Day Dreamer

Hey Stac and CCBC,
after waiting an hour for him to come to bed last night, I went out to get some water (I already had a full glass.. LOL). When I passed him I said, you not coming to bed? He said oh yeah, just gaming. He quickly shut it off and came right to bed. He was all lovey dovey. IDK maybe he is bi-polar. I was happy he seemed ok. He was really fussing earlier over nothing. Today he is back to himself but I still have to wonder... what the heck is going on with him. I have taken both comments to heart and I will try to be more understanding as well as show more attention. I will see if that works.
I just hope that people know losing weight isn't going to make your spouse love you more. If the love is gone, nothing is going to help unless both parties make an effort. I just read The Emotional First Aid Kit for bariatric patients which touches on the whole post op weight loss jealousy. A spouse may be very worried (like CCBC said) about your getting all sexy and leaving them.
I have been married 5 yrs and have 2 kids. There is nothing more important to me than family, but emotional abuse is NOT acceptable - no matter what is going on around you. If he does this again, we will need to have a heart to heart.

One day at a time... that's all I can do. And when he starts his fussing, I just kill him with kindness. Dr Phil said, one person has to stand up and say I will make enough changes for the both of us. When the changes no longer help then.. well then it is time to rethink the relationship. So my change, not fussing back at him. I will just be me...

Hi, day dreamer remember you did this for your self and to be around to see some grand kids right ? l was married to some like your husband but add some booze it lasted 24 yrs till he died then l began a real lifes journey it is called living without verbal abuse dont wait a lifetime to try it god bless

I think I will comment from two different perspectives...if I may. <BR><BR>First from the man perspective. Maybe he is scared...maybe he's worried that once you lose the weight, you won't want to be with him any more. or you start getting more attention from other guys and start looking at the greener pasture...so to speak. I would think that he would do well with some reassurance from you that even after you lose weight, even after you start getting the added attention from others, that you still love him and that will not change. <BR><BR>Ok perspective 2. I'll call this the Man perspective #2 or the child perspective (since there is not a whole lot of difference sometimes). Have you ever had a child act out because they are wanting attention? and any attention, even bad attention is better than no attention in their eyes. Maybe, in his eyes, you have been spending so much time and attention leading up to this surgery that he is feeling left out. Maybe a night out, just the two of you, once a week would help him appreciate the time you spend together more.<BR><BR>Anyway, just a couple of thoughts from a guy who has no idea what you or your husband are going through. Take them for what they are worth. Just remember, they were free.<IMG class=bbc_emoticon alt= src="http://cdn.verticalsleevetalk.com/public/style_emoticons/default/wink.gif">

Girl, I'm so sorry you're going through this right now. I do have a question...how was your relationship before you were sleeved? Did he simply change over night or had he been like this for a while and you're just noticing?
I'm a firm believer in marriage and think it's forever but sometimes it just doesn't work out and it's better to be alone and happy than in a relationship and unhappy. Life is too short to be wasted on crap like that. With that said, I would evaluate your relationship and see if you can't work things out first.
You know, my husband never went to any of my appts, only saw me once in the hospital, and never really understood what I was going through. He still doesn't, but thats my fault for not including him in my journey. Hes very good to me but he sometimes doesn't understand when I'm not feeling well. And again, thats my fault for not explaining things to him.
I truly hope things get better for you. How long have you been married? How many children do you have?

Reality really does set in the day of the surgery. I started my pre-surgery diet in Aug. 2010 and lost 22 lbs by the suregery date of 3/17/11. The day after the surgery I realized that this was all about me. If you have the support around you GREAT, if you don't, then get prepared to be your own support. This is so hard but soooooo rewarding. I got sick 10 years ago and started gaining weight every year after that . I am proud to be 51 lbs lighter today. I feel great. I am healthier. and everyday I look forward to losing more weight.**I LOOK GREAT TOO**. There will be negative people out there that will try to bring you down, it is up to you to put all that aside an focus on your goal. I wish you the best of luck.
This website has been a great source of support for me. I've been able to ask questions that any other person would not relate too or understand.

Hey good luck and congrats I know how u fill I get mine the 3 of June r u on facebook u can look me up and add me and I can let u know how it went for me Ericka Gardipee

Congratulations!!!!!! Now you will big nothing but a big loser....lol....I bet you never thought those words would be music to your ears. Please keep us posted

I am completely in your shoes. For the most part... I'm 5'8" and weigh 261. Surgery is scheduled for April 21st. My Dr. asked what I thought my goal weight should be and I said that I'd heard someplace I should be 150'ish. She disagreed and said I should be more like 140'ish. She said it was because I'm young (40) and healthy - whatever that means (I have diabetes and hypothyroidism). I think you're exactly on track with your choice of goal weight. I am also in agreement that a specific weight won't matter so much to me. I'll know I'm good when I look in the mirror and am happy with what I see. I asked my husband to keep a close eye on me and make sure I didn't get too thin. I don't want to end up looking hollow - I recently saw a pic of myself after a major diet about 15 years ago and I looked sickly - way too thin - and I think I was about 145. Needless to say, three babies later and that diet went south.
You're going to do great. We're both going to be able to play "WITH" our kids again and get up those stairs and keep going, get hot and steamy in the bedroom again... all those things and more.

I am 4.5 months out from surgery and have lost 97 lbs. People keep asking me what my goal is and I feel the same as you... anything under 200 would be great (I have a ways to go for that) but what is most important to me is to start living again!
I have 3 kids that I have been "watching". Watch them play and watch them ride bikes but not being with them, just sitting watching.
I want that to change and it already has!
I bought a new bike and have went with my kids a couple of times (weather isn't cooperating!) and I find myself being more active and ready to go. My self-confidence is boosted! I didn't realize how much my weight was holding me back. Now in the morning I just grab a pair of jeans, a shirt and a sweater ( I am always cold) and I go. I never fuss with my shirts, I never worry about if I look ok.. I just feel great! Like I said, still have another 100 lbs to lose but with the sleeve I know that it is possible and I am getting my life back!
Good luck to you!

Most of the CO2 comes out of your incisions while they are sewing you up. There is usually some residual CO2 that is absorbed by the body over time. Most surgeons test for leaks after the staple line is done while in surgery, others do that plus a post-op leak test with dye and a drain and some with dye and fluoroscopy. Leaks are signaled in most cases by pain and fever above 101 F. I left the hospital with sublingual pain meds, others have liquid. I didn't have to take antibiotics. The staples stay in for life and scar tissue grows over and between them. (You will not set off metal detectors, some people worry about that.) Early out, you have to keep sipping, sipping, sipping and your protein shakes count toward your liquid total. After you can eat solid food, you can also take normal-sized swallows of liquids pretty fast, liquid just runs through your stomach. I don't have any problems getting my liquids in.

Wow Day Dreamer, I feel your pain! I was about 50 pounds less just a little over 6 months ago, but I could not, no matter what I did, drop below 180 lbs, which was still 55 pounds overweight for my height. So, I had to gain weight just to get this surgery to make sure I can finally get past 180 lbs! How sad is that? It was the first time EVER I went to the doctor and actually hoped I weighed enough, or more, for WLS.
i can really relate to all the tings you said you feel about yourself. I hope you can get insurance approval and can get a sleeve or bypass. I don't recommend the LB if you have more then 50lbs to lose. I went to my first seminar not ever expected to qualify, but here I am a little over two months later, laying in a hospital bed typing to you, and freshly sleeved!
Bad choices didn't all form over night and they can be changed, in my opinion, with the wonderful tool of WLS. It's not the cure, the answer and will be suddenly easy, and you won't like yourself in the mirror the day after surgery still, but it gives you hope that in 4, 6, maybe 10 months, you will look in the mirror and find that beautiful you that you knew if there under the fat.

I hear you. I get it. I do. I bet you DID look cute! Remember, Fat is just a thing. All these things you think are a issue are not you, just stuff in your field of vision.
Lose weight, get surgery, whatever, but it is a thing, once fat is gone, will it be, age, hair color? It never ends..
I do renaissance festivals, many many BIG women out there, all loved, no problems with men or friends. All attitude. No matter your age, Go to fair, get a corset, find other fat chicks in corsets, be your own tribe! I have personally known people (just people, no descriptions of any thing else) that were insecure, myself included who after a season or two at fair feel so different about themselves. Such community there. It does not matter what you do in "real" life' how you are out there is all that matters. I just came back from a 3-day weekend at Sherwood Forest Fair in Texas and was talking to a friend who (is still big), who'd had Bypass. She's lost a insane amount and still going down. She was great at all sizes.
Good luck babe-just a thing, nothing nothing to do with the real you (ignore those nasty chicks in the office too!)

Aww you guys.. here I am having my pity party and seems there are other people that feel this way. Yeah, I know I am a bit hard on myself - but I feel like I have to be. No one else is going to discipline me, if I don't.
@ Aro - your words cut to my heart. I suppose women are a bit more cruel when it comes to judging but I know men do it too. I am ashamed to tell people I was a soldier... and worse if they ask "how long ago was that?". Wow. Really?
@ Everyone - I thought I could have some "fat accpetance" but just can't get my mind around it. I feel like people stare at me everywhere I go. They must think, "Oh that poor girl. She is out of control". *sigh* But it is so much worse when your friends and family judge you. They remember this thin, fit girl.. then they see me. My own child thinks I am "sooo big". Ugh. I want to lose weight for her too. yes, for me, but for her too. I want to run and play with my daughter. I want to fit in the chair at the school when she has a recital. I want her to say my mom is soo pretty instead of my mom is sooo big.
Food has become my enemy. I don't even like the smell of food anymore. Things that tasted good, no longer offer that console. I want the band to help me - help myself. Does that make sense?
I need that extra edge to fight this war. Dieting alone is like fighting a war with a limited number of bullets.. [motivation]... once my bullets are gone, I will lose the war.