During the WLS Seminar, the surgeon mentioned that the dietician is going to tell us all that we must not drink coffee. Forget the Starbucks, no more Dutch Brothers, skip the home brew. This, my friends, was devistating news to me.
See, I don't drink alcohol. I've never smoked and never even thought of touching drugs. But coffee...oooh coffee. I drink it all day long. I would rarely buy the good coffees (Starbucks, Dutch Bros) but I would drink a pot of coffee a day.
When asked the reasoning behind that idea, the surgeon said the focus needs to be on giving your body only what it needs. "Okay", I thought, "I totally get it, I can do this!".
Saturday was my grande finale. That night, I ran the coffee pot parts through the dishwasher and put it all away.
Sunday I tried a cup of black tea, then some diet green tea with ginsing later in the day. No caffiene headache, and I felt pretty good. Monday was pretty successful too. Yesterday though...yesterday was a doozie. I REALLY wanted a venti white chocolate mocha frappuccino from Starbucks. As in, it was all I could think about all day. I had a headache, I was tired, and seriously doubting my decision to go 'cold turkey' on this whole caffiene-free thing. A coworker suggested grabbing a Pepsi, but again, my focus is on transitioning to what my body needs not what my head wants. So I resisted.
Has anyone else had to give up anything (besides the yummy food!) to get in the right mindset for surgery.....or do you think it's better to "live it up" while you can pre-op since you'll essentially never have some things again (if you stick to the plan)?
Pretty random, huh?!
Since yesterday I've had episodes where it feels like my heart is beating in my throat. I've had SVT in the past (super fast heart rhythm) so it was a little concerning, after two heart ablations I can't have another, I'll need a pacemaker, so I was a little worried (pacemaker at 28 - NO THANKS!!). I met with my PCP today and she thought that it could be a few things, either the vagal nerve getting irritated by my band, not eating enough calories, or dehydration. I could buy into the vagal nerve thing because it does affect me after fills. I'm only taking in around 600-800 calories a day and burning about half with cardio daily, but I'm drinking around 80-100 ounces of water a day. My heart was in normal rhythm, blood pressure was great. Her suggestion was to up my calories or try to correlate the feeling to something specific. Hmmm...not sure what to do.
Plans! I'm a total planner, but I never have anything to do. Make sense? When something comes up to do, I plan it all out, but really my life is boring and all I do is sleep, work, jog, repeat. For some reason, maybe because I'm finally living my life, I have SO much to do. Every weekend for the next month and a half I have "stuff". New concept for me, I love my free time, and I kinda feel like being committed to something and having things to do puts me back into my OCD-ish mode of becoming a control FREAK. (In case you're new to my journey...after the psych eval for WLS, it came about in a round-about way that I have PTSD from a childhood trauma, and my way of dealing was to ALWAYS be busy, never sit still, and if I HAD to sit still I would keep my hands busy by eating...and got to 243 lbs). After seeing a couselor for a few sessions, I took on a whole new lease on life. I go with the flow, relax, read more, only clean my house every few days instead of for an hour every day (no kids to mess it up either, just a little over the top about cleanliness). Having things locked down that I have to do kind of sets me into this frenzy, I realized today. Hmmm...something else to think about a solution for.
And lastly and most importantly, I just have to say it feels SO great being successful with my lap band journey. I've never dealt well with failure, and tend to dive into things head first and never come up for air, so seeing the scale slide further and further down feels AMAZING. For the first time in my life, I think I feel proud of myself!
My husband asked me last night if I was sure I wanted to have my goal so low (it's at 160, and I'm 5'8", he's worried I may look too thin). I assured him that I don't want to get too thin (what a concept to think about though!!) and I would see how I felt once I got there. I may want to go lower, may want to gain a few pounds (another mind-blowing concept!). My coworker asked today how much more I would like to lose and when I said 35-40 lbs, she said she thought that may be too skinny. Again, people with this skinny business!! Although I value their opinion and concern, this is something I'm doing for me, and assured them that when I get to a weight that I feel healthy I will try to maintain.
Have any banders at goal gotten any reponses about being too thin? How do you deal with that?
I'm officially done with all of the pre-work. All I have left is to meet with the surgeon and have the pre-op class, then surgery! I'm so excited. I've been following the Pre-Bariatric Surgery eating plan for about a week and a half now (3 meals a day and 2 protein drinks, eating out of only 4 food groups) and I'm down almost 7 lbs.
Today I finished up with the psychologist and reviewed the scores from the MMPI test. Although she cleared me for surgery, she suggested that I meet with a psychologist locally to follow up for another session or two. My scores were great in most areas except two, self-image and emotional coping. The self-image I totally get, and need to improve because I'm afraid that even at my goal I'll still see the fat girl in the mirror. The emotional coping - I thought she was crazy until she explained what it meant - and there is no way I could have argued. I went through some childhoold trauma and my parents had an explosive, horrid divorce about 7 years ago that I was in the middle of. I guess you don't make it out of that without some emotional baggage and surprisingly enough, ignoring it was not the correct thing to do. So I have some work to do, but not work that will hinder me having surgery.
Besides, I want to be healthy and part of that is mentally, not just my body.
The psychologist asked for a few days to get her report to the surgery coordinator, then I should be hearing from the nurse to set up the appointment with the surgeon. The good news is, I've almost completely satisified my deductible so my surgery should cost me next to nothing. I've managed to get about 10 weeks worth of pre work done in 4, so as long as I keep moving at that pace I should be able to be banded by the end of April or early May.
To those first 40 pounds that I've lost - good riddance! I have about 45 more to join you, so make room!!
I was ecstatic to step on the scale and see that I have finally hit 40 lbs lost! I'm almost out of the 200's and I feel fantastic. Well, besides every muscle in my body hurting, I feel fantastic!
I don't really see the changes in myself, but sometimes I notice little things, like getting ready in the morning (wrapped in my towel), my collar bone has made its appearance again. My legs are definietly taking shape. My pair of work pants that I literally did a happy dance two weeks ago that they finally fit (bought them without trying them on, they're the low rise slim fit - not my normal style!) now hang off my hips and I'm tugging at them all day long.
I still don't like hearing compliments. The only one I've graciously accepted is from my PCP, when she said that I was doing remarkable. I had lost 34 lbs since I have last seen her in early April. I work in the same office as her and she said that everyone around the clinic has noticed how amazing I look. I would just rather not hear compliments because I know I have so much work to do, I don't want to get excited yet.
So on this note, I'm going to really behave myself today at my sisters BBQ....I even made five side dishes last night and never took a taste! (That included chocolate peanutbutter cookies!)
Had my first fill today. I was afraid the surgeon wouldn't do it since I was ahead on weight loss. He said he'd expect me to lose a pound every week to 10 days, and I lost 7 lbs since my two week post-op visit and today (9 lbs per my scale, sans clothes). He put in a full 3 cc's and I can completely feel it. He had me drink a cup of water before I left to make sure he wouldn't need to remove fluid. All was gravy until the drive home when I felt like the water was going to come back up. He said to start out slow though, liquids until tomorrow night, then puree, then back to soft. I'm going to seize this opportunity to get my diet completely in line with what they recommend. I didn't "cheat" per se, but I wasn't eating the healthiest options over the past five days.
My next fill is July 16th and he said if I'm down 4 pounds by then he would be ecstatic. My goal for the next month is to get down to 205. I'm doing a combo jog/run every day for at least 20 minutes and have been taking in around 80-100 ounces of water. Feeling great. So here I go onto my next little goal. 8 lbs in a month...I can SO do this!
I can't believe Monday is almost here. I have my appointment with the Surgeon - AKA last step of the process before surgery - and will get my surgery scheduled. Finally! I'm not a patient person, and this whole two month process has been brutal!
I've been stuck in this limbo for about a month. I started the Pre Bariatric Surgery eating plan. Five meals a day, high protein low calorie, and I was completely rocking it. I lost 11 pounds, was exercising daily, and was feeling amazing. Then my BMI dropped to 34.2. My insurance requires a BMI of 35 so I asked the Dietician and Surgery Coordinator what I should do and they both said I needed to gain a couple pounds before I saw the Surgeon since they submit my numbers to insurance when I see him. That completely took me off my game. I was all set to see the Surgeon two weeks ago, then came down with Strep Throat AND the Influenza. Had to cancel, and go through another two weeks stuck in this crazy frustrating weight balancing act.
I'm just so excited to get my numbers submitted to insurance for approval so I can get re-focused. I'm actually hoping that I'll be able to start the Pre-Op Skim Milk diet pretty soon, but at the very least I can start the Pre Bariatric Diet and get my mind back in the game.
I have never really loved shopping. When I was 243 lbs, it was just discouraging. None of the cute shirts came in an XXL.
I thought I would put on my brave face at hit the mall yesterday. I had nothing but time to kill, so I wandered through Old Navy. I haven't really shopped since I started my weight loss journey. I grabbed a few shirts that were XL (pretty confident they may fit, since I've lost a whole cup size!). Headed to the fitting room, cringing the whole way, and slipped the shirt on.
It was TOO BIG!
Tried on the next one (different style - love their "vintage" line) and it was WAY too big! I was actually smiling when I left the dressing room to grab a Large.
I was so excited when I came home, I told my husband that I no longer required the "X". He was naturally a little puzzled since he has no concept of sizes whatsoever (I don't think the man has bought any of his own clothing since we started dating!) but he was excited for my excitement. For the first time, I felt like a "normal" girl who could walk into a store and buy a shirt without panic or regret surging through me.
This journey has been amazing so far. I can't wait to go get my next fill and show my surgeon my progress. I set a goal of losing 10 lbs between fills. I'm 18 days from my next fill and already hit my goal! I hope he will give me the fill (last time he did half because I was losing fine on my own) but a little restriction would be nice. I'm at 4.5 cc right now in a 11 cc band and not feeling much restriction, it's all been will power. I do stay fuller, longer, but I don't get my "full" signal if that makes sense.
Well I wish everyone out there in Band Land all the success in the world.
Well I really let myself down this weekend.
I was doing SO good, following the diet to the letter, and then the weekend hit. Started off with a little road trip to see my family on the coast. I did fine that morning, at some turkey for breakfast. For lunch, we took my nephews to the local pizza place and I ate about 1/3 of a taco salad (minus the chips, onions, tomatoes). Took the rest home and got about 4 bites in, and I felt full. I thought I would take one last bite (it was so tastey) and I was in PAIN. Horrible indigestion feeling. I pressed my luck and lost. So the rest of the evening I was too full and mad at myself to eat anything else.
Sunday, we all went out to breakfast and I had about half of an egg white and turkey omlet. Ate the other half for lunch, and this time I listened to my full signal and stopped immediately. Then came the big family BBQ which is where I feel like I slipped into old habits. I found myself crusing by the snack table - granted I ate only healthy, soft foods, but I ate slowly enough and spaced out enough, I ate more than I should have.
I stepped on the scale this morning, and have gained back 4 pounds. Saturday night I had gone on a 4 mile jog and was considerably sore the next day, plus I had forgotten to take my diuretic BP pill all weekend and am feeling bloated, but still, FOUR POUNDS!
I'm back on track today, I know I cannot do this to myself again. Not only did I feel crummy while eating, but I feel horrible today. I work hard to lose every ounce, and my mindless eating overtook a whole week of being good. I get a fill tomorrow, hopefully that will help, but I definitely learned my lesson.
Which band to go with? The Realize or LAP-Band? I'm sure I'll talk it over with the surgeon but it's definitely something to think about.
I had my big 4 hour appointment today with everyone under the sun. The dietician was super nice. We first did the informational session on life and diet post banding. I then saw the Internist/Endocrinologist for an hour. He was nice...reminded me of Rain Man but very thorough. After hearing my symptoms that I've dealt with my whole life, he wants to do one additional lab test (24 hour urine collection - yippee!) to test for a Phenochromocytoma (benign tumor in the adrenal gland)but decided I didn't need any furter pre-op testing. Whew! I then had the 1:1 with the dietician. Not surprisingly, my method of skipping meals then ravenously eating isn't the best. After that I had the 1 hour Physical Education class which was interesting but nothing I didn't already know but still, another check mark off my list of To-Do.
After my psych appointment March 27 then April 2, I'll be ready to schedule with the surgeon! Super excited. I start my pre-bariatric surgery diet tomorrow. No, not the scary 2-4 week skim milk diet, but the very low calorie, balanced, high-protein diet. They gave me basically a list of foods from 4 food groups to pick from for each meal, and two protein drinks as snacks between meals, and that's it! I do really well with a regime, and it's expected that I lose weight before seeing the surgeon, so it looks like my journey begins tomorrow!
I've become addicted to Pinterest lately, but all of the recipes I'm drooling over are ones that I wouldn't dare eat!! Pizza casserole, Bacon-wrapped Chicken, Chicken Taco Chili....and the desserts, oh my goodness, Smores Cookies?! Cookie dough/Peanut Butter Cup/Brownie batter baked together in a cupcake pan?! It's too much! I think to myself - I could just make this for my husband and his work friends to eat on, but the temptation is too real for the desserts. The inner fat girl is screaming for some carb-loading!!
So instead, I save all of the pins about workouts and easy healthy snacks. Booo
Patience is not my thing. I think I've said that before....? I finally have my big 4 hour doctor appointment Wednesday. I see the dietician, doctor, surgery coordinator, and physical educator. I had my 13 lab tests done last week, all was well except very low Vitamin D level (hello native NW girl) and maybe a H. Pylori infection (stomach bug) so I'll have to talk to the doctor about that and get it treated before we set a surgery date.
I've been doing this weird thing where I feel like it's a free-for-all with food. I've been doing a very low calorie diet for the better part of the last two years...I KNOW surgery will be within the next month or two (or worst case, three) so I think...well...this may be the last time I have cinnamon rolls/sour patch kids/nachos...and I've gained like, 3 lbs since the seminar! I know it's a mental thing, saying my final "good-bye's" to the good food I won't ever have again, but I need to get over it quick! Hopefully talking to the RD will get my butt back on track.
I'm actually excited to do the liquid diet pre-op. My doctors require a 2 week all skim milk diet (along with a few other liquids, but they must be very low calorie and you must have skim milk for 3 meals a day). I quit coffee, today was day 8, and that's something I NEVER thought I could do. I am seeing the pre-op diet as a challenge that I KNOW I can conquer...but it's almost like, get with it already! I'm ready to do this, I'm tired of waiting, and the longer I wait the more stressed I will be, and the more stress-eating I will do! So....c'mon ALREADY!!
I had my two week post-op appointment with the surgeon this morning and he was delighted. He said I'm doing well beyond his expectations for two weeks post-op, that it's not uncommon at all to have people come in 2 weeks out and weigh the same as pre-op. After surgery, your body goes into a whirlwind and you retain water, pack on the lbs without doing anything. He also cleared me to start pureed food. Hummus, here I come!!
I told him about the pain I get after I drink and am sitting. It's under my left shoulder blade and is like a constant cramp. He said that this far out it's probably not air, it's most likely that the band has irritated the diaphragm, which has nerves that connect to the left shoulder and base of your neck. We'll watch it for a few weeks, see if it gets better, if not we'll make a plan. What that plan entails, I have no idea. The pain isn't intolerable, just annoying.
In other news, I finally got my next tattoo design locked down and am getting it inked into place on Friday. Every life changing event I like to commemerate with a tattoo, and this one is perfect for my next journey.
I think people on this forum may be the only ones excited to be "overweight". By that, I mean, my BMI has put me in the "obese" category for so long - I'm just over 1 point from being "overweight". I'm so happy right now, I set a goal to be at 205.0 by my next fill on July 16th and today I was 205.2. So close! Plus, I still have 12 days until my fill.
I hit a plateau last week for about 6 days, and I started feeling those old feelings of "I'm never going to hit my goal, I'm just going to gain it all back, why can't I do this" but my husband just kept reassuring me that people hit plateaus and just be patient. About 4 days ago I started losing again. I've been in a good rhythm and have been losing 1/2 lb - 1 lb a day. How? I'm logging every single morsel I put in my mouth. I'm focused on protein first, then veggies and fruit. I'm drinking 80-120 ml of water a day. I'm taking all of my vitamins in the morning and making sure I get enough sleep. Most importantly, I'm exercising every day. I wear my FitBit and strive to hit my 10,000 steps and 15 flights of stairs a day. I either jog 2-4 miles outside, hit the treadmill and elliptical at home, or do the UFC Trainer with Kinect. My dream is to start some sort of kickboxing/MMA class when I get to my goal weight.
I knew that lap band surgery would be a journey, a long one, and I wouldn't expect results too fast, but I've been pleasently suprised by the way my body is responding. I'm 6 weeks out and have lost 38 lbs. It feels SO good to be headed in the right direction. I'm going on vacation to Vegas in September and would love to be down to 180 lbs by then. Just have to keep up the hard work.
Tonight my husband, Jason, and I are venturing out on a weekend road trip going from our place in Washington down to Florence, Oregon, to see my cousin then back up the coast making stops in a couple more places. While I am SO excited to get away, it has me a little anxious.
There aren't many healthy options when traveling, convenience stores and quick restaurants don't typically have high protein/low cal meals readily available! Plus, I weigh myself every day and have since starting my weight loss journey. I know there's tons of opinions on doing this, but for me it helps me stay accountable. Even though it's mostly water-weight fluctuations, it helps me tell which foods make me retain, etc.
I also haven't seen my cousin, Brandon, in about 3 years (when I was around 240 lbs). He doesn't know about my surgery, and I don't think I necessarily have to tell him (not that he would judge at all, it's just something I've kept kind of private). I get to meet his wife for the first time, and his 6 month old son. I'm so excited to see/meet them, Brandon and I were the very best of friends growing up. We've been through so much together...we both feel like we have that "twins" connection even though we're cousins - - but we do look very similar!
I'm also REALLY looking forward to a weekend away with my husband. He only gets 1 weekend off a month so spending some solo time with him is rare. We have a jacuzzi suite reserved at a hotel on the beach Saturday night. We need some serious R&R. We had the conversation again last night of "you're going to lose all this weight then find someone else". I know it's just his insecurities, and he doesn't bring this up often, but I feel like he's just waiting for the ball to drop. I'm not sure what I can do to assure him.
Most of my underlying anxiety is coming from being scared I won't make the best choices, and I go in to see my doc 1st thing Monday morning for a weight check and fill. I wanted SO bad to be down a full 10 lbs, and right now I'm down 13 from my last appointment in July. I don't want to ruin that by bad choices, but am afraid I will get caught up in the moment. I'll have to ask my husband to keep me grounded
Hope everyone has a fantastic weekend!!
