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Kime-lou's Blog

A blog by Kime-lou

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Lapband Journey

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Adventure Banding

This WLS thing is a true adventure. Just like any adventure, you have times where it is awesome and you feel amazing, then there are time when you just wish you could turn around to the comfort of home, and then there are times when you are scared pooh less. 9 months post op and I can say it has been a roller coaster. The first few months was the big exciting hill, where the weight is coming off and I am screaming hell yeah. Now I am in the boring slow moving time that makes me wonder if this ride will get better. With being a woman in childbearing years I still have the wonderful monthly cycle to throw some excitement in- water retention, cravings, ect. I am currently greatly stressed at work, which doesn't really help, apparently my band doesn't like stress- it tenses up. Last week while on vacation, eating each bite was ad adventure in it's self. One morning I wouldn't be able to get anything down but Vitamin Water Zero. Then Lunch would do great, but dinner wouldn't budge. Next day breakfast wondeful, lunch no go, dinner no go. Even though I was chewing well and chosing things that shouldn't have been an issue (baked fish- really should go down). I was also burning between 2400 and 3000 calories a day due to walking close to 8-10 miles daily (Gotta love Disney). Yet, my weight is up 4 lbs when I returned. The last two days my weight has dropped a half pound a day. Who knows what it will be tomorrow. WLS really does appear to be an adventure that you must do what the tour guide says ( the doc and NUT) and hold on for dear life. We must look forward to those days when we are feeling the sun on our face and screaming hell yeah with our hands in the air and the days when we are in dark cave and creeping slowly remember that there must be light coming. Heres to our health adventure!!

April 8, 2013

1

There is help out there....

It's been 6 months since my lapband surgery and my life has chaged. I have lost 49 pounds (244 to 195), I feel better, my asthma is better, my blood pressure is perfect, I have gone down 2 sizes (20/22 to a 14/16). I feel more aware of my life, I am more aware of what goes into my body. I eat better less processed foods, I don't have the GI issues I use to have because of it. When I walk into the mall, a resturant, a store, even work I don't feel as huge as I use to. Friday I went to the grocery store and then today the hubs and I went out to Best Buy. I see women and men walking around looking like they are in pain being so large, riding the carts and I so want to be like an evangelist and tell them there is help. You can lose that weight that is holding you back. Most people would take offense to that though, but it's true. I so wish I would have taken step years ago to do this and get control of my life. I as so thankful that I had the surgery now rather than waiting until I hit 300 or 400 or more pounds because that is were I was headed. I am 5'2 and at 244 I was already looking as big around as I was tall any more weight would have been horrid on me. I realized last spring that if I didn't do something then that my Christmas I would likely be seeing 300 on the scales, it was time to take control. While I haven't been the perfect patient I haven't been the worst either. I still eat carbs, I still eat some processed stuff, I still eat pizza- I just eat much less. The hubs and I use to order a large pizza and an order of breadsticks and eat it all in one sitting. Now we order 1 small pizza and on occassion have left overs. When I use to cook rice I'd cook 2 cups now I cook 1/2 cup and still have some left. Food last a lot longer in our house. The thing a lot of people who fail at any weight loss surgery fail to realize is that the surgery it's self will not make you lose weight. If you want to you can eat around the band (slidders) or stretch your stomach back with the other surgeries. A commitment must be made to make a change in eating habits and follow through it. Just last weekend I saw a lady who had gastric bypass 3 years ago, to begin with she lost 100 lbs, now she has gain that back plus some. She said the surgery was useless and that it doesn't help. But, the large plate of food and the half of a 2 liter I saw her consume that night showed me why she failed. She refused to commit to the process. She either wasn't ready or didn't understand her what her part was in the process. I am ready, I am committed to the process. While I may not be perfect, I will eat less and move more forever more. I want to succeed. I am proud of the 49 lbs I have said goodbye to and I will not see them again. I am committed, I want this. Weight loss surgery isn't for everyone, it's only for the committed!!

January 6, 2013

2

Scared

I think most of us were scared if not nervous going into this- all the what if's sworrling around our head. I am sure we thought about possible complications, what if it doesn't work, fear of the pain, ect. However, sometimes fear is healthy. Like during my post op I was scared to do anything the doctor didn't okay, I know I bugged him and the NUT calling and asking what can I have - is this okay, is that okay. Then every little ache and pain I was scared I'd hurt my band. Now I am a little less worried about the things from the begining. I do still have a little fear of will I be able to lose all the weight I want to. I've lost half of it so I guess it was successful, but I still have about 45 lbs I want to get rid of. My fear now is foods!! In some cases it's a good thing. I am an NC Girl and I swear Krispy Creme runs in my veins (heck where else is there a Krispy Creme Marathon). Due to the texture of a donut I am scared to taint my beloved friend. I fear that if I take a bite and swollow the pain will begin, then the foaming at the mouth, flowed by the delightful reverse of the donut up my eshogus. Some foods though now have more power because I know they will go down. I can not tell you how often I pass the McDonalds right by my office and want to get a ice cream cone. But, I have been able to pass it up. Also, cookies- they slllliiiiiddddeeee on down. Last weekend when I make 3 batches of cookies for my hubs office party, I managed to keep my intake to just one (my fav- Carmel Pecan Crunch)- the other were shipped off to my hubby's office and I told him not to bring the box back until the cookies were gone!! Then there is the fear of eating to much/eating to little. Having been a big girl most of my life I had never had anyone tell me I wasn't eating enough. A couple of months ago when I went to a doctors appointment and complained that I wasn't losing weight hardly at all anymore. My doc looked over my food chart and exercise tracker and told me I wasn't eating enough. I took a double take for sure. So I have a hard time balancing that line of too few calories to to many calories. Fears bounce around all the time, some times it's good to give in to it (like not eating the donut out of fear) and sometime it's better to say a little prayer and plow through it (like having the surgery to begin with).

April 25, 2013

1

Grocery Bill Before And After

I thought with me eating much less my grocery bill would go down, but it hasn't, but it hasn't gone up either. Instead of buying crap (little debbie / french fries) I buy healthy things - fruit and veggies. I no longer buy any soft drinks, just crystal light flavor packs for water. I am married so I do have to buy for the hubs, but while he isn't banded he opted to adopted the banded life. He eats the same healthy foods I do just in a large quantity, but hey that is a step. We have opted to oust junk foods all together. So I no longer go down the junk isles. I use to buy a lb of sugar monthly, I have purchased one in 4 months now - don't use it any more. I use to buy hamburger, chicken and pork. Now I still buy chicken, but opt for ground turkey instead of beef and still do a little pork sometimes and a lot more fish. We also use eggs instead of meat - I made an awesome veggie quiche last night and it gave us dinner last night and breaksfast for today and tomorrow- that is the way to stretch a buck. I have learned that Mrs. Dash makes fish better grilled and broiled than it was when we ate it fried. So while my bill hasn't gone down, I feel like the quality of food I purchase is better and I like that. Fresh veggies and fruit are great. My hubs has given up high cal yogurt for apple slices and likes it better. So I don't mind that the bill hasn't gone down quality means more than quantity so that is the aim these days. What has being banded done for your grocery bill?

September 12, 2012

2

Living In A Lapband State Of Mind

I have heard people call lapband life numerous things - diet, life style change, easy, hard, ect. I think most people who have had lapband would say lapband is not easy, but is it horrible NO! For me this isn't a diet and not exactly a life style change it is a change in state of mind. Before I never really thought about what I was putting in my mouth. My only thought was this is going to taste good or I want it. Now I think about how good or bad what I am eating is for me and am I hungry. Before it was never really about being hungry, I didn't realize that until now, it was about avalibility and desire. As a kid I grew up on a farm when we went in for lunch we were told to clean our plate because we wouldn't have food avalible later so you ate it no matter if you were hungry or not. Maybe that was where my food issues began, maybe not, regardless the issue began. Now I must change my state of mind. I am the worlds best at excuses and justification. I can argue forever on why I can't exercise tonight or justify why I deserve a cupcake. However, I must switch that up. I need to justify why I need to exercise and make excuses why I can't eat that cupcake. Thank the Lord, I have an amazing support system in my husband. When I want to make excuses to not exercise he kicks my butt in gear because he loves me and wants me to be successful, for me. I am changing my state of mind where food and excercise come in. While I am 31 I am an old fashion southern girl and life always revolved around food and sweet tea. I have to change that state of mind - no more fried chicken, no more sugar sweet tea. That doesn't mean I won't ever have it again, but it will not be on the regular rotation that is was at one time. For years I have worked where you eat quick or you may not eat. I learned to eat quickly. Now my band has taught me to eat slow, if I don't it hurts. I chew, chew, chew instead of swollowing whole. My state of mind has changed. Since June 22nd when I received my band my whole state of mind has changed. I always wanted to be sucessful with this, but worried I wouldn't be because of my old state of mind. Now that my state of mind has changed and continues to evolve the more I become sure that I will be successful, not because my weight is going down, not because I opted to diet, not because I work out but because of my state of mind. I am proud of my weightloss yes, but I am more proud of the change of my state of mind because I developed my old ways over 31 years, but now I am evolving and my state of mind changing for the healthier. I completely feel better, not just physcially, but mentally and emotionally to. It's not just the confindence that I have now, but the the clear head, the lower stress, the comfort. I feel better because I am not over eating and miserable after a meal. The Lapband State of Mind is pretty darn good!! Hope you will join me in the Lapband State of Mind

September 17, 2012

1

Spinich chicken Alfredo

I love me some Italian food, but Italian food tends to be calorie loaded and heavy. I have been wanting Chicken Alfredo lately, but knew I shouldn't. So I attempted to make it from scratch tonight and it was fabulous. Here is the recipe that I came up with: Pasta- Spaggetti Squash cooked in the microwave Chicken- 4 chicken tenders sautéed in a skillet with olive oil Alfredo Sauce- 3 cloves of garlic minced (use more if you like or less) 1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil 2 tablespoons I Can't Believe it's not Butter 1.5 heaping tablespoons of all purpose flour 1 3/4 cups 2% Milk (you can use 1% I just had 2%) splash of balsamic vinegar salt and pepper to taste 1 tablespoon of splenda put the evoo, butter and garlic in a sauce pan cook on med heat for about 3 min stiring add the flour and stir until incorporated add milk and bring to a boil add salt, pepper, vigegar and splenda and stir cut heat off and let sit chop half a bag of baby spinach (I used the ninja chopper I have) Once chicken is cooked add the sauce (if it is to thick add water to thin it down). Add in spinach and stir. Stread spaggetti squash with a fork add to chicken and sauce and stir. Eat and enjoy!! This was a WONDERFUL meal!! The hubs and I both enjoyed it. It was enough for him and myself to eat dinner and have lunch tomorrow (He eat bigger portions than me)

March 27, 2013

1

Lapband Reality

I was banded June 22, 2012. I have lost 45 lbs, as of Sunday morning Dec. 2nd I have reached my first major goal- 199!!! Onederland!!! I can't believe it! I had be stuck on 201 for most of November and felt like I would never get below 200. I had a fill on Thursday that I feel like got me to the green zone. My band had major restriction, I really have to pay attention to how I eat now. I don't get hungry often and it takes a cup or LESS to get me full- WOW! When I hit 199 I was so excited, I got on the scales 5 or 6 times just to be sure. Yep, 199.2. This morning my husband ask me what my next major goal was, since this had been my goal since surgery. I was at a loss, in my dream I wanted to get to the 140's, but was never really sure I'd reach that. Now that I have hit my first major goal, my mind is reeling- where do I go from here. What is possible? I feel more confident now that the 140's is possible, but realistically it's far off, so my next goal is 175! This journey isn't always easy, but it is always worth it. Having people tell me I look great. Finally being below 200, which I don't really remember being ever. I feel fairly sure I was childhood, but never during my teens was I below 200. With my last feel getting me to retriction and my finally hitting 199 I am feeling renewed and motivated to kick this journey into the next gear. Never in my life have I so enjoyed laying my fork down before my plate is clean- now that is a satisfied feeling!

December 3, 2012

3

Head vs Mouth vs Stomach

I have figured out that a lot of the reason I use to eat had nothing to do with hunger. see something- eat it. Smell something- eat it. Board- eat Worried- eat Meal time - eat I ate my way to almost 250 and I knew it had to stop. Now I am much more selective about what and when I eat. I now eat 3 meals a day and sometime one snack. I still eat things I love, but I eat less or them. Today I walked into the breakroom at work, there was a smorgasborg or treats: grapes, cheese, crackers, pimento cheese, rolls, celery. While these foods aren't bad foods, I didn't eat them, I wasn't hungry. In times past I would have fixed a nice rounded plate and gone back to my corner office and ate up. While my mouth and mind were saying yummy, just one bite, my tummy was saying, but hey yo I don't want any, not hungry please don't. My eyes, mouth and mind get me in a lot of trouble when it comes to food. My husband in blind, but very strong resourcful, brillant wonderful man; but he can't see the foods laying around. He never picks and taste at things, he doesn't graze. He eats his 3 meals and about 2 snacks a day and that is it. He isn't tempted by the stuff laying around because he can't see it. Now at meals he eats well, but that is a different story. But, I think I need to become more like him; blind to the food just laying around. When I make a concious effort not to indulge I am fine, but when I uncounsiously peck I will pay with weight gain. In my wieght loss journey I need to get my mind, mouth and tummy all on the same page.

January 24, 2013

1

Hi Ho Off To The Potty I Go.......

I am doing what I was told and DRINKING!! I drink any where from 80-100 oz of water a day and I seem to live to potty. I swear my co-worker must think I have an over active bladder. Unfortunately my bosses office is right across from the woman bathroom and I am afraid he will say something about me going to the bathroom every 20-30 min. Do you have this problem? However, now that I have started drinking this much a day, if I go a day and drink less (like a busy weekend day) I feel thirsty. I know it's good to rid my body of the bad stuff, but geez I feel like I have to go pee as soon as I get into anything. To another topic-- My weight has stalled out for 2 weeks in the 201-202 range. It is my week for my TOM, but no bleeding- only cramps. I do weigh everyday (chill it's ok- I do not let this bug me- I look at patterns not the day it's self) and each day I am getting any where from 201.6 to 202.4 and I weigh at the same time of day each day with the same thing on. I have had this happen before so I know it will get better, however, I had made a goal for myself to be below 200 by Thanksgiving and I am so freaking close. The last few days in prep for the holiday I have been steaming/shampooing my carpets rather than working out. I work all day then come home and start working on my carpets. I have a 3000 sq ft house and 2 dogs (one is a puppy), 2 cats and a husband. I gotta get back to the normal workout, but I also have to have my house ready for the invasion of in-laws (which I am happy about). Then this weekend the hubs wants to deck the halls since this will be our Thanksgiving and Christmas with his family. Oh well, pray for me all I will need it!!

November 15, 2012

3

Wow, How Lazy Was I?

I always a fairly active person. I would go to work, if I needed to talk to someone in my building I walked to them instead of calling. I came home and stayed moving until after dinner. I thought I did good. Well...... My MIL came over Thanksgiving and one of my gifts was a Fitbit One. After figuring out how to use the little sucker I realized- damn I've been lazy. The first day I was shocked at the results. That is all the calories burned, that is all the steps I took, that is my active score- WTH. Since the first day with it I have found myself looking for ways to increase steps- I park further away from stores, between projects at work I get up and walk around the office circle. I stand up and sit down to get things rather than rolling my chair, I stand and pace while on the phone- all of these things helped me increase my steps and calories burned. I know you may think oh just a little bit won't matter, but hey gotta start somewhere and every calorie burned is not going to hang on my hips. It has really opened my eyes to reality. Reality- I think that is something each of us in order to be successful need to find - the reality of who we are. We got fat by not thinking, mindlessly eating crap. Now that we have a tool inside of us, it's time to be realistic. You can fail the band- you can drink milkshakes other high cal things and gain or you can be realistic and look at what you are actually putting in your body. I love food, we all do that is why we got here, but the reality of it we can still eat good food and lose weight. Yesterday I went for my 5th fill and saw the doctor who operated on me (normally I see his wondeful assistant- also a surgeon). He looked at my band under floro gave me a little fill and told me this may do it- get me to the green zone. He said everything looked perfect and I was doing great. Well today, I know I got that fill. I am tight, but not to much, it's just right. A cup full of food is either perfect or to much. There is no way in hell I can over eat when eating real food (not sliders) with out tossing it all back up. This is a great feeling. I feel motivated and encouraged after being down about my plateau. Plus I finally dropped below 201 this morning after being at that for a month- 200.6 - 7 oz until ONDERLAND!!! Basically, what I am saying is, we ALL can do this, we ALL CAN lose weight, but we must be realistic with ourselves and our support group (family, doctors, nutritionist). We must make a choice to do what is right- to eat healthy.

November 30, 2012

2

Attitude

Charles Swindall wrote a statement about attitude... "The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our attitudes." I have always loved this and have it hanging in my office. I hadn't really thought about it lately, but I happened to notice it this morning. I think we can add that attitude can make or break a weight loss plan. I know for me I have days when I am down in the dumps and it would be so easy to reach for a candy bar, but I choose to reach for my water bottle instead. The people around us, the scale, the weather, heck the day of the week tend to play a role in our mood. But the part he says that 10% of life is what happens to me and 90% is how I react. How freaking true is that? So when my mood gets skewed I have to choose my reaction, I have to choose to deal with out using food. Also, in situations where food is avalible, how will I react- I should react with - if I am hungry= eat, if am am not= pass. For me I have got to not use food, well let me change that- calories, as a reward for doing well or a reward for dealing with difficulty situation. For instance, yesterday was one hellva day for me. Crap hit the fan for work, dealth with several difficult parents and one pissy co-worker. I could have gone home and drank and entire bottle of wine. After all that would calm me and I deserved it after a rough day. NO I DID NOT DESERVE IT- I deserve to do something better for me than take in empty calories. I am proud of myself, I jumped on my elliptical and did a 30 min intense interval tranining. I was sweating like a pig, but when I got off I felt better, my mood was better and I was happy when the hubs got home. So, the question is how will we react to this band, how will we react to situation that use to cause us to eat till we were stuffed? What's your attitude?

January 11, 2013

1

Best Weekend In Forever!!

My hubs and I married 3 years ago Labor Day weekend, so even though our anniversary is Wed, we celebrated this weekend. Rather than going to Cheesecake Factory where we normally go (we got engaged there), we went to Moe's where I knew I could get something with my calorie range that I would like. Then we went into the mall where he got me 2 pairs of Danskos and then we went into a jewlry store where he bought me a new diamond. Totally awesome hubs!! Shoes and diamond a girls two favorite things- he said he was proud of me and he loved me so he wanted me to know it. On top of that I lost 3 lbs this weekend (upped my calories and that made it come off) tired the shock thing. Before heading out with the hubs I put on a fav pair of shorts- pulled them up, zipped them, button them and was like wait - these are hanging off me- I pulled at the bottom of the and they slipped right off. YEAH- I tossed them to the side. This morning I put on a pair of pants that I hadn't worn in 5 years and the fit perfect. Everyone at work has commented today on how good I look!! What a boost. Now at lunch, I heated up a Smart Ones Chicken and Peanut Sauce, I ate the chicken bites first and then started eating the other- well after a few bites I was like wow I just don't want any more. I tossed a 3rd of it. YEAHHHHH!! What a difference a few days can make in attitude. I am sure I will hit another low point, but boy do these high points feel awesome!

September 4, 2012

1

Enemies

In the WLS journey we will meet all sorts of people: negitive nellies, debbie downers, encouragers, motivators, ect. We will find people at all stages who tell us we are making a mistake, or we will not succeed or we will gain it all back. Then we will find people who will encourage and motivate us to continue on the journey and keep working hard. However, I think the worst enemy we run accross is ourselves. I have long know that I was my worst enemy. I am harder on myself than anyone else could ever be. For many years though I took a break from honestly looking at my weight. Once I did confront it and realize where I was and I had to do something about it, I have been really hard on myself. Maybe I don't forgive myself for allowing me to get to the 240's. Now I am always second guessing myself- as I losing enough, what am I doing wrong, did I eat to much, did I eat enough. Honestly, the first months weren't to bad, the weight easily melted off and it was a true honeymoon period. Now, I am in the trenches fighting for ever ounce. I am always asking myself, am I drinking enough, am I eating to much - to little, am I moving enough. Can I, Will I? The bottom line is I, me, myself is the ONLY one who can make this journey a success or failure. My doctor and NUT want me to succeed, hey it only makes them look good. The negitive people want me to fail. However, I am the only one with the power to do it or not. I must make the decisions to eat as I am told, to eat better higher quality foods, to move more and sit less. There are people on this site that have done nothing short of AMAZING!! Amazing isn't a strong enough word here. I mean Missy- come on- 200 lbs in a little over a year- WOW that is fantastic. Carolina girl- 100lbs in 9 months- fabulous. Then there are the people on here that complain about the band not working or questioning is it okay to eat a whole pizza or did they just hurt their band by doing it. Then there are people, that I count myself in, that are trucking along- that aren't having grand losses, but aren't gaining either. I have to say I am the one to blame for not doing as well as some. While I do move more than I did, I don't move as much as I could. When I got home yesterday, I should have taken my fat hind parts and hit the elliptical- instead I took it to the chair and relaxed due to a exhausting day at work. Those are the days when I need someone to slap my hind parts and tell me to get the h$%% up and MOVE. I also am not as strick in my food as others. I was afraid that if I cut certain things out of my diet (carbs) that I would certainly relapse to being over weight. I wanted to hit a balance of eating anything I want just not as much. Well, that has worked pretty good (lost 50+ lbs), but I am starting to think after a 3 month SLLLLLOOOOOWWWW down in loss that I may have to reevaluate the situation. What can I cut or what can I cut more than I have. Like I said I am the only one with the power and I must enforce it. I know that I will be to the point I am no longer obese and I believe I will get out of or at least to the low over weight BMI range, but I will do it in time. I will not do it in year, but by the 3 year post op mark I want to be in the wonderful 140's or at the least 150-155. I have the power to do this- I just have to use the force!! May the force be with you to!!

March 26, 2013

3

Difficulties through the Journey...

I think we all either have or will run into bumps in the lapband journey and we will all handle them in our own way. I was banded June 22- the first week of Dec. I hit 199- Onederland- after starting at 244. The month of Nov. I only lost 2 lbs. and I fear Dec will be the same. My doctor says that isn't really a plateau and to not stress about it, easy for his 130 lbs runners body to say. Granted, I haven't worked out must this last month. I have been busy with work (new system), getting ready for Christmas, Christmas parties and get togethers, and general household duties. I know there should be no excuses. However, when I get up at 5 am and and I don't stop going until 8:30 pm, that is all my body can give. As soon as my butt hits the chair I am asleep. Yesterday, it all caught up to me. Saturday night after our dinner party my head started hurting. I went to bed about 10 with it killing me. Woke of at midnight thinking I was going to have to go to the ER. I got some advil and took some. Woke up at 2 still killing me, but no worse. Again same thing at 5 and 6. I ended up not getting out of bed till noon. After that I felt groggy and like I'd been hit by a freight train. My hubs pointed out that maybe I needed the rest after running at such a rate for the last month and a half. Today I am better, but frustrated. My weight is stalled in the 199-200 zone. I do weight daily, which I know many say don't do, but I track my trends. Since Dec. 2 my weight has been bouncing between 199.2 and 200.8. I have started back counting calories in the last week and my calorie counts daily stay between 1150 and 1300, most days closer to the 1200 mark. My fit bit says I am buring some where around 2000 calories a day so I should be losing around 1 lb a week at the least. But, I'm not. I am staying still. I went to the doctor last week and it appears my thyroid is slightly off. I am going back this week to discuss meds. WTH- my thyroid wasn't off before surgery how the heck is it off now. No more than my thyroid is off my doctor says that shouldn't be causing a weight issue. All this has gotten me down and frustrated and made all my fears resurface. Have I lost all I will loose? Am I destined to always be the fat chick? Can I do this? Am I failing my band? What am I doing wrong? Am I going to gain all my weight back? I am freaking out right now. I want this so bad, but when I am doing what I suppose to (eating less moving more) and not losing I get so discouraged.

December 17, 2012

3

The Water Works

I was told at the start of my journey to drink at the least 60 oz of water a day, but more would be better. During the week I do great, drinking around 100 oz. Well guess what during the week my weight goes down! On the weekends I am a slacker. The hubs and I don't have kids and take advantage of sleeping in on Saturday and Sunday mornings. We normally rise around 8-9 am verses our M-F routine of getting up at 5. We are not morning people and never have been. However, this getting up late wreaks havoc with my water intake. I strictly follow my doctors rule of not drinking during or 30 min after a meal. I find this is a big help in not getting hungry so soon. When I don't get up until 8-9, I miss out on getting that extra time for fluids. On M-F I would have already downed about 60 oz. I tend to drink very little between dinner time and bed time for potty reasons, therefore, I don't drink as much as I should. Looking back over my records for the past couple of months the pattern that I see is, my weight drops during the week and on the weekends rises. I believe this is for 2 reasons- 1-Friday night is my night off cooking (this was established at the on set of the relationship and I like it!) We eat out, but I choose as healthy as possible, but the sodium levels do tend to be high (read water retention) 2- Since I do not drink enough water on the weekends the water that is retained due to the upped sodium count is not flushed out. The pattern clear shows that from Friday morning to Sunday morning my weight will go up about 2-3 lbs. By Tuesday morning my weight is back down lower than it was on Friday morning due to getting in all the extra water on Monday. So, it looks like I must get better at the water on the weekends thing. But, this does clearly show me that my water intake as well as my sodium intake has a big effect on my weight. This is my little scientifc experiment.

February 4, 2013

1

Choices

We all say we like choices, but really do we? I mean choices is what got me to 250 lbs. I made bad ones!! Now that I have the band and am working toward losing weight I have choices to make. While the band does keep me from eating crap and it doesn't prevent me for gaining weight- it does prevent me from eat a lot at the time, as long as it is not slider foods. Pre-band I made a lot of bad choices. Basically, I ate, A LOT. I would eat when I was bored, I would eat when sad, mad, glad; I would eat when it was "time". Plus, I choose a lot of bad things. Like a milkshake to follow a big mac and fries- just the thought of that now makes me want to hurl. How the heck did I eat that much at a time. Now I must, in order to loose weight, choose to eat healthy item. I must choose lean proteins, veggies, fruit, healthy carbs if any. These are my choices. Each of us made a choice to have band surgery. After surgery we have a choice, to follow a healthy life style and allow our band to do it's job aiding us in the effort or we can choose to continue down the same path we were on before the band. In the early days the choices can seem harder. Before I had much restriction, I could still, if I choose, eat a lot; but I made a choice to follow the rules set before me by my doctor. The weight fell of which motivated me to continue. As I got more restriction with fills the choice to eat more dwindled. If I ate half of what I did pre-band I would feel like I had eaten a cow. I would be uncomfortable and sick. However, as the months past my weight loss slowed and the motivation to continue to path lessend. I can eat whatever I want just not much of it. However, if I choose to put junk in I will not loose weight. If I choose heavy calorie and carb laden foods my weight with either remain the same or go up. So it is still my choice. Sometimes I wish I had someone beside me every min saying her eat this, you can't have that, walk away, ok that is fine, ect. I just to say well, if I was a celeb and could afford a personal trainer and a personal chef I could loose weight to, but even with those you can choose to make band choices- you could still hit the McD's drive through. Each day, each min, each hour I make a choice to do right by my band or turn my back on it and it's willingness to help me. Making the right choice isn't always easy, but that doesn't mean we should take the easy road. For those who say WLS is easy, no, what would be easy would be to have stayed the way I was and continue to eat like I did and gain weight. But, now I have made a choice to change, a choice that I live with daily; but I have to continue to make right choice in this journey.

June 14, 2013

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Could I? Should I? Maybe if... Just this....

You hear and see a lot on this site " just because you can eat more doesn't mean you should". Frankly this is the case if you have the band or not. We all got here because we could and did and we "just this onced" more than once. Most of us have doctors who gave us very specific orders as to how much we are to eat at a time. My doctor said a cup. Have I ever eaten more than that at a meal- yes, alot more- no, should I have - no. I got use to eating a lot at one sitting pre-band. I was never much of a snacker / crap eater, but I was a big eater at meal time. I could eat with the big boys, which was why I became a big girl. In my obese mind food was good and more was better. Now that I have the band food still taste good, really good, but I know that I MUST stop at a cup. Why must I stop, 1- My band has made my stomach about the size of a golf ball (that ain't big) 2- I DO NOT want to stretch it or damage my band 3- I really do want to loose weight. So while I could likely eat a lot even now post-banded I do not "want" to. (There is that word again- WANT) There are times, especially at family events, that I find myself helping my plate like I use to eat and I have to go whoa- not gonna happen. It's hard to lose the mantality of being a big eater at times. There are some banders on here who say there band reminds them or prevents them from eating "bad" foods or to much. Well, my band doesn't. What does my band do? It helps me eat slower and stay satisfied longer with less. I do get stuck on occassion, but that is normally because I tried to eat to fast or didn't chew well enough. My job as the band user is to listen to my body and if I am not hungry DON'T EAT. When I do eat, eat things that are good for me (protein, veggies, fruits) and keep my portion sizes down. I do not need to eat a gallons worth of food, my body only needs a cup. It isn't always easy to do our part, the band is there willing and able to help, but we (I) must do my part. Each time I eat when I'm not hungry, eat more than I should, or eat "crap" foods I imagine my band sitting there hanging in shame. The band will not, can not help me if I choose to go against it. So next time I think well just a little more or just this once I will remind myself that those thoughts is what got me to the place where I needed the band.

January 14, 2013

1

Reality Check

It seems that with weight loss surgery we have ups and downs in weight and mood. Before Christmas my weight got down to 197, then went up over the holidays, now it back down to 198. I expected as much. I enjoyed my holiday and I don't regret or fret over it. Even before the holidays though my weight would flucuate day to day and the last two months I had only lost a total of 3 lbs even though I was doing as instructed. I have been banded for 6 months and am right around the 50 lbs lost mark. Don't get me wrong I am so glad that the 50 lbs is gone, but I really thought I would have lost more by this point. Some people have lost much more weight in this time frame, why haven't I? Time to take a good hard look at myself...... Am I really sticking to the rules? Do I only eat 1 cup of food at a meal? Honestly, the answer is no. Sometimes it is likely to be about 1.5 cups. Do I get 64 or more oz of water in each day? Again, no. During the work week I drink 80-90 oz, but on the weekends when I am busy cleaning house, running around on errons, going to see friends I often don't drink water like I should. Do I get 60+ grams of protein in a day? Most likely no. I try, really I do. I start my day with 20 grams in a protein shake and have greek yogurt with 12 grams for a snack, so I get close, but close only counts in horseshoes and hand granades. Do I workout 3 or more times a week? Not lately, not since October. Life got crazy in October with the death of my Grandmother. I have been working more, getting ready for the holiday's, traveling, helping my mom deal with my Grandmother's estate, helping my mother deal with her own health issues. I have let the work outs slide, and I know I have got to get back to it. So, bottom line is, my band isn't the issue, my surgeon isn't the issue, I am the issue. I have got to get on the ball and meet goals each day not just sometimes. I do have good intentions and I try hard, but fall short and it's time that it end. I am not sure how much I would have lost if I would have followed each and every rule to a T and I won't know. However, I am happy and proud of what I have lost and I am working to change my ways and be more complient. I feel ashamed that I have fallen short, but not admitting it doesn't make it not so. I want each day to be a gold star day. I get down and out because I haven't lost as much as I wish I had, but I only have myself to blame, yet what is blaming myself going to do. I must let it go realize that I must make some changes, make them and move forward. It's time to stop wanting and start making it reality.

January 4, 2013

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Measure of Success?

It's hard to really measure you success on this journey- there are so many things you can look at.... Scale number going down Clothing getting to big Eating less calories Exercising More Being able to move better Breathing Better Lower BP or Glucose levels Feeling better These are all ways that we can measure our success, but the one I think we all tend to harp on is the almighty scale. After all, at the doctor's office your scale number is what tell your doctor if you are obese or not. I am the worlds worst about getting hung up on a scale number. When I went for a check up in Dec I was only 2 lbs down from my last visit so I was bumed. Yesterday I went it, I had lost 7 lbs since I was last there, so of course I felt great. I am excited, yet no matter if I lose 2 lbs or 7 in a month I always wish it were more. I am a member of the instant gradification society, not that I want to be. I wish we could see the results we want to see quicker, but we must wait and take it one step at a time. Besides my scales number going from 247 (highest) to 195 what else has been a postive effect: My BP is totally normal again My asthma is almost non exsistant I am able to move better (even run- oh my) I am no longer in a 22 I am in a 16 petite or a 14 Women's Petite I know I am being successful, but there are days when I compare myself to others and feel I am not what I should be because I am not doing the same as them. We have some amazing people on this site who are and have rocked this they are losing and keeping a positve attitude. Some choose to go carb less, some opt to do couch to 5k, some don't excercise at all, some do this some do that. Each time I read about someone elses "way" I think well I'm not doing this right, I need to do what they are doing. But....Have a lost weight? Yes Am I healthier? Yes So why do I feel the need to change? Each of us are different, each of us have had our own addiction to food (some love bread, some sweets, some soda, some salt, ect) We all have our down fall, and we all have to deal with that in our own way. We have to find a balance in us for what works now and what will work forever. Our goal is forever weight loss right? So each of us has to figure out what we are going to be able to do now and forever. For me I know I am not going to exercise like a maniac, but I know I need some, so I make an effort to hit the elliptical 4 days a week - this is something that I can manage long term- but no way could I do it every day (well I could, but I know I won't) I am a carb lover and I know I would never give up carbs long term so I keep carbs in my menu, but I just eat less of them. I love pizza, but instead of eating 4 slices I eat 1 and am happy. I only eat desserts on special occassions, this isn't a big deal to me, I am fine without; so on my birthday or Christmas I will enjoy, but I won't make them weekly. Bottom line is, I, Kim must make changes that I can and will be able to maintain for the rest of my life. This like a marriage- I am married to my band till death do us part. I will not get a divorce from it so I must do my part to keep our relationship happy and healthy. For each of you out there you must find your way and I can't tell you what that is. You may have a trigger food that would cause you to binge so you need to stay away from it. You may be able to toss carbs to the side forever, if you can more power to you and bow down!! Just find what works for you. If you are loosing steadily then you do not have to stress about what others are doing and that you should do the same. This is something I have got to work on. I am me and my way is working so I am going to do my best to own and work it and work my weight down to goal. So what is your measure of success?

January 9, 2013

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Knowing your Limits

Over the holidays I learned a lot about myself. One, I can easily fall back in to my old habits. I must stick to MY way of doing things for ME to be succesful. I did very well with things until Christmas day. At my mom's house we had a lot of food and when I say a lot I think we could have feed an army. The breakfast food was left out all morning and I found my self grazing on some of my favs - I had to pull myself away to stop. Lunch was then put out- I did fine eating lunch, but then I ate 2 desserts. By this time I felt like crap and knew I had to stop. I didn't eat for the remainder of that day. Throught out the remainder of my time off we went out with friends several times and I did my best to stick to the healthiest of dishes, but some of those still aren't great. I didn't keep up with my water consumption like I should have and that has had effects. So today I am back at work and back to my normal routine and trying to think back over the last two weeks and learn from mistakes and problems that I had. My weight is up 4 lbs ( however I have not pottied much at all in 5 days). I do not consider this a failure- some times you must slip in order to learn and better prepare yourself for the future. Some of you may read that and think oh your just kidding yourself, but you have to travel this road your way and me mine. That 4 lbs along with other are going to come off, why because I am back on my routine. I will be back on my work out schedule, which my hubby and I do together so it makes it easier. I am back to cooking myself which will help keep me away for resturant pit falls. I refuse to beat myself up over the things I did over my vacation, but I do want to look at them and make plans to avoid some of those pit falls in the future. To those of you who held strong and managed to lose over the holidays I commend and you and if you did this with ease I further commend you, but I know I am not you and I will fall over road blocks from time to time. And when I do fall, I will get up, dust myself off and start going again. You only fail when you quit trying!

January 2, 2013

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Stalled And Frustrated

I am so frustrated that I seem to have stalled out after a month of solid loss. I am excited to be 20 lbs down, but I really had hoped I would see a continual loss. Today has almost been a week since I have seen the scale go down. I know it is time for my TOM, but it is still bothersome. The great thing is, that years ago I would have said screw this I am going to eat whatever I want, but now I can't. While I could choose what I eat, I can't eat much of it. I know the band is already helping even though I am not at my sweet spot. I am staying on track longer than I ever have. I have managed to do the Total Gym and the Elliptical this week and it does help how I feel, but it's still not easy. So many others on this site have said we didn't get fat over night so we won't loose it over night. Here is to really hoping the scales start droping soon.

July 25, 2012

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The Roller Coaster Of Band Life

The start of the week my weight was dropping like a rock. I lost 4 lbs between last Thurday and Tuesday. Then I started going back up, 2 lbs, I know it is water weight. I am on the white pills of myBC pack, while I don't have my period I still seem to have the symptoms- this is common I only have a period every 2-3 months. I just hate the ups and down. I would love to get into a good pattern and say rather than going up and down so much. I know everyone says don't weigh every day, but I use it more to track my progress and fine possible patterns. I am a science girl, so sue me. I talked to a friend who had her band place a few months before me and she said that she always felt when the plateaus hit or she bounced up a day, she was always terrified that she had lost as much as she would and that was it. I realize that the band life is different from all the diets I did in the past, this is a new way to live, not a short term thing, so I will only fail if I give up and stop living the life. I am proud of myself that for 2 months I have stuck to eating like I should, and working out. I am enjoying tracking my calories on fitness pal. I ran into a gas station near my office this afternoon to get another bottle of water and find a snack because I was going to have to work late and I couldn't believe the calories in things that I use to eat that I never paid attention to before. OMG- no wonder I am fat eating that crap. I love the fact that I am more attentive to what I am putting in my body now. I am shocked at how horrible I was eating in the past. My attitude has changed completely as to what I consider a treat and what I am willing to treat myself with. I use to eat a pastry just because it was there even though it really didn't taste good, no more. If I take a bite of something and it doesn't taste good, I don't take another bite; it's just not worth the calories. I only wish I had the knowledge before I have now. No matter what my weight does at this point, I feel like I am successful because I have changed, I am paying more attention to what is best for me.

August 25, 2012

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I believe, I beleive, I beleive.........

When we are little we believe that anything is possible-- santa can visit every house in one night, the tooth fairy brings us money for our teeth, the Easter bunny, ect. As little kids we see the world full of wonderful possibilities just waiting for us. However, as we grow we begin to loose the rose colored glasses and become jaded by the reality of the world we live in. Happily ever after doesn't exist and things aren't always perfect- now I am not say things can't be good because they can be, but not every moment of every day and not every relationship is perfect all the time. As a kid I never imagined I would become so large. I was so small until I turned 5. As I began to gain weight I would ask my mom sometimes why I was fat. She would just say I would grow out of it, after all my cousin did. I accepted that and went on. Well puberty came and went as did the teen years and I was still fat. I never grew out of it. What I didn't know is that my cousin put forth a great deal of effort in her preteens to shed the weight- all I knew was that she went from fat to skinny in what seemed like a summer and became a beautiful girl. That wasn't to be my story. Now that I have admitted that I have a food problem and needed help, got banded and begun my journey- it is hard to belive I will ever reach my goal. The first 5 months the weight seemed to fly off 45 lbs- awesome, but now the loss has slowed almost plateaued and I find myself begining to worry that I may never reach my elusive dream weight (140). I know that I should believe in myself, my band, my doctor and nutritionist, but it's hard when every other attempt I have made to loose weight has failed. Realistically I know it is different this time, I am not on a diet with a fixed end date, I am changing my life style one day at a time. I am making new habits, healthy ones that in time I hope will stick. Some things have been easy like giving up pop (soda), not drinking with meals, drinking water, even eating less at a meal. Some things though haven't been as easy, letting go of my salty snack of party mix (that stuff is addictive and it is my major weakness), not baking so I won't eat the sweets, not eating steak (just doesn't work well with my band). Slowly, but surely I am making a change to a better way of life that in time hopefully will become habit. However, there is still that little voice of insecurity in the back of my head saying you won't do it, you will gain all that weight back, you are destine to be a fat girl forever (insert menacing laugh here)!! I fight every day to squash that voice and to believe that I will make it. After all I have lost 45 lbs and I am moving more and eating less. So for now I am going to keep saying I believe in me, until I do!!

December 12, 2012

1

Holiday Plan?

Christmas is almost here and most of us are in full swing party mode. I have been to 2 Christmas parties so far and was able to be good (one of them was easy because I hosted). When I started the lapband journey I choose to do myfitnesspal and track my calories. However, this time of year that is difficult when eating away from your tried and trues. Some successul banders (CarolinaGirl - I had to call you out because you are doing great) are rocking it with just measuring out their cup of food. So for the holiday season I am going to switch it up and go for the measure method. Christmas Eve I leave and head to my mom's in Southern VA to spend that day and the next with them. On Christmas day we will have around 50 family memeber at my moms and tons of food. We begin with Christmas breakfast with my parents, my hubs and me, my 2 brothers their wives and kids (which is 30 just in it self- one brother has 8 kids, nuts I know). My mom and I have gone over the menu and she has made sure there is band friendly foods. I will open my band with coffee, black no additives. I will have A scramble egg with A peice of bacon and one tiny slice of my mom's creamcheese breakfast cake (I will not feel guilty this is made once a year and it is awesome). The rest of the fam shows up for lunch - my mom's brother, sister, their spouses and kids and grandkids. This totals around 58 people (loud and crazy). Lunch will consist also of band friendly foods for me- my mom was nice. I will eat a little of my mom's yummy turkey casserole (turkey and green peas) and some pineapple from the fruit tray. No dessert for me, my mom again was nice and is making things I don't really like (cocanut cake - like eating finger nail- ugh). I figure sticking to my plan will be easy since I will have all the kids around to distract me- I love playing with them. Even my niece and newphews who are teen still like to sit around and talk to me. New Year's Eve with the friends - we will go late after dinner. I will have one glass of wine and that is it!! So this is my holiday band plan- what's yours?

December 20, 2012

1

Choices

This last month has been a wild ride. I started off with the goal of working out daily and eating no more than 1200 calories a day no matter what. The first two weeks I did well and stuck to it even though the scales really didn't move much. Then my grandmother passed away. Not only was I faced with lots of emotion (we were extremely close- she was my friend as well as grandma) and tons of food that wasn't the best foods for me. Being that I was away from home for 5 days in the deep country- finding better food options really weren't possible. I attempted to make the best choices of what I had, but still felt like I was going way over my 1200 allowed calories even though I wasn't counting (no access to my apps). When I returned home from the services, I had a sore throat which balloned into a horrible head cold and then broncitis. So 2 weeks of no excercise and not eating the best in the world, but drinking water and SF hot tea like crazy. I thought for sure that when I went in for my fill my weight would be up and they wouldn't give me a fill. Low and behold - I had the best month since month 1. I lost 8 lbs! My weight is at 202, just 3 lbs from my first major goal- onederland! I did get another fill and an agressive one at that. My doctor is super excited and said for where I started most patients don't hit this point until month 6-8, so she is very happy. Maybe I could increase my weight loss more by cutting out carbs and such, but what I am doing now is sustainable. I am still eating the foods I love (pizza and pasta's) just eating far less of it than I did at one point. I use to think my metabolism was really low because I didn't eat that much so it had to be screwed up for me to weight that much- well I was in denial. I was gorging at times. Food consumed my life rather than fueling it. That has changed - I eat what I like, I am just mindful about how much and how bad it is. I choose to make better choices and that has made all the difference!!

November 2, 2012

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