It has begun...

height: 5' 7" weight: 277 BMI: 64

It is crazy to me that I am putting this out there for whoever wants to read it and yet my husband doesn't even know exactly what I weigh. He has a real good idea but not the exact digits. Like by my not telling him it isn't as bad as it actually is. Kind of like how my drivers license says I weigh 200. I haven't weighed that sinse around 1994. It's been awhile. But it is time to face reality and own up to the fact that I am morbidly obese- I have let myself go further and further each year. I have been a pretty regular dieter the past 13yrs or so. I can lose 20-45 lbs befor I crash. I either get sick of no carbs, or tired of shakes, or quit excersizing, or quit counting calories because I want to eat. I have used food for comfort- to fill a void and I have created a vicious cycle in my life that needs to be broken. I am ready to begin the healing process. I am ready for my butt to quit being the thing that grows and instead have things like spiritual growth,confidence and self-worth back in my life. I have begun tackling the mental reason behind my eating. I really believe that will be a huge key to not only losing weight but achieving the internal happiness that I have been lacking.

I began researching gastric bypass and banding about six months ago. At first I really wanted to bypass. I wanted the finality of it. I wanted to have no way out of losing weight. I was taking the wrong approach at that time. Even if I had chosen bypass- my mind still needed to make a shift. It took time and a lot of reading journals online to see that surgury is only a tool. I believe it is a powerful tool if used properly. I've made the shift and actually after a lot of research the band just makes so much sense. And I am so excited.... as well as a little nervous and scared.:phanvan

The company I work for recently got bought out which was a huge blessing for me. My previous insurance didn't cover any kind of weight loss surgury. I was prepared to find a way to finance it- I and my health- are worth it! But luckily our new insurance overs everything. Yippee!

So today I had my psych evaluation. There were 5 tests- 4 of them were not bad. The other one was almost 600 questions. Not terrible, but time consuming and can you say hand cramp? By the way I am not afraid of the dark (they asked that question like 6 times). The Doctor said after our 10 minute talk, that I am a perfect canidate and he has seen this surgury help a lot of people. First step down..... it has begun.

I have an appointment with my primary doctor the 9th to get a refferal for a sleep apnea test. Then the 17th I have my appointment with the dietician. On the 27th I go to the required support group. I am on my way. :car: