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The voices that hold you back.. part 1

By Day Dreamer

· 636 views

Part 1 - voice: self

 

Muted laughter from behind the cubicles. Was it about me? I thought I looked cute today. Make a beeline for the ladies room, only to check the mirror and see a fat girl staring back at me. “Who are you?” I ask. She mocks me, “Who are you?” We both look down; sadness comes over. Cute? No. What was I thinking? I make my way back to my cubicles and work in silence.

 

What makes women so mean? We are all even right? Not so much. The easy answer is that they are mean because I am fat. The honest answer is that because I am fat, I am also insecure. Their laughter could be over a silly email or text message, yet I assume it was me.

 

One thing I need to work on is me. WLS is not going to cure me; so instead I shall use it as a stepping stone. I need to fix the outside and get healthy again. I also need to fix the inside so that the mind matches the new body. Fat. Skinny. Fatter. Skinnier. Obese and now extremely obese. I am reminded of this fact on a daily basis. My lack of self esteem has led my once extroverted personality to take shelter inside an introverted fat covering. The bigger I get, the more I hide. It is an evil game of cat and mouse. Sadly, I am both the cat and the mouse. I am my own worst enemy.

 

 

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    Guru in Training

    renniemommie

    LAP-BAND Patients

    I hear you. I get it. I do. I bet you DID look cute! Remember, Fat is just a thing. All these things you think are a issue are not you, just stuff in your field of vision.

    Lose weight, get surgery, whatever, but it is a thing, once fat is gone, will it be, age, hair color? It never ends..

    I do renaissance festivals, many many BIG women out there, all loved, no problems with men or friends. All attitude. No matter your age, Go to fair, get a corset, find other fat chicks in corsets, be your own tribe! I have personally known people (just people, no descriptions of any thing else) that were insecure, myself included who after a season or two at fair feel so different about themselves. Such community there. It does not matter what you do in "real" life' how you are out there is all that matters. I just came back from a 3-day weekend at Sherwood Forest Fair in Texas and was talking to a friend who (is still big), who'd had Bypass. She's lost a insane amount and still going down. She was great at all sizes.

    Good luck babe-just a thing, nothing nothing to do with the real you (ignore those nasty chicks in the office too!)

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    Bariatric Evangelist

    Day Dreamer

    LAP-BAND Patients

    I love love love the Ren Fairs! I always wanted to participate in one. Sadly, I have only been a visitor.

    Thanks for the kind words. I am just in a funk :) It will end shortly, I hope. LOL

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