Today 2 years ago I had the sleeve.The best gift I ever gave myself.
Its been 2 years of the biggest ups and downs EVER.Sometimes when I read back what I wrote I know its been the hardest and the best 2 years of my life.
After surgery I found out that my happy little family wasnt so happy after all.I developed neuropathy on top of going into menopause and at any other time,my life would have fallen apart.
But having this new lease on life has given me the strength to deal with everything life has thrown my way.My little kid is weight restored,I have in the process dealt with my own eating disorder and life is really good today.
I have been maintaining my weight for the past +- 15 months and I look and feel great.My weight sometimes goes up 5 pounds and then I focus on proteins and bring it down again.I can eat anything and dont take PPI anymore.Of course my capacity is a bit bigger but I am vigilant all the time.I do eat little bits of everything and try not to snack too often.
Sometimes I do still consider plastics (ugg the arms is a big issue) but time and logistics remains a huge problem.And the fact that I am scared..lol
All in all life is great.I will keep posting at least once a year.And should I hit a bump in the road,I will come back to the site and get right back on track again.
O my goodness,my sleeve has shrunk!
After 2 day on liquids an no real weight change I decided screw this,I need food...lol
So today I had low fat cheddar (1oz) for lunch and then I had some edamame (eating them out of the pods) too many of them but hey,they chew down to nothing!
For dinner I put 2 oz of chicken and 2 tablespoons of spinach on my plate.Now after 1oz of chicken and about half of the spinach I am stuffed.....not really satisfied but full.
The question of the moment is,do I walk away from the rest or do I wait for a while and finish it?of course I know I should leave it.This is exactly why I lost weight so fast while on holiday.I would have a glass of wine and a teensy tiny bit of food and feel happy and satisfied.I didnt try to "make proteins" and worry so much about this.
However,my hair fell out loads.Now,the new strategy will be 1 protein shake with 120 cals and 25g of protein.For the rest of it I am just not going to worry about it anymore.I will go back to teeny tiny portions of great quality protein and some veggies and some wine every now and then....I will have a good meal again.
Anyhoo,my resolve will most prob just last until my obsessive compulsive nature takes over and start obsessing about the fact that I am not at goal yet!
I average 2800 calories burn per day.I exercise,I eat right and my weight should stay right here then C'est la vie! I am doing everything I can to get to goal and it will happen!
Today I wish I was normal.Not only thin normal but not ADD or OCD and not I wish that I could take medication to "fix" me! All I wanted to do today was eat,all day long!I couldnt stop thinking about food for a minute.It was one of those me me me me days that I just hate.
And I wish I lived in a country where it wasnt such a mission to find a therapist that is going to stay put.But we are all expats,habitual movers!
Once I found a pill,for 2 weeks..lol.I went to my gp and said I am sick of myself and need something.He yanked a sample of Cymbalta out of his drawer and said try this and see me in 2 weeks,remember it only works after 10 days.After exactly 24 hours I knew that was what normal felt like.I was calm.My OCD was gone,my mind started focussing for the first time EVER!Didint have a 100 tracts playing in the head all at once!I could drive a car without it being a competition to see who wins,I could deal with life without the impending sense of doom and having to tell myself a million times a day that everything is fine,nothing to worry about.I slept a full night for the first time in my life and most important,my fear of people all but disappeared.
Then my kidneys function started being affected but I couldnt care less.After 10 days I could hardly walk but happy as I have ever been.Said they would have to wressle the little suckers out of my stone cold hand after my death.He just didnt give me a perscription and that was the end of that! Lol
I have been a born again Christian for 15 years now and the Lord have really changed me since then.But I am still me and non of the things I have considered very important like the above mentioned,have changed.I suppose there were so many other things that needed change that this might not even have made the list.I really love the Lord and I know He loves me but boy I wish He would renew my mind more! But He clearly has a plan for my life.And He clearly smiles patiently upon me when I tell Him to hurry up and change me more NOW!
Accepting ourself,warts and all, might be so important in a successful future with the sleeve.I am blessed beyond measure in so many aspects of life that I should be able to say its ok to be me.Its ok to not be perfect,its ok!
Well,it is the middle of the night now and close to my bed time.Tomorrow,or just now..hehehe...is a new day.I can put this one behind me,live just for the new one,not worry about the future and breathe.
God is good all the time and maybe I dont really need that pill.
hi
I a so technologically challenged that I rather buy a new laptop than admit it might be me that just cannot work the old one...lol
this is me day of surgery
and me about a week ago.
It has been almost 3 weeks since I've last lost even an ounce!
At the moment I am seriously depressed.I regret having started smoking after surgery again.I am so angry with myself about this.Stopping is not an issue.Stopping and not gaining weight is.Somehow this warped head of mine believe that the smoking had something to do with the weight loss.I am petrified of stopping and gaining.But I want to stop as I want to run more,cannot do that while coughing and wheezing!
Also today I would have loved a real binge,I mean an all fall down eat till you're sick binge!I know it sounds horrible but stalling like is is messing with my head so badly.I have always believed that if you dont lose you are doing something wrong.I am still convinced of it.Dont know how to FEEL different about it.I am anxious,depressed,obesessive and generally feels like I AM A BIG FAT FAILURE AGAIN!
And most of all,today I dont feel that the sleeve was the right option for me!If I did gastric bypass I might have been T goal already!I am too messed up as a person to handle the mind games of losing and stalling and losing and stalling,not knowing if its me,is this it,is this as good as its gonna get because no matter what I do I cant move the scale?I hate,hate being so out of control.I hate this sleeve!
It is 18 months since I was sleeved and I absolutely love my sleeve.I am 8 pounds under my goal weight which is a little to low (my face looks very wrinkly at this weight)
Have been in maintenance since about Jan Feb this year and it is so easy to maintain.I do have a strategy I live by though.
1.Weigh every morning.The scale is my friend and I allow myself at most 4 pounds up before I get backto basics.And as my weight never goes up gradually (it jumps up 4 pounds after a week or 2 of loss of fucused eating),it is always easy to get back to protiens for about 4 days and it is gone again.
2.Eat little bits of most food but protein as the primary food source.
2.No excuses when I gain.
3.Not denying myself but never OVER indulging either.
Now in this year a lot of very heavy emotional stuff happened in my life and to some extent I have to rebuild my whole life.The blessing of the sleeve is I couldnt eat away my emotions anymore and am learning to deal with it.I am also in therapy now.In my house everyone now eats healthy,regularly and we are learning to really enjoy food.My youngest child developed an eating disorder (she's only 12 now)for which the blame can be laid at my feet.My obsession with food,no,food,weight related issues coupled with a few comments like gymnasts who is lighter finds it easier in higher levels (she's level 8) have made her decide to self restrict her food and at first I thought I was eating much more as my food portions was all of a sudden the same size than hers.After cutting my food to almost nothing I realized that HER PORTIONS WERE AS SMALL AS MINE.
Anyway,it showed me my obsession have hurt my children and that they need me to eat with them,which I stopped doing after surgery.I also have to eat mostly what they eat.NORMAL is what I have to do even though my portions cannot be normal.She is doing somewhat better but I have to super vigilant and consistant in my food behaviour as she is not Completely out of the woods yet.
Life is really good as we are all learning by the grace of God how to communicate,express,eat and live life as whole people.
I still have vitamin issues and borderline low protein but we are working hard on fixing this (side effect of all this is I still lose way too much hair all the time)
I am so greatful to have had this surgery.It gave me a life I never would have had.It has helped me change a lot of the issues that kept me in one place.My motto of life is to be managed not to be cured still stands but have a different meaning altogether now.Mindful, intentional living is great!
The sleeve rocks
And Im down 128.2 pounds.Weighed in at 168.8 pounds today.Only 4 pounds from my dr's goal.Not too bad if I might say so myself...lol
Am still all over the place with the eating at the moment trying to find my "normal" again but plodding along which still seems to work for me.
I will start exercising.Ok,I dont even believe myself anymore.But I should,I know.Still playing squash twice a week though.
Have revised my goal for myself to 154 pounds.70kg's or maybe 69.8 will be even better...lol.I might take my time getting there though or then I might just decide to seriously low carb for 4 weeks and drop all of it in a month (lost 14.6 pounds from mid November to mid December and 6 from Mid Dec till now) I can be done but is it important to do it so fast at this point?I am going to wait with PS till sometime later this year so there is no rush now.
Things I need to work on.
1. Exercise
2.water.I dont drink water.I drink tea with milk.Lots and lots of it.I need to drink water.
3.vitamins.I need to have my labs done and take my multi every day with the extra vit A and C
Ok,thats it for now.
In the beginning of Aprill I stopped smoking but started chewing the nicotine gum.I did fantastic while on the gum with not smoking.
But the gum gave me extremely severe gastritis.I started refluxing like crazy and had to stop using the gum.Now this is where my challenge started.One must never ever underestimate the power of an addiction.I have gained 6 pounds in the last month.Yes,boys and girls,all of the buffer weight I allow myself is gone,just like that.
What is worse I am eating like I have never had the sleeve.Dont ask me how.I just can.I am never uncomfortable.Never feel like I over eat.I think I just pace myself very nicely and keep eating all day long.
IT IS ABSOLUTELY CRAZY TO FEEL THIS OUT OF CONTROL AGAIN.
My very worried friend brought me the number of a therapist who works with eating disorders and I am going to go and see her.It feels like before the sleeve when I just couldnt stop.I even eat chocolate,which doesnt taste particularly nice to me.BUT I HAVENT HAD ANY NICOTINE (since stopping the gum) in 4 days now.I ama super b***h,have fired my lazy housekeeper,put my kid on a bus instead of a taxi (she refuses to keep a budget) and gave the little one a permanent tv ban during the week.Everyone hates me but feeling like a maniac at least makes me a little more assertive than usual.
But this is sooooo hard.I have a huge oral fixation.My life feels empty and sad when Im not able to get a high from something I stuff into my mouth,all the time.Thank goodness I sorted the alcohol thing out with myself as this would have been the perfect crutch now if I didnt make the choice to never drink to much or too often.
Anyhow,this is to warn people.Get into that healthy life style.Exercise.See the shrink,deal with your issues or they will deal with you,like mine are now.
I am back on my chicken and am not gaining weight anymore.The evenings are just still a challenge as this is when I want to really smoke.I also need to turf this chocolate ganash that I have in the fridge and I will be ok.
My aim is to lose this weight in 2 weeks but I will tell this blog when the 2 weeks starts.My imediate goal is to just get over the smoke thing and stay quit.Boy I sometimes just want to say whatever and have a smoke but I know is is just practicing saying no to myself.Something I am not very good at and the reason I got so fat in the first place.
So,no!I will not gain more.No,I will not smoke again!No,I will not eat that chocolate (well,maybe a little...lol.)
I think I've got this thing about "dumping" with the sleeve.
Let me explain.I think I've been eating relatively low carb recently.And I say I think as I am not tracking my carbs,just checking my protein intake more or less every day.But I have not had any added carbs this week except green peppers and onions.Tonight I had a bit of TGI friday spinach and artichoke dip with some veal strips.During the day I had some chicken strips and some beef strips.Had 2 Dolchi gusto cappucinos.And then tonight I decided to have some Amarula liqeur.Its like Baileys.
I took one sip and bam,I started feeling hot,nauseas,palpitations,feeling like I had to visit the toilet,felt absolutely aweful.Early post op I had a couple of incidents like this when I would eat some sugar or fat for that matter.But lately I would have a cookie if I wanted or ok,I sont really do sugar at all anymore really.The cookie would be it.Mind you I've had some caramel popcorn and I was fine.
But I think sometimes my carbs are just not that low and then the added sugar (like in the popcorn) doesnt affect me at all,makes me super tired but thats it.
I think when I am quite low carb and busy dropping weight fast,I cannot do sugar or a lot of fat.I think the Amarula like the Baileys have got cream in it and lots of sugar and boy did I feel sick from a tiny sip.I can drink a jin and tonic once in a while and if I sip it slowly and nurse it all night,I am fine.
So,sugary drinks,just like anything else sugary is now off limits.Thinking about it,I shouldnt really drink the tonic either as it is carbonated and even if you stir out all the gas,there is still some left.
One thing I am sure of.Alcohol will not be a problem in my future as it is as unappealing most of the time as ice cream,and I use to eat a pint of that per night pre-op.
You live,you learn.
Today I got a glimpse of you,yes you,the one I thought I left behind! You just never know when to stop do you?Once you start,you dont seem to have an end.And its carbs that brings you out,isnt it?You can deny it as much as you like,but I saw you!
Rusks,good old South African rusks,with nuts and seeds.And before I knew I was earing like I didnt even ever had surgery.Now I see how one can gain back all your weight.You just eat something every 20 minutes.A woman on a nother board posted recently that over the weekend she had eaten almost 100 pieces of chocolate,really truely that many!Rollo and such.I thought she was very melodramatic but not anymore!
I had about 4 slices of wurzel bread.(german bread that is a little thicker than a baguette) A large cup of butternut soup.Beef jerky,3 rusks and some chicken. (this is all the food for the day)Its the bread that I should not eat and the worm in my head that started after the first carbs that bugs me.
I will not keep doing this to myself.I feel horribly fat just because I ate like a fatty.
Back to my proteins.Thank goodness for chicken,meat and fish!
Well,this morning I weigh 175.5 pounds.I am soooo happy.
Ive started thinking about a couple of changes I have made over the last month and it must be these that has started speeding up my weight loss.
The most important one is I started taking high doses of probiotics.I really couldnt reconsile myslef with the idea of taking stool softners an dlaxatives for the rest of my life.I had to try a few different ones as some gave me heartburn but found one that I dont even think is multi strained it is just acidophylus.2 caps 3 times a day and when I forget during the day 3 and 3 when I remember.i open them and drink the powder with water.My constipation has all but vanished.I also eat more spicy food and whereas my tummy still complains when I do this too often,I think this is helping too.
Then,I have stopped using low fat products.I have 2 kids and I know they need fats and wasnt getting it.I have started adding generous portions of olive oil when cooking (dont measure and I use enough) every day.I have also started aming basic dishes like beef and chicken,cut into strips,rolled in flour with some parmesan cheese fried in a little oil.Now I was a bit scared in the beginning of the flour as I use to not add any carbs to my diet for the past few months.But because I dont put egg on the meat before I dip it in my flour mix,just a thin layer of the flour sticks to the meat and chicken,The thing is it is somsoft and tender cooked this way that I just kept on doing it.For the past 2 weeks this,along with wok fried onions and capsicums of all colours (a lot ot these) have been my staple.I have also not limited myself in the amount that I eat and I know I eat way more than 9oz per day.When I am hungry I have a few pieces.The carbs cannot be enough to trigger cravings as I have none.
Having said that I have eaten out about 5 times in the past 2 weeks.Thai pumpkin and chicken fritters,Indian curry,roast beef and gorgonzola,ect ect. i of course dont eat much and I am satisfied.
I have lost loads of weight just recently and I think the reason is I am satisfied faster because of the fats in the food.It does fill you up fast.I dont have cravings for anything.Added bonus my skin is not dry anymore and my energy levels are up.
Just one thing that is not the best thing...I also often drink cappucinos.This darned dolchi gusto machine is just an evil little thing,I cant resist the coffee.I have read just this week where a lady that posted about her 1 year post op said she found early on that caffine makes her lose weight.This is not why I am drinking the coffee though and I have started limiting myself again,some days.
Exercise,nothing for the past 10 days.Stupid but thats the way it is with me.I have an irrational fear of losing the weight while exercising way more than what I will be doing for the rest of my life and then regaining when I start doing less exercise again.I havent ever discussed this on here as I know everyone will differ with me about it but this is exactly what happened to me before.I will lose this weight as balanced as I possibly can and anyway,the moment I start running longer distances,this stupid fear really sits in the back of my head all day every day,thats why I stop every time.Crazy,yes,stupid,yes,real,for sure.But I do play squash and go to some pilates reformer classes,which is way less than an hour every day.
I am now 5kg's from my dr's goal weight for me and a BMI of 25.Seems unreal to me.
hi
I am not on the site a lot anymore as I am sooo busy.
But I said I would update anything that has to do with the VSG and here I am.
So,the burning and tingling sensation in my hands and feet seems to be peripheral neuropathy,ideopathic bu definetely caused by the surgery.We are doing extensive bloods at the moment to try and find some sort of deficiency.
This is nerve damage but the cause is still unknown.If it wasnt for the pain in my hands and feet at night I would not have been so franctic to find the cause but I qm suffering quite a bit.I am smoke free and my weight is between 158 and 163 but I am not really gaining or losing anymore.I would like to weight 154 but I am quite thin even at 160 so I am happy.
Well,I will post test results next week.Please pray for me as this is so scary.I feel if I have tight gloves on my hands and arms and my legs up to my knees as well.I know it is not life threatening but boy it drives you crazy as your arms and legs feel like they are asleep,just waking up.....lol.
Anyhoo,I am doing ok.Had a crazy crazy year and thank goodness I am thin.This made it possible for me to really cope with all that has happened and all the travelling I have had to do this year.
God is good,all the time!
xxo
Ever since my surgery I've not once experienced that trigger of madness that carbs use to cause before.Until yesterday.
Everything was fine until about 17:00 when I decided to have a slice of christmas fruitcake.One slice became 2 and I thought I was fine.But I couldnt stop eating after that.I want to list what I ate,so that I can remember how easy it is to just slip right back into old habits if not cautious!
We came back to the B&B at about 18:00 and that is when the binge started.Over the next 6 hours I had 3 rusks (about 40 carbs and 200 calories each) one of those round lindt chocolates,5 blocks of fruit and nut chocolate and then I decided I needed protein (not!) and ate about 5 thai pork riblets.
Now Im not sure if it the gin and tonic I had before the fruit cake that made me not think things through or if it was just the sugar that triggered me.The thing that bugs me so much is that until yesterday,I couldnt touch chocolate as the taste was just to revoltingly sweet.It would make me feel so aweful.But for some reason in combination with everything else It tasted wonderful and I could munch away at it just fine.
Not having access to a scale today is driving me absolutely crazy now and I am wondering how AM I GOING TO PRACTICE WHAT I ALWAYS PREACH.I can eat a breakfast of 1 egg and a sclice of bacon but as for the rest of the day,the whole family's going to spend all of this day on the beach and I have no idea what food there will be.I find myself eating fried foods and not grilled (by choice,bad choice) and I have had quite a couple of french fries already this holiday.
Maybe I should first find out where I can weigh.Then I should see if I can find any shop thats open (small town,everything seems to be closed on boxing day) to buy some deli meat (ham or turkey if they have) and then I should just stick to 3 meals and a few beef jerky sticks as snacks.
No one seems to understand that being so close to goal,I dont want to gain any weight now.It is not a matter of just losing it again.I have to try to get to a point where I dont gain with every special event in life.
Anyhoo,no use obsessing about this as a lot is out of my control at the moment.This is why I prefer hotel stays to Bed and breakfast stays it is just easier food wize.
Ok,now to tackle the issue of 1.no umbrella for the beach 2. ME NOT WANTING TO EXPOSE MY FLAPPING ARMS,BOOBS AND LEGS in front of all these people today.
Happy holidays everyone!
Today My weight is the same than last week but I am doing good.No gin and tonics..lol,clean eating!
Cauliflour does not agree with me,even when pulverized in the food prosessor,dont know why.
ThenI decided to put what I ate in December,lost nearly 17 pounds in 6 weeks,into fitday to see how many of what I was eating.Calories worked out to 1200 plus per day.Fats were 55 plus and carbs were about 70.
At first I thought I must have made a mistake.But I did it twice and the results came out the same.
This is shocking as all I ate for weeks were the following.I would take chicken breast,cup into atrips or veal cut into strips or pork cut into strips and dust it with flour.17oz of chicken takes about a cup of flour.Then I would put olive oil in the bottom of the wok and fry it.When the oil was gone,I would add more!I didnt measure it but I am sure that it was a lot that I used!
Now,maybe I didnt eat as much as I think I did.Maybe I ate less of it after a week or so as usually when I eat protein only I gradually start eating less.I had 5 cups of tea with milk and 2 dolci gusto cappuchinos per day.Very little water,maybe one small bottel during the day and half at night.
With only 2 pounds to goal I am going to try that again this week.
At 10 and a half months out I do feel that I can eat more and should start weighing my food again.I ate like this because I regularly get a stomach ache when I eat veggies.Any veggies.I also cannot eat fruit as this causes acid even though I am on a PPI.
Now to just reach goal already and then to decide if I should drop more weight.Acouple of my friend's husbands no less,have commented that I am now getting to skinny.Thr girls just say they dont recognize me!I just wish I could see what other people say they see.(they might always be lying..lol)
I now wear a size 12 pants and top even though I havent lost more weight but it is very clear that my shape is changing,and not all for the good.I have saddlebags on my upper legs that appeared over the past couple of weeks and my boobs are now a size 36 C.One thing I never realized was that as we get older our waistline increases even when there isnt fat anymore.I use to be very curvy when I was young but now I am straight as a plank and my waist seems to have widened...lol.But I need to just get this weight loss phase over and done with now.It still takes up too much of the space in my head and I just dont want this anymore.
I had a bit of a realitly check today when I witnessed a motorcyclist die in an accident.Life is short and all this seems so much less important tonight and in the bigger scheme of things.Accepting myself and others and living life the way the Lord has intended fo me to do is what my focus should be on all the time.I am second!But while Im counting and weighing and logging and cooking and posting I do get a bit consumed with myself which is not the way I should live my life!
One more week to goal (positive self talk..lol)
10 days ago,while on holiday no less,I stopped smoking.It has been a challenge but I am not going to smoke again.I decided not to stress too much about my eating as I have visitors that eats nothing but junk and carbs.They do not eat any of the food we usually eat.For some reason this made me super self concious and I started cooking rubbish and eating it too.
Yesterday I weighed and was up 5 pounds already.This made me realize a couple of things.This is out life and my house.If they dont like the food we usually eat,let them either cook for themselves or go get takeouts.My kids have alos gained weight already and my little 12 year old is a gymnast and competition time is coming up.She cannot afford to gain weight now.
So I started cooking healthy foods again and I am down 2 pounds already.Avoiding the carbs just a little and sugar completely.Sugar is not my friend..lol.
The health issues are still there but as soon as the visitors are gone I will see the phycisian again.My hands and feet are a little better but I still have a lot of pain.The bruising comes and goes and the back and neck ache seems to be under control.
Life is good.I have decided to tackle issues as they come up and not regret anything about having the sleeve.I LIKE BEING THINNER THAN EVERYONE ELSE.it makes me feel great and I will keep it this way.No matter what.
We stayed at a stunning resort last week.There were these "toys" (a trampoline a bananna slide ect ect) in the sea.Usually I couldnt get on these things and would never even attempt to.But with a little ecouragement from the kids I got onto each and everyone of those things and we had a ball of a time.This again made me realize how different life is now.
Of course the fact that I fit into a size 10 (UK) freaked me out completely..lol.The size 36B bra is totally crazy as well.
So,this is me for now.Enjoying life,trying to find the balance with the food and just getting use to the new normal I now live.
My 12 year old was diagnosed with Anorexia nervosa a month ago and I HAVE GAINED 5 pounds in the past couple of weeks.It feels like I am eating for her and as we have to have normal earing patterns around her I cannot cut of full fats or carbs.
THIS IS ANY WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY PATIENTS NIGHTMARE!
I am not allowed to have scales around anymore which drives me nuts as well.The fact tht my life has stopped since we are in stage 1 of redeeding her is not helping as I am bored and stressed.But we are growing a lot stronger as individuals and as a family and that is super positive.Healthy happy,whole people will emerge from the eye of this storm.
Anyhow,will update as I am now secretly trying to drop this 5 again without anyone noticing.Which is a bit tricky but I recon exercise will have to become part of my life now.I can do it when she is at school.Good thing too as I can do with a lot of toning.
xxo
I am writing this to myself as a reminder for the future when I need to drop a couple of pounds again.
3 days of protein first and 4 of the 5 pounds have just melted off.This sleeve works if you work it!
Since surgery I have had an issue that I didnt discuss much as no one seems to have the same problem.
I get a thick white coating on my tounge and in my throat that has been driving me insane!It got progressively worse over the last month.
Yesterday I realized it must have soemthing to so with the milk Im drinking.I cut back on the milk,but not a lot,and because of this I became dry.I could feel my lips was even getting dry.So,I tackled a bottle of water,which I dont do often as I still struggle to drink water,and almost immediately the mouth started feeling better.
Today I cut the milk a little more and had a lot more water.My mouth was actually fine most of the day except tonight when I had a large cup of tea with lots of milk and didnt rinse my mouth immediately.I am now chugging some water and my mouth already feels better.I still dont know why the milk does this but I now realize that water is super important.Not tea,not crystal light but water.
My mission for this week is to double my water intake.The dr halved my BP meds and there is a powerful diuretic in it.Of course I will have to stay away from the scale for at least a week (hehehe...who am I kidding?) as I will go up in water weight.But they say the best cure for that is more water.Will also juice some celery and cucumber as it is a diuretic as well.
Went for a dexa scan today and some bloods.Vit D and A is low.LDL is still a bit high but HDL is also high,which is great!Will see what the B12 is like.
Ok,now tomorrow I am going to exercise.I think if I keep on saying it,it will be so!
For 4 years I had constant pain in my hip and upper leg.Since buying my tempur bed and 3 months post op,no more pain!I sleep so much better and well,no pain.
Every time I exercise my "bones" ache so badly that I just want to quit.Execised again today and now the sides and front of my lower leg has this deep ache.I hate drinkng pain killers but for a while at least I suppose I will have to take 2 panadols to help me with the sleeping at night.Since I have started sleeping better for the first time in years,I am not prepaired to give it up,no way!
But exercise I will.No more cop outs and excuses!None!
Today I travelled across the city to find shirataki yam noodles and frozen edamame pods.
I am delighted to say that not only did I find these at the only Japanese grocer in town but I also found sugarfree bullets (popcicles) at another shop.
The bullets like sf jello gives me a little bit of a feeling in my esophagus (almost heartburn not quite but I do have a feeling)
These I now use as I need to snack on something instead of smoking.It would be way to easy to just gain 10 pounds this week but I refuse.
I have workd out an eating schedule.My calories are about 1000 as I have added the edamame and the bullets but my goodness this is better than the last 2 days!
My kis are sick with a cold and my head has been aching so badly for the past 3 days (thoughht it was because I quit) and my throat is scratchy.I have been taking zinc and vit c to kick this feeling.
Tonight I will do my first after dinner loooong walk.It worked so well for me before to exercise in the evening in stead of sitting wishing I could eat or smoke or drink copious amounts of wine,which I dont,I just want to.
I just wish I had a squash partner for every day of the week.This would have been such a blessing at this point as hitting the ball releases tention and of course it is excellent interval training.
O well,will just have to put on music and walk,walk,walk!!!!!
It has been 7 months today since I had my sleeve.My goodness how different has this been from having the band.
The good.I weighed 195.8 today.Hehehe,couldnt say 196 could I?That is down 101.2 pounds since surgery.I am not a compulsive eater anymore.Neither am I a couch potato anymore.I play squash twice a week and exercise at least 3 other times per week.I am shrinking by the day and I am beginning to feel really good about this.I cannot eat away my emotions so I am slightly more moody but more in touch with myself as well.I am somewhat more serious now,dont always have to laugh or joke away my pain about my weight.I have been at this weight quite a few times before in my life so I am now excited to get thin for the first time in 22 years.
My bloodwork came back perfect.All my vitamin problems seems to have been solved with the shots I have received and my platelets are now normal.
The bad.Somehow I got a hernia on the right side where the dr's used the same spot for all 3 keyhole surgeries.It is painful to move and you must see me tape my stomach to play squash.I am also allergic to plaster so it is a vicious cycle at the moment as I cannot find compression garment that would help,plasters got to do the job for now.No one will do surgery until I am at my goal weight as it will be part of the body lift to fix this.
Since surgery I have had petechiae on my torso, upper legs and back 4 times (tiny little point bleeds all over the place) I am full of bruises and I thought it was because my B12 was quite low since surgery.Had a full house of bloods done this week and my dr phoned me this morning saying everything is perfect,even the D is 40 now and the B12 is almost too high,stop the pills and no injections anymore.When I asked him what ia causing the spots and bruises then he just said I dont know.This is a concern to me as where i pulled the little tape they puton after drawing the blood there is a bid red bleed under the skin now,not where the needle was in,but from the pressure of the tape.My theory about the spots is that every time I had a B12 injection I got the spots.And since I started taking the pills it came out again.Dr says not possilbe but there is a direct relationship between the 2.Anyhow,will keep an eye on it.
The extra skin is a nightmare but as I am single and not planning on being anything different,it is ok until I can get to goal and start scraping together the courage to go for plastics.My little one says my body is like a jelly spilling out of a cup..lol.
My body image is still seriously warped but I "feel" and "see" myself with the scale now and that helps a lot.i still wear a size 18,sometimes 16 clothes which seems very big still but I look much smaller than that as I am tall.Would really like to go to smaller sizes though.
Friendships have changed.It is super difficult to be with some of my very overweight friends now.They seem to be so uncomfortable around me.I do see why.We use to be fat together.We always talked and complained about it.We couldnt walk,run or do anything else and now all of this have changed for me.I am excited about life and really try to never make them feel bad about themselves.I do worry about them though as at our age the health issues are so many if you've been fat for so long.I dont say anything and try to never say anything about my surgery or weight loss.We dont eat cake together anymore but hey,I still do lunch.My best friend however have lost 28 pounds since I have had my surgery.She is only 4'11 and is still about 8 pounds from her goal weight but she looks fantastic.She wasnt going to stay chubby while I was losing weight and it has been a delight and pain in the butt as she lives on carbs even now.She still eats about 1800 cals every day and sometimes I find that hard.Jealous of what she can eat...lol.Not really!
The ugly.I am severly constipated since surgery.This is a big problem but I hope that once I get to goal and can increase my complex carbs I can add a lot of fibre to my diet.I also have hemoroids that I am never ever going to go to the dr for.This is the biggest and most terrible thing that could have happened to me..lol.No really.I hate this and dont know what to do about it.People say that the surgery for this is excruciating.Not happening!
The good.Did I say the good?Since the sleeve I have had to deal with the fact that I have been fat and extremely unhappy and on diet all of my adult life.It was an obsession like no other.It ruled every waking moment of my life.Honestly,I could never stop talking aout my weight,my diet,my failure,my excuse to not so stuff.I had zero self confidence in so many aspects of my life.This I have had to come to terms with now.I kissed out on a lot of things because I was too ashamed to do anything.My world (and Im an expat living in a foreign country) was always quite small and my life lived in anticipation of the day I would be thin,that was when I was going to start living see.
The sadness I experienced when different things started being possilbe was unbelievable.The regret of so much time waisted made me so depressed for a few months.But I have thought about all this a lot and I chose to move on now.Time is ticking by and regrets doesnt add to your life it just steals more time from it.I now choose to feel good about each day.
My attitude about food has changed.Tonight,after our weekend,we sat in the lounge after dinner and this use to be a big eating night in my life.I felt like a snack,not chips or chocolates...edamame beans...lol.My friend still thinks Im nuts as I really couldnt think of anything nicer to snack on.I go to the beach every day and we use to always eat on the beach,now I dont even think about it.
This whole process is sometimes difficult for me because I really wanted to be skinny yesterday..lol.My impatience drives me up the walls some days but this seems to be a great lesson to me too.I am a little less self centered,even though every sentence here started with I...lol and a bit more compassionate to others.
Weight loss surgery doesnt fix everything in life and I will surely always be somewhat OCD and messed up but I at least now look normal..lol.I dont really have the desire to just blend in with the crowd anymore as I realized unless I cut something off i will always be taller than most people I know.Other people's opinion of me doesnt really matter that much anymore and this is a great freedom in my life.I was a real peoples pleaser all my life and we know that you cant please all of the people all of the time, which made me very unhappy before.
My mother and sister is on a super strict diet as they are so scared I am going to be thinner than them when they see me in December and that can just be good for them.
So life is good.And I might freak out soon again if I have another stall,but thats life!
just finished packing for our trip and my clothes only takes up about a third of the space the old big clothes use to take!Am just so excited to just get away for a few days and am not worried about the eating anymore.
We joked about it today as I have a mild bout of gastritis again and with the meds and the pain eating causes,I know I will be fine eating very,very little.Very timely,one wouldnt usually say of something like this!
We did another strange thing.Phoned the hotel and asked if we could bring our mini freezer (actually a camping fridge freezer...lol) as I have special dietary needs,I need sf popcicles so that I am not tempted to eat real ice cream...hehehe!It is a VERY special need indeed!
Here in the Middle east you will often find people bringing boxes of snacks and food when they stay at the 5 star resorts.The staff never says anything,the local habits are just different.We've never done anything like this before but I feel myself a local this week (been here 11 years and should qualify by now..lol)
See you all next week!
When I can figure this out Im gonna have it...lol
I've been feeling like having something nice lately,a constant thought.Just cant figure out what that is.Unless I retry everything,I dont think I'll ever know and that sounds like to much hassle to me.
I do miss some really yummy comfort desert.Like apple pie and cream!
Ok,just saying!
My teeny tiny 4'11 friend have lost 32 pounds recently.She just got a huge promotion and today we decided to buy her a whole new wardrobe of dresses and shirts.
Of course the old stuff had to be turfed.As she was emptying her closets she came to me and said that most of her stuff is size 14 but some is 16 and I must fit them on.Never thinking they could fit I reluctantly tried and boy what a surprize.
Even her work suites fit me.And as I am more curvy they look gooood! An even bigger surprize is the fact that all the size 14 skirts fit as well.The tops are still to tight around the bust though.
Tis is such a blessing because they have been nagging me to buy new clothes.But for a few bits and bops I havent wanted to buy new stuff yet.I want to wait until just before the christmas holiday when we go home and should be down even another size by then.
The best of this is I have been buying her clothes for her for years as she is just too busy and she hated clothes shopping.I also have much better dress sense than her so she's got some really nice stuff.
Now I have new stuff and she has new stuff.She looks like a million dollars in all her new outfits and my kids mouths were hanging open when I walked into the lounge with some of her clothes on.
So I am shrinking,I just didnt realize it until today.
O and as we were walking,we played the size game again.I have to show her women I think are the same size than me and she would tell me yes or no and then show me people that are rally the same size than me.I still find it hard to believe when I see the people she shows me.But it helps me get in touch with my size slowly but surely.
