How About Some Diet Jokes... We All Have Them, Let's Share

hi SpecialK1960

i met with a group of "heavier" people saying they gained weight after the birth of their children.

i said me too. "oh how old is your daughter" i said 36 lol

thats my only attempted jokethat i tell sometimes. maybe you have to be there. oh well

not usually read blog - but when i saw you and your blog, i quickly raced over to say hi

kathy

Special K as I've said before keep the laughs coming. Maybe a new career is in the making (stand-up)

Kathleen Madigan - a great comedian - tells about her sister gaining weight when pregnant. She had gained 45 pounds. She asked her sister did she think that the baby really weighed that much.... " Sure, honey you are about to have the world's biggest baby. Now put down the donuts...."

Here are a few more jokes....

Inside me there's a thin person struggling to get out,

but I can usually shut her up with four or five cupcakes.

You may need to diet when:

1. the back of your neck looks like a pack of hotdogs.

2. You have to iron your pants on the driveway.

3. Your cereal bowl has a lifeguard.

4. Your gym teacher tells you to touch your toes. And you reply, "I don't have that kind of relationship with my feet. Can I just wave?"

Definition of a bathroom scale: A device that only seems to work correctly when one holds on to towel rail, stands on one foot and leans hard to the left.

My new theory on calories – This actually makes a bit of sense, which scares me terribly. I have redefined the Calorie as: the basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered by the average individual prior to taking a second helping of a particular food. That is why cake has more calories, because you have to rationalize more. Salads take almost no rationalizing – and contain almost no calories.

Now I lay me down to sleep,

I pray the Lord my soul to keep.

If I should die before I wake,

I pray the Lord my fat to take,

And leave behind a skinny shell,

And all my fat can go to HE…!!!

“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.” — George Bernard Shaw

I don't want buns of steel. I want buns of cinnamon