This is what i am.....this is what i have become

HELLO TO ALL!

I am a 22 year old guy with the band. i got the band 8 months ago. i wore a size 52 jeans that where tight, now im size 44 that are getting too big. i am 6ft 3in and was 380lbs, now, i am 293ish. to be honost i have a mix of extreme happiness and extreme anger. when it comes to being happy, wow, it is great. i can buy cLothes that are not from MENS BIG AND TALL, i can fit soooo much better in the chairs at movie theaters and the chairs at college. i have energy and 10X the confidence to approach women and people in general! BUT, i am so angry at times.......i see people from my past...mostlygirls from Highschool. these are the cheer leader types. the really "hot" girls. the girls that where only friends and no chance of being my girl-friend. they see me and say, "OMG is that you, gimme a hug, wow you look great, gimme a call this weekend, how are you" hahahaha this one girl i used to have a crush on even said "you are turning in to a hot guy" like im a mutant, ever changing for thier pleasure. when i was " really fat" i always wondered what is what like to be thin, i never was thin my entire life. i havent been under 300lbs since i was 15 until recently. i was always a funny guy trying to get people to like me, i wanted them to try to ignore my weight and focus on my personality. it workd to a point, but now.......that im getting thinner....i dont know what to think any more. all these people from my past are so nice to me, even my friends of many years give me more respect now that im loosing weight. IT MAKES ME SO MAD. its like i had the plague before and now, i am cured.... i never told any one of the band....i lied, i told people that i had my gaulblatter taken out. no one ever figuerd out i had the band. i told them i was taking health seriouly now. they bought my lie, the only people that know are my parents, not even my grand parents. i feel ashamed i got it done. i feel that i shouldof been healthy by myself.....believe me.....i dont regret getting the band, but i feel like im living a lie....im walking around with a huge piece of my self that i cant share with the people in my life. i had the courage to get the band, had the courage to stand up for myself and fight back when i got picked on in school, people realized that i wasnt i person to mess with and gained either their respect or fear....i hate it came to that.....but i wasnt going to become a door step for anyone....now that people respect me for my weight loss and my personality. i dont know how to handel this new life style. for the first time in myife people are judging me for me and not my weight..... im having trouble dropping my guard and letting others in to see me for me. For example, i met this great girl at college, i never told her about my weight loss so she could just see me or me. she is so pretty, and all i can think out is "would she of liked me 87lbs ago" so in my infinate "wisdom" i stopped talking to her:frown:. i cant getover that fact that, in my past, she would of just kept walking rigt past me. i am having trouble trusting people. i want to reach out to others now, dont get me wrong i had plenty of friends in highschool and college, but now, i dont know how to handel my self. i want to be social and fun and the guy people flock around, but i am loosing my self. i am a brain in a new body, its like an baby learnng to walk, i am in the fetal stages of my growth. i am growing but not ready to come out yet. i guess i need to start telling people i had the band, i almost did once to the girl from school, but i couldnt. i got to let go of this anger and be happy because im becoming healthy. but i must admit........my motivation for weight loss is anger and hate twords people. every pound i lose is because i am motivated by the people i dispise. every time i work out, i think of the people that give me their fake complements. ahhhhhh, i dont know what to do. i am still losing weight, but im having a hard time adjusting to my new me. any one got any thoughts? any thing would be appreciated.......this is what i am......this is what i have become.-FURIOUS ABYSS:thumbup:

OMG I JUST LOVE YOU. You express yourself well. Look its all about you now dont let your past bad experiences rain on your new found self. Enjoy life and all it has to offer and i n order to do that you must heal. It is sad that society treats people of larger size with such lack of respect but that is just how it is. Just make sure though you are droping the weight dont lose the important parts your sense of humor your zest for life. You welcome all the good your weight loss has brought and its your choice who to tell about your band and if you never tell well that is your choice. Dont be angrey just remeber those people that treated you less then you deserved and x them out of your life and always be you remember your weight is just a piece of you (shell )your inner beauty is what counts.

I totally understand where you are coming from, but please don't let your anger overshadow this achievement - you should feel proud. I have told a few trusted friends about the band, because I want their support and understanding, but as far as everyone else is concerned I am simply on a diet and eating less. They don't need to know about the band. You may not be able to forgive people from your past, but don't let their behaviour impact on how you build relationships in the future - give people a chance otherwise you will be unhappy and no-one wants that.

Embrace your success, set the example for being humble and understanding,forgiving and most of all loving. Enjoy the new you, you have worked hard for this new healthier you. Let no anger rob you of all that is good. Dont miss out on new friendships, second guessing can easily cost you the best that is to come for you! People change, I have learned that now that I am arranging my 30th class reunion, people change. I am not the slender 125 lb ASB President, but I know who I am......friendly, understanding and enjoying life the best I can. Time is short.....you will look back and know that you survived what seems to be a cruel world.

YOU sound like a beautiful young man, full of life and much to share.....dont cheat yourself out. Be proud, be an example of success. Much more success is wished for you. I wish you a happy heart. Mom of 7.... Patti with a smile for YOU!

I havent lost my weight yet and I wasnt all that fat in HS. But I had another stigma, I was poor in a rich school. What I can tell you is that at 33 years old I have learned a lot about myself and about people. Like you I was angry for so long bc when I started to live a more normal life in a comfy "middle class" people treated me differently too. Like now that I wasnt poor I was ok to befriend. But the thing is, you need to love yourself and not define yourself on what others think of you. Life takes so many turns and changes in so many ways. You have so much to look forward to. You're going to be thin and healthy and you are going to college. You are setting yourself up for so many rewards in life. These people from High School will be so far away from your mind. You are going to meet so many new friends who dont remember the "you" from HS, they will know you from now and see you as who you are now. SO dont let those old ugly classmates ruin your future by robbing you of your humor and inner peace that will allow you to be someone people want to know. They arent worth it. High School is over. Enjoy the new you, dont be jaded. Be proud of your accomplishments and let your new life fulfill you and make you whole. You are going to love life, I promise!