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laphappy's Journal

A blog by laphappy in General

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    7

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Entries in this blog

Almost a year

Here I am on a Saturday morning, my only day off this weekend. Instead of making the best of it, I'm wallowing, feeling inept. My life has become unmanageable. More days than not I go to bed having to push out overwhelming negative thoughts. I have to numb myself so that I don't think about all the things I'm not doing or have done wrong or don't do as well as others. It's hard. Things bothering me are:   1. It's been almost a year since my surgery and I've lost 45 lbs. My better me thinks goo

Feeling good

Well, I'm typing in the darkl on a saturday night and I dont have the patience to delete all of the ls that stickl to my kls. There is so much going on in my life right now that I feel the need to record it for posterity.   First of all, this morning I was 238.6!!!! I havent been eating much at all lately. Its not that Im trying to starve myself, I just havent had an appetite. I've mostly been living on dating fumes. In the last month, actually a little less, I've been on so many dates. Firs

What a difference a day makes

So, after my long winded rant yesterday I took some action. I think I did almost everything on my list. I went to CVS, Dunkys, the Harvest Coop, put the sticker on my car, cleaned out my car, sent my USMLE thingy, Icleaned my kitchen, bathroom and living room. Emptied out the nasty pots from the fridge, ran the dishwasher, and washed my towels, pillowcases and comforter cover. I cooked a decent dinner, AND had Rachel over for a few drinks and a chat. So all in all, I think I did quite well. Toda

Spring has sprung

Here I am, in the season of change/rebirth blah blah blah. I suck. I know, that's counterproductive, internal dialogue such as that can change the way you view the world and won't motivate change - again blah blah blah. I don't know why I am able to have this bizarre selective content ignorance about how things in my life are at the moment. When I have a moment of clarity, I look around my apartment right now and see a rug littered with crumbs and a coffee table ripe with old dishes, cigarette b

2cc

Well, again I feel obligated to comment on the fact that I haven't been journalling. Whatever, I haven't felt like it. I look at the notebook fairly often and have romanticized visions of sitting down and really pondering the meaning of life and banding. Then I smoke and ph and watch tv. That's about all I do. I sit at work all day counting down the hours until I can go home to do more of it. It does nothing for me. But then I think, what else is there to do. Go for a walk, nah. Exercise, nah. B

1-16-07

As Chris Isaak would say "Baby did a bad bad thing." When I was on call last night, Faye was talking about McDonalds in the Galleria. We walked over, and as I passed the Subway I said, oh I should be good and go there. But I didn't, of course. I walked with her to McD's, got the purple food haze and ordered a small fry, 10pc chicken nuggets AND a medium milkshake. SERIOUSLY!!! I also had waaaay too much for lunch, veggie burger (plain no bun), frozen yogurt with snackwells cookies, small serving

January 14th, 2007

So I havent logged my progress or my journey much lately, not sure why. Maybe because all the negative inner monologue stuff comes into play and all I can think of is working that out instead of talking about weight. So here is the weighty end of things:   I haven't lost as much in the first month as I thought I would. I chalked it up, initially, to the fact that I was so dehydrated from gastroenterities that going into surgery I had already lost all that water weight. Thats also likley why I

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