Day 6 - fear and cake

I have 21 days to surgery and I'm scared. Fear is the body's way to keep change at bay - we get comfortable in every sense of the word and change is a threat. I know this. I'm not going to give in to fear. Some one said having LapBand is like "freedom" and thats what I'm going to believe.

Having already lost some weight - I think "I can just do this on my own" but then I remember how many times I've been down that road and it all comes back.

I went to AA last night - haven't been in a while. Someone suggested I should tell my sponsor my plans, so I went with that in mind. I was pushed away - for real, not just my perception. I was told "don't let life get in the way of AA". Wow. That was the last place I expected to be judged for not meeting someone elses expectations. It's ok. I'll get my support elsewhere.

On another note - they had cake - very moist yummy cake - I thought "I can't eat that!!", but then I had a celebration of sorts. I decided this may very well be the last cake I ever eat. I took the smallest piece and savored every bite - cream cheese frosting and rasperries with chocolate....I told myself to feel no guilt and just enjoy the flavor knowing it was the last for a very long time. So I did.

I feel strong in my decision (in spite of fear) and every time I think about it - it comes in flashes of excitement and anticipation throughout the day - I get that little jolt of adreneline...you know the one??

"don't let life get in the way of AA" - what in the world does that mean? what was that person thinking???? Life happens EVERY SINGLE DAY....and being banded will make those days even better for you - hang in there - you are right - sometimes support comes from the most unexpected places - everyone at LBT is here for you! Don't give in to fear-keep fighting it just like you have been!

I had to come back and add: and the fact that you are willing and able to overcome a different addiction (food) is commendable -- you should be proud!