whole grains but the weight just keep going up And one pound a month no matter what I do I can’t lose the weight this time it's bothering me a lot i feel fat and don't want to go out at all Originally went for the non surgical program at nyc but failed that I am on the liquid diet and have my surgery scheduled for aug 22 but am scared…I have no steady guy my life, parents are dead, and chemo showed me my friends are mostly there for the good times only) I take care of my retarded brother and feel trapped. Trapped at work trapped. Trapped at home..trapped on my body…I want to be thinner but am afraid Don’t know if I will go through with the surgery am kind of scared…any encouragement would be appreciated