The High Heeled Assasin's Intro

My official intro, you may know me as DrmBig4Evr, or Kathryn, but allow me to introduce to you The High Heeled Ninja Assasin.

Going through the official pre-operation phases from research to pre-authorization, approval and now finally pre-op status I have gone through a number of emotions. I know all of us have pre and post op.

In reflecting on this past week I realized a number of items I wanted to blog about, but didn't get around to it. This morning I realized the best way to do this is to write this blog and title it appropriately.

All of my life I have been known as a fighter, a fighter against adversity. Now, I realize that is not enough. Why fight adversity to gain a "normal" sense of life when I can go up against my fears, additions (food/abuse), problems full force as a ninja and break through each one and move FORWARD?? I've been living my life the wrong way.

A little background on my past, but this past does not define me...

* Teen mother

* College Graduate

* Abbusive Relationships

* Supportive Family

* Narcissistic Husband

* Overweight

* Single Mom of 2 beautiful boys, turning 11 & 18 at the most appropriate time, the weekend of my surgery

* Professional & Strong Woman

I have allowed the above "classifications" define who I am. I thought I was embracing adversity and overcoming it when I should have fought through it and kept moving. There are those to remind me that I am too young to have an 18 year old and to them I say simply, I know. However, I noticed that I also have appeased my biggest interloper, my ex-husband (Nov 2012), by giving into his demands and putting my life on hold as not to "rock the boat". When I decided on this journey it was mainly for quality of life puroses, medically speaking, but what I have realized I've gained is a change of a QUALITY LIFE.

You may be wondering about the title of my blog. Well, obviously the ninja assasin may be self-explanatory. I will overcome AND advance forward very calculated and strategically. However, the high heeled part is specific to the abuse I have received over the last 13 years of my life. The physical abuse stopped about 10 years ago, thankfully, but the emotional, financial, and manipulative ways continue on today. I have clawed my way out and I am finally seeing a light. I was told I do not look good in heels, but I LOVE wearing them. I am not too tall, but not short either. 5'5.5" with 3" heels would make me as tall as many men. Being overweight, heels made me feel pretty. I used to blame my ex for his opinions stating it was his insecurities. Typical Napoleon complex in my opinion. However, I bowed to the abusive behavior, I started buying more flats, and why not I had back problems anyway. I didn't realize how upset I was about this control until I was faced with attending a R&B concert and I "asked" if I could wear heels with my dress and I was told no, I look unnatural. WHAT???????? I wore flats and rocked them, noticing I was the only one with them on. NOW? Its time for ME. I am going in full force with my heels on assasinating any negativity and facing adversity like a Ninja!