My biggest, most gigantic fears

Seventeen days to surgery.

I am excited -- the idea of eating a smaller than normal size meal and feeling full after - what a miracle for me! Reaching a point when I am not hungry ALL the time, even in the middle of the night, that would be amazing. I still cant grasp that one. Really? Not hungry? What does that feel like? Eventually buying cute clothes instead of whatever piece of fabric is least awful! Being able to move and be active, and have the energy to do it. There is a lot to look forward to!!!

And at the same time..... I am really afraid of some things as well. I am a single mom with four amazing kids. After my divorce, I have put them first above everything. I am a caretaker by nature. So it is easy for me to put everything into my kids, to volunteer with veterans, to be there for a friend. It is NOT so easy to take care of me first.

I worry about finances. I just lost a source of funding which will make grocery shopping very, very tricky. I worry about keeping my kids fed and healthy while buying all of this special stuff for me in the first month or so. And having the gas to drive an hour away from fills when I can barely maintain the gas to get to work and back.

I have to do this -- I know how incredibly important it is. I want to do this. I am just worried about all of the little details coming together or not.

LOL .... how is that for timing? Have to run now.... the alarm on my cell phone is screaming at me because it is time to take my meds for diabetes and high blood pressure. Yup, I even need a reminder to do that!:huh2: