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Doing Better

CrazyCatLady

Entry posted by CrazyCatLady ·

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I'm working graveyard shift today, but my body doesn't want to cooperate with sleep...so here I am, awake when I should be asleep. But it's ok.

 

Since my breakdown on Monday, I've been making a concerted effort to really question my motivations for anything that comes in or out of my mouth. I hadn't realized it, but I have been buying into the pity that has been coming from aquaintances:

 

"If I could only eat a few bites, I would DIE!"

 

"Aren't you going to end up like Carnie Wilson? You know, she had that surgery and gained it all back."

 

"Wow, you're going to be so sick...I had a (insert friend or relative here) who had that surgery, and he/she was so malnourished that she had to live in the hospital for (insert long period of time), they had to feed her through a tube and he/she almost died!"

 

"We're all going out drinking....you coming CatLady? Oh, that's right...no fun for you anymore!"

 

etc, etc, etc.

 

I'm not sure why I took so many of these to heart, but I have. It comes down to feeling....abnormal. It's a feeling I've struggled with almost my entire life. I just want to fit in - and since surgery, it feels like I stick out even more. For some reason, I chose to remedy this in a fashion that was really no remedy at all. It just made me feel like more of a screw up.

 

So my goal this week has been to listen only to myself, not what I -THINK- others may think or say about me. It has been challenging, but doable. The big realization is that I *AM* normal. THIS is my new normal. and I've got to go with the flow.

 

Took my daughter to Panda Express (her favorite place) to celebrate the last day of school, and was perfectly content picking at 1/4 of a side's worth of Mushroom Chicken. Enjoyed talking to her and being inside in the air conditioning. And felt ok. Just have to lock this feeling away and remember it.

CherylA and 2BThinAlways reacted to this

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MinaT

Glad that you are feeling more positive today and eventually your new normal is going to be amazing!

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karenb4729

What you are discovering now is something I discovered years ago. I had to go through chemotherapy at age 31, it wasn't something I wanted to do but the choice was to do it or die. I felt powerless and I would complain all the time to my Dr "when would I feel normal again". I was so tired of being tired. He told me that I would have a new "normal" and frankly I was not happy about it. In fact, I really did end up in a deep depression and it was more about the fact that I felt my life was out of control. I'm saying this because you will find a new normal and it will be great! I'm trying to cope with needing to have this surgery (scheduled June 4) and knowing that I will have to again find a new "normal" but in the end, it will be so worth it.

Just try to stay away from those people who are negative... I think that's why I haven't choosen to tell anyone other than just my husband and two of my children - I just don't want to hear the negativity that can come when choosing this option to help with loosing weight.

Just know that there are people who read your blog and care about you!

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Anniepie10

I haven't told a lot of people that I had a sleeve done. I just didn't want the negative. This is the new normal. Go out with your friends.. you can be the designated driver. And there is nothing wrong with talking 2/3 of a restaurant meal home in a box. You can eat it later..... and you can still have fun.. and be a healthy weight.

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4ALongerLife

Hey girl, glad you are better today... but we all have our moments in this journey. No worries. At least you are trying to figure out why you are putting what you are in your mouth. I keep snacking and not sure if it's emotionally driven or just bored and a habit to seek food. So far it's nutritious but I am am worried about my relationship with food - and how to change it. I just want to be "normal" (wtheva that is) too. I'd love to not worry about every ounce of food or feel guilty on days that I decide NOT to go to the gym (like today and I feel guilty as heck).

The point of this long reply is glad YOU are feeling better and I think kudos to you.

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