Eating Again and Why I feel like and Outcast

Some of you know my story and others of you may be reading my blog for the first time. So I will summarize my pre-surgery eating habits so that you may understand the title for my entry. Before Hernia Repair and Lap Band surgery, I had a VERY limited diet. I was in pain when I was hungry and in pain when I ate. I also had a habit of regurgitating food in my sleep. Nausea, cramps, burning/stabbing pain all symptoms I was used to on a regular basis. Food getting stuck....yea that is an understatement. You name it I had it. Most foods agitated my condition, the list looking something like the following: carbonated/ caffeinated/alcoholic beverages, fruit, fruit juices (not even orange juice), products with tomato paste (spaghetti, lasagna, pizza, etc), raw vegetables, soup of the non creamy variety, cakes, pies, brownies, cookies, candy bars, and so forth. You are probably asking yourself the following: WHAT ON EARTH COULD YOU EAT? Well that's simple: starch mostly. Rice, pasta, bread, potato, oatmeal, ice cream, pudding, jello, mushy veggies, and most meats. My life was a daily chore of figuring out what food to eat that would cause me the lease amount of pain. Yes, I had meds but it was like taking sugar pills: no effect. Well, Life has changed for me in more ways than one since then. I sleep better, I experience no pain outside of hunger and the occasional gas/air dilemma (burping hiccupping etc). MOST IMPORTANTLY: I EAT WITH NO PAIN. For the first time in THREE years, I had a few bites of lasagna and a few bites of salad. Everything stayed down and hours later I was still pain free. My mom and I almost cried. These two food items alone would have caused me several hours of pain in my pre surgery days. It took this experience to show me just how SICK I've been for many years. What you EAT and DO NOT (OR IN MY CASE CAN NOT) EAT greatly effects how well your body operates. I feel better, I sleep better, and hopefully I will experience fewer illnesses in the future. I have a new lease on life because I am now able to eat a healthier diet. BUT it is still a struggle. I not only have to learn how to eat, I also have to retrain my mind not to fear pain when I eat. In many ways, It makes me feel like an outcast in most lap band groups. While many are fighting their way to portion control and healthy eating, I am fighting my way through fear and years of a non healthy but very restrictive diet. This is the true reason, I share all of my experiences. I know I cannot be the only one with this journey. It also the reason, why it is painful to me when others beat themselves up about eating food (healthy or junk wise). If you only knew what it was like to go so many years without being able to eat. It is not something I would wish on my worst enemy. Anyways, I am on my way to a better/ healthier life and I can't wait to see where it takes me. I wish the best to all of you. May your journey be one full of success and happiness.