A little over two years now, deciding, preparing, saving and educating myself on the tool that will help me. I reached the most unhealthy, most depressing stage in my life. I can no longer let my body control me. I have to take charge.

I feel so, so tired. I have started by disclosing all my health issues with my family and friends. One of the hardest things for me to do is admit that I need help.

I bought a scale. It took me about six months to convince myself and three trips to the store to purchase it. I'm guessing there was denial. I didn't want to admit that I had reached the 300 mark.

I've gained six pounds after seeing the nutritionist for the four past months. I know what is good and what is bad. But I allow myself to eat. Lately my excuse has been that it will probably be one of the last times. I've stayed away from buffets, which were my downfalls, can't leave till my tummy hurts. I'm waiting for my niece to visit me later this month, so I can celebrate around the buffet table for the last time.

In two more weeks I start my pre-op testing so that my primary physician can release me. And my last nutrionist visit.

One thing that helps me a lot when I see something so declious looking that I wanna cheat on my 'diet'.. my grandma use to always tell me "Eat to live, don't live to eat" and everytime I eat something I know I shouldn't, I think of that saying and it helps me to put it down that much faster. Nothing's wrong with indulging in some of the not so healthy foods every once in a while but know when to quit and that's not when your belly hurts, it's when you *know* you've had your fair share. Good luck!