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LittleBird's Journal

A blog by LittleBird

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About this blog

Finding myself for the first time

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This is me...

For my journal readers here is a bit more about me: I am 31 and the mother of two children - my daughter is 14 years old and my son is 10. I'm newly married *3rd and last time!* to a man who is 18 years my senior. I was first married at 16 - to my DD father - divorced by 19 and remarried at 22. That one didn't work after 7 years of marriage. I'm married again - more secure now, more mature, more sure of myself. The kids have had a hard time adjusting to the change... I have a day job and also own my own online company. (www.providerwatch.com and www.findadaycare.com) I enjoy living in Western Washington for the weather, the green, and the fact I can get in the car and drive somewhere. NOT like when I lived in Anchorage, Alaska! I write - poetry mostly. I love music - listening to it cause I don't have a musical bone in my body. I love to read - anything from fiction to interesting non fiction. I think I'm more serious than I should be.... From the thread "Why are you Fat?" My weight gain began about 9 years ago - it was a slow process that began with excessive drinking - high calorie drinks -depression...I gained about 30 pounds those first few years, lost some and have steadily increased reaching my all time high - currently 255. I quit drinking a year ago - eat more to replace it - and have worked at a desk job for 3 years. That combined with no physical activity. I ENJOY food, its emotional for me. When I cook and enjoy a good meal, it feels good deep down. But this good feeling is followed by guilt and remorse. When I feel full - I feel guilty. I think about being fat from the time I wake up to the time I go to bed at night and sometimes in my sleep. The bottom line is I overeat, food is emotional satisfaction, and I sit on my a$$ at work all day.

August 10, 2006

3

Day 14 - Aloha

It's Aloha days at work and I'm wearing my hubbys Hawaiian shirt - I look like shit. I got rid of my Hawaiin stuff - I told the people at work its becuase of a month of "Hawaiian" days last year and I didn't want to see another Hawaiian shirt, but the truth is I got rid of them because I got too FAT to wear them again. Next year I'll be a Hawaiian hotty! That's my hope anyway!! Anyway, I walked 1.25 miles at 3-3.5 MPH average last night. With warm up and cool down was 29 mins. I weighed today and while my scale is still screwy, I figure I'll go with a conservative 246 right now. I'm thrilled and seeing a difference in my face - my cheeks especially. I guess this crash diet thing is worth it - at least I know I don't have to keep up this pace on my own. I know with the band I won't feel like I'm starving all the time!

August 3, 2006

3

I'm still alive

Between hubby having a sleep test, an intensive job interview and the kids back in school ( I am the mom of a new Freshman - yikes!) I have been distracted to say the least! Approaching the one month mark - feeling good, getting compliments (hey, you're really losing weight!) I gave my Drivers License to a lady at the mall (had to buy new pants - they were 14/16 not 18/20!!) and she said "Wow, you look different" Pretty amazing considering its more inches than weight at this point. I still haven't budged from the 233 mark, but I continue to FEEL slimmer in my body.

September 12, 2006

3

Day 15- goals

I wrote my LapBand related goals down last night. 1. Quit smoking permanantly. Start date 8/3 2. Goal weight of 240 by 8/16 for surgery. :clap2: Reached 240 8/4/2006 3. Maintain 8-10 lbs weight loss per month after surgery until goal weight is reached. 4. Consume proper balance of protien, fat, carbs and calories as recomended by nutritionist 5. Jan 1, 2007 goal weight 200 lbs 6. Perform cardio workout 30 mins every other day. 7. Learn weight training skills by Sept. 2006 8. Get weights for training by October 1, 2006 and begin weight training at least 2 times per week 20-30 mins. 9. Reach 150 lbs by August 2007 by maintaining discipline with excercise and healthy eating. 10. Compliment at least 3 people every day!

August 4, 2006

3

My shrinking butt

I am seeing parts of my butt I haven't seen in years! I'm thrilled that my butt and thighs are shrinking before my very eyes. I guess I must have carried most of my weight there because it seems to be the primary area I'm losing - or just the area I notice the most! Amazing how much better my pants are fitting! I walked again last night - 1.14 miles in 30 minutes. I'm taking it slow becuase I still don't feel comfortable walking faster than about 2.5 mph. I finally had the energy to clean my house - well, not the whole thing, but the living room and dining room area that had been driving me crazy. I'm able to eat more and I have been - I know this phase is temporary and am still trying to limit my calorie intake to under 1200 calories a day while still trying to get in the protien I know my body needs. Feels like a lot after the limited intake I was having right after surgery but then I realize I could never have done 1000 - 1200 calories a day before surgery. I know that with a fill I will be eating less but I'm still happy with my "shrinkage". I still have burpy gas occasionally but not nearly as bad as before. My incisions are healing and the sticky glue is slowly coming off my skin.

September 5, 2006

1

Feels weird

It feels wierd when I lay flat on my back. I'm sure its my port in there - but its such a wierd sensation. I'm afraid to poke around and feel my port - I'm afriad it will hurt. My scars are healing up though and almost all of the glue is gone. DH is sad to see my boobs and butt shrinking. I was putting lotion on my hands yesterday and I realized even my hands feel different - I can feel my knuckles more than before. It's strange because I never thought about fat hands - my ring is still tight and I haven't lost any more pounds yet, but my body FEELS different every day. I didn't walk last night - was TIRED after work and dinner. Had 4 oz. of tuna for breakfast. Felt very different to be eating tuna while the guys were munching on doughnuts and pastry.

September 7, 2006

3

My progress

My weight loss has stopped - I haven't measured yet - in a few days I will, but since I'm all healed and I've been consuming more calories I've just been bouncing back and forth on a few pounds 233-236 (still better than 255!~). I have been a little irresponsible with my food choices - not keeping as low carb as I should - not too bad, but obviously it's affecting my weight loss. My portions are larger than right after surgery (duh) but not nearly where they were pre-op. I think I'm just not going to be able to postpone a fill - I'll get it done in a week or so and start fresh from that point. I've heard it said that the first 6 weeks is for healing and not to worry about weight loss during that time (rrriiiiiiiight!) so I am not beating myself up too bad. I landed my dream job - and start on Monday - the place I'll be working has an on site gym. My plan is to work out at my lunch break. Whoohoo. I'm moving out of sales into account management - for auto dealerships with search engine marketing accounts. Great pay and benefits - my first "corporate-type" job. No weekends.

September 28, 2006

1

Mexico photos

I finally got my photos of the trip to Mexico for surgery uploaded so here are a few. I should have been more "reporter" like about it for newbies considering the trip - but I went more "touristy" instead...I didn't want to haul my expensive camera down there with me, so these are just so-so pics... Hubby and I the day after surgery in the courtyard of the hotel. These workers to it the old fashioned way...this was a hotel down the road being worked on. The view outside our hotel window - the "frogger" course! The hillside outside the hotel patio. Up close these houses leave a LOT to be desired. I would have loved to see the "real" TJ rather than just the touristy section of town. You see these delivery bikes everywhere. I guess they can manuver through the crazy traffic faster than a car! The bathroom in our room. These guys at Hotel Lucerne are great - they leave a fuit basket every day - not good for me but my husband enjoyed it. The room - I think they do double beds for Dr. Ortiz's patients cause everyone else had one too. DH was relaxing upon our arrival. The hotel has a great pool - very large with a walking bridge over the two sections. I was able to enjoy a swim the day we arrived. This is the day after surgery. Saved the best for last - my incisions the day after surgery. Lots of sticky iodine everywhere - still washing that sticky stuff of my belly!!

August 31, 2006

3

lost more than 10 inches

My DH did my measurements yesterday. I'm only measuring my left side and already have lost 10 inches!! over 2 on my chest, an inch on my arms - I lost everwhere but my thigh - calf, hips, chest, upper arm, waist! I'm down to 233 lbs from 255. 22lbs!! I'm wearing a shirt today I couldn't wear last week cause the sleeves were too tight. I realize my weight loss will slow in the coming weeks as I begin to eat more and before my first fill, but this loss is sure thrilling. I've moved out of pain into nasuea. I have been "eating" mushies. I get a very sick feeling about 2 hours after I eat. I don't know what that is - I can't wait for it to go away though!! Soft boiled eggs with salt and pepper are my new favorite. We had our wedding reception on Sat. the 26th. With about 45 guest and a spread of food to die for. Everyone told me it was great. I told my DH we would have to do it again when I can EAT! I haven't been on the treadmill. I have been walking more throughout the day however - the mall for back to school clothes yesterday. Shopping for my 5'9" 121lbs daughter I thought - I wonder when I'll be able to shop in these stores!? My incisions are healing and my swelling has gone down a lot. My belly isn't as huge as it was! I'm going to take pictures today or tomorrow and post them. I also was able to have sex for the first time 3 nights ago. I told DH - "Make it quick! and if it hurts you have to stop!" However, it went fine. There was no pain - just a wierd feeling in my tummy when I was tense. I realize this is too much information, but I'm sharing the "unmentionable stuff" to help if others have questions about it.

August 29, 2006

1

Back from the dead

Well I left work yesterday like a walking zombie. The pain I was having was a 10 on a scale of 1 to 10. I would come and go - but it was horrible. I thought it was strange considering I'm over a week out of surgery. It was my first time with the shoulder pain - I've felt it with other surgeries but never that bad. I tried walking, walking, walking, but it didn't help...I finally layed down at home and didn't move - till this morning. I feel better so far - I just hope it lasts. I weighed - 236 - I lost 3 lbs overnight! I realize I shouldn't be doing the scale every day - but it makes this pain worth it when every day almost the number is smaller!! I'm looking forward to being able to really excercise. There is nothing worse than losing weight without being able to "shape" the loss. I feel like a bag of oats...Not very sexy. I made a protien shake last night - water, soy protien, bananna, and an egg with splenda. Blended very well. It was pretty tasty - so much so that I had one for breakfast too with a splash of vanilla. I know I need the protien and right now I think that is the best way to get it in.

August 25, 2006

3

My hard work paid off!

I just got the call from the Nutitionist at my Dr. office. She asked me my current weight and starting weight. Since I've already lost 9 lbs she said I don't have to do the liquid diet for 7 days. She said just stick to a low calorie (1000 cals) diet and drop a few more pounds that way! :clap2: That was great news for me as that was a daunting prospect for me - being only on liquids pre-band for 7 days! WHOOHOOO!!!! She suggested a low fat breakfast like Special K and low fat milk, a shake at lunch and 250 cals for dinner. Hot damn. I'm thrilled. Then she warned me - some people lie about their start weight and have problems. Not a big deal for me since I know I'm not making it up - I just thought it was interesting that someone might lie about it....

August 4, 2006

3

Day 10 - "the camera makes me look fat"

I told my husband that "the camera make me look fat" is just what fat people tell themselves to try and make themselves feel better. We had this disucssion after having him take some current "before" photos for my journey. I hate these photos. But I realize its important to have an accurate way to measure my future results! I'm taking measurements on my left side. Today at 249 lbs they are as follows: Upper arm: 16 3/4 in. Chest: 46 3/4 Waist: 42 3/4 hips: 52 Upper Thigh: 28 1/2 Calf: 17 3/4 I hate those measurements too. :phanvan I ordered Omnitrition Liquid Vitamins today. They have a better absorption rate and Elaine (step Mom who is an RN) said the people she knows who do well with WLS have all used some form of liquid multivitamin. Here are my before photos - in my unflattering purple bikini. I'm going to wear this for all my photos - until it starts to fall off me anyway! I think wearing the same thing each time is a good way to really see a difference. Posting them here for the world of LBT to see is daunting, but I feel compelled to share my starting point.

July 31, 2006

4

Curls

DD - "What are you doing Mom?" DS - "Are you going out Mom?" DH - "Why did you do that?" My reply - I can't smoke. I can't drink. I can't eat. So I decided to curl my hair. I'm tired. I don't want to walk. I've been walking every day over a mile and I like the way it feels but damnit I'm tired tonight and don't want to walk. It's probably PMS - I just figured it out. I always get like this (tired) right before - but right now its rather inconvienent. I primped to see what my longer hair looks like curled - I like it. And because I'm bored and DON'T want to get on that treadmill tonight. I also weighed at the Dr. office while having my BP checked (its down from last time, but still a little high) - a different scale than last time and according to that scale I've only lost 7 lbs - it says 8 lbs more than last week when I was there. So I either gained 8 lbs in one week or never lost it to begin with and have only lost 7 lbs all together. It was just the cheap on the floor kind but I expect a Dr. office to have an accurate scale. Either way, I'm freaking out. Maybe I'll just stop weighing till I get to Mexico the day before surgery. *Big sigh*

August 11, 2006

4

Day 4 - McDonalds

Hubby and I went to Wal-Mart today to buy some stuff for the pool (it turned green overnight) and Atkins shakes - Wal-Mart is the cheapest place I know to buy them! While there, my husband, who is diabetic, said "I have to get something to eat". There is a 24 hour McDonalds inside Wal-Mart - go figure. Sitting in McDonalds - (the side salad tastes like plastic by the way) I looked around. There was a woman there in a mobile shopping cart - very obese. My heart went out to her. I realized how lucky I am to be able to give myself this gift. An opportunity for a new, healthier me. I realize not everyone is able to or even knows that there are options for themselves. I weighed this morning - I know, I know...but I'm eager to see SOME results - and it looked like I was down 3 lbs. I'll weigh again tommorrow to be sure. My husband realized today that when I'm banded I won't be able to drink carbonated beverages - he was upset about that. I'm not sure why. I told him he could drink whatever he wanted, but he said he would feel guilty about it. I reminded him that soda wasn't healthy anyway....

July 24, 2006

2

Day 16 - High Blood Pressure

The Dr. I've been seeing for 3 years couldn't figure out that my high blood pressure readings are something that should be treated - I've seen her over 4 times in the last 6 months - 3 of those times her nurse said "oh, your BP is high" and the DR. never said word one about it. I go see this new PCP to make sure I'm ready for surgery - and the first thing she says is "you need to treat this high BP" and gave me a prescription. Jeeze. I'm really going to write a letter about my Dr. send it to her and to her "boss". So I'm on a "water pill" - I don't like the feeling it gives me this morning....Yuk. But I'm glad she picked up on this before surgery. I walked 1.25 miles in just 24 mins last night. Even did a SMALL like 1 min burst of JOGGING. I thought "It won't be long and this won't kill me!!" The other GREAT news is I'm down to 240 - for a total loss so far of 15lbs pre-op! All in all, with the great news I got yesterday, my new weight loss, knowing my BP won't be an issue cause I'm getting it treated...today is off to a good start! Still 100% smoke free. This is day 3 with no cheating.

August 5, 2006

3

Day 12 - Butting out

It's August 1. This is the day I said I would quit smoking. I was going to like 2 weeks ago, but changed my mind. I hafta quit no matter what, but it is like 2 days before the Dr. said...I figured the 1st was an easy day to keep track of....So I'm smoke free. Taking it one minute at a time. I still haven't lost any more weight - other than the 6 lbs. That worries me - in an off handed way. I want to lose at least the 10 the DR. said to - and any more would be "cherries on top". I'm following the Atkins diet, but I think I'm munching more than I should - its that whole "this will be the last I'm going to have in a while". So even though I am staying low carb, I'm eating too often. To solve that, I'm at work with 2 Atkins shakes - its almost 2:00 and I'm not hungry and I don't have a headache, so that is a good sign. Didn't walk yesterday, but did do 1/2 mile the day before. Flat at 3.0 MPH. I was in a hurry, so didn't do the mile. I'm still trying to figure out what - other than SF Jello and broth - qualifies as clear liquid, but I guess the Nutritionist will let me know for sure.... 10:00 p.m. Update so I keep track. I walked just over 1.25 miles at an average of 3 MPH. I added an incline the last quarter mile, but only 1%. Walked for ALMOST 30 mins including warm up and cool down. Also pure honesty and accountability, I came home and ended up having 2 and a half cigarettes. Shit! I have this 2 day buffer, but I really wish DH didn't smoke - if they weren't here, I wouldn't have cheated!

August 1, 2006

1

Back home

Our flight coming home was delayed and we didn't get home until 2 a.m. We upgraded to first class at the last minute - What a difference! Totally worth it in every way. So, I'm banded. I'm gasy. I have pressure every time I drink something that feels like I want to puke, but its just air - a horrible uncomfortable burp - that takes forever to come out, my tummy is tender and I haven't had a bite of solid food since the 15th of August - and I'm LOVING EVERY MINUTE. I know these uncomfortable feelings are temporary and I know I'll be able to take an actual bite of something in a few weeks. Going to Mexico to be banded was one of the best "vacations" I've had. Upon arrival in San Diego (late again) - My DH and I were greeted by a man holding a sign "Cindy S Dr. Ortiz". I have always wanted to come off a plane to be greeted by a guy with a sign like that! Seriously - so I knew our trip was off to a good start. We collected our baggage and two more patients and headed off to Mexico. I don't know exactly what I was expecting at the border, but what I saw was a shock to my preconcieved notion of Mexico. There were dirty sidewalks, cars that could barely stay on the road, bright colors and policia with GREAT BIG GUNS! I was thinking "Holy Crap, what did I get myself into??" We drove to the clinic where all the pre-operative testing was done on the patients scheduled for surgery the following day. There was a lot of waiting and I was hungry. I felt a little foggy, unsure of myself, as if I was in a dream. Pre-op testing was done by about 12:30 p.m. (after a 10 a.m. arrival) and the first thing on my mind *after learning I had indeed lost 12 lbs preop* was food!! The shuttle took us to the hotel Lucerne. It was nice and the hospitality of the employees was wonderful, but all I was thinking about was, "where are we going to get lunch?" DH and I opted for a local Mexican *duh* eatery. It was across the street from the hotel. At first this seemed like a simple undertaking, just meander across the street to get a bite to eat. We walked out to the tangle of traffic coming and going in all dirctions in a huge 4 lane roundabout. We stood at the corner...and didn't move. The term "Frogger" comes to mind....Traffic was crazy. We took deep breaths and made a run for it! We made it safely. Lunch was fantastic, authentic and spicy! Just how I like it. After lunch came a long liesurley walk to the shopping center (an outdoor mall) and then a relaxing swim in the hotel pool. We then met with another patient and her friend for a wonderful Mexican seafood dinner at Los Arcos. The day had been wonderful and I tried not to be nervous about the upcoming surgery. I found out that DH couldn't stay over night with me in the surgery center. I started to wig out a little bit. I also found out they were picking up patients before SO so I'd be arriving without him as well. Dang! And I thought it was him who was codependant! Arrival at the surgery center was uneventful. We were picked up at 8 a.m. from the hotel by the surgon's mother. Now SHE has a cush job! Pick people up and drop them off in her leather, loaded BMW - off work by 3 p.m. Looks like her son has taken very good care of Momma. After waiting for the previous day's patient's to be discharged, each patient was shown to their room and promptly given some pills - probably to ensure we were relaxed. The Spanish Speaking Nurse "Jusa" and her partner in crime helped me with surgery stockings and placed my IV. (The first IV attempt has me more bruised than the 2nd one.) Then there was more waiting. DH watching TV. I finally told the Spanish Speaking Nurse I had to pee. Little did I know it was my turn for surgery and she told me "A kiss" translation "give your husband a kiss, your going under!!" I walked to the bathroom. Went pee unbanded for the last time and walked into the surgery room. Climbed up on the bed and they started to strap me down. (not as scary as it sounds) Music was playing - I can only remember that it was American Music. The Anestesiologist was there and proceeded to knock me out. I think he asked me something like "Is this ok" and I replied "Like I have a choice?" and that was the last thing I remember. I woke up still in the surgery room. Freaking out because I felt work still being done on me...I'm sure it was minor, but holy shit, it hurt! I started wiggling my left hand and moaning so they knew I was waking up. They seemed to know this already and remained calm...more than I can say for myself at the time! They finished up what they were doing, took atvantage of me being semi coherant and had me help move my body onto another bed - my bed from the room. (I asked around later and I think I was the only one who was awake BEFORE leaving the room - ) Then I was out again. I remember an oxygen mask on my face. I remember telling DH I was in pain. I remember the Spanish Speaking Nurse giving me something in my IV for pain. Actually the rest of the night was pretty blurry. I did get up and walk after a few hours of rest. I remember being on the internet and chatting with other patients but its all very blurry. I finally slept. It was late morning when the shuttle took us back to the hotel. I didn't wan't to sleep the day away so 4 of us went shopping at "Revolution" - which translated means "the-fastest-way-to-get-gringos-to-part-with-hard-earned-dollars-for-cheap-trinkets-hecho-in-mexico." It works too!! But seeing the sights and sounds were great. I wasn't in a lot of pain and I wasn't hungry so the Churros and free samples of Tequila didn't bother me too much! If I had it to do again however I would go there BEFORE surgery! It was a great trip. I made new friends and enjoyed myself. It really felt more like a vacation than a medical trip.

August 20, 2006

1

Sore as hell

I walked last night, but it was interrupted my a fit from my son (Long story) and then I got back on the treadmill to continue - did another .5 miles for a total of 1 mile (I think) but then I was so distracted, I didn't stretch. I'm feeling that today!!! Dang, I didn't realize how much that helps the next day. Drank a bunch of water to keep from munching or "thinking" I was hungry - pee'd every 10 minutes - maybe not every 10 minutes, but 5 times during one movie with DH. My period is due to start any day now - I could tell from the cramps this morning. GREAT - just what I need - I'll be on my period for the surgery.... Excited, nervous, and worried about this being the right decision...I'd like to think that 2nd thoughts are common. I went to be last night repeating in my head all the wonderful things people have said post op - I will do this and I will feel great about it. That just doesn't stop me from being a little worried...

August 10, 2006

1

I feel like I'm dying

I'm having horrible gas pain - to my left shoulder...MAKE IT STOP........

August 24, 2006

2

Going in

Im in Mexico since yesterday. WHAT an experience! Waiting for the van to take the group of us to the clinic for surgery today. Feeling jittery, nervous, and good all at the same time. I will post again after surgery!!

August 16, 2006

2

Took a SLOOOW walk

Hopped gingerly on the treadmill tonight. I walked ALMOST a half mile in 18 minutes. Not pushing it, just getting back in the "saddle" so to speak and trying to get rid of the gas. It didn't work. I had another small BM today. I know no one wants to hear that, but I'm just trying to keep a record. I ventured outside of the clear liquid paramaters since it's day 6 and it's allowed. I'm going to keep a food log with my journal. For breakfast I had about 3 ounces of Atkins Shake. Mid morning I had the very runny yolk of a soft boiled egg. Lunch time I had about 2 ounces of very thin cream of wheat with butter and splenda. Dinner I had about 3 ounces of blended split pea soup watered down. I drank about 20 ounces of water today but it was hard. That's more than I have been and my pee is more light but I know it's still not enough. Each time I put anything into my mouth I get pressure and painful gas. I just can't burp for some reason. I'm walking....I hope it will pass soon.

August 22, 2006

2

Day 8 - dopamine and sex

I was reading that "dopamine" is the brain trigger in the "reward center" of our brains. Now I don't really know what the heck that means except that it happens when I eat - its only common sense - I enjoy eating therefore my brain puts out "dopamine" when I do. So, I got to thinking, I just need to have that happen in some other way - besides food especially when I get banded. So I told my husband that sex also triggers dopamine. He smiled. I didn't use the treadmill last night - traded that excercise for *ahem* something else....I'm not a big sex fiend, but hey if it keeps me out of the fridge...why not! Speaking of the fridge, I have this "middle of the night" eating thing I do. :hungry: I'm worried about how that is going to be impacted with the band. I get up, I eat, and go back to bed. I guess I'll have to put a lock on the kitchen area or something! As I feel asleep :notagree last night I was "on the table" being put under for surgery, but I wasn't all they way out - I was terrified the Dr. was going to cut me and I'd still feel it.....My subconsious trying to tell me something.....hmmm.

July 28, 2006

1

My Dr. is an idiot

So, on the advice of a local RN who's been banded I called my PCP. (primary care physician) She was on vacation, but I left a message that told her I was having weight loss surgery and wondered if she had any preventative work ups she thought might be a good idea before heading over to have the surgery. She didn't call me back. That pissed me off first. I called the office and the receptionist "read to me" what the dr. had to say. "I won't do any blood work for you. Get the surgery in the USA." That was it. What a bitch. She could have called me at least to discuss things! Seriously, I'm angry. And this is my Dr????

August 2, 2006

4

Day 2 - real people!

I had the wonderful opportunity to go to a very local support group yesterday - just a couple of miles from the house! I called my primary Dr. today to make sure I'm "good to go". She's on vacation, wouldn't you know it, but the RN is going to have her call me when she gets back next week. The RN at the support group said it was a good idea to rule out anything that might present complications BEFORE going to Mexico. It's good advice and something I wouldn't have thought of on my own. I'm very excited to have a support group of real live and in person people to ask questions of, meet, and talk to. Hubby went with me as well and I think it helped put him at ease. I started the low carb yummy Atkins diet (I'm being a little sarcastic as I was on the diet for a year and I am no longer fond of all those greens daily) for real yesterday to help with my pre-op weight loss. I'd like to lose 12 lbs as that is 5% of my total body weight. I figure anything I lose now will just get me that much closer to my goal after the surgery. I talked to my step mom yesterday - who is a nurse - and she didn't give me the ration of shit my dad did. I know they are both just worried about me and want me to be "ok" but they aren't in my flesh and I hate feeling like I have to justify my decision to them. The conversation went ok - she said half of her coworkers (at the hospital) have had the surgery. She also said she thinks the ones who have the best success use high end liquid multi vitamins including B. I'll have to check that out.

July 21, 2006

2

Water...

Water. I know I'm not drinking enough of it. My pee is too dark. I don't know how I'm going to get all I need in right now. I'm trying, but the gas pain when I drink anything is unbearable and I can't drink when I'm in that pain. I did have the mother of all burps last night - GOD it was better than SEX and I do seem to feel better today; but I haven't tried anything but water this morning. My tummy is still very tender. Liquid Tylenol helps (and it tastes great too...mmmm cherry!) I started my period on top of everything else...dang that is the one thing I haven't heard mentioned in any of the books I've been reading...."Your period and healing from WLS" Nope, not in any of the books.... I did finally have a small BM this morning. Dang that felt good too. Just a mental relief more than anything. Yesterday I started drinkig an Atkins shake and I am still working on it this morning. I feel I need protein and I know I'm not getting it right now. I'm probably worried for no reason. It's only been 6 days... I'm planning on returning to work tomorrow. Not excited about it, but I have to make some money!!

August 21, 2006

1

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