My Negative Thoughts

I posted this yesterday and had such loving, great feedback, for the first time I think it really sunk in that this is a SUPPORT sight and I love everyone

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:help: So, after I have ballooned to a size where I look in the mirror and am so saddened to see this formerly (I thought) attractive lady look like a good year blimp. :omg: Can't fit into any of my clothes, have double chin, no waist anymore, etc. I have heel spurs, back pain, and no energy. Finally after lots of research and exhausted tries at getting my insurance to pay for surgery, decide to get lap band. I then elect to pay for surgery, scheduled date for the 26th of this month, etc.

To have optimum results, and speedy recovery I KNOW I have to quit smoking, I KNOW I should be doing pre-op diet, however I have ABSOLUTELY NO SELF-CONTROL. I do good for a few days, then blow it, smoke a cigarette (i'm not a big smoker to begin with but I have been trying to quit for month's sometimes 3 - 4 days no smoke, then bam, 2 in one day) I went no cigarette this time for 5 days, then bam, today bought a pack, smoked two and just now threw whole pack in garbage and poured water on them.

Also, for only ONE day I did liquids. Did okay yesterday second day, then came home and had a BOWL full of brown rice with chedder cheese, butter, green beans and then a chocolate bar (I'm a vegetarian so this is like my favorite meal):hungry: Then today, I say okay, back on the horse, drink liquids and protein shakes for breakfast and lunch, then bam, I'm starving so eat a little macaroni and cheese from a fast food place.

I am so miserable and so upset that I'm wondering, if I can't control myself now even for a few days, how can I possibly be successful with the band? Am I such a loser that I will be the one person who only loses 10 lbs and that's it and I will have flushed almost $10 g's down the drain?

How do I stick to anything if I fall for everything????

My friend at work says she doesn't get how I can manage to always hit lofty sales goals and quotas, yet the simplest lifestyle change that I need to do, I fail miserably....She (a size 4, lol) says Alysha, Your probably setting yourself up for failure because you love bread and cheese too much to ever give it up.

Am I a fool for desperately wanting to believe in the band and that when I get hungry I will not shove toxic waste down my pie hole????"

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I was banded on June 13th & have no self-control either...I cheated non-stop on the pre-op diet & smoked. The one wonderful thing about the band is that it doesn't let you cheat no matter how badly you want to...lol It gives us the self-control that we don't have ourselves. I had no hunger for 10 days but now am starting to feel hungry but am not giving up. I knew this was part of the deal. I won't have good restriction until I am 6 weeks out & can start getting this band filled.