Last Day

Tomorrow is the big day. At 7:30 am they're going to anesthetize me and cut out about 3/4 of the fundus of my stomach, hopefully leading to a safe, healthy, and durable weight loss.

I'm anxious, but I'm also fairly convinced that I'm making the right decision. Most of my anxiety isn't really about the procedure (that may change as the hour draws near), it's a sort of self-doubt: am I doing the right thing? This is irreversible.

But I AM doing the right thing. I've seen that I just don't do well with the old "diet and exercise" thing. I CAN lose weight, but only ten or fifteen pounds, and I just have a hard time keeping up the willpower necessary to keep dieting. Eventually, my weight yo-yos back to where it was before, or more. This is a PERMANENT solution. It's not risk- or work-free, but it's a tool that will allow me to lose weight for good.

I am ready to let go of the few things I will have to let go of. Beer, okay -- I'll miss it, but if I want to have a drink (after my stomach is healed) I can still have non-carbonated drinks like vodka collins (yum!) or whatever. Diet Coke -- harder to let go of, since it's been my caffeine vehicle of choice.

I'm going to have to re-learn how to chew, how to sip. I'm going to have to learn to be mindful of how much water I've consumed, how much protein I've had, how my vitamin levels are.

But I really think that the benefits are worth it. My girlfriend (who was sleeved in November of last year) has said, several times, that if she had to do it all over again, she would in a heartbeat. I hear that from lots of people on these forums. That's heartening to hear!

The next weeks to a month or so may be hard, as I learn how to eat and take care of my stomach. I may have bouts of depression or anxiety -- that's okay, I'm ready for it. In the long run, I think this is the best thing I can do for my health. I'm so ready to be free of the obesity demon!

So, think good thoughts for me, and I'll see you on the other side!