Leaderboard

Sooooo i just looked at my blog and see it's been like 5 years since I posted!!!!! WOOOOOOWWWW!!! So if i wrote everything that has happened in those 5 years this would be like 8 pages long, so i will make it short as possible. I met my goal size of a 12 within 11 months of having my band. I was good at maintaining for like 2.5 years. And then my band and i started fighting more and more. Between life, band slippages, emergency unfills, relationship changes and the death of my mother i have basically gained all my weight back. I am back to a size 16 and my original size preband was a 20. I have changed jobs and now am in the process of getting my band removed and revised to a vertical sleeve. I have had many emotions about this from embarrassment, shame, anger, etc. I was self pay for the lap band, but my current insurance does pay for the surgery. I was submitted for the removal of my lap band and revision to a sleeve and was DENIED!! To say I was devastated is putting it mildly. I am in the process of having my doctor submit further explanation of why it is medically necessary to remove my band. This time will be different. I will be going to support groups and doing thing before that i hated like actually tracking food and gym times. I'm pretty sure no one even follows this blog anymore, but i am keeping my youtube blog up to date! Thanks for stopping by!

To say I've been in a dark and depressing mood the past few days is a mild understatement. Okay, a major understatement! People I thought were friends haven't been there for me when I needed them the most. And perfect strangers reached out, not knowing me at all and sending words of encouragement. To those strangers, I thank you. Your kindness means the world to me. Mostly I'm sorry I got as dark as I did. I really am trying to see someone about it, but like my "friends", they said they can't see me right now. Oh wells! I'll see them a week from tomorrow, probably bouncing off the walls happy. I'm doing okay now, though. I got back on the wagon today. I have a goal to lose at least another 10 pounds by April 22. I also decided that is going to be my goal date for surgery. I know that this date is highly contingent upon my surgeon, but I am praying that this will be my day to shine. Well, I'm rarely shining right after surgery, but you know what I mean. See, a little background history about me. I met my husband on February 5, 1995. We went on our very first date on February 14 of the same year and became a couple four days later until April 11, 2013. When I was telling my new therapist about him during my intake I lost count of how many times she said "He had some serious mental problems". I already knew that and it was the reason I filed for divorce because he wouldn't get help for those problems. He committed suicide on April 22, 2013 after he got the divorce papers. Left a message for me on Facebook that read in his status "Til Death Do Us Part". To say that's messed with me over the years is another major understatement. Therefore, I think having my surgery on April 22 would be a perfect way to begin again. To put my fat and him behind me once and for all. For me. For my kids. For us. As a kind stranger told me, it's time to let go of the past. And that's exactly what I intend to do. God Bless and Protect you always.