That's the trouble with fear...

It always gets you when you least expect it. You’re cruising right along, doing your thing, and then something happens and that fight or flight reaction stops you in your tracks. Humans have fear to keep themselves safe. The fear of the unknown has kept us safe for thousands of years; we do what is most comfortable, hardly venturing out into the great unknown without a reasonable reason for doing so. In cases of elective surgery, it’s a tricky thing because as in the case of bariatric surgery, no one is saying to you something like, “Your appendix has ruptured and we have to remove it”, or “Your heart has a blockage and we must do a bypass or you’ll die”. It’s tricky because without bariatric surgery, oftentimes it’s only a matter of time until it kills us. Although in many cases it’s probably not in the immediate future, but definitely not a long way away, either. Or, maybe your health is pretty good like in my case. I don’t have heart problems, diabetes or high blood pressure, but rather my weight has robbed me of my quality of life. With degenerative arthritis in my back, the pain from the weight has taken away a lot of my joy. So, when I say that it’s only a matter of time until it kills us, it could be in the physical or emotional sense of the word.

I’m amazed at the change in emotion as I go through this process and it gets closer and closer to my surgery date. I’m still vacillating between excitement and fear, and I presume that’s going to be the case until I’m on the operating table on December 18^th. However, I no longer fear the procedure itself. I have the utmost confidence in my surgeon. Now, I am more apt to be fearful of the recovery itself, and occasionally the years ahead of me as I age. Since there is no long-term data specifically on my surgery type, the future is uncertain even though people have had portions of their stomachs removed due to various reasons including cancer. There are thousands upon thousands though, that have had successful surgeries and recovery times, and the number of those with life altering complications are slim. But, it does happen and I have to be educated and aware that the possibility exists. Nonetheless, the fear is an ever-constant subtlety that will likely remain. That’s the trouble with fear; it’s not something that is easily controlled.