It's Awful Not To Be In Control!

After 6 weeks unfilled, I was finally given a fill to 1.0 (out of 4.0). Basically, there was no difference. My second fill a few weeks ago was .8 so I now have 1.8 I still have almost no restriction. I can go again in a couple more weeks for a third fill, but do I want to pay for another fill if I am going to have gall bladder surgery? Being unfilled, the old food obsessions came flooding back. I was hungry all the time. I picked up about 14 pounds since February. I have since lost 4, so I still have 10 to go. With some restriction and warm weather (to exercise more) I should be able to get it off. My lap band Dr. has said he will do the gall bladder surgery any time I am ready. I still have pain when I eat high fat, so I know the darn thing has to come out. I just hate that I will have to stay unfilled for 6 weeks post op. I hate gaining weight, and fighting with my body. Yes, I have learned new thinking, but if I could stick to diets before I would have never needed the LB surgery in the first place. I HATE the food obsessions. I hate the thoughts of being out of commission for so long. I'm scared, no TERRIFIED I'll gain the weight back.

Son's court date is this summer too. I'm worried about that. It looms in the back of my mind. It's not shaping up to be the best of summers. Big Sigh... :thumbdown:

I hate when things are out of my control. I really have a need to be in control of every situation. I've come so far, but I see just how more more work I still have to do with myself. It's hard for me to remember I am still a work in progress.