Knowing vs. Thinking

I was finally able to send in my packet information yesterday. It was more of a relief just waiting to happen. I know I want this surgery more than anything. I don't think I do. Right now is the time of my life where I'm starting to decide where I'm going to go from now. Simply put: I've spend the last three years deciding if i was right for me since everytime I looked at a diet I became depressed. I would look at clothes that weren't my size and just pretend that I could someday fit in them. Just waiting for the doctors office to give my paper work drove me insane. Most of my life I've alwys did things off on a whim but not this. Everyday I'm driven to look at LAP-BAND®.com and seach for everything they have in decisions and I can even go to the EMMI website that the website suggests. That's exactly where I am right now. I'm not wanting a quick fix or anything. I'm wanting to change for the better. I'm always looking for the misery in everything positive I see. I want this more than anything. I know that I'm young and unexperienced with so many things. I know that I should wait and see what else is out there for me but I can't do another diet. The word no longer exists for me. I want a lifestyle change to a healthier me. I'm not looking for another size or the number of pounds I want to lose, I'm looking forward to the best years of my life.