What a day of ups and downs. I went back and forth between excited and terrified so many times I didn't know if I was coming or going. The day started at 2pm with an intake with a skinny pretty nutritionist in a little black dress. I kept having to force myself to be honest because the way she asked all the questions made me feel pretty bad about he way I eat.

Next I met my Nurse Practitioner, Frankie. He's the guy who does the fills. He answered a lot of questions I had about erosion rates and what to expect. He was adorable, very charming and friendly and really put me at ease. He encouraged me to come in monthly regardless of how I was doing. I have a feeing I'll be seeing a lot of him.

Finally I met with Dr Ren. I questioned her about being a low BMI bandster and wanted to know what she thought my outcome would be. It turns out she did a study of low BMI patients and found that 1 out of I think 48 failed the band and had it removed due to not tolerating the lifestyle changes. 1 was lost to follow up. And all the others reached their goals. We discussed how I currently eat and I told her that I currently always eat 3 meals a day. She said that might be an obstacle to me. Once I had the band, she explained, I might not need to eat that often. She shared that she eats only once a day. (no wonder she's so skinny - let me tell you it is a rare woman that can rock those surgical scrubs) She suggested I try to loosen up my beliefs about how much food/protein people "need" and said that we as a culture tend to think we need way more food, protein and water than we actually do and this leads us to eat more than we need. She was nice and helpful and answered all my questions. I mean, she has done thousands of these so I know I'm in good hands. But still its the patients, not the doctor that are going to reassure me.

So that night from 6-8 I attended a support group at NYU for people banded in the last 12 months. In addition to the social worker who leads the group there were 5 people, 3 women and 2 men. One woman had been banded for 5 years and had lost 150 lbs. She described how she no longer needed her apnea machine or her medications for a variety of health problems that had since resolved. Everyone was such an inspiration. I was surprised to hear people say that they were discouraged with their weight loss when they had just gotten done saying they had lost 40 lbs in 4 months. I guess no one wants to JUST lose weight...people want to get THIN.

It was also interesting to hear the guys speak about their food struggles. I always find guys are so much more forthright about their bad eating habits than we women who tend to have more shame and therefore be more private/sneaky whatever you care to call it. Everyone in the room, even those struggling to get the outcome they wanted, admitted that he band was the best thing they ever did and they don't regret it for a moment. THAT was very reassuring. I exchanged emails with 2 women and they promised to attend the next support group, which will be just a few days before my surgery.

I topped off my long day, in addition to writing a reallllly big check, with a loooong phone call to my folks. I decided my Mom will be my surgery day buddy. They are both very overweight and I think this surgery freaks them out, but they are there for me 100%

I have a few weeks left before I have to start liquids. So I'm just starting to think about what I need to stock in my house. I will be celebrating both my birthday (46!!) and my daughter's 2nd birthday during my liquids phase. Also I'll be joining my parents for a yearly convention we like to attend that is unfortunately characterized by these big dinner buffets. I have decided to celebrate my Bday early so I can have a piece of cake and not violate my 2 weeks of liquids. I also plan to not accompany my family to the big buffets dinners - instead maybe I'll check out the outlets and shop for my daughters. That way I wont have to smell food when I'm starving. On my bday wish list is a little portable blender, and a smaller crockpot because mine is the size you use to make enough stew for the whole congregation. Hahaha.

It's time to pack away the summer clothes and take out the Fall stuff. I'm very tempted to give away all my big summer clothes as a vote of confidence. What do you think?