Day 6 of Pre-Op Diet: Make it or Break It
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It’s day 6 of my pre-op diet and I have never been more depressed in my life. I never knew food could have such an impact on a person. I don’t ever feel the urge to eat anything unhealthy, I just crave some type of solid consistency. I have always been a picky eater, but right now, I would submit my stubbornness for the taste of a solid. It’s so frustrating because no one knows what I’m going through. My family members continue to eat amazing food around me as the strong smells float through the air of my house. I feel like I have never cried so much in my life. I feel so angry and sad yet hopeful. I never want to feel this way in my life again. For the rest of my life, whenever I reach for something that is not good for me, I will think of this time. This has honestly been the hardest week of my life.
Shopping with my friends the other day was the worst. I was starving so badly. It was Black Friday and the mall was busy with holiday cheer. Besides the fact that I felt like a fat slob walking around with my gorgeous friends, nothing was worse than sitting in the food court chomping down on some of my favorite foods. So I did what any rational person would do - I cheated. Not as bad as you think though. I ate soup with some solid pieces of chicken breast and a few noodles. Then I had a yogurt and water. I tried my best to stick to it as much as possible.
After that, I walked into every store and watched my skinny friends try on beautiful clothing. I’ve never felt more out of place in my life. So I did what every fat girl does - I looked in the accessories section. My whole adult life that’s what I’ve done. It’s how I fight the embarrassment that I can’t fit into these clothes. I watched and was the “supportive friend” helping them look for outfits as I desperately wanted to be with them in the fitting room. Instead, I was holding their shopping bags and they fit their skinny selves into a size 2.
Don’t get me wrong, I have the greatest friends in the world who have been so supportive. They ask me everyday how I’m feeling and sit with me on the bench as I get tired from lack of food. One thing about this pre-op diet is that it sure takes the energy out of you. I don’t think I have ever slept this much in my life. And sleeping seems to be my new favorite hobby. You can’t feel hungry when you sleep.
I always like to end things on a positive note - the note being this: I WILL NEVER BE FAT AGAIN! I will be skinny, and next year at this time, I will be trying on dresses with my friends in the fitting room. It might not be a size 2, but it sure won’t be a size 20. For once in my life, I would love to be a single digit in size that doesn’t go on my feet!
PS - Incase you're wondering, the only thing that has kept me going is that during this pre-op diet, I've lost 11 pounds. I know it's probably all water, but it's 11 pounds that I don't ever have to carry with me again!
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