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November 14th..The day i will never forget

It has been awhile since i last blogged.. since then my mother has past away..Pantcreatic cancer took her away from us.. she past on NOv 14th-sUNDAY AT 7:45 PM.. lORD REST HER SOUL.. :( SINCE THEN i FEEL like I have completely gaVE UP.. ON everthing...This lapband thing has frustrated me.. I guess I just have so much anger inside I have no one to release it to.. so i eat and i eat and i make myself sick to the point where i just vomit ALL the time..i just:( dont no what to do anymore...as much as i want to be thin.. i have no motivation in me to try to get thin..:(...I want to remove this band.. but I heard its going to cost $5000 out of pocket.. thats wayyy too much.. what should i do??? my weight has been the same.. which is now 220lbs.. the lowest I got down to was 201..never even made it to the 100's...Im sooo disappointed in myself.. HOw can I let this happen??? What have I done???Who can I turn to???Im sooo lost and confused..and sooo SAD...

6 Comments

Recommended Comments

camille01

LAP-BAND Patients

I AM GLAD TO BE THE FIRST TO RESPOND TO YOUR BLOG,YOU HAVE MUCH TO MUCH TO GIVE UP ON,SEE WE ARE USED TO GIVING UP ON OURSELVES ITS LIKE WE JUST DONT CARE ANYMORE,I KNOW IT REALLY HURTS TO LOOSE A SOMEONE WE LOVE BECAUSE I LOST MY FATHER A FEW YRS AGO AND I USED HIS DEATH TO TEACH ME A LESSON ABOUT LIFE,YOU REALLY NEED TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR HEALTH BECAUSE WHAT WOULD YOUR MOTHER WANT YOU TO DO,DO YOU THINK SHE WOULD WANT YOU TO CONTINUE TO MORN AND PUT YOUSELF IN BAD HEALTH,MY DAUGHTER IS DEALING WITH SWOLLEN PANCREASE AND I HAD TO TRY TO GET HER TO CHANGE HER EATING HABITS,THE DOCTOR TOLD HER THAT IT COMES FROM TOO MUCH FAT IN HER DIET FROM FAST FOOD,I WANT TO BE AROUND TO HELP HER LIVE,AND YOU HAVE A VOICE TO SPEEK TO PEOPLE THAT ARE FIGHTING THE SAME STRUGGLES THAT YOU ARE AND I AM ONE OF THEM,(MY HEART GO OUT TO YOU AND SO DOES MY LOVE)I AM TRYING TO GET BANDED IN ORDER TO USE IT TO EXTEND MY LIFE IF JUST A LITTLE WHILE LONGER AND I NEED VOICES LIKE YOUR TO HELP ME OVER COME MY WEIGHT PROBLEM AND IF YOU WANT TO GIVE UP LOOK HOW THAT MAKES PEOPLE THAT READ YOUR BLOG FEELS,OF COURSE I DONT WANT TO GIVE UP BECAUSE MY STRUGGLE GOES WAY BACK AND I NEED TO HAVE A POSITIVE PERSON TO LISENT TO AND HELP ME MAKE IT AND I BELEAVE THAT YOU MAY VERY WELL BE THAT PERSON ,WE CAN HELP EACH OTHER...YOU ARE WHERE I'M TRYING TOGET TO,SO BE STRONG AND USE YOUR MOTHERS DEATH AS A TOOL TO HELP YOURSELF OVER COME YOUR STRUGGLES....THANKS FOR ALLOWING ME TO SHARE WITH YOU MY FEELINGS BECAUSE I HAVE 2 OVERWEIGHT GIRLS THAT ARE LOOKING AT ME AS AN EXAMPLE AND I DON'T WANT TO GIVE UP,.........CAMILLE01

lea1085

LAP-BAND Patients

Please, please don't give up! There are other people who love you and need you to be there for them just as they are there for you.Look around you at the faces of the people you love.Do you want them to suffer the grief and the pain that you are now going through?I did't I wanted to live for them.I was banded on Oct. 25,2010. I started my preop diet on Oct.11, since then I have lost 39 pds.I feel so much better mentaly and physically than I ever have.The grief of losing someone can destroy you and your family if you let it.Try to be strong grieve for your mother,remember the love and know she would not want her child to follow her into the grave.This is from a mother who has lost a child and believe me your mother would want you to live.So take each day one at a time and try not to conquer the whole world at once and you can do this.

Bardy

LAP-BAND Patients

I totally understand what you are going through. I lost my mom 3 years ago and that sent me into a very deep depression during which I gained about 50 pounds -- I finally realized that I needed more than just encouragement from my loved ones, I needed to seek medical help and counseling to get medications and therapy to be able to feel better and climb out of the pit of depression. Clinical depression is a chemical imbalance that many of us have and need to deal with using profession help and medicines. Believe me when I say it makes a difference. I have been on medication now for 3 months and am feeling much better and motivated to take care of myself for myself first and then for my children and loved ones. Please seek professional help - you are worth it, and you will feel like caring again - take care of yourself and keep supportive people around you.

kelly111

LAP-BAND Patients

I lost my mother 3 months ago. Im also a grief counselor for a living. You need to work through your grief and talk about it. Dont give up on your band. If you want to talk to me privatly please contact me.

Project Disney

LAP-BAND Patients

Bless your heart. I hear your pain and hopelessness and I am so sorry. There is some very good advice from the previous members above. They are caring people. I have found this site is full of people who want the best for others and reach out to help. I have looked at it as God reaching out to give hope and answers when we haven't any. He meets our needs in the most remarkable ways. My prayer support will be with you as I know are others. Blessings

Dolly

vmack2001

LAP-BAND Patients

I AM GLAD TO BE THE FIRST TO RESPOND TO YOUR BLOG,YOU HAVE MUCH TO MUCH TO GIVE UP ON,SEE WE ARE USED TO GIVING UP ON OURSELVES ITS LIKE WE JUST DONT CARE ANYMORE,I KNOW IT REALLY HURTS TO LOOSE A SOMEONE WE LOVE BECAUSE I LOST MY FATHER A FEW YRS AGO AND I USED HIS DEATH TO TEACH ME A LESSON ABOUT LIFE,YOU REALLY NEED TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR HEALTH BECAUSE WHAT WOULD YOUR MOTHER WANT YOU TO DO,DO YOU THINK SHE WOULD WANT YOU TO CONTINUE TO MORN AND PUT YOUSELF IN BAD HEALTH,MY DAUGHTER IS DEALING WITH SWOLLEN PANCREASE AND I HAD TO TRY TO GET HER TO CHANGE HER EATING HABITS,THE DOCTOR TOLD HER THAT IT COMES FROM TOO MUCH FAT IN HER DIET FROM FAST FOOD,I WANT TO BE AROUND TO HELP HER LIVE,AND YOU HAVE A VOICE TO SPEEK TO PEOPLE THAT ARE FIGHTING THE SAME STRUGGLES THAT YOU ARE AND I AM ONE OF THEM,(MY HEART GO OUT TO YOU AND SO DOES MY LOVE)I AM TRYING TO GET BANDED IN ORDER TO USE IT TO EXTEND MY LIFE IF JUST A LITTLE WHILE LONGER AND I NEED VOICES LIKE YOUR TO HELP ME OVER COME MY WEIGHT PROBLEM AND IF YOU WANT TO GIVE UP LOOK HOW THAT MAKES PEOPLE THAT READ YOUR BLOG FEELS,OF COURSE I DONT WANT TO GIVE UP BECAUSE MY STRUGGLE GOES WAY BACK AND I NEED TO HAVE A POSITIVE PERSON TO LISENT TO AND HELP ME MAKE IT AND I BELEAVE THAT YOU MAY VERY WELL BE THAT PERSON ,WE CAN HELP EACH OTHER...YOU ARE WHERE I'M TRYING TOGET TO,SO BE STRONG AND USE YOUR MOTHERS DEATH AS A TOOL TO HELP YOURSELF OVER COME YOUR STRUGGLES....THANKS FOR ALLOWING ME TO SHARE WITH YOU MY FEELINGS BECAUSE I HAVE 2 OVERWEIGHT GIRLS THAT ARE LOOKING AT ME AS AN EXAMPLE AND I DON'T WANT TO GIVE UP,.........CAMILLE01

i no its hard.. but its been 2 yrs since i have been banded and only lost less then 20lbs.. i no most of the faults are mine..why i havent lost the weight.. i feel like it seems like everything is hitting me at once.. sometimes i wish i would have just gotten gastric sleeve.. yes doing lapband is less complications but the result of it is not to well.. i guess its different for everyone and how hard they want it.. i guess im just weak.. IDK... thanks for your response and caring.. i know that my mother would want me to take care of myself.. i have my son to live for.. but its sooo very hard...

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