Day 10 Liquid diet....Five days til surgery....I cheated...

I think about surgery day. It's weird, but I worry more about surviving the surgery itself than the actual complications you can have from it....I feel guilty sometimes, like I could leave my kids motherless because I want to be thin again...but my nut told me I deserve this and death is rare...I have decided to believe her. I don't even want to worry about it. I push it to the back of my mind most days. Sometimes it comes creeping up though.... Also, I am worried about what I will be like coming out of anesthesia. Like, I guess we get either super chatty,tired, or cry...when I had my wisdom teeth out years ago I was told I cried...I hope I follow suit again lol....because I don't remember....I think it would be less embarassing to cry. I watch too many youtube videos lol....I cheated on my diet yesterday! I ate three Andes mint chocolates oh my and one today...I fed the rest to mykids so wouldnt be tempted...I have three kids so they each got like three a piece..... I was doing so well smh. I think it liquifies too and will be out of my system and not cause my liver to enlarge lol.....man I miss real food....but getting on the scale this morning and seeing 200.4 made me tear up. I am almost afraid to get on the scale tomorrow. Onederland is a huge milestone and to be under 200 is significant for me...I never imagined in a million years I would be over 200lbs.... or eat a whole box of mac and cheese in one sitting either but here I am lol....striving to be a better me