reconsidering

I'm really going between having the surgery and not having the surgery. I mean, is it really going to benefit me? Do I want to go this route, or do I want to do it the way I always could before? I don't know. I have no clue what I really want to do. Do I need the surgery? No, I don't NEED it. I'm tired of the anxiety that this is creating - not the problems - that's not bothering me, just the anxiety that the thought of having this surgery is giving me. I don't know that its right for me, I really don't. If it bothers me to even tell my husband about it, can it really be right? I know that eventually, I will get my energy back. I know I'll be able to work very very hard and get the weight off. But do I want to wait for that? My big concern is that I don't want my family to see me like I am now. I'm embarrassed of what has happened to me. No, its not all my fault - but yeah, some of it is. I'm tired of the looks and stares - like when I go get a very very healthy smoothie - people look at me like "what's the fat lady doing getting something healthy???" - Someone actually said something once to the person they were with - and I retorted with "I'm sure it probably does make you feel better to pick on someone who's fatter than you, but how does it make you feel to pick on someone that has a dehabilitating disease that is treated with medications that make it nearly impossible to get out of bed because of the painful side effects and the enormous amount of weight gain caused by it - not to mention the chemo-like IV treatments - yeah. Are you on your way to the cancer ward now to laugh at the bald kids?" I thought the person was going to start to cry - GOOD - maybe next time they'll think twice.

Hi- My name is Tina. I'm not banded yet- Oct 18th is my day. But anyway, I wanted to say I've gone through a lot of emotions with the choice to have the lap band. Reading the different threads helped me a lot. A gal had posted one that was experiencing major doubts and people who've been banded really responded. It seems almost everyone wavers as this is a major life decision. Also I was astounded at the overwhelming greatfulness expressed that they had gotten the band. Maybe search the different threads for some support or start your own. I hope this helps. It's amazing the levels and intensity of the emotions we feel going through this. I know my strongest ones will come as my surgery date gets closer and closer. Take Care- I hope this helps. If you need to talk you can PM me. ~Tina:)