Not the Best of Days Today

Today has not been the best of days today.

A few days ago, I remember asking if it was normal to not have an appetite during the first few post surgery. For once in my life, I had to remind myself that I needed to eat or drink something.

Then today...

:: shakes her head in disbeleif ::

I woke up absofrikin lutely starving. No matter how much liquids I consumed, i was still hungry. I mean hungry to the point that my stomach was growling.

First I was mad at myself for putting myself...one who had had such hard times staying on diet...on such a controlled diet. Clear Liquids?!! For a week?! What the hell was I thinking!! So I was pissed.

Then as I got hungrier and hungrier I just got sadder and sadder. I actually had to make myself not cry. The hunger was pretty much taunting me... making sure that I remembered that I was fat. Only fat people are constantly hungry because nothing really satisfies them. i wanted to call into Dr. B's office and tell them how hungry i actually was ask could I PLEASE start the full liquid diet a few days early. Oatmeal. Grits. Something other than what i have been eating. But I was too embarrassed to call there whining that i was hungry.

I am still hungry. Each time my stomach gurgles I have the urge to cry. I wont eat anything because I am terrifeid to throw up. I am not asking for a huge meal..not even solid food. Hell, I'd jsu tbe happy eating soem crackers just so something could sit on my stomach.

I am still hungry and Ihate that feeling. i have not cheated at all. I will ahve to stay on this stupid liquid diet thing until my first post-op visit with Dr. B.

I hate this shit. I hate being sad and pissed off that I can't eat. i hate shoveling stuff in my mouth and still feeling hungry...I don't care if that stuff is just liquid.

I am goign to try to go to sleep. The longer I stay awake the more I realize how hungry i am.

I feel like a failure already. I it has not been a weak post of and I am already whining.

I hope tomorrow will be better. iam trying to tell myself that I will be out of Phase 1 Hell very soon.

Go ahead and let it out. Getting mad burns calories!!

You're sticking to it and making tough choices.

Good for you.

I am so proud of you for not straying and cheating. You will make it through this! If nothing else can you take a walk to take your mind off of being hungry? I know you are thinking I'm crazy but I know that once I get my fat lazy butt outside I kind of forget about all the other stuff in my life for awhile. You keep up the good work you will make it through this and come out on the other side a healthier, thinner, happier you.