I start my 2 week pre-op diet on July 2. I have my shakes ready, my freezer is full of chicken, fish and veggies. I started taking my multi-vitamin faithfully, post-op prescriptions are purchased.

Phew, I am so ready for this. I went to the mall to buy my 10yr old new shoes. We spent less than hour and my knees and back are killing me. Some days I feel like I am carrying weights under my clothes, it's miserable and some days suffocating.

I was not always a big girl. I was 130 lbs when i married 21 yrs ago. I never struggled with weight through high school or as a child. However, when i began having children my weight began to increase. I have blamed it on pregnancies for years and one day I noticed something very strange about my appearance. My face was swollen, my hair was falling out and my joints were becomeing increasingly painful. After many weeks of testing and different doctors, the end result came back as a form of Lupus. I had already had part of my throid removed, and just prior to getting my test results I had back surgery. This only impacted my weight gain...along with a lot of emotional eating.

I am not completely innocent, I enjoy food and flavor. I enjoy trying new things to eat. I overindulged myself to 250 lbs. If I keep going, I will gain more weight. Somedays I would eat because it was the only thing to do. Somedays I would eat because I wanted to get the junk food out of my house and I felt guilty throwing it away. Somedays I would eat healthy and feel so good about not bloating and hurting...that didn't last long.

So here I am...at the end of my rope grasping for life. I am so greatful to have this chance to find the old me again. I don't need a new me, I want that girl that used to walk with pride, cared about her appearance and new she could do anything I set my mind to.

Look out world, she's coming back!