Its been 7months and 17 days since my initial blog

I got my approval letter in the end of August and had my surgery on Sept 30. It was the start of my new life. I went in very scared not of the procedure but making it thru. I figured after I made it thru the rest I can handle. I have had many hills to climb in my life. Waking from surgery I was so excited. I was alone. Had no support with me. My spouse dropped me off at the hospital and bolted. Not that I wanted him there but if the shoe was on the other foot. I would of been there. I refused pain meds while in post op. My b/p was low so I ended up being in the hospital for 8hrs. Went home and started my life.

I am 6months and 2 days out. I have lost almost 40lbs and I am thrilled. I have my days when I have just not been my full potential. But I know this is one journey I am enjoying. I use to be a shopper. Since my surgery I purchased 1 dress and jacket to wear to 3 different occassions. I refuse to buy anything. I am taking handme downs. I have no shame. Why pay good money for clothes I will not get to wear maybe longer than 6months or less. Not worth it. Must be frugal. I do feel the way I eat and what little I eat I should be a bird by now. But I am ok. I actually found my legs to start to look kinda sexy from the knees down. I have athletic legs and always thought even though toned they are big for a lady. Now looking pretty good. I will never be a Heidi Klum, Lloyds of London will not ensure them. But I will ensure I will be rocking the shorts this summer.

I have found I enjoy taking my picture now. I am not worried too much about angles and only get me from the neck up shot. I have found I am much more vocal about my feelings. I am not longer the door mat. I can say no to people and not feel guilty or be made to feel guilty. I have found new found strength in me. I have always been extremely independently. I don't rely on anyone for anything. I can do it or will do it on my own. That way I don't owe anyone anything. My marriage has sufferred. Perhaps from my new found confidnece. Perhaps it was in misery alot longer than before this which is true and I had hope then. I know whatever decisions I make reguarding me, my happiness my weight, my life I will be in control. I hold the keys. I am driving my life to where I have wanted to be for a very very long time.

This is my confession.

It sounds like the surgery gave you a whole new attitude - a better one. You deserve to be happy with your life, and I think you are taking all the necessary steps to get there. Good for you! I hope I feel the same way if I get approval for the surgery. Congrats!