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Trying To Make The Up My Mind What To Do.

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disneynut1969

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I sit here trying to decide what journey I need to take. I have been overweight for more than half my life. I can't remember what it was like to walk into a store and be able to really buy something that I truly like. I usually just say it will cover me and go.

 

Right now I feel like my life is falling apart. My youngest Quinn just had surgery to remove a tumor from his chest. Two weeks ago, he doesn't have cancer and the surgery saved his life. I felt myself running to food the whole time that he was in the hospital. Not because I was hungry but for comfort. The food had no taste and I just found myself stuffing it in. As of yesterday I have found out that my favorite Aunt is going to die. I find myself again going to food to fill in that need of comfort. I have tired to loose weight in the past but get to the 210 mark and is just stays there. Since my son was born I have gained 28 lbs. BTW he was adopted so I can't blame it on pregnancy.

 

I did start this journey once before only to find out that I was not fat enough for my insurance to pay for it. I was so ready to jump on the table in 2009 and say cut me open. Now I find myself worried that I'm going to die on the table. At the same time I think you are going to die if you don't do this. I want to be around to see all my children graduate from college, marry and enjoy grandchildren. I'm scared to death that it will not work for me. I have a sister in law that had it done in 2009 and she has not lost anything. Will I have the will power to not eat more than three meals a day. Can I do this??????

 

I look at myself in the mirror at least once in awhile. lol avoid mirrors and pictures. And think how can my husband love this body, because I don't. I long to be 150 lb or less. I want to walk into a store with my friends and be able to buy the clothes that I love to look at. Will this happen for me. I want to wear a beautiful nightgown for my husband and knock his socks off. He says I already do, but I want to feel like I am.

 

THE BIGGEST PROBLEM..... Is my family everytime I bring up that I want to do this for myself I'm told don't do it. You can just diet. My best friend is the same way. My husband says he will support whatever I want to do. How do you deal with no support except your husband?

 

I have to go now have a five hour drive ahead of me to say goodbye to my Aunt. Not ready for this.

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Just do it, who cares about what anyone else says. Look around for doctors in your area that offer weekly support group meetings for their patients. Mine does and I go to them often. I also had a 6 week emotional eating group too with a psychologist at the office. We finished that last April yet my group continues to meet on a monthly basis.

I was like you before too, avoided mirrors, avoided pictures, now I can't get in enough of them....LOL!! Sorry about your son and aunt, that is tough and I know how it is to go for food under those circumstances, happy or sad I would want to eat. It still happens now, emotional eating is a tough one to overcome. BUt if you have your husband's support, that is all that really matters. Go for it, start looking around for a dr who will be a good fit for you. You owe it to yourself, you are worth it.

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I agree just do it, my doctor for two years tried to convince me to have the surgery for health reasons, high blood pressure, heart disease, spinal stenosis, my highest weight was 334, and it was something my sister said when I was searching for a decision, she said you cannot do nothing you won't last this way, and that statement just stayed with me, I found a good doctor went to the group meetings his staff held, they have lost only one patient in 10 years, and it wasn't from the surgery, just find a good doctor and check their background, have faith, pray, and think about your health and family, I still have a long way to go but no regrets, only that I waited so long, and I am 53. So take a chance on you and your health and it does work, if you do the right things, I am 54 pounds down since Sept 13, 2011.

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I love your username! As you can see from my pic, I am also afflicted with Mouse-itis.

My husband has been my greatest support in this journey. My mother also knows about the band and has been supportive as well. You can be successful without everyone in your life supporting (or even knowing about) your decision.

If anyone that I haven't told about the band asks about my weight loss, I tell them I have been following a prescribed eating plan and working with a nutritionist, and exercising.

I had surgery on 10/28/2011. On the day of surgery, I weighed 211lbs. I am more than halfway to my goal weight of 130lbs. My only regret is that I didn't give myself this gift sooner.

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My only advice is do this for you and only you but make sure what ever you do you are ready emotionally for all that will follow. Weight loss surgery is not the easy way out. It truly forces you to look at food a different way, food can no longer be your turn to in time of crisis because usually when you are upset after being banded your band can tighten up during times of stress or when you are sick. The band is very fickle, it has a mind of its own and sometimes even when you do everything right you may still struggle with weight loss. I like you had been on many diet yoyo's through out my life and just wanted a safety net. I could always lose weight but could never maintain anything long term. Since being banded, I find myself eating much healthier and for the first time really realizing how much better I fell but what I put into my body. I am 90lbs down and 26 lbs from my goal weight. I started with a BMI of 46-47 and now have a BMI of 29. I have went from a size 24 to a size 10. The surgery does work but you have to really work it and I have had support from my husband, friends and family throughout my entire journey and know I would not have made it without them. Good luck in what ever journey you take but most of all remember do this for you because you are worth it, believe in yourself.

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I'm guessing that the people who made the "just diet" comment have never had real weight issues. Those of us who have had or currently have totally understand your struggle. It's great you have the support of your husband. If you decide to do this, do it! Don't let other's opinions stop you if it is really what you want.

Good luck to you in your decision!

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Sorry to hear about your pains...these things will drive emotional eaters to food for sure, and very understandable! For those who love me, I explained to them that I am a food addict. The same concept as an alcoholic and smoker, or even drug addict..food WAS my go to drug. I explained that as a child a snuck and ate after hours..and that I binge eat when I am stressed, sad and bored. This seemed to help those I love understand and support me. I have only told my love ones about my journey, as I do not owe anyone outside my loving circle, an explanation.. which reduces me having to hear unwanted opinions. The decesion is not east and is yours to make. However, as a mom, I was afraid of not being here with my little one. But after researching over a year and understanding the pros and cons! Best of luck in whatever you decide!! You have support here on this site for sure!

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Im not making excuses for you, but I think I read on your profile that you have pcos. Well I know that you have made bad food choices, but pcos makes it very hard under the best conditions to keep the weight off. I will starve myself with a strict diet and excerise my butt off and lose every pound. But the day I return to eating more than 1000 and only excercising 2-3 times a week...I start slowly gaining each pound back. I have done this more than once. So since I just cant eat 1000 calories and exercise everyday, I gave up. Now 8 years later I'm 60 pounds over weight. I have pcos, high blood pressure, sleep apnea,memory loss, joint pain, and a hernia. Its time to make a decision. I actually considered bypass, but discovered the band. And it was a aha moment. It will do what I can't do.......make me feel full on 1000 calories. Thats what I need. If I could only be satisfied with a 1000 calories I can do this!!! So if this sounds like you, You can do this too. With or without other peoples support. Because you know its what is best for you. Your son deserves a mom that can kick the soccer balls around, hike in the woods and teach him a better way of eating---make sure to break the adiction!!! Sounds like you and your husband are close......I'm sure he will be there to cheer you on and pick you up and hold you when you need to be held.....nobody else would do that for you.....so what difference does it make if no one else knows....And the friends you make on this site....They know exactly what you are going through!! and they are always willing to listen and give support. Something that know else can do.

Hang in there. You can do this if you put your mind, heart and soul into it....if not for yourself, then for Quinn and your other children.

Good Luck!!

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It's much easier for people looking from the outside to tell someone to "diet". Well...most times, overweight people HAVE tried dieting. We all know how hard dieting is, and how much it really sucks when we fail.

For me, the decision was one I made for ME. I appreciate my husbands support and feel lucky to have it. I know I won't have support from certain people so I'm not telling them. It's a choice I made, a very difficult and thought-out one, and one that I'm going to have to live with for the rest of my life. But it will also give me my life back. I won't feel uncomfortable in my own skin anymore. And to me...that's worth a little judgement or discouragement from a few people, because it's ME that's getting my life back, not them.

Do what feels right in your heart, but I think if you've gotten to the point that WLS feels like the best option, you know what is best.

As for the emotional feelings..find another outlet. I'm a "bored eater" so when I start feeling like snacking, I'll get up and sweep the basement, or clean the bathroom, something to keep my focus busy and energy going. Seeing a therapist will also be a great help. Someone to talk to that's not involved in the situation can be a breath of fresh air.

Good luck to you, and keep us updated on what you decide!

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