February 17

10 pounds down and I screwed up today. I took the kids to Friendly's for dinner and was going to have a salad and diet coke. Well, I just lost it when I saw the menu and ordered buffalo chicken fingers and a BLT and proceeded to eat it. I don't know why- I was wracked with guilt and actually felt very sick by the end. That was an hour ago and I've had diarreah 4 times since. Yuck and now of course the negative self talk keeps happening. I will NOT screw up the next few days of this liquid thing.

I just don't know why I choose to set myself up to fail. this is something I struggle with. do I not deserve to lose the weight? why not? I do deserve it and sometimes we make mistakes. I told my thin sister and she told me to stop feeling sorry for myself and move on. She said she overeats too sometimes but the difference is that she doesn't beat herself up and think she's a bad person like me...... why can't I just be normal?