Almost there

I am all ready to get a gastric bypass with Emma patterson when I find out that I am Not going to get medicare like everyone said i was.

I have to have medicade and WLS is excluded.

Well my only choice now is to self pay in mexico.

I call a place and end up having so many problems on the phone that one day I get on line and just look up someone else. I dial

It was the Obesity Control center.

A lady tells me all about the band.

I had considered the band but decided Gb was a better idea.

But now I was sold on the band.

She gives me a date for less than 2 months away.

This is it.. I have a date. All my dreams are realized.

FINALLY..

I become sullen. I dont want to be here.

I kinda check out. I dont research or find support or anything.

I feel guilty and wrong and pissed that I have to do this.

Hard to feel good about something that reminds you of your most extreem failures.

I loose the manditory 40 pounds pre op ... I am desperate because I just KNOW that if I dont get the band, i will not choose to be a burdon to this world anymore. I am ready to die.. Its DO or DIE

It was Feb 14th when I get on a plane for the first time.

I have a cashiers check for 9500$ (the cost of a trailer home for my family)