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Very Disappointed In Myself... :(

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caligalles

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I am so very disappointed in myself. I was so excited to start this journey when I had my surgery back in December. Once I got past the "scared" zone of thinking anything I ate off of the meal plan would make me explode and ruin my surgery, I find I am slipping back into bad patterns. I am certainly not eating as much and I started off with such great intentions....they actually stuck for awhile. I have gone from absolutely no carbs to having small amounts of pasta, Subway sandwiches, rice crackers, Chipotle burrito bowls, Panda Express and high carb soups. I just keep moving in the wrong direction!

 

What is wrong with me? My weight is on a rollar coaster and at the end of the month, I am LUCKY to have lost 5-6 lbs for the month. I know our weight fluctuates, but how can a person weigh 9 more pounds on Monday than they did on Friday? I was around 1500 calories a day and walked 3 miles a day both Saturday and Sunday, so what is wrong with this picture?

 

I am so very disappointed in myself for now trying to cheat the band. All I am doing is cheating myself. How can I do this? How can I fall back into the same bad eating and drinking patterns that put me here? I am 291 - wait that was Friday.... Today I am 296 and have a very long journey ahead of me and I am already failing. This is just like my "old" life.... I know what I am supposed to do, to eat, to think.... but I just don't do it.

 

I also have 5.5 cc's in a 10 cc band and do not feel the restriction much. I know I am eating too much, but I haven't felt the uncomfortable feeling of fullness or any vomiting. My next fill appointment is 3/22, maybe the additional fluid will help me??? I need help. I really need to help myself. What can't I do that?

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It sounds like a fill will definitely help. I am at the same fluid level as you and I know I need more. So far I am doing good making choices, but it is hard. Hang in there.

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No worries - with enough fills you will not be able to eat too much - then you will just have to make sure you are not drinking calories in between meals. You'll be ok - and 5/6 pounds a month for a year could get you to 72 pounds in a year and 144 in 2 years - which is PERFECT pacing!

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Please stop beating yourself up. I think that once you get the correct "fill", things will begin to click. This is still new to your body and you and your surgeon need to find the appropriate fill amount for you. In the meantime, I think it is a struggle not to self-sabotage. I am only 4 days post op and I can kind of see that happening already! Eat healthy and try to find healthy ways to fill you up until the band starts working effectively! Also, about walking 3 miles a day, if it is a leisurely walk, that will only burn about 150 calories at a time. We can eat right past that no problem. For exercise to be effective it has to make you sweat and be at least slightly challenging. I am not sure if you are pushing yourself or not, I just know this from my own experience.

Good luck with this, hang in there. And let me know how you do for my future reference. :-)

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Recognising your situation is a great personal achievement. A fill may well help but I would also suggest that you find someone to emotionally support you on this journey.

Best of luck

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Chin up it's all good! This is a journey not an answer to all, it is a great tool you just have to let it help you. Listen to your body, it takes effort, but so worth it!

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for me the 3rd fill was a big boost , finally hit the green zone ! now im not hungry all the time so im not reaching for junk or eating too much because i cant eat too much ! once i fill up on protein most of my junk cravings go away. banded 11 weeks, down 22 lbs. woohoo ! aside from that i found a couple of things to do exercise wise, that i love and stick to because i love the results. for me its walking on our nature trails and taking a water fitness class 3 times a week minimum. what a workout !! also if i do have a small treat i count it as part of my daily food intake. my dr said to treat yourself occasionly , and i do ! knowing that that frozen yogurt is waiting for me makes me stick to healthy foods 95% of the time, or try weight watchers ice cream bars. or what ever makes you happy. YOU CAN DO THIS ! Now, go try a new exercise class or something and see what you end up liking . dancing , swimming , walking, zumba, weight training volleyball ? get going !

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I agree with the above posters, you can do this! You can always start over.

Something you may want to check on is your sodium intake. My nutritionist said that if your diet is too high in sodium it will cause your weight loss to stall, plus it can make you retain water which will make the number on the scale go up. I was eating 1200-1800 cals per day, burning between 250-600 per day with exercise, and eating low-carb, but wasn't losing weight. My family doc was stumped because for me, 1200 cals is a very-low-calorie diet. My nutritionist told me to keep my sodium below 2000 mg per day, and voila, I lost 5 pounds the first week and have been going down a pound or two per week ever since.

I know it's one more thing to keep track of, but it might help you get started in the right direction again. Sodium can be sneaky! I was floored to find out that my lowfat 1% cottage cheese has 918 mg per cup :o !

I know you can do this. Just try to see it as a temporary setback that you can overcome. I'll be praying for you! :)

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Caribear - thank you so much for the reminder about the sodium. I just checked my food diary on myfitnesspal.com and I am averaging 4000 - 5000 mg of sodium a day!!! OUCH! Now, I need to figure out how to undo this. I LOVE salt, but obviously, it is NOT loving me! LOL. Thanks again!

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