Acceptance......and a good bye to another Christmas.

Well I went back to the gym and worked hard. I have been gaining and losing the last 2 lbs over and over for about 10 days. I was so smug before thinking that I was lucky and doing so well….I guess it happens to everyone. Christmas is a hard time to diet. No doubt about that! I guess I should be happy if I don’t gain any weight this week. At one point I was 0.2 lbs away from my New Years goal. Now I am about 1.5lbs away. I don’t know if I will make it, but if I don’t make it by New Years it will be okay because I will make it soon. Ever since I really started focusing on that goal I haven’t done very well. I need to go back to the philosophy that said even if I mess up or don’t lose as fast as I want to I will lose it. It is ok not to be perfect. It is ok to mess up as long as I get back up and keep going. I am going to mess up. I have to expect it. That way it won’t hit me so hard when it happens. It will be ok and I will keep going and keep losing!

I have to accept a new chapter in this Lap band book. I have to give up pizza. :embaressed_smile: I have been eating pizza occasionally. Too often lately. It has been around a lot. Today we helped some friends move. (I am actually exhausted and I don’t think I am going to make it to the gym tonight. I will tomorrow.) Anyway they ordered pizza for the group. I got stuck and started sliming at lunch and at supper. I thought I just wasn’t watching my bites well enough and I probably wasn’t, but I think it is time for me to accept that I have gotten tighter and that means no more bread. Not even pizza crust. I thought I would be upset and just want it more…but to tell you the truth I am kind of relieved. I think I needed an excuse not to eat it. My will power had failed me recently. It is time for me to get back to basics.

I found out today that my grandpa passed away. I wasn’t close to him and the only reason I am going to the funeral is to support my mom. She needs some closure. Now my sister her 4 boys and my mom are coming home. That means I don’t get to surprise them this spring/summer with my weight loss. Oh…I guess I still will when I hit onderland, but it just won’t be as big of a surprise. I am still not planning to tell them about the lap band until I in onderland and much closer to goal so now I have to watch what I eat and not let them figure out what is going on. We’ll see what happens. I know that they will think that I went off the deep end if I tell them before there are more results. I need them to say “WOW! I wish I had done that!”

Anyway….good bye Christmas. Parting is such sweet sorrow. I love you and hate your snacks and I can’t wait until next Christmas when I plan to be at goal! I pray it will be true!