Losing the joy

I have ALWAYS loved food. Eating the food, smelling the food, tasting the food.... especially tasting. I often ate just because it tasted good. And if a little tastes good, then a lot tastes better. And I love cooking the food, too.

And then Lap-band happened.

DOnt get me wrong -- I love it -- best decision I ever made. I am doing less with it, more or less..... with the exception of the water retention thing.

But this is the thing..... I decided to make BBQ ribs for dinner tonight. I was so excited.... I love the smell of the ribs cooking... was going to call my boyfriend and invite him over...... but then I remembered the Lap-band issues I have been having this week. And then all of the joy in preparing a nice Sunday meal for my family were just DASHED. I mean, why get all excited about it when I will be able to eat next to none of it?

Lately is just a giant build-up to a great big let-down. And the sad thing is -- I HAVE To cook. I can't just not feed my family. I still need to get my calories in because that does me no good either.

Even my favorite restaurant is no good anymore. I went a couple nights with my brother and our families.... spending time with him while he is home from Afghanistan for a bit. I ate 3-4 chips, 1 french fry, and maybe three bites of my chile verde. And then spent the rest of the night in the backroom throwing up.

And here is the kicker.

My SIL just called... the fam wants to go back to same restaurant today. I dont even dare try to eat. Not even a little bit. Probably shouldnt even go. But it is so rare that I get to do anything with ALL of my family, that I Will go. Even if I don't order.

And really, WHY does every thing we do have to revolve around food? I mean, couldnt wee go mini golfing or something??

Guess that means I dont have to cook ribs today, huh?

Omg, I feel like I wrote the blog. I haven't had surgery yet, but most of my worries you expressed. The lifestyle change terrifies me. My life revolves around food. I love to cook and everyone loves my food. I won't want to cook if I cant eat it either. I just keep telling myself it should be worth it, right?

I do have to say.... the process of reaching this point has been slow and gradual. My surgery was Oct 2009. At first, there is the process of healing, and then the slow and gradual process of finding the sweet spot. So, it is a lifestyle change, but not so sudden that I couldn't handle it.

Even though I havent had a diet coke since last September, I still sulk about it on occasion. Even though I am doing well with my lapband, I do still miss the satisfaction of a really good meal. I am sure it will just take more time to adjust.... sigh.

But, YES, it is worth it. :thumbup: