I Take Up Less Space in the World

I was reflecting on the past eight months yesterday.

I was sitting in the passenger seat of my car. My legs were crossed (Indian-style) on the seat. I had plenty of room.

I was sitting on my bed talking to my husband and looked in the mirror.

I looked at a booth seat and had to scoot forward to reach the table.

I walked through a crowd the other day.

It's still new to me, this taking up less space in the world. I take up less space in bed. I take up less space in the car. There's just less of me!

I am 209 pounds as of yesterday. I tried on my husband's size 34 shorts. I could get them over my hips...not quite to buttoning them, but they came up where they were supposed to be. I am in size 18s and some 16s. I have lost over 80 pounds.

I may not be where I want to be, yet, but I FEEL normal.

I don't waddle when I walk anymore.

I think that when I get pregnant, I will LOOK pregnant...not just fat.

I don't fear meeting people who haven't seen me in awhile (I'm way smaller than ANYONE has seen in about 15 years!).

I don't worry that people are staring at me.

I have a flight coming up on June. I KNOW I will fit in the seat.

I'm going hiking this weekend. I may not be in good shape, but I know I can do it!

I'm planning athletic things (hiking, kayaking, etc) with a new friend...and she's not worried if I can keep up.

So much in so little time. Bad things too. I see fat people now and wonder why they haven't gotten the surgery. I see people who are bigger than me and thank God it's not me. I'm so grateful, but also relieved. I'M not the freak anymore. Someone else is. It may not be nice, it may not be good, but it's true.

I wonder what my life would have been like if I hadn't gotten so fat.