So the nurse said it is possible my calories are too low and my body is going into starvation mode. I listed off what I have been having and approximate calories in each and she told me to make myself a nice chicken salad tomorrow ith some fresh onion, chicken and mayo. She wants me to try to get better foods in my system with more calories and see how I do. Obviously she doesn't want me to jump in and have a Big Mac or anything. LOL
I go in on Thursday of next week for my first post op visit. I am excited and I know this little snafu of gaining is just that a snafu. I am allowed to complain about it though. LOL
Today was an okay day. Didn't get out walking like I wanted but will start in on a regular schedule soon. I need to just figure out what works best for me.
Well, time to reset all the songs in my IPod and get new ear buds. I try to zone away from the stuff going on around me in the gym and just sweat my hiney off. I also try not to sing at the top of my lungs.
Much love to all who read and those who don't!
Last time I posted was on Thursday of last week, talking about seeing my Doctor. Some back story for those who don't know I got a single incision procedure done to my belly button. Well, on Thursday my doctor cleaned it and said everything looked great. Well Friday my belly buttonw as tender, I assumed it was from cleaning until Saturday morning I had a red streak going down my belly button. It was hot to the touch so off to the ER I went.
To my doctors credit, he came in on his day off to see me at the hospital. He reopened the incision (yes I was awake for this and he just used local anethisia on the site) and I held my belly button open as he cut away. He then packed it and said if it didn't start looking better that I had to go back in for surgery. That he wanted me to go back to the ER on Sunday to get the bandage changed again. So Sunday I went and he came in again to do the job. Then on Monday I saw him, I feel like I should have a frequent flyer card or something.
Besides the double antibiotics I am on and feeling nauseous from that, I feel really good. Besides the fact that I am starving and have been wanting comfort foods. Last night I made Home made Pizza for the kids and noodles. Not protein enriched foods huh? I forgave myself and I am still loosing weight somehow even though I am not portioning my foods by the cup fulls. I am eating every two to three hours. I hate starving but I am still loosing weight. I get to go to the gym and walk on the treadmill at least.
So a bump in my road! I will survive and I am glad it is a small bump.
My son came down with the stomach virus on Thursday. I was doing fine until last night. Luckily most of it is the rear end but I did vomit once. I can not imagine vomitting more than once, I am now sore where the band is. It kind of sucks. I am still able to drink so I don't think it is too swollen or slipped. I just want to say, it sucks. I was going to go to the gym today, but obviously that was out of the question. My daughter and father (whom is disabled and I take care of) are also sick. My daughter vomitted a few times and now she is feeling great. I am still sore though and my belly still doesn't feel right. UGH
I see the doctor on Thursday and though the weight loss I have had is not drastic it is weight loss. I think part of that is becaue I am hungry and I haven't started exercising yet. I am supposed to be on mushy foods but I am just chewing the crud out of most foods and blending up things like my Chili. Which is more like a pile of meat because I make it super thick.
4oz of my chili is about 23 grams of protein, I even have it as a snack. LOL
I have paperwork to do and such for school and regular crap around the house. I am 205 on the scale today, I am hoping by thanksgiving to be down to Onederland. Time to hit the gym
Tomorrow is two weeks out, I am so excited to be two weeks out, one more week of mushy foods. Go me!
My scale this morning said 205.5 but I will not consider that my weight until I am at it for a while.
I am sitting here watching my husband play with his CPap machine and I am thankful that I might get real sleep sooner or later.
Besides that, things are good. I actually don't have much to talk about.
I am thrilled to say today I turn 35.
I have been to the gym every day except for three when I was sick and I take weekends off. The gym makes me feel so good, my smaller pants make me feel so good.
WE are going out to dinner tonight and the thought of not having to cook makes me happy.
I am so thrilled to feel this good and have this much energy.
My only troublesome thing is it has been two months since surgery and I still get pains on my left side and sometimes the right side. It can be quite painful and I am not enjoying that at all.
7 months ago, when I started this journey, if you asked me how much I thought Exercise would play in this, I would honestly tell you, just a little. I mean I figured three days a week at the gym and smaller meals should be enough. Well, for some it might be, however, EXERCISE plays such a huge roll in all of this. I had a day off yesterday due to the terrible weather, so here I am today, went back to the gym and I thought, "Wow I missed this." Since going to the gym I have started loosing the inches. Sure weight coming off is nice but I want to loose the inches. The inches make a huge difference, it makes you feel better to see the clothing sizes going down. The thing that keep me motivated is the gym and keeps me drinking my fluids. I just feel better, who would have thought it would have become such an addiction 4 weeks out.
I have come to decide that the scale is evil. So I did a test, depending on where I step on the scaled depends on my weight. Well that is a freaking PIA. So today I weighed myself in at...
207, 207, 207, 207 211, 211, 210.5, 210.5, 209.5, 207.5, 211, 211, 211, 211 LOL you get the idea.
I think it might be time to get a new scale and start the weight in process from a NEW scale that has a consistant weight. (Insert eye roll here)
I made Bison Chili, in 1/2 cup of Bison there is 23grams of protein. So that is good for me. So I ate that, and chewed it pretty well. I think the beans only added another gram of protein or something. Not sure on the calories, but little to no sodium.
Anyway, I guess that is it, I should get going. Much love to all who read and all who don't. Continue success on your journey.
So today brought about a new challenge.... The running around like a chicken with my head cut off challenge and being able to slowly introduce mushy foods challenge.
So I headed out of the house at 10ish with my son. I stopped at GNC because I wanted to try to find the IsoPure drinks. I showered and grabbed myself my protein drink and a bottle of water. I forced down the shake like I have never forced a shake before. LOL I got the drink and a Jello supplement that was high in Protein, no sugar and low in whatever else had to be low. (Exhaustion is currently my middle name.) So we then went to Game Stop and then Chucky Cheese. We were there three hours. I forgot to buy myself a water so I got a few sips of Alexanderias 100% apple juice box, just a few sips and they kids had Pizza. I had 5 small bites, which I chewed to the point of liquid mush in my mouth. I was fading fast. Left there and stopped and got the kids McDonalds and stopped to visit my mother. At which point I drank the IsoPure 40grams of protein drink. I now officially had 60 grams of protein in my. Good job Celeste, but I was still super hungry.
We got in the car and I promised my son we could go to Bertuccis for his Birthday dinner. The bread came out and I took two small pieces of the inside and dunked them in the oil, chewed them until they disolved in my mouth. I had ordered my usual (because I figure I can puree it) Balsmic Chicken with Green Beans (Double order, I LOVE veggies). I took less then pea size pieces of chicken and chewed and chewed and chewed and chewed and well I chewed longer then I have ever chewed before. Again, being sure it was puree consistency before I swallowed. No fluids either, I was good about that. I mean, I don't carry a blencer with me so I had to do something.
When I got home I was ultimately proud of myself for making good choices and that were fairly healthy. The Pizza there was no other choice other then salad and that is a no no. So all in all, I made my mouth the blender. I DO NOT think I got enough fluids and I have honestly been feeling fatiqued all day. I keep feeling big blood sugar drops and it sucks.
So lessons learned....
1. Do NOT forget your water
2. Carry protein something on you
3. If going with the kids somewhere and they are getting Pizza be sure NOT to be hungry. he he
4. Don't forget to take time to feed yourself, no matter how small the amount, something to help keep up your energy. You need a constant energy source, not just a quick burst of energy like with Carbs. So protein needs to be spaced through out the day better.
Even with the protein spaced out pretty well, I am still feeling pretty tired, no matter how much I sleep. This is a concern I am going to call the doctor about if it continues.
Off to take my vitamins. Rest well my friends.
Funny thing about blogging and posting updates is life catches up with you sometimes. I have been so busy with school work, the children, etc, that I forgot I even had an account here.
So here is where I am, BMI is about 36, 9 more points to get to 25, 20 would be my ideal. 186, yah me!
OKAY SO THE STORY: This is where I post something inspirational....
So I was thinking yesterday about all that has happened since my surgery. I went in for surgery saying that my weight was just caused my medical situations and I am finding out more and more that part of my problem really is FOOD. I LOVE FOOD and the flavors of certain foods. In fact if they could just add some fiber and protein to Dove chocolate, I might live off of it. So here is some thoughts on food.
1. Food tastes good, if it didn't we wouldn't eat.
2. Humans are over indulgent as a general rule. We love "things", many people want nice cars, houses, clothes, shoes, purses, etc. Imagine for a moment if we lived in a society where we had just what we needed. A roof over our heads, clothing hand made, gardens, etc. What would happen if we had just what we needed and couldn't run to the grocery store and buy crap.
3. Prepackaged foods are cheaper and easier for us as we work late hours and rush around. Why not grab those instant potatoes? Have you ever really thought about how much time it really saves you as you load yourself, your family and even your children with sodium. yummers NOT
4. What is most important in our lives, we need to set priorities right?
Since loosing this 50lbs I walk my son to school in the morning, even though he is on a bus route and shouldn't walk, we also walk home. I play outside with my ten year old son and the kids, running around with swords and having a blast. I appreciate food more and I am trying to learn to add in what I love in a smart and intelligent way. I am altering my children's lives, they do not get candy filled easter baskets or stockings stuffed with junk. Everything given to them is thoughtful and not a "FOOD" source. It is amazing how much we feed our children.
Here are some examples how psychologically we are wired to eat just for enjoyment:
1. Potty training, "if you do good you get an M&M".
2. Rewards, "if you get all A's you can go to your favorite restaurant."
3. The idea of ice cream when you are sad.
4. Babies, they are crying, you don't know for what so you just keep feeding them, thus they are being wired to believe that the bottle, or a breast, or whatever, which is food, is used to comfort.
If this surgery has taught me one thing and one thing only it is, that many people suffer from issues with food. Huge issues, small issues, why in the world are we giving children gum, lollipops and ice cream, why start them there? Explain to me why we feel the need to load cheese on everything we eat?
Oh and it isn't just the eating, we gain weight, get fat, get depressed, don't get out and do things. Like walking with our kids, or playing or running or swimming, or or or or or.... We hide which thus makes us eat more.
The more I am home the more I pick at food. We as humans are not supposed to sit all day. Evolution has brought us into this comfort zone of boredom and what happens is this, we are naturally hunters and gatherers, leave us in one place too long with an unoccupied mind, we are going to hunt and gather something for our stomach.
Water is our best friend, random I know but if you are going to hunt and gather something, make it water.
We need to admit our failures to everyone, if I eat an entire chocolate easter bunny, I NEED TO ADMIT IT, because once I try to hide it, I am showing signs of an addict because if I feel that I need to hide the food then I am feeling guilty about eating it. Be honest wtih yourself and most of all
FORGIVE
IT is important to forgive ourselves for food slips and lack of exercise and just start new every day. We don't know what kind of day we are going to have but if we try to plan out our weeks and try and be smart about our food choices in advance, that way if we fall off, we have the right tools to get right back up again.
Now go take a walk or something. he he
Doctor had emergancy surgery so my appointment ended up really late.
I lost ten pound since surgery which they said is awesome.
I am doing well, they are proud of me and one of the girls didn't recognize me. I said, "I didn't loose that much weight yet.
She reminded me that since October 21, 1010 I have lost 19lbs and I should be proud.
I am now on a regular diet and will get my first fill on December 2, 2010.
Hey there fellow nuts. I ended up helping a friend at her holistic fair today, in order to prep, I hate a shake in the morning and bought an Isopure to keep my protein up. I didn't get home until 5:30 and got some of my chili and chewed it well. Probably not enough but I did my best, seeing as I was starving. I must make a note that eating when super hungry should not be done.
I am glad to keep fluids up though. So that was good.
Oh and about this TMI topick Bowels? Mine are still not working right. I need to take something. Nearly 11 days post op you would think things would be moving right. UGH, I think if I could use the bathroom I might loose 3 pounds!
I am out of size 24, 22, 20 jeans. Well the 20s I will still wear with a belt. I am so thrilled to have bought two size 18 jeans at a high end consignment shop and they fit. They fit perfectly, I do not even have to suck in at all. I am sooo thrilled. I am soooo freaking thrilled but very sad that the gym will most likely be closed tomorrow due to bad weather. I feel so good though, I think I was size 18 when I met my husband.
I thought I had another infection starting in my belly button so I went to my Doctors. I got put on the scale and was down to 199. The doctor is so thrilled with me. He asked me what I was doing and I said, "I work out five times a week, just the elipitical and sometimes weights." I am so thrilled because I wanted to reach this by my birthday January 5. I am feeling great, though I think I need a good massage. LOL
I can't wait to get into smaller pants soon. So exciting AND even better, I have no infections, just a surface infection, nothing to worry about. SOOOO HAPPY. All of the working out is paying off.
I realize that getting this band, often times people say, "this is the wasy way out." It isn't really. Sure it helps with the weight loss but if you don't learn to gain control of what it is that got you to this point, or your connection to food, you set yourself up for failure. One must truly be committed to understanding if they were an over eater and why, or what it is that makes them want that chocolate shake on the way home from work every day. Getting this procedure only ensures weight loss and only for a short period of time. We can stretch out our pouch, we can eat the wrong foods and become super unhealthy. We need to really focus on the why I eat what I eat portion of this.
I have hypothyroidism and PCOS, though food isn't what brought me to banding, as much as my medical issues. As I sit around thinking about what I am going through I question myself, how much of me is going to miss having those brownies when I am PMSing. How am I going to fill the void? Why is it when people tell me I can't have something I want it more? Self evaluation for self control.
This journey isn't easy, but neccessary.
I am loosing weight, but every time I step on the scale I am expecting to put weight back on, or be at a dead stop. I lost 5 lbs when I had the stomach virus and gained 3lbs back and freaked out. I totally hate that part of the mentality. The expecting that this is all the weight I am going to loose or it is going to come all back at once. Like one morning I am going to wake up and be a size 18 and then the next morning I am going to be a 24. It is a challange to get rid of clothes that no longer fit because I keep thinking, "what if I get fat again?" Truth is, I am only going to gain the weight back if I forget that this is a life time journey and I can't go back to the way I was or I will. Truth is, I am just baffled and amazed that I can not accept that I have lost this weight. I have gone from a 24-18 and the nurse at the office thinks I will be in a 14 by the end of January. Really, how is that possible?
I should recognize that it isn't JUST the band that brought me this far. The band hardly has any restriction right now. It is a lot of hard work on my part. I am careful what I eat and I am exercising my butt literally off. I have lost inches and I should be proud, not fearful that it is all coming back. It is really silly isn't it?
When you are overweight and spend years yo yoing with your weight up and down and down and up and over and up and,....... Well you understand, when you keep having these moments, it's like, "Hey, what if the same thing happens again." Truthfully one of the only ways it can go back to the way it was is if A. WE allow it to or B. We have something medically not working for us. With the band for once in our lives we can be in control of our destiny.
Well, today is officially day five.
I slept too flat last night and now my chest is killing me, it is taking forever to burp out the pain. I miss sleeping on my belly. I miss that sooo much. If I tried that now I would scream and cry.
So I have been drinking a 160z bottle of water daily and most of the rest that I drink is protein rich.
Yesterday was Myoflex, wonderslim chocolate shake with a banana, Wonderslim Gran Grabe cold drink, broth, milk, and, well something else I can't remember. Oh and I licked a chocolate covered cherry. I bought them for my Dad and they are a favorite. I don't tend to over indulge in such things even before banding, but I wanted a taste of the chocolate and cherry. It is a almost a holiday tradition in my house.
Well, I am off, I am going to go to the grocery store today by myself. Still can't get my stupid pants on because of the bloat and sensitivity. Will try something else today. Good news is the weight is starting to finally show on the scale.
I check myself every am before I eat or drink. That is the only way to have a accurate fortelling, is to check the same time and place every day. Do I need the scale to prove weight loss, normally no, but right now because I am still bloated, yes, it is reminding me that my body is changing.
I haven't been to the gym in over a year. Going to the gym a year ago is what prompted me to look into the lap bad because I was putting on muscle but the fat was sticking around, no matter how well I ate and how much I exercised. So today I got to the gym and reminded myself I couldn't start where I left off. So I went on the Treadmill and it killed my knees and hips but I pushed through the discomfort. I wasn't in PAIN I just felt loose everywhere. I did 20 minutes on the weight loss setting. My legs were wobbly and then I had to walk back and forth to my car twice because I forgot my daughters coat. LOL She loved playing with the other kids and wants to go back tomorrow so she will be my motivation to go to the gym so she can play with the kids. Very thankful for them watching the little ones which will let Alexanderia get much needed interaction with other children.
I am thankful to be holding steady with weight and not putting on weight despite the fact that I have no restriction and no exercise.
Onward, my wound seems to be healing pretty fast now.
I made the number one error for bandsters, do not wait too long to eat. Do not wait until the point you are ready to chew off your hand. I ended up not chewing something as well as I thought I did and ended up making friends with the porcelin bowl. My friend, the bowl, a friend I don't want to visit again soon. It hurt but I went back and finished my meal darnit.
I seriously want to bang my head against the wall. I am waiting for the gym membership paper to go through so I can join. It is a process because the lady who handles it is busy on a project. The weather hasn't been very nice here so walking any great distance is not happening.
The more I sit around the more I want to eat things like Pumpkin Pie. I am going to be making myself a bunch of sugar free snacks to have in the house. Truth is I am still in that soooo hungry phase. I seem to be loosing weight every other day at this point. I hope my doctor isn't too disappointed in me for not loosing a ton of weight.
I am trying to keep my body filled with high protein foods. This is why I made more Chili, I just throw it in the food processor before I warm it up.
My bowels are still super messed up and will talk to the Doctor about that tomorrow. I am super exhausted and think I need to start counting calories just as much as I need to start focusing on proteins. Seriously, exhausted.
I WANT TO GO TO THE GYM!!!! That is all.
I cut the string exactly to what I was prior and now it is two inches down. I should do after photos today and see what if I can see the differance. Have a great day!
No let me state I do not love ALL things Easter Candy. I do not love Jelly Beans or Marshmellow chicks, what I doooo LOOOOOVVVEEEE is Hollow chocolate. As I sit her and write this I realize I made a very misguided or, perhaps just miscalculated decision, I bought a Hollow Chocolate Easter Bunny. NOw this bunny purchase is not going to put a million pounds back on me, but as the bunny stares at me Mockingly it puts me at a risk of possibly over indulging. Now I promised myself I would be okay to have a little of.... I told myself it would be okay to have a bite of his ear..... Essentially it is but my question is, what is the risk of me devouring the entire bunny in one sitting. Though essentially not the end of the lap band procedure but not the best choice in the world.
The thing that I thought today, and this is faulty food thinking at it's finest is.... "If I eat it all, at least it will be gone and I will not have to worry about eating it later." So in other words I would only have guilt one day and not two. Yah that is a benefit some how? Seriously, why do we put ourselves in situations that test us so early on. Just having had surgery, not even a full 6 months out quite yet, another week, there are a lot of foods that still are foods that make me weak. My comfort foods, Pizza, Chocolate, Chips and Cheese, etc.... I have to know to be smart about these choices and so far, the last few months I have fallen into old habits.
I am stating here in this blog, after Easter, I am making drastic changes. I am also looking into healthier non meat protein sources. My husband will hate me but I do not care, it is about me being authentic and true to me. I really have to make some better choices and I was, but now I have to get back on the bandwagon. Darn you CHOCOLATE EASTER BUNNY FOR MOCKING ME and for making me realize I need some better foods in my house.
Weight loss has slowed way down, I have also not made it to the gym. After the stomach virus and other ailments, then being super busy. UGH.... The good news is weight loss is still weight loss. I have been, unfortunately putting weight on and then taking it off. LOL
The good news is I am now in a size 16, I haven't been there in nearly 8-10 years.
I know what I need to do and I will get back on track. I haven't been drinking my fluids and I have NOT been exercising like I should. I have a lot of self motivation I have to rebuild up. Things happen and I always try to say that it isn't my fault, but me not going to the gym is totally my fault. I am doing four classes a semester with college and I am making excuses why I can't get to the gym. Then I sit on the computer and talk to people. LOL SO whose fault is it that I am not at the gym? MINE
So getting off here now to get myself motivated again. I have to drink more, (I am now onto herbal teas for variety and make it a goal to drink water first thing in the morning, afternoon and evening before meals) and not snack. I would love to feel full all the time but I get so gassy since this surgery about 2-3 hours after I eat that I have to put something else in my stomach. I think I just need to start putting an antacid in there. LOL
Hope you are all doing well.
This journey is a roller coaster but I am still enjoying the ride. I will get to the end, for now I just have to hang on.
Celeste
PS The hair loss is also depressing me, I have a nearly bald spot, most people say they do not notice it but it is a glaring shiney head. I can see it and I don't like it.
I have been gone, busy with school work and the gym. When I went to the doctors previously I was 207.8, then after the infection episode, a little over a week. I was still at 207.8. My scale said 205.5 but I will follow the doctors. At the gym last week I was 208 ish with them and now I am 206.5, so that is progress. I am just annoyed I am not loosing inches. I am still waiting on my first fill which will be Thursday December 9, 2010, so wish me luck with that. I knew this would be a slow journey, I just didn't think I would be at such a snails pace. I think that first huge initial weight loss gets you all excited and then when you are starving for three weeks and trying to eat well and then can't exercise, it is annoying. Now that I am exercising hopefully the weight will come off even though I can not do the weights quite yet. I wanted to be down under 200 lbs by my Birthday and just not sure that is going to happen. My birthday is January 5, 2010. Only like four weeks away.
If my doctor knew that the visiting nurses hasn't called me today to set up the wound care he would be mad, this infection could spread with out proper care. I am upset because I found another infected area. UGH I popped it and cleaned it out really hoping it doesn't get worse. I am still taking my infection meds so hopefully it will all be okay. However Sulfer is disgusting! LOL
As far as everything else in life, it is good. I went to the support meeting tonight with the bariatric group. It is always nice to hear positive stories and those who are struggling and what they are going through and offer support.
Overall I am feeling really good, believe it or not. The infection is more a bump in the road rather than a huge issue right now. If I need another surgery, well that will be more of an issue wouldn't it.
Trying to remain positive. The weight is still coming off so that is good. Being on solids with no restriction has been a challenge.
