You get this surgery because you want a better life for yourself and your family. But what happens when your spouse doesn't want a better life for anyone except themself? How much do you take before you just throw in the towel?
I had my VSG on Monday 6/6/11. Things were rough, I stayed in the hospital 5 days instead of 1. During my 5 days in the hospital I saw my spouse maybe 45 minutes total. He was too busy swimming at the hotel, shopping at the mall and eating out. He says he was keeping the kids busy. Ok. Getting liquids in is a real pain. But you know what, I am a fighter - so I am finding ways!! I sit here across from the one person that is supposed to be my biggest cheerleader and well, to be honest, he is my biggest critic. It is getting old. Many of my friends have said "once you lose weight, you will leave him". I blew it off as rubbish because I love my husband. But the more he curses at me, the more he yells for no freaking reason, the more he sits around complaing about everyone and everything - the more I have to wonder - how long can you kick an injured dog before she bites the $%*@ out of you!?!??!
I am so close. Right there on the verge of just saying, you know what, pack you %$ and leave. If we didn't have kids maybe it would be easier. The surgery seems to have added stress to this situation 10 fold. He asked me what time my appointment tomorrow is and I said I don't know but the slip is on the fridge. He then progressed to curse me out for not remembering and told me that I should drive my @)#($&% self to the appointment - which I am not supposed to do - because he has a "hot date". yeah the whole "hot date" thing came out of left field. I don't know what his issue is. But seriously, I am so over it. I am here trying to heal, trying to take care of my kids and he acts like the 3rd child.
He has not mentioned the 24 lbs I have lost already. He has not made any mention of any changes - and I can see it in my face. I mentioned how much I lost and he just blew me off. He continues to eat junk food right in front of me. Ok so what.... I am ok. I have been sucking it up. I will grab a SF pop or leave the room. I shouldn't put my families eating habits on hold because of me. I did say one night that I was so hungry and he looked at me said, "Too f)(**&^ bad, that was your decisions to have the surgery." OK WOW... blow me away. I knew he wasn't totally on board but he knew I had a mass inside my stomach that needed removal anyway. So the surgery was going to be bariatric or to remove the cancer mass. So why not both? Either way I would be losing weight because I wouldn't be able to eat normally for while.
Why write this? Well I have no where else to vent I suppose. This is my blog and I am not one on not saying what is going on. Maybe I will look back on this entry and think I over reacted or maybe I will be divorced and wonder why I didn't leave earlier. Maybe I will shake my head because the same thing will be happening and I will have done nothing. No big shocker there either. Hopefully, I will look back and see that he was having issues and didn't know how to communicate very well - or at all.
One good thing.. my VSG is totally preventing me from falling into a pile of alfredo pasta or pint of ice cream. Now I have to deal head on with my issues. If you think VSG will make your marriage better, think again. You will have to learn to deal with the issues in a new way, preferably with communication. I suppose this is one of many reasons post ops go into a deep depression. Who wants to bother your friends or family with this BS? Not me. So learn to process it and keep moving on.
Will I go to my appointment alone tomorrow? If I do, damn sure there will be hell to pay. If not, good for him. He is safe for one more day from the dog bite.