Negotiations and Love Songs

Paul Simon’s, aptly names anthology of solo hits is called “Negotiations and Love Songs.” He does a great job of capturing the often bizarre and illogical discussions and negotiations we have with ourselves. I think he has done a better job than most in capturing the 5 Stages of the Mourning (Denial, Sadness, Anger, Bargaining, and Acceptance). Well…last night I found myself locked in a mortal battle of wills with Denial.

Obviously, I have spent years denying that I had a real problem and that I could overcome it with “will power” or the other great line “…I’ll just stop eating…” I have a friend, that is a recovered alcoholic, and he always said giving up booze was easier than food. Because, you CAN just stop drinking, stopping food eventually kills you… he always said that recovery rate would be zero, if every AA member had to take three shots a day, but was still required to stop all other drinking.

So how did Denial sink it’s claws into me? I have been doing much better than I thought I would with the liquid diet, and the Queen of Denial was whispering to me last night…If you have done this good so far, just keep it up, skip the surgery and save the money…maybe your will power will hold out this time…ARRRRGGHHH. Denial is one seductive bitch! So how do you combat Denial? I use the mirror test.

I taped a picture of me from high school/college times (about 190LBS), and one of a friend of mine who has the look I want when I get to the other side, then I stand naked in front of the mirror and ask myself do I look like the picture? Obviously the answer is No. Denial, I abjure you, I reject you and I will overcome you. The sweet siren song of Denial will not lead me to the rocky shores to find myself, again wrecked and wondering how it all went wrong. I know the Lapband is only a tool, but, it is also a weapon in a lifelong battle that I will win this time.